Wolfeye wrote:Maybe they promised something & then choked it back later (like when they weren't getting their way)? I DID say that it's hard to say either way without knowing more details.
It's not the parents' right to persecute their daughter for growing up (if that's what the case is). It's something that isn't right to do, so her using a "low-ball tactic" to get around that isn't a problem. Another point is that she can very well be an adult & get help from her family. Being an adult doesn't mean that they're enemies- perhaps they're treating her as such? Maybe they think it's some kind of an assault on them for her to break free of their command? It's not really unheard of for parents to feel somehow betrayed by their child reaching adulthood- it's also not right for them to feel that way. There was no betrayal that took place for them to retaliate for.
Taking your married & divorced example: If he decided to do something to screw up her account so she couldn't leave (being a controlling enemy), she could rightfully steal his stuff & use it to get her where she needs to go. Legal or not, she is right to circumvent his activities. Same as if he steals her car to dodge warrants for hitting her, when him hitting her never happened. Is it theft? Sure. Is it illegal? Probably (might be one of those "mitigating circumstances"). Is it wrong? Hell no!
I suppose it would be seen as wrong for her not to pay for their old age, because they're family- but for them to not help her get to that level is beyond question? It's easy to say someone shoud "pay their own way," but it doesn't happen magically or from hard work. Lots of people were raised with the belief that if you work hard, you'll get there- wherever "there" happened to be. This is untrue. Being lazy CAN get in the way, but it's not the only reason someone doesn't "make it."
No adult is entitled to the work of another. A parent providing for their child's education is a gift, not a requirement. If her parents decide, for whatever reason, not to provide that gift, that is their right. Many trust funds, for instance, are gifts with specific legal requirements- you must be married by X age, you must get a degree, you must have a child, things of that nature, before the money is awarded. Financial support for your children beyond the age of adulthood is provided to those that will support your legacy. This girl is engaging in behavior they believe to be detrimental to their legacy and thus have said she is on her own.
I paid my way through college, and I'm paying my way through medical school. Anyone can do it if they're smart enough and work hard enough. This generation's dependence on their parents post-adulthood is quite pathetic. If you aren't willing to follow your parent's rules in exchange for their support, you are choosing to be independent. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I hope her case is thrown out and she's left with a few tens of thousands in legal fees as a lesson, but you never know in Jersey. They have the most backward family court system in the nation.
