How many of you have daughters?

[Yohan]

Oh, good for you. You must have a top job, just to be able to afford a decent life around there. Or you married a billionaire's daughter

No, this is not the case with us here in Tokyo. However I have a regular job, far away from the top, but doing it since more than 20 years. If you look up any international price index, you will find out easily that Tokyo is not so expensive - a little above over Central European cities - + 20 % or so. What makes Tokyo expensive is housing and higher education - but again property in London is as expensive as in Tokyo, and higher education in USA is not cheaper than in Japan.

If the foreign woman is from the Philippines, Vietnam or China, I have no trouble believing you.

I am always surprised, and many of the German speaking community in Tokyo agree, how many German women are married with a Japanese husband - even in our office, there are 3 European women with Japanese husband, but only one - this is me - with a Japanese wife.

What I get from your heated debate with Argaluza, you have quite a wide definition for "feminism". I would try and reiterate argaluza's point that you label a lot of unpleasant social phenomena that involve the newer generations regardless of gender, so both boys and girls, and call it "feminism"

You see, the point is it is NOT regardless the gender. While laws are written gender-neutral, the execution of those laws is very biased.

As far as I know there is worse, in Japan. The negation of human spirit so long the body that encases it is no longer functional to society. I would be happier to endure 40 years of tantrums from my "feminist" wife than retiring after 40 years of hard work, countless nights in the office and a few promotions, and having to overhear my old wife referring to me as "gomi" (rubbish) just because I am no longer an rotating cog in the machine and wish to spend a few hours a day nursing my cyclamens.

Sounds like a misunderstanding to me, I was not writing about life within a Japanese family, but about the legal situation, and as a man I can say, the legal situation for men and boys in Japan is much better than anywhere in the Western world with verbally strong feminists controlling wide sectors of education.

Divorces are less common because, as you surely know, they are hazukashii, embarassing for all parties involved. Saving face is always the highest priority. Divorce requires a strong feeling from at least one party. Given how lukewarm, functional and loveless so many Japanese marriages are and how much extramarital affairs are had on the side, I think divorce ends up being the least desirable option.

What you write here is really something of the past we see daily in nostalgic Japanese movies, about past-WWII mentality, a story of a little town with farmers and workers. Here in Tokyo, nobody really knows, who you are, especially not in the large condominium buildings - you don't even know the neighbour living next to you. Names means nothing, there are 1000s of Suzuki, Tanaka, Tabata etc. and they all look similar, and Metropolitan Tokyo has now, including all cities around up to 36 million people.

Divorce is out of court, home is mostly rented by young people, fill out the data on the homepage of the Ward Office using the internet, and next day go there together, sign, pack your things and leave. Finished. No lawyer will follow the Japanese ex-husband with ridiculous financial demands and legal bills. Divorce is no lucrative business here in Japan unlike in USA.

About loveless marriages, I better would recommend to investigate USA/UK/Australia and similar feminist-friendly countries, marriage means a business for the woman and a high financial risk for the man in case of divorce.

The main point here is not how far into abuse, violence and splatter these manga artists can push, but whether these images have on the average Japanese man's psyche a stimulating effect, or in fact a desensitizing one. In the West, it would well be the former. In Japan, it's the latter

The Japanese law requires a 'victim' when demanding such a police investigation - where is this 'victim'? Who cares about drawings? Yes, you can look even into full-colour print porno-mag and see girls 18+ totally naked in any gas-station while they are filling up your car. Who cares? If you don't like them, don't take them from the shelf.
Japan is not a Christian country like USA or a Muslim country like Iran.

The Japanese internet is full with contacts to prostitutes, again who cares? The question in Japan legally seen is always about a 'victim'. To avoid such discussions most sex-clubs in Japan are now operating with membership only behind closed doors. You see nothing from outside, cannot enter such private rooms accidentally and therefore you cannot claim to be a 'victim'.

Foreign feminist do-gooders might claim the 'female victim' in Thailand or Philippines, but not here in Japan, where a woman is earning her USD 10.000.- at least as a basic income in such clubs for her brainless sex-activity, and there are plenty of small jobs around - sex-free but with little pay of course - if she wants to leave.

About the sex-scenery, it should be noticed, that Germany has as many prostitutes as Thailand, but the discussion of this subject is biased.
We talk about Thailand, but not about Germany, we talk about Brazil, but not about USA which is the biggest producer of porn-related stuff and the most expensive escort-provider in this world.

I don't know if this is the case with you, hopefully not as you're a European and you might have shaped your family in a different way, but the typical Japanese family is plagued with lack of communication, beyond petty conversations on daily routine and school grades. Sometimes this reducing communication to the bare essential is just the catalyst that helps the kids to grow independent and disciplined. Some other times it becomes alienation and all family members suffer.

In Japan, many 'typical' families are OK, and also it is OK to be single or living together with someone and no children if you prefer.
In my family, my daughters are married since many years, the daughters of my brother-in-law are married, he is also married of course and nobody of the families I know around us and from our office staff is divorced. I am still married too after more than 30 years.
The only one single next to me is still my fosterdaughter from Philippines, she is now 19, still studying in the university in Cebu, not living with us.

However it is true that a considerable number of Japanese families have clearly an alcohol and gambling problem resulting often in severe financial problems. There is no alcohol in my home, and I am not into gambling.
About Japanese society, I can assure you that Korean society is worse, there is a lot of quarrels going on within Korean family members, a lot of violence, also with those Korean families living in Japan.

[OTB]

My daughter's main interest right now is cooking, and I definitely encourage this.

There you go! That's excellent Fschmidt. I wish more parents would encourage this in their teenage daughters. It's one quality that will make them good wives and mothers.

[OTB]

My daughter's main interest right now is cooking, and I definitely encourage this.

There you go! That's excellent Fschmidt. I wish more parents would encourage this in their teenage daughters. It's one quality that will make them good wives and mothers.

[publicduende]

Oh, good for you. You must have a top job, just to be able to afford a decent life around there. Or you married a billionaire's daughter

No, this is not the case with us here in Tokyo. However I have a regular job, far away from the top, but doing it since more than 20 years. If you look up any international price index, you will find out easily that Tokyo is not so expensive - a little above over Central European cities - + 20 % or so. What makes Tokyo expensive is housing and higher education - but again property in London is as expensive as in Tokyo, and higher education in USA is not cheaper than in Japan.

I have always been puzzled about the kind of lifestyle one can have in Tokyo. That things like (restaurant) cooked food, cosmetics and technology gadgets are particularly cheap, I was aware of. I think that, just like London, the things that matter the most are so expensive they frustrate and price off large swathes of the population: comfortable houses that are not 6 tatami's large, quality healtcare and schools, and the likes.

What I get from your heated debate with Argaluza, you have quite a wide definition for "feminism". I would try and reiterate argaluza's point that you label a lot of unpleasant social phenomena that involve the newer generations regardless of gender, so both boys and girls, and call it "feminism"

You see, the point is it is NOT regardless the gender. While laws are written gender-neutral, the execution of those laws is very biased.

The only bias I see is in some aspets of the judicial system: family law, divorce law. Women and children are considered the weak side almost a priori. It is a bias, nobody can deny it. Yet, it comes as the tail of centuries, if not millennia, of real inequality against women. I am not saying that women should have it good because they've been mistreated 1000 years ago. Only, these are some of the fringe side effect of some parts of the government and media embracing the gender equality discourse quite a bit too much. Things might change again...will change again.

Sounds like a misunderstanding to me, I was not writing about life within a Japanese family, but about the legal situation, and as a man I can say, the legal situation for men and boys in Japan is much better than anywhere in the Western world with verbally strong feminists controlling wide sectors of education.

It's not that Japan isn't controlled by feminists. My/our point of view is that Japan is still very much a male-centred society, and social policy that could be defined pro-women if not openly feminist is moving at snail pace, as far as I can see. When my ex-gf moved back from London to Osaka, she landed a very prestigious job at Marubeni which, as you know, is a corporate hydra almost as old as Japan itself. She would call me up crying, complaining that his boss would scold her as if she was a child, for not making him and his superiors tea at certain times of the day, or leaving a meeting room turning her back to the board (instead of slowly backstepping and bowing before giving up the fakest possible smile disappearing behind the door). Little did they care that she was 28, had a Political Science degree from the London School of Economics, spoke English like a pro and had years of experience in project management. To a man's eyes, she was but a cog to subjugate to the full weight of the corporate machine. I kind of lost touch with her, but next I remember, she moved to Tokyo and joined Microsoft: an American multinational where, arguably, corporate life is more tempered by less Japanese, more international employee policies.

I love Japan and have long given up looking at it with a Westerner's eyes. If I were to do that, I would have to conclude that it's an obsolete island full of soulless, male chauvinist, fascist dinosaurs that will implode under the weight of its staleness. While the latter statement might be sadly true, the former doesn't do any justice to Japan.

In the end, I might agree with you: in Japan the legal system isn't biased towards women because it's biased towards men. It's the same in Colombia, where my wife is from, and in the Philippines, another society that I have learned to love and respect.

Divorces are less common because, as you surely know, they are hazukashii, embarassing for all parties involved. Saving face is always the highest priority. Divorce requires a strong feeling from at least one party. Given how lukewarm, functional and loveless so many Japanese marriages are and how much extramarital affairs are had on the side, I think divorce ends up being the least desirable option.

What you write here is really something of the past we see daily in nostalgic Japanese movies, about past-WWII mentality, a story of a little town with farmers and workers. Here in Tokyo, nobody really knows, who you are, especially not in the large condominium buildings - you don't even know the neighbour living next to you. Names means nothing, there are 1000s of Suzuki, Tanaka, Tabata etc. and they all look similar, and Metropolitan Tokyo has now, including all cities around up to 36 million people.

Divorce is out of court, home is mostly rented by young people, fill out the data on the homepage of the Ward Office using the internet, and next day go there together, sign, pack your things and leave. Finished. No lawyer will follow the Japanese ex-husband with ridiculous financial demands and legal bills. Divorce is no lucrative business here in Japan unlike in USA.

My bad then. I didn't know divorcing in Japan has become as easy as filling up a form. So, what happens to the ex-spouses families? Do they normally live the separation with embarassment? What happens to the children? I honestly know quite a few Japanese families, and none of them is divorced. My ex-gf mother remarried after several years being a widow, and her husband, a wealthy Chinese executive, was himself divorced. Maybe it's a phenomenon that's more common with younger still couples (25-30)?

About loveless marriages, I better would recommend to investigate USA/UK/Australia and similar feminist-friendly countries, marriage means a business for the woman and a high financial risk for the man in case of divorce.

Come on now, this is untrue and unfair. If anything, isn't precisely the Confucianist marriage, still alive in spirit in China and (I believe) Japan, the one that puts all sorts of practical aspects of life before love and emotional involvement? That women in the UK, US or Australia have the upper hand in divorce court is true. That doesn't mean all Anglosphere women marry for motives other than love.

The main point here is not how far into abuse, violence and splatter these manga artists can push, but whether these images have on the average Japanese man's psyche a stimulating effect, or in fact a desensitizing one. In the West, it would well be the former. In Japan, it's the latter

The Japanese law requires a 'victim' when demanding such a police investigation - where is this 'victim'? Who cares about drawings? Yes, you can look even into full-colour print p***o-mag and see girls 18+ totally naked in any gas-station while they are filling up your car. Who cares? If you don't like them, don't take them from the shelf.
Japan is not a Christian country like USA or a Muslim country like Iran.

I think we agree on this. I just wanted to emphasize the desensitising effect such images have on the average Japanese man's psyche. Japanese society has always been, historically, as strict in imposing a mask of conformism and collaborative efficiency upon their men, as it has been tolerant about affording the same men with all the outlets needed to release their frustrations and secret desires. Of course the same material, transposed into our society, would elicit different opinions and, potentially, different effects.

The Japanese internet is full with contacts to hoes, again who cares? The question in Japan legally seen is always about a 'victim'. To avoid such discussions most sex-clubs in Japan are now operating with membership only behind closed doors. You see nothing from outside, cannot enter such private rooms accidentally and therefore you cannot claim to be a 'victim'.

Foreign feminist do-gooders might claim the 'female victim' in Thailand or Philippines, but not here in Japan, where a woman is earning her USD 10.000.- at least as a basic income in such clubs for her brainless sex-activity, and there are plenty of small jobs around - sex-free but with little pay of course - if she wants to leave. About the sex-scenery, it should be noticed, that Germany has as many hoes as Thailand, but the discussion of this subject is biased.
We talk about Thailand, but not about Germany, we talk about Brazil, but not about USA which is the biggest producer of p**n-related stuff and the most expensive escort-provider in this world.

I know that being a hostess pays well and doesn't remotely involve the same amount of physical and sexual involvement as a working girl in, say, Germany. I think what the "feminist do-gooders" end up criticising is more the cultural framework in which these actitivities take place, than the acts themselves. They don't mind seeing pros going about their job in societies where gender equality is a done deal, but they hate seeing the same happening in a society where prostitution, however soft, is seen as a way to perpetuate the idea, or what's left of it, of male pride and superiority. Of course, to people who have a faint idea about what Japanese culture really is, it's all bollocks.

I don't know if this is the case with you, hopefully not as you're a European and you might have shaped your family in a different way, but the typical Japanese family is plagued with lack of communication, beyond petty conversations on daily routine and school grades. Sometimes this reducing communication to the bare essential is just the catalyst that helps the kids to grow independent and disciplined. Some other times it becomes alienation and all family members suffer.

In Japan, many 'typical' families are OK, and also it is OK to be single or living together with someone and no children if you prefer.
In my family, my daughters are married since many years, the daughters of my brother-in-law are married, he is also married of course and nobody of the families I know around us and from our office staff is divorced. I am still married too after more than 30 years.
The only one single next to me is still my fosterdaughter from Philippines, she is now 19, still studying in the university in Cebu, not living with us.

Ah, you too. So will you tell me, who are these legendary divorced couples, then? If anything, with all the soushoku's and the hikikomouri's, I see more young people not wanting to even enter marriage, than exiting it.

However it is true that a considerable number of Japanese families have clearly an alcohol and gambling problem resulting often in severe financial problems. There is no alcohol in my home, and I am not into gambling.
About Japanese society, I can assure you that Korean society is worse, there is a lot of quarrels going on within Korean family members, a lot of violence, also with those Korean families living in Japan.

Definitely. Korean society is probably plagued by the same problems, but with a thicker cloak of hypocrisy typical of their more Catholic/Westernised ways.