I've Slept With 99 People --

[Mr S]

I've Slept With 99 People -- Why I'm Looking for My 100th and Feeling Not the Slightest Bit of Shame

I can see it now; my life as a dark romantic '90s comedy.

By Zoe Ligon / Your Tango
June 25, 2015

The following piece first appeared on Your Tango. Well, I'm just going to come right out and say it.

According to the creepy (and confidential) Excel spreadsheet I keep that documents my sex life, I've slept with 99 people. The vast majority of these people (let's call it 97%) were men.

I can see it now; my life as a dark romantic '90s comedy. Young woman tallies 99 sexual partners, decides that's "too many" partners, and saves herself for #100, and a knight in shining armor arrives. He is the hundredth mate, and he is her mate for life.

My life is not a problematically sex-negative and sexist movie plot like the above, but when I realized my "number" had reached 99, I can't say that I didn’t think about slowing my roll.

I've read so many articles that try to dispel the notion that one's number of sexual partners doesn't matter, but they all fail miserably. I recently read a piece that interviewed 10 women, and nobody had a count over 40. I personally believe that you can sleep with 0 people or a million people, and that's all fine with me as long as everything is safe and consensual. But I found that this article actually propelled the social construct of there being a limit on the number of people a person can sleep with.

Don't even get me started on how a woman with 99 partners is treated in comparison to a man.

While I look down upon the slut-shaming of anyone regardless of gender, let's be real; society was built upon texts that encourage — no, REQUIRE — women to be virgins until marriage if they want to be valued by society. A slutty man can earn his keep in the world, while a slutty woman is diseased, tainted, loose and immoral.

I could go on for ages about gender-identity and sexual promiscuity, but I'm just going to universally advocate for people of all genders who have slept with a quantity of people that elicits slut-shaming.

Do I regret sleeping with as many people as I have?

No, not one bit. While I don't need to provide an explanation or justification for my number being 99, I'm going to dissect my sexual past.

Many of these partners were the result of one night stands or short-lived flings during ages 19-21. That's really when most of the count accrued. I've been sexually active for 8 years, so that's a little more than 12 partners per year on average, or one partner per month, although I'd say over half of my count can be attributed to that fling-filled period of my life. I've never been in a long term relationship, either, so surely that contributes to my "number" as well.

So, what's in a number?

I dunno. I kept track, because I like to be able to gaze at the list and recall all my awesome, sexymemories. I don't want to forget anyone, even the shitheads.

When I write educational sex articles, I often find that the very notion that I even HAVE sex causes people to jump to calling me names. I get "slut" and "whore" a lot, and people often like to attribute my sexuality to needing a therapist and having daddy issues. Nah guys, I just like having sex — a LOT!

Am I a "nymphomaniac?" No. Merriam-Webster defines the term as "exhibiting unusual or excessive concern with or indulgence in sexual activity," and in my opinion, that is a very relative term. What's unusual to one person is another person's "normal." I actually have a shitload of very vanilla sex. I'm all about the missionary position.

The definition also connotes an unhealthy approach to sexuality, and "nymphomaniac" is actually considered a clinical diagnosis even. I feel that I approach sex with a very healthy mindset, constantly check-in with myself and assess my actions. Of all my years (over a decade) in therapy, I have never had a therapist tell me that there was anything wrong with my sexual behavior. Maybe I just picked smart therapists!

Am I "loose?" Well, first of all, I've already discussed how one cannot become "loose" from too much sex. Also, f**k that terminology. Let's just say that I can masturbate with dildos that have a very thin diameter, and it's a nice, snug fit.

Everyone's body is different in what shapes and sizes feel good for them, and it has nothing to do with someone's sexual past.

Am I "diseased?" Well, I mean I had gonorrhea once, and that's actually an STI you can get without ever being penetrated. Other than that, nope, nothing. This is surely due to the fact that I am a safe sex nazi, but you can have sex literally one time and get any STI under the sun.

STIs are also not a big f***ing deal as long as you are aware of how to manage your STI and are honest with your partners. I'm absolutely sick of hearing people say things like, "Oh man, watch out for so-and-so, they're crawling with disease," because A. You have no idea what the f**k their medical history is, nor are you entitled to know, B. So what 1 in 5 adults has HSV and according the CDC "nearly all sexually active adults will get HPV in their lifetime" so … shut up, and C. Gossiping about people in this manner only shows how insecure and judgmental you are. Whew, end rant.

I'm ready for you, #100.

I have jokingly begun using the hashtag #lookingformyhundo, as well.

Except when I think about it, I've never really counted myself as a sexual partner, and oh boy, I really do the best job out of everyone. Maybe I'm the man of my dreams. Maybe #100 should actually just be… me.

Be proud of your "number," whatever it is, even if you have no idea what it is (it really means nothing, anyway.)

Zoe is a sex educator and artist in NYC. She holds a BS in psychology from Fordham University and aspires to further pursue the study of human sexuality. Follow her on Tumblr.

[Ghost]

.

[Adama]

Zoe is a sex educator and artist in NYC. She holds a BS in psychology from Fordham University and aspires to further pursue the study of human sexuality.

Now you know exactly where to find her, gentlemen. Stop complaining about being an incel. You can find her somewhere in NYC. Just wait in line.

Everything about her is a red flag. Sex educator? Artist? BS in psych? Fordham U? Studying human sexuality?


The good thing is, she tells everyone exactly what she is. What I do not like is when a complete whore pretends that she is GF or wife material, only for you to find out later from everyone else that she is banging everyone in sight, except for you, who she expects to be the one she cheats on!

Why can't they just say, "I'm a whore. Take me or leave me." Good girl.

[Johnny1975]

Here's the link :

http://www.alternet.org/ive-slept-99-pe ... -bit-shame

Oh my god! She's got tattoos! I wasn't expecting that at all.

[Teal Lantern]

Statistically, one of you gentlemen is expected to wife her up or go unmarried.
Genetic legacy and all that.

[Adama]

Forgot. The score sheet.

Notice she only said she recorded the number. I bet she recorded every characteristic about the man and the encounter that she can remember, from height, hair color, size, style, ratings of the act, maneuvers, where and how they met, etc. They are most likely saved in triplicate with a print out back up version beside her diary. Do you men agree with that assessment? Or am I going too far with this?

It is also entirely possible when she writes "99" that the actual entry is "999." Just she doesnt want to experience the dreaded "slut-shaming" that so many of us are guilty of.

[chanta76]

I'm going to play devil advocate. How she any different from some of the expats who travel abroad and sleep around? How about Will-N-Dodd he was trying to notch up his sex partners and some of you applauded his action.

I mean OK she sleeps around but if she was a guy doing this would there be the same criticism here on this site? Spades a spades..unless you try to live a moral life style and criticize regardless of sex if they monger it's hypocritical to just judge her because she happens to be a woman.

[Johnny1975]

I'm going to play devil advocate. How she any different from some of the expats who travel abroad and sleep around? How about Will-N-Dodd he was trying to notch up his sex partners and some of you applauded his action.

I mean OK she sleeps around but if she was a guy doing this would there be the same criticism here on this site? Spades a spades..unless you try to live a moral life style and criticize regardless of sex if they monger it's hypocritical to just judge her because she happens to be a woman.

It's different because she is a female. It's ok for men to have sex with lots of women, but it is not ok for a woman to have sex with lots of men. When a man has sex with lots of women it shows that he is a successful man, but when a woman does it, it shows that she is a dirty, filthy, disgusting, degenerate slut. It's possible for men to go too far also, but generally speaking it's good for a man to have sex with many women. But I do wish men were a bit more discriminate. And I don't like it when they mess around with virgins.

[chanta76]

Johnny1975,

Isn't that just a double standard? Again I'm playing devil advocate because this is a real problem in America but also I think it's happening in other parts of the world. If we live in a world where for every guy there is like 10 girls I can understand guys will have multiple partners or sleep around but we live in a world where the gender ratio is almost even in most places. What does it mean ? It means in most cases one man to one woman not polygamy.

I think feminist promotes casual sex to even it up with men but there are lots of guys who want casual sex. I mean you say that it's OK for men to sleep around because it means he is successful but woman shouldn't but where would a man find a sexual partner if women should remain chaste? If men are going to advocate that women should remain chaste and be discriminatory in who they sleep with men has to go by the same rules.

Sure this girl is slut and her keeping notes is disgusting..(I wouldn't be surprise if she is carrying STD) but I seen lots of expats do the same when they travel abroad and I also seen it locally too. In reality the difference is that it's ALLOT easier for the women to get shagged vs a man .

[Johnny1975]

Johnny1975,

Isn't that just a double standard? Again I'm playing devil advocate because this is a real problem in America but also I think it's happening in other parts of the world. If we live in a world where for every guy there is like 10 girls I can understand guys will have multiple partners or sleep around but we live in a world where the gender ratio is almost even in most places. What does it mean ? It means in most cases one man to one woman not polygamy.

I think feminist promotes casual sex to even it up with men but there are lots of guys who want casual sex. I mean you say that it's OK for men to sleep around because it means he is successful but woman shouldn't but where would a man find a sexual partner if women should remain chaste? If men are going to advocate that women should remain chaste and be discriminatory in who they sleep with men has to go by the same rules.

Sure this girl is slut and her keeping notes is disgusting..(I wouldn't be surprise if she is carrying STD) but I seen lots of expats do the same when they travel abroad and I also seen it locally too. In reality the difference is that it's ALLOT easier for the women to get shagged vs a man .

If feminists promote casual sex to be even with men, then feminists are morons who should get a life. But they are already morons who should get a life, for other reasons.

Where do promiscuous men find women to have sex with? Wherever.

Men don't have to go by the same rules as women. That's why we're men. It's not a double standard, it's a different standard. If you don't know what I mean, try treating a cat like a dog. It won't be very happy. Or imagine if starting tomorrow morning the entire world treated you like a man, and expected you to act like one. You'd be miserable, confused, and very unhappy. You'd feel like you're in the twilight zone. If women were really, literally treated like men, they'd beg for patriarchy. Different standards.

I think it's disgusting when men go to various countries and have sex with virgins or girls who haven't had sex with more than a couple of guys. It's like they're training them to be sluts, and I hate that. I really hope that if I ever go to the Philippines or wherever, I hope I don't become one of those people. I can't guarantee it but I hope.

Like I say there's a limit to how far a man can go before it becomes tacky and trashy. I don't exactly know what that limit is, but it's there somewhere. But for women, the limit is a lot less than men. Personally i don't think just in terms of number. I take into consideration age, circumstances, gaps between men, and anything else that may be relevant. And I think there's a distinction between a slut and a girl who finds herself engaging in slutty behaviour. I might start a thread about that.

[Teal Lantern]

I'm going to play devil advocate. How she any different from some of the expats who travel abroad and sleep around? How about Will-N-Dodd he was trying to notch up his sex partners and some of you applauded his action.

I mean OK she sleeps around but if she was a guy doing this would there be the same criticism here on this site? Spades a spades..unless you try to live a moral life style and criticize regardless of sex if they monger it's hypocritical to just judge her because she happens to be a woman.