The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina or Th

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
Johnny1975
Experienced Poster
Posts: 1725
Joined: September 22nd, 2012, 4:07 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by Johnny1975 »

publicduende wrote:
Lorenzo wrote:
publicduende wrote:Believe me, there are a lot more available women in the Philippines than men hitting on them :)
No doubt, so I am still unclear why you are empty handed?

By the way, I do agree with some of what you have written. I think we all have unrealistic expectations at times. If you go to Phils a man must lower his expectations on the non-physical attributes of a lady, it's a very different world and a very different culture. The main benefit as I see it is scoring a much younger, if not more attractive, lady who will follow your lead and try to make you happy. To live in Phils is a while different issue.
I am empty handed because I am finding girls not worth closing my hands on.

For the past couple of weeks I have been dating a girl who seems OK: she's very pretty, not so smart but at least sweet, and from a family that while being of very modest stance, is at least not trying to scam me. Both her parents have (modest) jobs and can support themselves and their family. I doubt she is LTR material but, for all her shortcomings, she is probably one of the best girls I found here in Davao.
I'm failing to see the problem with this girl.


Meet Loads of Foreign Women in Person! Join Our Happier Abroad ROMANCE TOURS to Many Overseas Countries!

Meet Foreign Women Now! Post your FREE profile on Happier Abroad Personals and start receiving messages from gorgeous Foreign Women today!

User avatar
Zambales
Experienced Poster
Posts: 1516
Joined: August 9th, 2015, 1:41 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by Zambales »

publicduende wrote:
Zambales wrote:It wouldn't surprise me if you were still on here in ten years time saying the same stuff, Mentor. Time is gold? Well aren't you wasting precious time worrying about "What ifs"? Your problem is that you're not bold enough to take that first step and travel to the Philippines to meet anyone. I also don't think you're smart enough when it comes to women. Proof was when you couldn't identify the dialogue from an obvious scammer.

Maybe foreign women aren't for you.

Apologies if I sound harsh but you did ask for opinions.
The real problem, elephant in the room kind of problem, is that even when you have finally skipped a few steps and come over here to meet the girl of your dreams, your chances to catch her (if she exists) will be no better and even when your radar is solidly locked-in, there is no guarantee she is not just putting up some theater and won't change as soon as she gets what she wants, which could be a week with you or all the way to marriage.

The "dialogue" won't tell much because there is so little dialogue with the average Filipina anyway. It's more extrapolation and interpolation, than real data points.
I think you have a negative and overly cautious attitude thus causing an unbalanced mindset and are rigidly putting too much emphasis on the intelligence and financial aspects of a Filipina which of course will reduce the pool to pick from. Those two alone won't necessarily provide you with a good partner anyway, and should be seen as a bonus because the bottom line when choosing a prospective lifelong mate is to gauge the important relationship qualities such as honesty, humility and sincerity for instance. This is why the majority of guys seeking a wife go to the Philippines because of these qualities Filipina's possess.

Maybe check out Makati. Dumaguete even. It is known as a university city. I'd certainly dismiss Zamboanga if I was you as it's a muslim city located in a hotbed of terrorist activity. If unsuccessful, perhaps forget Filipina's and look further afield for other Asian women. Japan? Hong Kong? Singapore? Seoul? China?

You will need to change your mentality though to a more positive one. Believe to achieve. Without belief you may as well pack up and return home to the Anglosphere and stay single for evermore.

For what it's worth I spent over three years with a Filipina who turned out to be a bad apple. It didn't deter me from returning to the Phils to continue my search. Shit happens but you need to brush that shit down and go again. Success is defined by determination and a never-say-die attitude.
User avatar
Zambales
Experienced Poster
Posts: 1516
Joined: August 9th, 2015, 1:41 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by Zambales »

publicduende wrote:
Lorenzo wrote:
publicduende wrote:Believe me, there are a lot more available women in the Philippines than men hitting on them :)
For the past couple of weeks I have been dating a girl who seems OK: she's very pretty, not so smart but at least sweet, and from a family that while being of very modest stance, is at least not trying to scam me. Both her parents have (modest) jobs and can support themselves and their family. I doubt she is LTR material but, for all her shortcomings, she is probably one of the best girls I found here in Davao.
Yep. What exactly is the problem here?

By getting to know her more doesn't equate to a lifelong commitment. You can walk away at anytime.
Johnny1975
Experienced Poster
Posts: 1725
Joined: September 22nd, 2012, 4:07 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by Johnny1975 »

There are filipinos in many countries. Italy, Spain, Hong Kong, Malaysia (Kota Kinabalu). Why not consider those places.
User avatar
publicduende
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 5096
Joined: November 30th, 2011, 9:20 am

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by publicduende »

Johnny1975 wrote:There are filipinos in many countries. Italy, Spain, Hong Kong, Malaysia (Kota Kinabalu). Why not consider those places.
Filipinas abroad are a huge hit & miss. The only countries where one could find well-educated, young, liberated and pretty Filipinas are Singapore, Thailand, Hong Kong and maybe Australia. And we're still talking a minority here. The vast majority will be maids, who are usually not so attractive and segregated in their hosts' houses, so unable to go out apart from, maybe, half day on Sunday.
User avatar
publicduende
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 5096
Joined: November 30th, 2011, 9:20 am

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by publicduende »

Zambales wrote:
publicduende wrote:
Lorenzo wrote:
publicduende wrote:Believe me, there are a lot more available women in the Philippines than men hitting on them :)
For the past couple of weeks I have been dating a girl who seems OK: she's very pretty, not so smart but at least sweet, and from a family that while being of very modest stance, is at least not trying to scam me. Both her parents have (modest) jobs and can support themselves and their family. I doubt she is LTR material but, for all her shortcomings, she is probably one of the best girls I found here in Davao.
Yep. What exactly is the problem here?

By getting to know her more doesn't equate to a lifelong commitment. You can walk away at anytime.
I know, but the chances of me liking her for a LTR are so slim. I can't compromise...
User avatar
publicduende
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 5096
Joined: November 30th, 2011, 9:20 am

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by publicduende »

Zambales wrote:I think you have a negative and overly cautious attitude thus causing an unbalanced mindset and are rigidly putting too much emphasis on the intelligence and financial aspects of a Filipina which of course will reduce the pool to pick from. Those two alone won't necessarily provide you with a good partner anyway, and should be seen as a bonus because the bottom line when choosing a prospective lifelong mate is to gauge the important relationship qualities such as honesty, humility and sincerity for instance. This is why the majority of guys seeking a wife go to the Philippines because of these qualities Filipina's possess.

Maybe check out Makati. Dumaguete even. It is known as a university city. I'd certainly dismiss Zamboanga if I was you as it's a muslim city located in a hotbed of terrorist activity. If unsuccessful, perhaps forget Filipina's and look further afield for other Asian women. Japan? Hong Kong? Singapore? Seoul? China?

You will need to change your mentality though to a more positive one. Believe to achieve. Without belief you may as well pack up and return home to the Anglosphere and stay single for evermore.

For what it's worth I spent over three years with a Filipina who turned out to be a bad apple. It didn't deter me from returning to the Phils to continue my search. Shit happens but you need to brush that shit down and go again. Success is defined by determination and a never-say-die attitude.
"Believe to achieve"...sorry dude, I am not American, I wasn't raised to react to the usual inspirational stuff. I have been as determined as I could be compatibly with my available time. If by determination you mean taking 6 months off and spending thousands of dollars roaming the most remote parts of the country looking for a hidden gem to meet and take off her parents' arms, unfortunately I'll never be able to have that kind of determination.

Plus, by now I am 101% positive that I am aiming too high for who I am and what I can get.

Browsing my current date's FB friends I stumbled upon this goddess...

Image

I asked my date who she is and, sure enough, I was told she is a well educated girl, graduated and with a job (in an office). Her bf has all the qualities I don't have.

- he is young, I am not;
- he never married, I am still married (however I can try to hide it);
- he is based in the States, still the ultimate dream country for young (and naive) Pinays; I am living here in Davao, blocks away from their home and their usual lives;
- he probably has a decent job; I am struggling to pay my bills while putting thousands a month in the black hole that is my company;
- he married her and whisked her off to the US and immediately had a baby.

In short, being who he is and doing what he did, this guy ticked every single box needed to get a top Filipina. Until not so long ago I thought I could be easily told apart from the usual lazy bum sex tourist. Not: I am bundled in the same box as any adult foreigner who comes here, no ifs no buts. I get exactly the same kind of girls, in fact not even the kinds of girls, I would get if I came here as a tourist and stayed at a good hotel.

I thought being here as a resident, in fact as an entrepreneur, would be a huge plus. Not: by being here, I have lost the main arbitrage value of a foreigner of my kind: his "come from abroad" status and ability to take her abroad and give her the financial stability we would never achieve here.

Food for thought...negative maybe, but certainly with a good dose of realism.
User avatar
Shemp
Experienced Poster
Posts: 1843
Joined: November 22nd, 2014, 7:45 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by Shemp »

publicduende wrote:
Zambales wrote:I think you have a negative and overly cautious attitude thus causing an unbalanced mindset and are rigidly putting too much emphasis on the intelligence and financial aspects of a Filipina which of course will reduce the pool to pick from. Those two alone won't necessarily provide you with a good partner anyway, and should be seen as a bonus because the bottom line when choosing a prospective lifelong mate is to gauge the important relationship qualities such as honesty, humility and sincerity for instance. This is why the majority of guys seeking a wife go to the Philippines because of these qualities Filipina's possess.

Maybe check out Makati. Dumaguete even. It is known as a university city. I'd certainly dismiss Zamboanga if I was you as it's a muslim city located in a hotbed of terrorist activity. If unsuccessful, perhaps forget Filipina's and look further afield for other Asian women. Japan? Hong Kong? Singapore? Seoul? China?

You will need to change your mentality though to a more positive one. Believe to achieve. Without belief you may as well pack up and return home to the Anglosphere and stay single for evermore.

For what it's worth I spent over three years with a Filipina who turned out to be a bad apple. It didn't deter me from returning to the Phils to continue my search. Shit happens but you need to brush that shit down and go again. Success is defined by determination and a never-say-die attitude.
"Believe to achieve"...sorry dude, I am not American, I wasn't raised to react to the usual inspirational stuff. I have been as determined as I could be compatibly with my available time. If by determination you mean taking 6 months off and spending thousands of dollars roaming the most remote parts of the country looking for a hidden gem to meet and take off her parents' arms, unfortunately I'll never be able to have that kind of determination.

Plus, by now I am 101% positive that I am aiming too high for who I am and what I can get.

Browsing my current date's FB friends I stumbled upon this goddess...

Image

I asked my date who she is and, sure enough, I was told she is a well educated girl, graduated and with a job (in an office). Her bf has all the qualities I don't have.

- he is young, I am not;
- he never married, I am still married (however I can try to hide it);
- he is based in the States, still the ultimate dream country for young (and naive) Pinays; I am living here in Davao, blocks away from their home and their usual lives;
- he probably has a decent job; I am struggling to pay my bills while putting thousands a month in the black hole that is my company;
- he married her and whisked her off to the US and immediately had a baby.

In short, being who he is and doing what he did, this guy ticked every single box needed to get a top Filipina. Until not so long ago I thought I could be easily told apart from the usual lazy bum sex tourist. Not: I am bundled in the same box as any adult foreigner who comes here, no ifs no buts. I get exactly the same kind of girls, in fact not even the kinds of girls, I would get if I came here as a tourist and stayed at a good hotel.

I thought being here as a resident, in fact as an entrepreneur, would be a huge plus. Not: by being here, I have lost the main arbitrage value of a foreigner of my kind: his "come from abroad" status and ability to take her abroad and give her the financial stability we would never achieve here.

Food for thought...negative maybe, but certainly with a good dose of realism.
Very useful post information there, publicduende, probably the most useful thing I've read on ha in years.
chanta76
Experienced Poster
Posts: 1946
Joined: February 11th, 2008, 7:56 am

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by chanta76 »

Public,


Your starting to sound bitter. I never been to the philippines so i dont know how hard it is but from reading other people experiences its supposedly one of the easier country to meet a girl.

Im married and im in my 40's. My wife is korean. If ever my marriage fails i know that with my age and history it be very hard to almost impossible for me to find a young high quality korean girl. But thats korea.

You have to be realistic with yourself and what you bring to the table. Women are more or less the same everywhere. Most young girls want to date men close to their ages. Race plays some role but its not the be all of everything. So dont think hey im white and thats enough.

At the sametime i think other guys in your shoes might have different experience compare to you.

Dont know if i asked you but do you want kids?' Thats maybe one of the biggest reason why you would want marriage.
User avatar
publicduende
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 5096
Joined: November 30th, 2011, 9:20 am

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by publicduende »

chanta76 wrote:Public,


Your starting to sound bitter. I never been to the philippines so i dont know how hard it is but from reading other people experiences its supposedly one of the easier country to meet a girl.

Im married and im in my 40's. My wife is korean. If ever my marriage fails i know that with my age and history it be very hard to almost impossible for me to find a young high quality korean girl. But thats korea.

You have to be realistic with yourself and what you bring to the table. Women are more or less the same everywhere. Most young girls want to date men close to their ages. Race plays some role but its not the be all of everything. So dont think hey im white and thats enough.

At the sametime i think other guys in your shoes might have different experience compare to you.

Dont know if i asked you but do you want kids?' Thats maybe one of the biggest reason why you would want marriage.
I am soundng bitter because I am bitter :)

I have never been to Korea and only had one (short-lived and not so memorable) experience with a Korean girl, so can't comment on how easy it would be to find a quality Korean girl, at my age or as a younger man.

Certainly, I never expected to find a good, or better, girl in the Philippines because I am white.

My main "privilege", if so we want to call it, would have been the fact that I could demonstrate that I am a serious man. I am here in Davao, committed to one of the hardest things a man can do - start a new company from scratch, in a competitive market/industry and with a relatively modest talent pool, and without any external investment. I have the respect of some of the most respectable people of Davao, some of whom I can call friends, but girls - or at least the girls I like - could not care less.

I am here in Davao, acting politely and respectfully towards anyone, from the boy who collects my garbage to the patriarch of a local wealth clan. I always end up giving way too much credit and respect to girls who want to be used (and perhaps should be used) as c*ck warmers for foreigners, and nothing else. Again, the few young women whom I would really like to be with are (8/10) married or engaged or (the remaining 2/10) uninterested in me.

Not to be arrogant, but it would be easier to tell what I don't bring to the table for a quality young Filipina: youth, because I am not young, and cultural alignment, because I am not a Filipino and don't have the cultural background and the fluency in Tagalog/Bisaya of a Filipino.

Other guys in my shoes had different experiences because they are different men, with different backgrounds and expectations, (probably) different tastes in terms of personality and aesthetics. I can't tell their individual stories, but it strikes me that many of them came to the Philippines with the intention to find and date a quality young woman: some of them were probably in holiday mode, relaxed and happy go lucky, ready to embrace whatever their Philippine adventure would throw at them, and with a lot of time (and cash) at their fingertips to travel and discover.

All I am saying here is that, in my current situation, I maxed out my chances to find a girl I could think of having a LTR, leading to marriage and perhaps kids. It's sad to say it, but the only way I could achieve more than I am now is if I immediately ditch the business and all the pain and trouble it's causing me, find a good job in Singapore and use Singapore as a base to woo some model-like Filipina in Manila who will probably not give a damn about me anyway, but at least will give me the impression that I can finally get my Sing Dollars worth of p*ssy.

I am sorry for sounding cynical, but I really am at the end of my rope.
droid
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 3127
Joined: September 19th, 2013, 11:38 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by droid »

I really don't understand Public's obsession with "well educated girl, graduated and with a job (in an office)."

These kind of qualities are not a panacea, you might be asking for trouble and, just like the colombian lady(?), she might just focus on her things instead of trying to support you on your path. Careful what you wish for. Team-player and easy going are qualities we should aim for too IMO.

But it seems no matter what we say you will see the cup half empty. Perhaps it's all the work that's putting you into a rigid/negative mental space like zambales suggested.

"I could be easily told apart from the usual lazy bum sex tourist."

I would stop looking down/comparing on others like this, not to sound like starchild but I really think that's giving you some kind of karmic reflection.
Rationally speaking, it can in turn lead you to see yourself as undeserving too

Bottom line, too much work on the company and wrong place for educated', financially secure, fair skinned and "liberated"
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
User avatar
publicduende
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 5096
Joined: November 30th, 2011, 9:20 am

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by publicduende »

droid wrote:I really don't understand Public's obsession with "well educated girl, graduated and with a job (in an office)."

These kind of qualities are not a panacea, you might be asking for trouble and, just like the colombian lady(?), she might just focus on her things instead of trying to support you on your path. Careful what you wish for. Team-player and easy going are qualities we should aim for too IMO.

But it seems no matter what we say you will see the cup half empty. Perhaps it's all the work that's putting you into a rigid/negative mental space like zambales suggested.

"I could be easily told apart from the usual lazy bum sex tourist."

I would stop looking down/comparing on others like this, not to sound like starchild but I really think that's giving you some kind of karmic reflection.
Rationally speaking, it can in turn lead you to see yourself as undeserving too

Bottom line, too much work on the company and wrong place for educated', financially secure, fair skinned and "liberated"
My (soon to be ex) wife is a Mech Eng graduate (5 years programme) from one of the best private universities in Colombia, and with a Masters in Management & Finance from the same university. She funded herself with scholarships and loans from high school to post-grad and, together with her personality and tough childhood, her focus (if not obsession) on career could be justified. To the present moment I am not even sure that is the reason, or the main reason at least, why our menage faded and collapsed into indifference. I guess we were just not meant to be.

Now, without touching those dizzy heights, all I would be looking for is a girl with a degree, any 3-year degree from a reputable university, and at least evidence of her ambition to be professionally active, and not just a lazy pretty thing who believes all she needs to be happy is to hook up to a foreigner (there are quite a few of those, as you know!). This evidence may come from her actually landing a job, again any job, not necessarily a top-notch career, or at least some honest attempts.

Below is my current gf. She looks super-cute yet, as far as she candidly told me, has never even tried to look for a job to put her 2-year CompSci diploma to good use. I am not implying she's a dumb lazy bum just looking to be a good wife but...the signals are there. She keeps telling me she would like to be a businesswoman, as if somebody would be happy to just set up a business for her to run, with the risk that her naivety and lack of experience will reduce it to dust in a couple of months.

Image
mentor
Freshman Poster
Posts: 473
Joined: July 27th, 2015, 10:52 am

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by mentor »

publicduende wrote: I thought being here as a resident, in fact as an entrepreneur, would be a huge plus. Not: by being here, I have lost the main arbitrage value of a foreigner of my kind: his "come from abroad" status and ability to take her abroad and give her the financial stability we would never achieve here.

Food for thought...negative maybe, but certainly with a good dose of realism.
After numerous discussions here in HA, I could never, ever, imagine reading something like your declaration.
Of course, for saying such thing while living there, I believe that there is a huge dose of realism.
It is supposed to be... (all these things we discuss)....
And I read that it is possibly better to live and contact them from abroad, than being physically there?
So many here tell again and again, go there, visit there, like a substitute of being there. And you are in fact really there, and you got almost nothing?
Better abroad?
I think that your statement drops a lot of myths...
Food for thought as you said.
And time to reconsider things.

And you know what? I believe you. Because it made me big impression that in my online contacts, I see that girls living in Ph fall over me like grasshoppers(but I should make a right selection), while the contacts of filipinas living abroad -which I admit are less of course-, go down to zero regarding their reaction. It seems that ....they are not interested in me, like a foreigner, and why? Because they are already 'abroad'? I guess some of these girls would be much friendlier to my approach, if they still lived back in Ph...
All these make me think, if the 'escape' from Ph is the main motive, than really finding a foreigner...I mean, the whole 'package' a foreigner offers abroad....
So, I still believe that we should be very cautious, to find out the real motives of the girls we talk...

Thank you for this excellent post. It deserved to be seen from all members here...
Lorenzo
Freshman Poster
Posts: 226
Joined: June 24th, 2015, 9:53 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by Lorenzo »

publicduende wrote:
Zambales wrote:It wouldn't surprise me if you were still on here in ten years time saying the same stuff, Mentor. Time is gold? Well aren't you wasting precious time worrying about "What ifs"? Your problem is that you're not bold enough to take that first step and travel to the Philippines to meet anyone. I also don't think you're smart enough when it comes to women. Proof was when you couldn't identify the dialogue from an obvious scammer.

Maybe foreign women aren't for you.

Apologies if I sound harsh but you did ask for opinions.
The real problem, elephant in the room kind of problem, is that even when you have finally skipped a few steps and come over here to meet the girl of your dreams, your chances to catch her (if she exists) will be no better and even when your radar is solidly locked-in, there is no guarantee she is not just putting up some theater and won't change as soon as she gets what she wants, which could be a week with you or all the way to marriage.

The "dialogue" won't tell much because there is so little dialogue with the average Filipina anyway. It's more extrapolation and interpolation, than real data points.
That was never my experience. Virtually all SE Asian and Chinese women I met got very excited and clingy after meeting. Of course I opened my heart to them and gave it a serious try. Proper vetting before the visit helped a lot.
Lorenzo
Freshman Poster
Posts: 226
Joined: June 24th, 2015, 9:53 pm

Re: The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina o

Post by Lorenzo »

Zambales wrote:
publicduende wrote:
Lorenzo wrote:
publicduende wrote:Believe me, there are a lot more available women in the Philippines than men hitting on them :)
For the past couple of weeks I have been dating a girl who seems OK: she's very pretty, not so smart but at least sweet, and from a family that while being of very modest stance, is at least not trying to scam me. Both her parents have (modest) jobs and can support themselves and their family. I doubt she is LTR material but, for all her shortcomings, she is probably one of the best girls I found here in Davao.
Yep. What exactly is the problem here?

By getting to know her more doesn't equate to a lifelong commitment. You can walk away at anytime.
I agree, and by the way that was not my quote but rather publicduende's.

Gents, it is simple. If you go hunting in Phils that is what you should expect. Great for some, not for others. I don't understand why publicduende is apparently wasting time in Phils? Sounds like a quality Thai or Chinese lady would be a better intellectual fit, especially a Chinese. Add Vietnam and you have plenty of options.
Post Reply
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Asia, China, Philippines, Thailand”