The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina or Th

[droid]

I thought being here as a resident, in fact as an entrepreneur, would be a huge plus. Not: by being here, I have lost the main arbitrage value of a foreigner of my kind: his "come from abroad" status and ability to take her abroad and give her the financial stability we would never achieve here.

Food for thought...negative maybe, but certainly with a good dose of realism.

After numerous discussions here in HA, I could never, ever, imagine reading something like your declaration.
Of course, for saying such thing while living there, I believe that there is a huge dose of realism.
It is supposed to be... (all these things we discuss)....
And I read that it is possibly better to live and contact them from abroad, than being physically there?
So many here tell again and again, go there, visit there, like a substitute of being there. And you are in fact really there, and you got almost nothing?
Better abroad?
I think that your statement drops a lot of myths...
Food for thought as you said.
And time to reconsider things.

And you know what? I believe you. Because it made me big impression that in my online contacts, I see that girls living in Ph fall over me like grasshoppers(but I should make a right selection), while the contacts of filipinas living abroad -which I admit are less of course-, go down to zero regarding their reaction. It seems that ....they are not interested in me, like a foreigner, and why? Because they are already 'abroad'? I guess some of these girls would be much friendlier to my approach, if they still lived back in Ph...
All these make me think, if the 'escape' from Ph is the main motive, than really finding a foreigner...I mean, the whole 'package' a foreigner offers abroad....
So, I still believe that we should be very cautious, to find out the real motives of the girls we talk...

Thank you for this excellent post. It deserved to be seen from all members here...

But look at this in context, duende posts a pic of his young and very doable girl, graduated, well dressed, and he's still not content. Again for some reason he is literally obsessed with seeing his woman out the door and go get busy "in an office", it doesn't make any sense. He could perfectly guide her into helping him with his business and be a real team player if he wanted her to be "busy".
But it would seem he's really looking for a western woman, not a partner. So the "problem" is not that he's lost some advantage here and experienced "failure".

[publicduende]

That was never my experience. Virtually all SE Asian and Chinese women I met got very excited and clingy after meeting. Of course I opened my heart to them and gave it a serious try. Proper vetting before the visit helped a lot.

That's because you probably met them before going there and had time to build a rapport with them. From abroad, I assume, which reinforces my point that dating from abroad makes your odd to build excitement and credibility with the girl tenfold.

[publicduende]

I thought being here as a resident, in fact as an entrepreneur, would be a huge plus. Not: by being here, I have lost the main arbitrage value of a foreigner of my kind: his "come from abroad" status and ability to take her abroad and give her the financial stability we would never achieve here.

Food for thought...negative maybe, but certainly with a good dose of realism.

After numerous discussions here in HA, I could never, ever, imagine reading something like your declaration.
Of course, for saying such thing while living there, I believe that there is a huge dose of realism.
It is supposed to be... (all these things we discuss)....
And I read that it is possibly better to live and contact them from abroad, than being physically there?
So many here tell again and again, go there, visit there, like a substitute of being there. And you are in fact really there, and you got almost nothing?
Better abroad?
I think that your statement drops a lot of myths...
Food for thought as you said.
And time to reconsider things.

And you know what? I believe you. Because it made me big impression that in my online contacts, I see that girls living in Ph fall over me like grasshoppers(but I should make a right selection), while the contacts of filipinas living abroad -which I admit are less of course-, go down to zero regarding their reaction. It seems that ....they are not interested in me, like a foreigner, and why? Because they are already 'abroad'? I guess some of these girls would be much friendlier to my approach, if they still lived back in Ph...
All these make me think, if the 'escape' from Ph is the main motive, than really finding a foreigner...I mean, the whole 'package' a foreigner offers abroad....
So, I still believe that we should be very cautious, to find out the real motives of the girls we talk...

Thank you for this excellent post. It deserved to be seen from all members here...

This is probably what lures so many foreigners here in the Philippines. They get some success attracting cute ladies online, they get lured into visiting and they have a splash. Then they visit again and weeks become months. Some (not all of course) go as far as extrapolating that success curve and think that, if they move here, they will be able to grab the ultimate prize. Only, to see they killed the golden goose, they lost most of their appeal.

It's not rocket science. If a girl knows she is dealing with a tourist, or a man who only has 2 weeks planned, she will obviously try her hardest to please him. She knows she has limited time to convince him to hook up with her, commit with her and - if materialism is at work - get the bulk of whatever she needs to get from him. This is why these visits leading to engagement sound like the stuff fairy tales are made of: enchanting beaches, island hopping, cocktails and a lot of fun. Unforgettable experiences that surely help create the lasting bond both parties need to feel that "it's forever, after all".

And here's the chasm: the man has to go back to his uneventful life back home, his 9-6 cubicle job and his prospect of having to spend another year to save enough cash for another visit, or reset his annual leave pool. The girl goes back to her life hoping she, indeed the whole set-up, has been effective enough to convince her man to pay another visit and put a ring on it. After which, the coveted goal will be inching closer: marriage, the embassy interview and the prospect of a life abroad.

I am not saying I get zero interest here. Quite the opposite. I can have plenty of girls, but next to none of them of the level I would find worth trying a relationship with. Not by any stretch of my imagination.

In short: here are the ingredients to get the best Filipinas, pretty Filipinas worth having a relationship with.

1) stick to your job in the States - even the crappiest of jobs is enough to signify financial security for life and the prospect of a life abroad, in her eyes;
2) never give her the impression that you're visiting the Philippines to explore or weight your options - the feeling of spending thousands and travelling thousands just for her is the most powerful of aphrodisiacs;
3) go back and build tension - video chat, maybe sex chat, make her feel every moment spent together back in the island mattered, and every moment of longing and frustration will be rewarded on your next visit;
4) make it very clear from the onset that the prize for her choice and commitment is not just you, it's the "package" of you and a life abroad, perhaps the prospect of her working abroad (which is the ultimate goal for women who have some ambitions and will feel the ultimate pride in helping their family with foreign cash).

Some girls are better than other at simulating their endgame. Some of them know how much the opportunity to secure their future, and that of their relatives, is worth. I am not saying it's bad to do that per se, but one should be realistic as to the real motives that push a pretty girl, maybe one from a good family, who could get set up with a Filipino young man from a good family, to choose a foreigner instead.

Honestly, I came here in the hope to set up a successful business, with the idea of finding the one young woman who could make me forget my wife and start "fresh and nice" as a reward for all the hassle, all the pain, all the investment.

I lost my $1,000 a day IT contractor job, or at least the chance of finding one. I lost the peace of mind that comes with routine life - train to work, cappuccino, some coding and meetings, off to the gym, perhaps late dinner in a nice place in central London, or just back to a tidy and comfy home to chill.

I gained a bunch of long term goals that look like moving targets every day more. We have deals with Microsoft and ABS-CBN (the BBC of the Philippines), opportunities to work on banking and fintech companies looming just around the corner. All the pain will be worth, maybe. I am working hard, but at least I feel that business success is under my control. I know that the proposition of creating top quality specialised outsourcing is a god one and, the more I hang in there and let my bone crushed and ground, the more chances I will have to ultimately be successful. It might be another year or two, maybe more.

On the other side, what makes me infinitely frustrated is that finding the young woman I need is outside my control. There is nothing I can do if I am not getting any younger. There is nothing I can do if the rare pretty girls around have plenty of options and will always choose a young middle class Filipino, or perhaps a young unmarried foreign stud, over me. There is nothing I can do if I have little time to move around and little time to even scout dating sites. The last time I visited Samal island, which is basically Davao's beachfront, was April last year.

There is nothing I can do if I can't get to lower my expectations for an LTR: I would f*ck anything that moves and breathes, literally, I don't mind. But my wife has set the bar very high and I am not stupid...I know I need a young, smart and pretty girl.

Only, a young and pretty girl, if really smart, certainly won't go for me.

[publicduende]

But look at this in context, duende posts a pic of his young and very doable girl, graduated, well dressed, and he's still not content. Again for some reason he is literally obsessed with seeing his woman out the door and go get busy "in an office", it doesn't make any sense. He could perfectly guide her into helping him with his business and be a real team player if he wanted her to be "busy".
But it would seem he's really looking for a western woman, not a partner. So the "problem" is not that he's lost some advantage here and experienced "failure".

She is young and very doable. She is graduated with a 2-year diploma that even I have no trouble seeing as useless. She is well dressed because she loves to cosplay (or used to at least) and that's one of her cosplay-like pics.

I am not obsessed, I demand that my LTR girl is not stuck in a cubicle with a uniform, but at least capable, willing to have that prospect. You really think a girl who sees hooking up with you, the foreigner, and getting full support from you throughout her life cycle (gf, fiancee, wife, mom etc.) as her only life goal, is worth a long term relationship? If so, good for you. Unfortunately I don't.

I would be perfectly fine, in fact proud and happy, to help her with a business, invest on her talent and skills, if she indeed possessed said talent and skills. The only example of entrepreneurship she could relate to me was her desire to "trade FX" which turned out to be "investing" $300 of her hard saved cash on a fake brokerage who promised her 20% return per month (!) and, true to Ponzi, gave her $120 or her own money and kept the rest, invoking some crisis sh*t.

Let a UP Diliman business and management graduate, with an internship at KPMG, come to me and I will be happy to help, even without having to be her bf

[Shemp]

Sorry for (slightly) side-tracking this interesting discussing, but I just finished a nerve wracking 8 hour journey on Greyhound, inching our way through the sierras snow and almost getting stuck several times, on my way to the airport for my flight to europe, during which I had an interesting discussion with a 65 year old Filipino American, who emigrated to the USA 40 years ago, married 4 times, with 8 children, including a new born with his current 26 year old wife, who is the princess of a tribe somewhere in the mountains, and he is supposedly the chieftain. An older and ex-native version of Marcus Zeitola. 26 year old wife is very pretty based on the photo he showed me. He has been trying to get her to move to the USA ever since he married her 4 years ago, but she refuses. I'll leave it to the experts on the Phillipines to speculate as to why she won't move to the USA, though I suspect it has something to do with the young men of that tribe. The 65 year husband was loaded with gifts for everyone in the tribe. Like a lot of old men, he seemed desperate to impress everyone with his talk of 8 children and marrying a young hottie and owning lots of real-estate.

Another 49 year old guy on the bus also had a filipina, a girlfriend rather than a wife, and 48 yo, so the 65 yo chieftain with 26 yo wife definitely wins this cock-measuring contest. On the other hand, the chieftain merely looks old, with the usual age spots and maybe 15 extra pounds, whereas the other guy was wider than tall and missing half his teeth and all his hair, so the comparison in results achieved should probably be adjusted by taking into account the looks handicaps of the two competitors. Plus the chieftain, as a native filipino, speaks the local language, knows the local customs, etc. Anyway, the other guy was very happy with his 48 yo: "she does more for me than any other woman I've ever known." Followed by a long discussion of how his brother and a friend both got divorce raped by their American wives, etc. The gf lives in Manila and he visits every so often. He didnt say whether he ever tried bringing her to the USA.

I think publicduende should relax and enjoy the moment where women are concerned instead of worrying so much about nailing down a hottie before he gets too old. But given how I failed to enjoy the moment while sitting uncomfortably in that packed bus with an overflowing latrine that caused the while place to stink to high heaven, all the while worrying that we'd be forced to turn around or even worse, spend the night in that snowstorm after getting stuck, telling other people to enjoy the moment seems rich. But I want to think publicduende again for his flurry of recent posts. Maybe he is just rephrasing the same things he's been dating since starting this thread [ correction: I'm thinking of his other thread], but something about the current phrasing really hit me and caused me to think, and also it evidently hit some other posters here similarly. So at least there's some value in this forum.

[Lorenzo]

But look at this in context, duende posts a pic of his young and very doable girl, graduated, well dressed, and he's still not content. Again for some reason he is literally obsessed with seeing his woman out the door and go get busy "in an office", it doesn't make any sense. He could perfectly guide her into helping him with his business and be a real team player if he wanted her to be "busy".
But it would seem he's really looking for a western woman, not a partner. So the "problem" is not that he's lost some advantage here and experienced "failure".

She is young and very doable. She is graduated with a 2-year diploma that even I have no trouble seeing as useless. She is well dressed because she loves to cosplay (or used to at least) and that's one of her cosplay-like pics.

I am not obsessed, I demand that my LTR girl is not stuck in a cubicle with a uniform, but at least capable, willing to have that prospect. You really think a girl who sees hooking up with you, the foreigner, and getting full support from you throughout her life cycle (gf, fiancee, wife, mom etc.) as her only life goal, is worth a long term relationship? If so, good for you. Unfortunately I don't.

I would be perfectly fine, in fact proud and happy, to help her with a business, invest on her talent and skills, if she indeed possessed said talent and skills. The only example of entrepreneurship she could relate to me was her desire to "trade FX" which turned out to be "investing" $300 of her hard saved cash on a fake brokerage who promised her 20% return per month (!) and, true to Ponzi, gave her $120 or her own money and kept the rest, invoking some crisis sh*t.

Let a UP Diliman business and management graduate, with an internship at KPMG, come to me and I will be happy to help, even without having to be her bf

Public, it sure sounds like you want a Western woman...and she will bust your balls all the way.

Your GF is indeed super cute, you've got the prize. Keep it simple, intellect with women is way overrated, such women WILL become feminists and demanding, there is no way around it. Stick will your cutie, marry here before she changes her mind, let her be silly and stupid and shag her brains out nightly after she cooks and clean. Show her you are a strong independent man that can have other woman and watch her dial it up. It does not get better than this, your work in Phils is complete. Most guys here would kill to have a girl like that. Get out of your negative rut, thank our higher power that pity was taken on you, plant your seed and enjoy life!

[Zambales]

I think you have a negative and overly cautious attitude thus causing an unbalanced mindset and are rigidly putting too much emphasis on the intelligence and financial aspects of a Filipina which of course will reduce the pool to pick from. Those two alone won't necessarily provide you with a good partner anyway, and should be seen as a bonus because the bottom line when choosing a prospective lifelong mate is to gauge the important relationship qualities such as honesty, humility and sincerity for instance. This is why the majority of guys seeking a wife go to the Philippines because of these qualities Filipina's possess.

Maybe check out Makati. Dumaguete even. It is known as a university city. I'd certainly dismiss Zamboanga if I was you as it's a muslim city located in a hotbed of terrorist activity. If unsuccessful, perhaps forget Filipina's and look further afield for other Asian women. Japan? Hong Kong? Singapore? Seoul? China?

You will need to change your mentality though to a more positive one. Believe to achieve. Without belief you may as well pack up and return home to the Anglosphere and stay single for evermore.

For what it's worth I spent over three years with a Filipina who turned out to be a bad apple. It didn't deter me from returning to the Phils to continue my search. Shit happens but you need to brush that shit down and go again. Success is defined by determination and a never-say-die attitude.

"Believe to achieve"...sorry dude, I am not American, I wasn't raised to react to the usual inspirational stuff. I have been as determined as I could be compatibly with my available time. If by determination you mean taking 6 months off and spending thousands of dollars roaming the most remote parts of the country looking for a hidden gem to meet and take off her parents' arms, unfortunately I'll never be able to have that kind of determination.

Plus, by now I am 101% positive that I am aiming too high for who I am and what I can get.

Browsing my current date's FB friends I stumbled upon this goddess...

I'm not American either and wasn't raised that way too. That stems from my own experience after suffering bouts of negativity and bitterness like yourself which is cancer of the mind. It eats away at you and the only cure is to fight it by counteracting it with positivity and that's what I mean by determination because it does seem like you're ready to throw in the towel. Don't let the gremlins win.

Have you thought about adding the dating sites to the mix again? Before you start pulling faces, hear me out. Yup, they're commonly regarded as being awash with scammers, but obviously not every girl that joins is of the same mould. It's another string to your bow but you have a distinct advantage over the majority of us because you live in the Philippines. I've seen plenty of women from Davao and surrounding area's such as Gen San/South Cotabato on them.

Do you remember me telling you about the woman I met off a site that lives in Davao? Guess what? she looks very similar to the lady above^ albeit older. Plus she ticks most of your boxes in the way of intelligence etc. So in ONE attempt - actually it wasn't an attempt really because she contacted me first (f**k knows why lol!), I've managed to find a potential partner in Davao who is alike to your requirements. Why is that?

Like you, I'm choosy but I'm not looking for a woman to tick every single box, plus I've never let the search overrule my life. You come across as if you've got to have that perfect woman TODAY!

The mindset I have is that I will definitely find her but it will take time. Whether my current one fits the glove remains to be seen because I need to get to know her better although the potential is there.

[publicduende]

I'm not American either and wasn't raised that way too. That stems from my own experience after suffering bouts of negativity and bitterness like yourself which is cancer of the mind. It eats away at you and the only cure is to fight it by counteracting it with positivity and that's what I mean by determination because it does seem like you're ready to throw in the towel. Don't let the gremlins win.

Thanks for the genuine empathy, mate. It's difficult to be positive when I see how much hard work I have been putting into this entrepreneurial/life adventure of mine in the Philippines, and how little I am receiving in return. As an individual, I am happy to give love and be kind and generous and don't expect to be hailed as a hero in return. As a business owner, the logic is more of a two way thing and I have to really hope that all the efforts will pay off (financially, not just spiritually!) soon. There are good signs that it will, but I am finding it increasingly hard to hang in there.

And if, in the meantime, I see my little love dream crushed on the hard rocks of reality...it's particularly painful...I have all the work and nothing to look forward to in the personal sphere. I am stressed and I feel lonely. Yes, I feel lonely even if I see my gf two or three times a week. Having a girl who is sweet, submissive and ready to please you might sound heaven to someone but, to me, if there is no connection after the sex, it makes me feel lonelier than before.

Have you thought about adding the dating sites to the mix again? Before you start pulling faces, hear me out. Yup, they're commonly regarded as being awash with scammers, but obviously not every girl that joins is of the same mould. It's another string to your bow but you have a distinct advantage over the majority of us because you live in the Philippines. I've seen plenty of women from Davao and surrounding area's such as Gen San/South Cotabato on them.

I have, actually. I found both the hot morena and this one on DIA. I am on and off in there, I have been checking out a couple of girls, chatting, meeting them and hiding my account. It does embarrass me quite a bit, that I am still trying my luck on there. One little feature that kind of helps is the "'new" label on profiles created less than a few days ago (not sure how long, maybe a couple of weeks). "New" girls who have just signed up will be on average a bit more curious to entertain me and they're usually more curious about meeting. If they are worth meeting in the first place, that is

Do you remember me telling you about the woman I met off a site that lives in Davao? Guess what? she looks very similar to the lady above^ albeit older. Plus she ticks most of your boxes in the way of intelligence etc. So in ONE attempt - actually it wasn't an attempt really because she contacted me first (f**k knows why lol!), I've managed to find a potential partner in Davao who is alike to your requirements. Why is that?

Like you, I'm choosy but I'm not looking for a woman to tick every single box, plus I've never let the search overrule my life. You come across as if you've got to have that perfect woman TODAY!

The mindset I have is that I will definitely find her but it will take time. Whether my current one fits the glove remains to be seen because I need to get to know her better although the potential is there.

Well, good for you, I am happy! Are you planning to pursue her?

I can't rule out that you'be been lucky. Or maybe, as I just stated on a reply above, you are abroad and hold better face value than me here. This is not to say that your girl wants to be dragged to your home country, but certainly being from there and "lurable" here might give you an edge. Funny how it's completely counter-intuitive...but maybe that's how it works...

As for having my perfect woman, I have been here for 18 months. That's 3 full days even at the North Pole LOL I have been here since September 2015. I have been screaming out loud on HA only in the past few months because, let's admit it, I am kind of losing it and you guys are possibly the best, if not the only, people who can understand me.

Again, sorry if my whining might make me look vulnerable and perhaps immature. I do feel weak and, honestly, don't know how much longer I will be able to bear this...lots of work with no counterpart at all...

[publicduende]

But look at this in context, duende posts a pic of his young and very doable girl, graduated, well dressed, and he's still not content. Again for some reason he is literally obsessed with seeing his woman out the door and go get busy "in an office", it doesn't make any sense. He could perfectly guide her into helping him with his business and be a real team player if he wanted her to be "busy".
But it would seem he's really looking for a western woman, not a partner. So the "problem" is not that he's lost some advantage here and experienced "failure".

She is young and very doable. She is graduated with a 2-year diploma that even I have no trouble seeing as useless. She is well dressed because she loves to cosplay (or used to at least) and that's one of her cosplay-like pics.

I am not obsessed, I demand that my LTR girl is not stuck in a cubicle with a uniform, but at least capable, willing to have that prospect. You really think a girl who sees hooking up with you, the foreigner, and getting full support from you throughout her life cycle (gf, fiancee, wife, mom etc.) as her only life goal, is worth a long term relationship? If so, good for you. Unfortunately I don't.

I would be perfectly fine, in fact proud and happy, to help her with a business, invest on her talent and skills, if she indeed possessed said talent and skills. The only example of entrepreneurship she could relate to me was her desire to "trade FX" which turned out to be "investing" $300 of her hard saved cash on a fake brokerage who promised her 20% return per month (!) and, true to Ponzi, gave her $120 or her own money and kept the rest, invoking some crisis sh*t.

Let a UP Diliman business and management graduate, with an internship at KPMG, come to me and I will be happy to help, even without having to be her bf

Public, it sure sounds like you want a Western woman...and she will bust your balls all the way.

Your GF is indeed super cute, you've got the prize. Keep it simple, intellect with women is way overrated, such women WILL become feminists and demanding, there is no way around it. Stick will your cutie, marry here before she changes her mind, let her be silly and stupid and shag her brains out nightly after she cooks and clean. Show her you are a strong independent man that can have other woman and watch her dial it up. It does not get better than this, your work in Phils is complete. Most guys here would kill to have a girl like that. Get out of your negative rut, thank our higher power that pity was taken on you, plant your seed and enjoy life!

She might be cute, but she's very far from who I am looking for. She is definitely not a prize. And she might become a burden soon (a few weeks) when I get bored of exchanging smooch words and having sex. Even sex has already become boring, as she is "cute" but not "hot". I won't value her cooking and cleaning skills particularly, as I am always at work and eat out all the time.

I am in Makati these days and every time I go out I see a lot of the Filipinas I'd like to meet and date - pretty, well groomed and dressed, toned body, nice butt and large breasts (more often than the girls I see in Davao). Too bad they're absolutely out of reach. The few I see with foreigners, are always with young, handsome and muscular guys. Conversely, who I see with adult foreigners like me are seasoned women in their late thirties, exactly what one would get in any other country, including Singapore and China.

The fact that we can get pretty hot girls just because we're foreigners and command some status or "Western privilege" over them, is just a myth nowadays. It might still work in Davao and some other lower-tier towns because of the abject poverty and need that these girls have to support themselves and their families. In the richer parts of Manila, where the better looking girls are found, we don't even register as an option for them.

[Zambales]

I can't rule out that you'be been lucky. Or maybe, as I just stated on a reply above, you are abroad and hold better face value than me here. This is not to say that your girl wants to be dragged to your home country, but certainly being from there and "lurable" here might give you an edge. Funny how it's completely counter-intuitive...but maybe that's how it works...

I take it you've heard the term "create your own luck"? When I was in a negative frame of mind the good kind of luck evaded me but when I began to think more positively I found my luck changed for the better. Make of that as you will.

As for you being a less attractive proposition living in the Philippines, I've never thought of it that way BUT if a woman is more interested in your country than you as a person she's most likely a scammer.

Well, good for you, I am happy! Are you planning to pursue her?

I have been since August and I'm planning to visit her after Easter if I manage to sort out a few issues first.

[Zambales]

Thanks for the genuine empathy, mate. It's difficult to be positive when I see how much hard work I have been putting into this entrepreneurial/life adventure of mine in the Philippines, and how little I am receiving in return. As an individual, I am happy to give love and be kind and generous and don't expect to be hailed as a hero in return. As a business owner, the logic is more of a two way thing and I have to really hope that all the efforts will pay off (financially, not just spiritually!) soon. There are good signs that it will, but I am finding it increasingly hard to hang in there.

And if, in the meantime, I see my little love dream crushed on the hard rocks of reality...it's particularly painful...I have all the work and nothing to look forward to in the personal sphere. I am stressed and I feel lonely. Yes, I feel lonely even if I see my gf two or three times a week. Having a girl who is sweet, submissive and ready to please you might sound heaven to someone but, to me, if there is no connection after the sex, it makes me feel lonelier than before.

I've experienced loneliness for a period and that type of empty feeling but that was when I was dating British women. This made me look overseas namely the Philippines and I haven't looked back since. My first relationship may not have been a success but it didn't deter me from going back. I see hope and a light at the end of the tunnel with Filipina's which is more than I can say for the soulless self-absorbed bunch in my home country.

I have, actually. I found both the hot morena and this one on DIA. I am on and off in there, I have been checking out a couple of girls, chatting, meeting them and hiding my account. It does embarrass me quite a bit, that I am still trying my luck on there. One little feature that kind of helps is the "'new" label on profiles created less than a few days ago (not sure how long, maybe a couple of weeks). "New" girls who have just signed up will be on average a bit more curious to entertain me and they're usually more curious about meeting. If they are worth meeting in the first place, that is

My first impressions of DIA was that of a scammer safari so I stick to the paid sites such as International Cupid, Filipina Cupid & Cherry Blossoms. I usually join for a month every half year but I still take these with a pinch of salt.

[Johnny1975]

The fact that we can get pretty hot girls just because we're foreigners and command some status or "Western privilege" over them, is just a myth nowadays. It might still work in Davao and some other lower-tier towns because of the abject poverty and need that these girls have to support themselves and their families. In the richer parts of Manila, where the better looking girls are found, we don't even register as an option for them.

What kinds of girls are we talking here (in the richer parts of Manila)? Are we talking about normal girls who are not poor, or are we talking about snooty rich brats? Why would anyone want a rich brat?

[Rock]

This is pretty grim stuff. It seems we guys are victims of our own egos.

Correct me if I'm wrong but you wanna build something sustainable there to say you did it against all odds. And you want some appreciation from locals for helping the economy and supporting individuals and families with jobs or even career paths. But even if you pull it all off, nobody there will appreciate you at all. Indeed they will only perceive it as you getting rich off their backs (even if your company only posts losses) and feeding them scraps in return. You're basically exploiting cheap wages, lower costs, and lack of efficiency there just like Koreans and maybe Indians do in the eyes of your hosts.

Even if you run a charity, don't expect to be appreciated or have people feel they somehow owe you a debt of gratitude though they may kiss your ass and pay lip service to your face. They feel obligated to their parents and families. Don't expect their gratitude to extend beyond their clan network no matter what works you perform. Yohan's Filipina foster daughter, depending on what age he adopted her at and how much time they are together, may truly have those feelings towards him and his Japanese wife. But that is an exceptional type of case.

I can understand why a man wants to build and create something. It's seems to be in our DNA. But for a lot of us, especially as age progresses, practicality wins out. Majority of guys who wanna travel or expat on their own do not have the options you have. For them, making their business work is their only hope unless they wanna teach English. But in your case, you have a valuable skill which for the foreseeable future can support a decent lifestyle for in Asia. So your opportunity cost is extremely high. This ball and chain business is consuming most of your energy and time to the detriment of your other personal goal of finding a suitable mate. That's why I believe your ego may be working against you.

Trying to find a woman who meets the local Davao standard of beauty and desirability instead of just your own is another way in which your ego is pulling you down. I could go back and find a quote or two out of your earlier posts in this thread which suggest you are taking this approach. It would be like me choosing a very slim girl with very pretty Eurasian or NE Asian face who rates a 7-8 by local upper middle class standards over a much curvier version who due to being chubby only gets 5-6 even though I need those curves of the latter specimen to feel genuine physical attraction towards her.

By the way, not all local middle/upper middle/higher class local guys in Davao or Metro Manila date and/or marry the most desirable local physical specimens. Every day I'm in the Philippines, I see loads of busted local guys, some very wealthy and or handsome. I see busted local women too (why is she with him lol?) Sometimes love or pairing is just a luck of the draw. Physically mismatched couples are common there and throughout much of Asia. Age gap relationships are more the realm of mistress type deals and higher end P4P which are handled more discreetly and less visibly. But still, I probably see more age gap couples in Philippines than most places. Really 15-20 years is not such a big deal there, especially if you can manage to look youthful for your age. Pinays tend to age quickly so she'll catch up in time lol.

Also, your talk of wife's credentials remind me so much of certain people I know in HK and other NE Asian cities. Are you hiring an employee or looking for a compatible mate? When I worked at an MNC, I saw colleagues in high positions marry their equals in education and others who married much simpler girls. That's not to say the latter group married idiots or peasants. But they had clear complimentary roles in the relationship with their less career oriented and perhaps less educated mates whereas those who married colleagues or other higher flying career types tended to face more challenges. The girl I used to date in Bicol had a brother who married a model. She bore him a child and was a great mother and wife. But when the child got to be 4 or 5, she got a job and entered workforce at some sort of white collar professional capacity. As the months passed, office life changed her. She grew more distant from her husband and got closer to her colleagues. Fast forward a year or two and bam, she's having an affair and separates. A woman cannot serve two masters Duende.

IMO, the best and safest deal for LT relationship is someone who falls in the middle somewhere. She graduated from a decent uni with a reasonable score and is working at a respectable job. But she's not a career whore who only talks the BS you hear from MBAs. She has no children and is not a teen but still young or youthful. Her family and she has values in line with your own. She's family oriented and ultimately longs for a family life after dating you maybe 1-2 years. On the looks scale, she might be a 5-7 by most people's standards. If she's more like 7-8 ish, it still might work but will be more challenging.

Love is a process, both for the man and woman. When you see a sexy hottie, when you get enchanted by an angel with charisma even, your feeling is one of lust, not love. One of my Facebook friends is kinda like a dream girl for me. I would give her at least a 7 maybe 8 - light skin, 5'7", pear shaped, and super young. I've followed her for 3 years. When she was 18 or 19, she was dating a white dude with sagging skin which means he mighta been 50s. In the first 12 - 18 months or so, her posts were pretty narcissistic. It was all selfie stuff. Then the first (mixed) kid appeared in photos with her. After another 6 months, the old bf/husband started to appear in photos with her too. Eventually, they moved to states and had a second child. Now her posts are all family type photos and she appears very happy. She may of at first not had much feeling for the guy. But over time, it looks like she has bonded with the guy and structured her life around him and their children. She now appears to be a devoted wife who may even love the old man. That guy really seems to have gotten lucky. Luck is part of the equation. Majority of women, even middle/upper middle class really live in averageville (4-6 ish in looks). So getting a hottie who also has good values and is respectable requires some great luck and timing.

[Johnny1975]

I don't quite agree with the last part that Rock says there, I think we can do better than 4-6. But the point is taken. And good points overall.

Publicduende has it never occurred to you that you're having trouble finding a wife in the one country in the world where any average man should be able to do so with their eyes closed? What I'm saying is that maybe you need to prioritize what's really important and not worry so much about what isn't. If you do that I'm sure your eyes will be opened and you'll suddenly see just how abundant your options really are. It's the Philippines baby, come on.

[Shemp]

I think publicduende is both right and wrong. Right in that a woman is not just a better version of a fleshlight (sic, if you dont know what a fleshlight is, by all means visit their website, I also have a slightly used fleshlight for sale, special deal for ha members, but youll have to wait until November for delivery when I get back from europe). A gf a human that you get very intimate with, so you want to be selective unless you're a moron, which pd is not. No offense intended (other than for Cornfed, who I dont mind offending) but i really wouldnt want to spend a lot of time with many of the guys from ha on a non-intimate basis, not even as drinking buddies, much less would I want to get intimate assuming I was a woman, and probably the feeling is mutual. Publicduende is right to hold out for a woman he really likes being around as a friend as well as lover, imo.

Where's he's wrong, imo, is setting up all these checklists rather than just going with the flow, and also worrying too much about life partner instead of accepting that nothing lasts forever. I also think he's anxious to impress everyone that he snagged a hottie, what Rock calls ego, which is a very bad tendency in lots of guys, but maybe I'm just projecting about this. Probably hes going a little crazy from that business, as he himself suggests.