The "greencard problem" with marrying a young foreign girl

[Ghost]

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[Yohan]

Cohabitation without government-sponsored marriage is probably the best way...

This makes a lot of sense, at least for the first years if you are able to move away from the Western region.

I can comment only about Europe - Asia out of my own experience of almost 40 years.

Happier Abroad means to be Happier Abroad for YOU, and there is no need to consider foreign women too much, to waste time and money how to bring them into USA or elsewhere, to feel sorry for them as they are so poor and badly treated by local men etc.

For being Happier Abroad, I think first of all you have to consider your own situation, especially make sure about:

passport/document/visa for longstay are valid - never let your passport expire, never overstay your visa
working permit and job, make sure never to run out of money
considering buying a small property (condominium) in YOUR name, to make sure YOU have a nice roof over YOUR head
health/accident insurance as medical fees in an emergency situation might cost you all your savings

What you should never do:
Helping your foreign girlfriend or wife and parents and other family members with 'investments', because they are so poor.
There are horror stories with Western men ending in bankruptcy, while the foreign wife takes everything and shares it with her local boyfriends.

What you should do: Study carefully and without time pressure the legal situation about marriage in HER country. It might make sense to marry, if you are still young and do not own much. Spouse visa might be useful sometimes especially in Thailand.

For men past 50 and in a good financial position I wonder what marriage can offer to them. Not so much, if you ask me in many cases. There are longstay visa for retirement or business etc. available in Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia, Cambodia...

Another possible way to go:
Men, especially those from Scandinavia like the idea to work during summertime in their own country to save up money, but spend the freezing wintertime somewhere in Thailand or similar destination. This helps a lot to keep savings/social security/future retirement allowance up to date. Happier Abroad does not always mean it must be for 12 months. Scandinavian men often live 5 months abroad, doing nothing, and 7 months doing seasonal or part time work in their own country. Some of them invite their Asian girlfriend to join them in Europe on a tourist visa for a few weeks, but surely not for 7 months. Not a bad solution, if you ask me.

[Jester]

.....But why to bring a woman into USA anyway?

Reminds me of Judo.

A guy is resisting you when you push.

So reverse directions, and pull the other way.

Hard.

[MrMan]

Yes to me, this is an extremely important litmus test. Most girls I've met don't seem to have much if any interest in living in USA. Many would strongly prefer to remain in their own environments. Moreover, in case of Philippines, I believe it's very much a part of local culture that the woman will follow her husband wherever his job and/or his choice as ultimate decision maker locates the couple and any young children they have.

That's a good litmus test. Indonesian women also say, 'ikut suami' about issues like this. That means' follow the husband.' The wife quits her job, the husband doesn't.

I was watching 'Married at First Sight' and the man had said he didn't mind relocating to choose a spouse. The woman said, no to that question. So when they got married, she expected him to move to Manhattan and he didn't like it.

But there's something wrong with that. The man is supposed to be in charge. I was renting a room before we got married and we moved into our new rented upstairs of a house as we were preparing for our Honeymoon and lived there together when we got back. Her folks stayed there right before the wedding since they were coming in from out of town. So we kind of did the thing where you get a place together and move in, just the way it turned out.

But psychologically, I think it makes more sense if the man moves her into his place. She's now on his turf. He sets the rules. She's not comfortable doing everything at once and he gives her permission. It kind of sets the right tone. Of course, he should make her feel right at home doing stuff like cooking and cleaning and enjoying the space. But it seems like it would send the message just a bit more that she's in her husband's world, she's his now, and he's in charge. She's moving into his household and become a part of his household and his family, of which he is the head. He can also approach certain aspects of the marriage from the perspective of, "This is what I expect of you to be a good wife" and keep a bit of that in the marriage thereafter.

[MrMan]

About embassies rejecting couples with an age gap, that's awful. If you are married, you are married. Why should the US government want to split you up? They should just make it hard to divorce and penalize foreigners who do so frivolously, and locals for that matter.

I wonder if actually showing up pregnant (and maybe therefore less attractive and maybe older looking due to weight) would help.

I suppose a man could ask the interviewer, if the show concern, "Are you saying I'm not good-looking and interesting enough for a young woman to want to be married to me?" He could also say if they don't get the paperwork, he's staying there.

My wife and I are about three years apart. But I'm in my 40's now, and if I'd never married, I might go for the right 22-year-old foreign girl. In general, 22-year-olds are better looking and they could potentially be more submissive to a more mature man, more energetic, more fertile, etc.. So why not marry a younger woman? It's just as easy to marry a young pretty woman as it is an old saggy woman, if she'll go or it.

We didn't have a problem with the visa, except that there was a lot of paperwork and filling that out was hard. When we were engaged and wanting to travel right after the wedding, I went to the embassy (pre 9/11) and told them we were engaged and wanted to get her a visa. She, an Indonesian citizen, got a 5-year visit visa. I worked in Indonesia a couple of years. She was pregnant, and we wanted to get her a greencard. I did the paperwork, and they gave it to her. That was back before Homeland Security was formed, back when there was INS.

[davewe]

If you check out VisaJourney, the premiere site for all things visa u will see that most couples do get approved. Yes there ca be delays, hassles and mistakes, by the petitioners and by the USCIS. So unless we are talking about a high risk country like HAiti it happens successfully most of the time. Will someone give you a hard time about the age gap? Maybe. When we were being interviewed for Janet's green card the moron actually said "do you realize there's a 35 year difference between you two?" I couldn't help myself. "No. No ones ever mentioned that."

In the end I know scores of age gap couples who navigated the process successfully.

[travelsouth]

I tend to agree with the folks that are saying keep the large age gaps in her country. While I don't like letting gringas dictate who men can marry, I am also sure that if you are 55 and marry a 35 year old Colombiana, you will still piss of the gringas without digging your own grave. Want to tap some barely legal chicas even though you are a grandpa, by all means go for it. But bringing her back on a k1 or k3 is crazy talk.

[OutWest]

If you check out VisaJourney, the premiere site for all things visa u will see that most couples do get approved. Yes there ca be delays, hassles and mistakes, by the petitioners and by the USCIS. So unless we are talking about a high risk country like HAiti it happens successfully most of the time. Will someone give you a hard time about the age gap? Maybe. When we were being interviewed for Janet's green card the moron actually said "do you realize there's a 35 year difference between you two?" I couldn't help myself. "No. No ones ever mentioned that."

In the end I know scores of age gap couples who navigated the process successfully.

I could hardly have resisted starting countering on my fingers and fiening surprise when the count hit 35, I think YOU are a depraved cradle robber dude....I stuck with a proper 30 year age gap.

[Jester]

When we were being interviewed for Janet's green card the moron actually said "do you realize there's a 35 year difference between you two?" I couldn't help myself. "No. No ones ever mentioned that."

I would have been sorely tempted to lean way forward, and hiss in stage whisper "Shhh! I told her I was 27!"

[Jester]

I tend to agree with the folks that are saying keep the large age gaps in her country. While I don't like letting gringas dictate who men can marry, I am also sure that if you are 55 and marry a 35 year old Colombiana, you will still piss of the gringas without digging your own grave. Want to tap some barely legal chicas even though you are a grandpa, by all means go for it. But bringing her back on a k1 or k3 is crazy talk.

+1
Fun to contemplate, hard to accomplish - without a like-minded peer group.

[Jester]

I could hardly have resisted starting countering on my fingers and fiening surprise when the count hit 35,

[davewe]

If you check out VisaJourney, the premiere site for all things visa u will see that most couples do get approved. Yes there ca be delays, hassles and mistakes, by the petitioners and by the USCIS. So unless we are talking about a high risk country like HAiti it happens successfully most of the time. Will someone give you a hard time about the age gap? Maybe. When we were being interviewed for Janet's green card the moron actually said "do you realize there's a 35 year difference between you two?" I couldn't help myself. "No. No ones ever mentioned that."

In the end I know scores of age gap couples who navigated the process successfully.

I could hardly have resisted starting countering on my fingers and fiening surprise when the count hit 35, I think YOU are a depraved cradle robber dude....I stuck with a proper 30 year age gap.

Perhaps it's just because our recent trip to PI was a bit longer or just that my eyes are more open to it, but it seems like I saw far more age gap couples than ever. Many had a far greater gap than Janet and I. Met a very cool Aussie, 77, and his 27 year old partner of five years (not sure if they are married or just together). Needless to say he was a very youthful 77.

But yes I am a depraved cradle robber.

[OutWest]

If you check out VisaJourney, the premiere site for all things visa u will see that most couples do get approved. Yes there ca be delays, hassles and mistakes, by the petitioners and by the USCIS. So unless we are talking about a high risk country like HAiti it happens successfully most of the time. Will someone give you a hard time about the age gap? Maybe. When we were being interviewed for Janet's green card the moron actually said "do you realize there's a 35 year difference between you two?" I couldn't help myself. "No. No ones ever mentioned that."

In the end I know scores of age gap couples who navigated the process successfully.

I could hardly have resisted starting countering on my fingers and fiening surprise when the count hit 35, I think YOU are a depraved cradle robber dude....I stuck with a proper 30 year age gap.

Perhaps it's just because our recent trip to PI was a bit longer or just that my eyes are more open to it, but it seems like I saw far more age gap couples than ever. Many had a far greater gap than Janet and I. Met a very cool Aussie, 77, and his 27 year old partner of five years (not sure if they are married or just together). Needless to say he was a very youthful 77.

But yes I am a depraved cradle robber.

Hat tip to you then....in fact...its like whoop whoop and a big yipie-ya! The prudes and naysayers have NO IDEA how much we enjoy annoying them! My wife enjoys laying a kiss on me under the eyes of some 50ish american humpbacked whale....

[Mr S]

My ex GF here in PI wanted to get married but at the time I didn't want to and she was a pretty good catch back then but I wasn't ready to commit thus, she went and found another guy eventually (actually I had a few like that). I think he was an airline pilot in his late 50's and she was in her mid to late 20's I think. He didn't seem to have any issues getting her over to the states. I think it all has to do with money and perception, career, etc. A lot probably has to do with the girl herself during the interview process and whether she appears to be a former GRO or bar girl or whatever. Some of the embassies probably have a bit of a feminist bent to them as well as being able to tell between a decent lower socio-economic girl, educated middle class or above and a hoe. I have to conduct interviews and on occasion I interview a bar hoe who is trying to get a spousal visa to the UK and you can clearly tell she used to be a working girl and if she isn't fooling me she isn't fooling the embassy either.

Nowadays I know at least going to America you have to prove that you make a certain amount of money to support her and yourself and have some kind of steady employment or business. If they feel like you might need government welfare or assistance they will deny you. They also probably do a background check on the guy and may be prejudiced with what they find also, you never know.

[Jester]

I went through a huge hassle for my ex....immigration lied, fabricated false evidence and destroyed documents. It took four years to sort out and the very diligent assistance of congessional staff...a scathing letter from my congressman to the director of immigration threatening to hold up related budgetary items, and eventually they decided that the way to get me gone was to give me what I wanted.

Had no idea it was this bad.

That sounds like the effort that would be required to bring in a refugee -- not a wife.

Sorry you had to go through that but very glad you shared it.