China's Unmarried "Leftover Women"

[droid]

Attractive women are tragic.

Never saw it worded like that. Can't really disagree.

[Winston]

Recently @ethan_sg told me that I could get a leftover woman in China if she is in her 30's and above, because Chinese men don't want them. However, it's not that simple, for several reasons:

1. First, Chinese women are very picky. Even older Chinese women are picky. Age and maturity doesn't change that. It's their nature. Picky women tend to be difficult to get along with. They often have high standards in men that are unrealistic. So they are a bit delusional and hard to get along with.

2. Unwanted Chinese women can also be mentally unstable too, like Lisa was, and have mental problems or disorders. They can also be very self-centered, in which case they will make you feel like their servant and be very demanding on you that you conform to her ways. They often lack social tact and diplomacy and people skills to get along with others, which is why they are still single. So you will encounter a large percentage of these types among single unwanted Chinese women over 30.

Some, like me, have a lot of bad luck in relationships too, which they will admit, because they seem to have a "dark cloud" hanging over them, like the murphy's law I complain about. (I met such a woman in China when I was there) If so, then the dark cloud will ruin any relationship I attempt with them too, with some problem or issue that ruins everything or makes it more trouble than its worth. If both me and her have dark clouds over us, then this will be doubly true.

3. The older Chinese women get, the more practical they become and less romantic. That means the mental gulf between me and them will widen as they get older. If I am a dreamy sentimental romantic, I will have more in common with a younger girl who is the same way of course, and less in common with a pragmatic woman.

4. Chinese women tend to be overly analytical. They will analyze you and scrutinize you and pick out your flaws, deficiencies and shortcomings. It's in their nature to. That's why Chinese women tend to good at accounting and billing. Just because they are in their 30's and 40's won't change that, if anything, it will make it worse, because Chinese women above 30 will be more practical and less romantic too, as mentioned earlier. Her focus will be on material things and financial stability of the man, not the lovey dovey sentimental notions of love and romance. She will be less likely to "follow her heart" or "follow her passion".

Unless of course, she has a strong emotional attraction or pull towards you, in which case she will overlook any faults she sees in you. Otherwise, she will be cold and logical, like an android, and if she deems you to be incompatible with her, then she will be like a computer and coldly "eject you" the way a computer "dumps unwanted data" from its system. lol

5. There are westernized Chinese women who are more open minded and freespirited and maybe a little New Age too. They are a minority but they do exist, both in Asia and America. They do have more in common with me. However, these types tend to go for WHITE men as I explained before. So even if they are more compatible with me, I am still out of luck. That's my dilemma.

So you see, it's not as easy and rosy as ethan_sg makes it out to be, despite his good positive intentions.

Now there is ONE WAY that Chinese women will overlook all the above, and that is of course, if she genuinely LOVES me or feels a strong emotional pull or attraction toward me for some reason she can't understand. You gotta understand that love is not logical. Sometimes a woman will love you and feel a strong emotional pull or tug toward you, with no logical explanation, and become enamored or obsessed with you. I'm sure you guys know what I mean and have experienced this. At that point, you have it easy and all you have to do is go through the motions. No need for games or to "play your cards right". It's smooth sailing after that, and she soon will get into bed with you, as if she is hypnotized by her love. In that case, she will overlook any of the above issues. I'm sure you've all experienced that before. For example, when Dianne and I first met, she immediately felt a strong pull and liking toward me, as if it were meant to be. There was no logical reason for it. It was not about looks or money. She cannot explain it either. Stuff like that cannot be quantified or measured or specified, as I'm sure you guys know.

But the thing is of course, this is NOT under our control. We can't make these things happen. They sometimes happen mysteriously. But it's not our choice or theirs. It's just one of those mysteries that happen, and when it does, you hope she will be attractive to you or your type. If not, then it sucks and you wonder "Why can't the woman that is really into me and crazy about me, be my type?" and ask the heavens that question over and over again. Furthermore, this love for you does not always last. Sometimes it wears off after a while, and sometimes it lasts for years or for life. It's not always controllable or predictable.

You see, the way it works is like this: If a woman feels a strong magnetic pull toward you and loves you for no reason that can be explained or quantified, she overlooks all your faults and issues and tries to make it work. However, if she does not love you or feels nothing toward you, then she will analyze you for faults and blemishes and then USES them as an EXCUSE to reject you. Therefore, if a woman cites some fault or issue with you as her reason or excuse for why she's rejecting you and doesn't want to date you, you can be assured that this "reason/excuse" is just an excuse, not the real reason. The real reason is that she just doesn't feel IN LOVE with you and doesn't feel that mysterious magnetic emotional pull inside of her.

She could cite all kinds of practical excuses to reject you like: "you are too short" or "you are too fat" or "you are too unstable and won't make a good husband" or "you don't have a nice car" or "your income is not high enough" or "our cultural differences are too great" or "we have a personality conflict" etc. But those aren't the real reasons, because if she was truly IN LOVE with you, then none of that would matter. (especially language/cultural differences, because that's never stopped two people who truly LOVED each other) She would overlook those things and not let them get in the way, or try to work it out. If she will not overlook them, then it means she's not in love and feels no emotional pull toward you, and so those are polite excuses to justify her rejection of you.

That's basically how it works, according to my experience and basic deductive logic too.

[Winston]

New news report about China's leftover women that their parents are trying to sell off. WTF?! Is this true or exaggerated? They claim that men don't want them because they are over 27. Do you buy that? Men aren't that picky. Are Chinese men really that picky? I'll take a Chinese woman in her 30s as long as she's decent looking and decent quality. So where is my Chinese bride over 27? Geez. This is like a cocktease. Reality is not that simple. So what's the problem then?

[yick]

You don't want to get married Winston or else you would have got married - same as me, I had chances to get with some absolute beauties of all nationalities but deep down I didn't want it.

Also, lots of young Chinese women I have taught and that must number into their thousands - simply don't want to get married to some Chinese boy/man more interested in video games than anything that can be suggested as masculine activity - you want to see the state of some of them these days, the women don't want them and I don't blame them! The parents might be taking matters into their own hands but their daughters aren't buying, as simple as that!

[Yohan]

New news report about China's leftover women that their parents are trying to sell off. WTF?! Is this true or exaggerated? They claim that men don't want them because they are over 27. Do you buy that? Men aren't that picky. Are Chinese men really that picky? I'll take a Chinese woman in her 30s as long as she's decent looking and decent quality. So where is my Chinese bride over 27? Geez. This is like a cocktease. Reality is not that simple. So what's the problem then?

In mainland China there are many millions more young men than young women, especially outside of the major large cities.
So what about leftover men?

About these leftover women, these are women around 30+ and their parents, highly materialistic orientated who expect a future husband/son-in-law to offer them a good housing, car, savings etc. etc. - basically to provide them, sharing with them all and everything, despite not offering anything in return.

Just ignore such women, better stay alone.

China had to change even the property law some years ago, as it was misused very frequently in case of divorce because the man and HIS parents provided housing and much more, even by loans - and after a year or so the wife was asking for divorce without any reason, with the help of HER parents claiming abuse etc. and were demanding a high payout or the house/landplot etc. as compensation - leaving the groom homeless and HIS parents in debts.

This legal situation is now reversed, the property belongs now to the person who registered and fully paid it BEFORE marriage and will fully belong to that person after divorce.

(BTW Thailand created similar laws, which also apply and help foreign men who made a mistake and married a materialistic greedy Thai woman. If the foreign man owns a condominium unit in HIS own name registered before marriage, it will belong to him for always and the ex-wife has to move out, even after many years of marriage - in Thailand a foreigner cannot own land, but can own a condominium unit 100 % - in Thailand the right of the landlord is very strong, overrides often other regulations)

There were even funny songs created by Chinese feminists and men's rights activists about that situation when the property law finally changed.

No Car No House (ENGLISH SUB) Chinese


No Car , No House by Leftover Boys

[publicduende]

In mainland China there are many millions more young men than young women, especially outside of the major large cities.
So what about leftover men?

About these leftover women, these are women around 30+ and their parents, highly materialistic orientated who expect a future husband/son-in-law to offer them a good housing, car, savings etc. etc. - basically to provide them, sharing with them all and everything, despite not offering anything in return.

Just ignore such women, better stay alone.

China had to change even the property law some years ago, as it was misused very frequently in case of divorce because the man and HIS parents provided housing and much more, even by loans - and after a year or so the wife was asking for divorce without any reason, with the help of HER parents claiming abuse etc. and were demanding a high payout or the house/landplot etc. as compensation - leaving the groom homeless and HIS parents in debts.

This legal situation is now reversed, the property belongs now to the person who registered and fully paid it BEFORE marriage and will fully belong to that person after divorce.

(BTW Thailand created similar laws, which also apply and help foreign men who made a mistake and married a materialistic greedy Thai woman. If the foreign man owns a condominium unit in HIS own name registered before marriage, it will belong to him for always and the ex-wife has to move out, even after many years of marriage - in Thailand a foreigner cannot own land, but can own a condominium unit 100 % - in Thailand the right of the landlord is very strong, overrides often other regulations)

@Yohan Excellent insights and fact updates. These are the contributions that make reading HA worthwhile.

I agree on your judgment on the "leftover women". If they are late twenties to late thirties and are still unmarried, in a society that still values stable relationships and marriage immensely, there must be a reason. Chinese men steer away from them, which means they know the reason full well. Foreigners might be tempted to give in simply because they don't understand the culture.

However, the occasional gem may still be found. The famous YTer serpentza married a divorced woman who was still relatively young and good looking, and is a doctor. He himself admitted that her parents would have never allowed her to marry a foreigner, if she hadn't been divorced. Apparently, divorced women in mainland China find it extremely hard to remarry. Worse than "leftover", they are "used up" women.

[Yohan]

@Yohan Excellent insights and fact updates. These are the contributions that make reading HA worthwhile.

I agree on your judgment on the "leftover women". If they are late twenties to late thirties and are still unmarried, in a society that still values stable relationships and marriage immensely, there must be a reason. Chinese men steer away from them, which means they know the reason full well. Foreigners might be tempted to give in simply because they don't understand the culture.

However, the occasional gem may still be found. The famous YTer serpentza married a divorced woman who was still relatively young and good looking, and is a doctor. He himself admitted that her parents would have never allowed her to marry a foreigner, if she hadn't been divorced. Apparently, divorced women in mainland China find it extremely hard to remarry. Worse than "leftover", they are "used up" women.

This is very funny, but very realistic too. Take a look!

How Difficult Is It To Get Married In China? | ASIAN BOSS



More serious, about the situation in rural Chinese areas...

China's Leftover Men: Desperately Seeking Wives

[Yohan]

However, the occasional gem may still be found. The famous YTer serpentza married a divorced woman who was still relatively young and good looking, and is a doctor. He himself admitted that her parents would have never allowed her to marry a foreigner, if she hadn't been divorced. Apparently, divorced women in mainland China find it extremely hard to remarry. Worse than "leftover", they are "used up" women.

A 'foreigner'? Who is a foreigner for Chinese mainland people?

First of all there is no 'standard mainland Chinese' - there are too many, dispersed to many countries, and their way of daily life and their mindset is often quite different from each other.

In Japan there are around 1 million Chinese living permanently here, and every year there are about 10 million Chinese tourists entering Japan.
The Chinese living here are fairly integrated into Japanese society. Often changing their name into Japanese names and taking over citizenship (or at least special permanent residence status, if they cannot renounce the Chinese citizenship), many young Chinese are born here and speak fluently accent-free Japanese (different from Koreans who will always be noticed by their hard accent)

In Thailand you will also find Chinese everywhere, including in the government and in the country I know very well, in Malaysia, you find Chinese in every city.

I would say, out of my experience, as long as the person is a 'Chinese' he or she is not considered to be a 'foreigner' regardless the citizenship.
Chinese in Mainland China will consider them as 'overseas Chinese' and are accepted as suitable for marriage.

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....divorced women in mainland China find it extremely hard to remarry. Worse than "leftover", they are "used up" women.

I think it works both sides. Here in Japan men are mistrusting for good reason when facing a divorced Chinese woman from China mainland 40+ who cannot find a husband. - Frequently such women are nothing but a recipe for a disaster - asking for too much...are unrealistic, materialistic, arrogant, lazy, are hiding secrets, often loaded with illegal money, some of them are rather into quarrels, even violent, here in Japan often hostess bar related, connected with Japanese yakuza nagawa-kai 稲川会)/Chinese snakeheads: 蛇头, others are liars and do not disclose the truth about them...are dishonest...
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I met such a woman here in Japan, who was a ballet dancer and she was very good looking, very slim, sporty - Chinese, but Japanese permanent resident, had her own visa, fluent in Japanese spoken and written. She cannot find a man?

She told my wife and me at least the truth.

We knew her as she was trying to get a job in the same Chinese company in Tokyo, where my wife also was working and even this Chinese company where rules were very relaxed for all employees (Japanese and Chinese together, lower pay, but easy work, totally different from a Japanese company) kicked her out after a few weeks.

The ballet company - where she was performining before - kicked her suddenly out with immediate effect.

An expensive marriage agency, which was not for free for ladies and demanded membership for both men and women (around USD 3000,- per person) kicked her out within a few weeks and paid back her membership fee, as she was considered as non-arrangeable and untrustworthy.

Her profile and history of life (which would not be totally disclosed to any male member during the first arranged meetings) was incomplete...something just missing, 'forgotten to mention it' etc.

She was not 33 but 38, not married but had some connection with Chinese gangsters, had even one child from one of these members, but the child was born mentally retarded and was in a special care school.

She had no criminal record, but under suspicion and police were searching her home several times as still gang members were coming and going visiting her, still somehow in nightlife business ...

Surely not a woman suitable as a long-term partner.....and I can tell you with some other Chinese women, she is not a single case.
She was not really a bad person, but a notorious liar. We lost contact with her, we don't know where she is now.