Ok, so now that we have a few more facts, let's summarize.pensiveman wrote:Thanks for all the replies. I apologize if I see like I'm arguing; I promise I'm not!MarcosZeitola wrote:So when will you be starting that family, then? It's been two years. And is she still the woman you would like to see as the mother of your children? Ask yourself that.pensiveman wrote:We met in August '13 on a Filipina dating site. I was still in nursing school and she knew it would be a while (1-2 years) before I was ready to start a family.
Marriage is for better or worse. You are engaged to this woman, and when you got engaged I bet things were closer to "better" then they were to "worse". Now with you flunking out and potential hard times ahead, you may be lean more toward worse. Do you think she will stick with you no matter what, or is she the type of hypergamous woman who keeps open her options and maintains four different facebooks and several dating profiles?pensiveman wrote:At this point IDK what to think/feel. In a way it would be a relief if we broke up because then I could go back to getting my life in order (since I was thrown off track when I flunked nursing). But if we didn't break up and she stayed with me during these hard times of my being unemployed and being entry level in my field then I'd know she'd make a good partner.
You have to ask yourself, and her, the hard questions. And you have to ask yourself what you want with your life and if she is the girl you want it with. And does she want the same things as you want? Does she have the same hopes, dreams and goals? Because as a 30 year old American man, you could do a lot better then a 30 year old Filipina, who by her country's standards is already an old spinster at this point. You could just as easily marry an 18-22 year old, which would also buy you a lot more time in terms of starting a family; the biological clock of a 30 year old woman will be ticking loudly by now and soon her reproductive prime will be behind her (one might argue it already is). If starting a family means a lot to you, think of these things. Weigh your options. And ask yourself... do you love her? That's perhaps the most important question of all.
Regardless of what decisions you make, good luck.
I think I will give it a couple of months and see how I feel. We can't move forward until I'm working anyway. We'll see if she's willing to stick with me even if it means having a child when she's a little older.
Me, I'm only 30 years old, I've got tons of time to find a lady. Hell it's SE Asia I can wait until I'm 50, lol.
1. You met her online at about 28 and quickly decided to get "engaged" despite never having met in person.
2. You finally met in person a year later - the only time so far you have actually met. That's when you discovered she was still using Cherry Blossoms.
3. You had a life plan which you dropped out of or flunked out of.
4. You are currently 30 and unemployed and therefore can't get a visa for her even if you decided you wanted to.
5. You come onto HA wondering whether the women (specifically her) are trustworthy.
6. You admit you have lots of time and can wait till you are 50 (which you can).
Sorry if this summary sounds harsh but if the shoe was on the other foot and I was advising her, what do you think I'd say? Run lol
Guys come onto HA all the time and complain about or criticize the women who prefer an older foreigner. This is certainly one of the scenarios that gets some of them to make that choice.
As MZ said you need to definitely consider what you want to do but please also consider what's best for the girl who as he also said is long in the tooth by Philippines standards.