The problem is YOU! Why you can't get a great Filipina or Th

[Lorenzo]

Why you can't land a great Filipina or Thai or Chinese lady?

STOP. LOOK INTO THE MIRROR. That's right. You have hang ups that project to others, weak lacking adequate alpha genetic material, inadequately employed, your old. You don't have game, confidence, or the right attitude. You don't show genuine respect. You're perceived as not being generous. You're in it just for the sex.

If any of the above could possibly apply to you then stop right here. You have found your answer why you can't score a great lady in China, Thailand, and Phils.

First, there is no perfect girl, all relationships with women come with some degree of compromise. No women likes an arrogant a$$hole. What do you really have to offer? Grandpa types expecting hot 20 somethings...seriously man...do you expect your granddaughter to date someone like you? Economic pressure cause women in third world countries to compromise big time and do the unthinkable.

I went after women in China, Thailand, and the Phillipines. There are great ladies still available but fewer and fewer as time goes by. Why? Mainly due to mongering and holiday sex by foreign men. Word is out and those ladies are on the look out for the playboys. If you are into that please use P$P and stop ruining the dating pool for those are serious.

I almost never come to this forum anymore because of the pathetic wining about not finding a good lady...blah blah blah. Accept that maybe YOU are the one who is lame and they can see it. Asian culture is a culture of respect. How to win good Asian women? Start with respect and please keep your big foot out of your mouth. Everything you say will be deeply scrutinized with the aim of uncovering your intentions. Don't want to offer some support - boom - you are cheap and not generous. It's part of the price tag with 80+ percent. It's called filial piety, a duty of every child, it is not always intended to scam you.

Bad experiences can often be chalked up to making poor female choices. Maybe your dick did all the thinking or your ego or pride got in the way?

So what's really wrong with an undereducated house wife who cooks, cleans, and shags you daily? With increased status comes her greater sense of independence and a stronger will that she will exert. Think about it dude. Conversation is overrated when you don't get along...because you wont be talking anyway and you certainly wont get your popsicle sucked on. If she has a good heart, good intentions, will love you, and you find her attractive - wake up!!!

When I turned 50 a few years ago, completing divorce, I had a great lineup of sincere and adequately attractive women in China, Thailand, Indonesia and Phils. All educated, All found online paid sites. Great lovers, caring, never asking for money. Never went to Phils because they seemed outclassed by the Thai and Chinese women. Were any LTRs, no, but that was my fault, I was too busy being exploring the dating scene after 24 years of miserable marriage. It's like clubbing baby seals out there!

The point is - it's you, it's youuuuu. Work on You and learn from those who were successful and you can be too.

[starchild5]

I agree with your assessment

[Johnny1975]

The problem is that the Philippines attracts not only decent quality males who happen to not do so well with / like western women, but low quality males too. Weirdos with odd personalities, people who you just look at and know there's something not quite right.

[Signet]

True.

Of course, it's the same observant but clearly frustrated thing that gets posted on this forum by various members (mostly the ones that are normal people, or at least approach normalcy) every few months. The people most likely to get it already understand, and the ones that actually need it are just going to complain about 'shaming language' or the like.

[publicduende]

Welcome back Lorenzo, however with a rather confused and confusing post.

Like many, you blame the increasing scarcity of good SEA girls who will give a foreigner, especially an adult one, the benefit of the doubt, to the monger culture plaguing Thailand, China, Indonesia and the Philippines. Yet you say you yourself lined up a few of these Indonesians, Chinese and Thais (probably via online sites) and had them as "great lovers" for a short amount of time, without wanting a LTR with any of them. Isn't that what mongering is about? Nobody is pointing fingers about your need to finally get some NSA fun out of your system after 20+ years as a sexually compressed man. Yet, if you are blaming mongers for ruining it, that finger is clearly bending back to you.

So after clubbing a few baby seals you're back to the same thesis I and a few others stated in here: we are adult-to-middle-aged divorced men, many of us with no legit reason to live in SEA, and our chance to lure one of these young, educated and pretty girls into a long term relationship blessed by themelves, their families and social circles, approaches absolute zero.

OK, so we know it's uuuus We learn from those who were successful. Who in particular? The only guys who knows who are successful are those who played the marriage card straight away, immediately whisking the girl off their feet and showing the cash and the ring as soon as they could possible afford to. I know a couple of cases in Davao, one is a pretty affluent lawyer from the US and the girl, albeit sexy, is nothing to write home about and from a poor family. And judging from her FB pics and they way she dresses and poses, she has pretty much found jackpot.

The other category is the young (< 30), unmarried and good looking men who could have cute looking girls anywhere in the world (OK, anywhere except the Anglophone world), and they "arbitrage" even prettier girls in the Philippines, China, or Indonesia.

Tough luck here, but the only thing we can't do is be younger and better looking...unless we go through an expensive bout of maxillo-facial surgery and associated skin tightening.

Why you can't land a great Filipina or Thai or Chinese lady?

STOP. LOOK INTO THE MIRROR. That's right. You have hang ups that project to others, weak lacking adequate alpha genetic material, inadequately employed, your old. You don't have game, confidence, or the right attitude. You don't show genuine respect. You're perceived as not being generous. You're in it just for the sex.

If any of the above could possibly apply to you then stop right here. You have found your answer why you can't score a great lady in China, Thailand, and Phils.

First, there is no perfect girl, all relationships with women come with some degree of compromise. No women likes an arrogant a$$hole. What do you really have to offer? Grandpa types expecting hot 20 somethings...seriously man...do you expect your granddaughter to date someone like you? Economic pressure cause women in third world countries to compromise big time and do the unthinkable.

I went after women in China, Thailand, and the Phillipines. There are great ladies still available but fewer and fewer as time goes by. Why? Mainly due to mongering and holiday sex by foreign men. Word is out and those ladies are on the look out for the playboys. If you are into that please use P$P and stop ruining the dating pool for those are serious.

I almost never come to this forum anymore because of the pathetic wining about not finding a good lady...blah blah blah. Accept that maybe YOU are the one who is lame and they can see it. Asian culture is a culture of respect. How to win good Asian women? Start with respect and please keep your big foot out of your mouth. Everything you say will be deeply scrutinized with the aim of uncovering your intentions. Don't want to offer some support - boom - you are cheap and not generous. It's part of the price tag with 80+ percent. It's called filial piety, a duty of every child, it is not always intended to scam you.

Bad experiences can often be chalked up to making poor female choices. Maybe your dick did all the thinking or your ego or pride got in the way?

So what's really wrong with an undereducated house wife who cooks, cleans, and shags you daily? With increased status comes her greater sense of independence and a stronger will that she will exert. Think about it dude. Conversation is overrated when you don't get along...because you wont be talking anyway and you certainly wont get your popsicle sucked on. If she has a good heart, good intentions, will love you, and you find her attractive - wake up!!!

When I turned 50 a few years ago, completing divorce, I had a great lineup of sincere and adequately attractive women in China, Thailand, Indonesia and Phils. All educated, All found online paid sites. Great lovers, caring, never asking for money. Never went to Phils because they seemed outclassed by the Thai and Chinese women. Were any LTRs, no, but that was my fault, I was too busy being exploring the dating scene after 24 years of miserable marriage. It's like clubbing baby seals out there!

The point is - it's you, it's youuuuu. Work on You and learn from those who were successful and you can be too.

[OutWest]

Public, once again you spot the silly posturing.
"Those mongers are no good, but i diddled my way across SE Asia.

One thing that does strike me is that you seem quite concerned about acceptance by others beyond you and the girl. Of course, the social circle is a time honored tradition, but what if it gets in the way of your happiness?
If you find someone that makes you happy and loves you, who cares what others think?

I realize the tradition behind this, but you may have to opt out. Life is so much shorter than it is perfect or propper. I know a man who married a qirl from a squatter area of CDO. He set aside a lot of social convention to do it, and he does not care what filipinos think. For this fact alone, i think she loves him deeply. Yes, he made her financially secure. Let's assume the worst, that he pays her to love him. For him, that is still far better than paying a woman to hate him, as is so common in the west. At least she keeps her end of the bargain!

[chanta76]

I do agree that the individual has to take responsibility but I also agree with Public that if Lorenzo was playing the field but thinks guys who monger is making it worst does sound like a hypocrite .

[droid]

The problem is YOU

I don't know why some guys seem to get such a high out of that concept.

I don't think it's an honest position since they disregard or brush off a lot of other variables. it just makes them feel better about themselves i guess.
Not saying there isn't weird guys out there, but these general accusations seem to be just for ego boosting.

Also nothing against duende but i think his struggling is a bit karmic. He has kind of looked down on others as 'those' 'losers' as well. Kind of explains what Outwest is getting at, he doesn't want to be part of 'those' he looks down on. I'm not trying to get some high moral ground here though.
But honestly, luck has a lot to do with all this, it's a big variable. I mean luck in the sense of running into and getting a chance to build rapport with enough ladies of 'quality'. Even if you are in the right general location, which is a huge boost already as we all know.

[hammanta]

Well it's been a while for me and I see nothing has changed.

[Zambales]

The problem CAN be YOU although it's not easy to find a genuine good looking Filipina if one is just using dating sites.

[publicduende]

One thing that does strike me is that you seem quite concerned about acceptance by others beyond you and the girl. Of course, the social circle is a time honored tradition, but what if it gets in the way of your happiness? If you find someone that makes you happy and loves you, who cares what others think?

I fully get your point and your concern, OW. The reason why I am obsessed about the judgment of my (Davao-based, middle/upper class) social circle is because I trust it, I trust them to know something we foreigners on usual suspension-of-belief trip can't or won't see.

None of the girls I have met so far are remotely able to make me happy. My problem is that I lost that primeval naivety, that make-believe feeling that many tourists, first-timers and even a few long-timers in the Philippines have: no matter the age gap, the girls are always genuinely attracted and interested in them, their families are always equipped with their best smiles and intentions to make them feel at home, everybody is there to help and conjure up the best psycho-socio-sexual experience of their lifetimes.

All delusions. I can see through all of them and, unfortunately, what I see on the other side is either something I don't like, or something I don't want to compromise on. Yes, some say: who cares if she doesn't feel attracted to you and she sees you as a mix of the Wiseman and the Provider? So long she puts out several times a day, cooks for you and takes care of the house? I am sorry, but I can't compromise on that.

I admit it: I want her from a decent family, not necessarily wealthy but not dirt poor and in constant need. I want her pretty, pretty by any standards, not sex-starved-foreigner standard. She needs to be on demand, in fact so on demand that I might have to literally steal her from the claws of a good Filipino man (and his family). She needs to be at least college educated, from a good 3 or 4 years university, none of those useless diploma factories. With no money problems to speak to. Not so old, late 20s max, never married and with no kids.

If these expectations are not met, then I will continue to sail the safe sea of meaningless dates and short term flings, which could at least work as a stress reliever for my busy days. I will continue to keep my expectations low, baseline low and, even though I won't be continuously whining (not my style, I already went too far with my "red pill" thread), to those who will ask me if I have a happy love life, I will candidly answer "no".

One of the saddest realisations is perhaps that a match of the above kind, for a man like me, simply does not exist. Perhaps my good friends keep showing sympathy towards me, yet remain vague when I ask them to help, because they know I am looking for a mythological creature, or a creature they deem me unworthy of, and just don't want to fool me or disappoint me.

I realize the tradition behind this, but you may have to opt out. Life is so much shorter than it is perfect or propper. I know a man who married a qirl from a squatter area of CDO. He set aside a lot of social convention to do it, and he does not care what filipinos think. For this fact alone, i think she loves him deeply. Yes, he made her financially secure. Let's assume the worst, that he pays her to love him. For him, that is still far better than paying a woman to hate him, as is so common in the west. At least she keeps her end of the bargain!

I won't pay, full stop. If a girl cannot love me for who I am, she'd better get her cash somewhere else. And if she insists, she will only find a firm wall of disrespect.

[publicduende]

Also nothing against duende but i think his struggling is a bit karmic. He has kind of looked down on others as 'those' 'losers' as well. Kind of explains what Outwest is getting at, he doesn't want to be part of 'those' he looks down on. I'm not trying to get some high moral ground here though.
But honestly, luck has a lot to do with all this, it's a big variable. I mean luck in the sense of running into and getting a chance to build rapport with enough ladies of 'quality'. Even if you are in the right general location, which is a huge boost already as we all know.

No Droid, that's simply not true. I am not looking down on anybody. Everyone who comes here has a right to do whatever they want, as long as they are not raping underage girls, defrauding poor and naive people and committing other heinous crimes.

Yes, I found Lorenzo's double take on mongers a bit hypocritical but I am not against mongers per se. I am not even that convinced that sex tourism is the main cause of good girls not wanting to have anything long-term to do with a foreigner, especially an adult one. It's one of the aspects, but one that is trumped by other socio-economic factors: gradual decrease of poverty and willingness to compromise, relentless exposure to online pop culture and social media icons, with consequent increase in expectations.

Speaking of which, can't explain why, but in the past year I have seen Davao flooded with Danish or Swedish demi-gods...tall, muscular, good looking beyond anything any woman here will have ever seen. If most of them weren't more interested in getting drunk until they collapse on the floor, instead of systematically look for the best female specimen to lure into their sacks, chances for normal looking, aging men like me would be even gloomier than they already are.

Maybe luck is against me. Maybe my stressful routine isn't helping either. I just feel tired, "I have seen it all" kind of tired. Nothing more I could find or do in the near future, that I haven't already found and done. And I am not getting any younger.

[Johnny1975]

Publicduende, is there not some way that you can put yourself out there? I mean, some way that you can make your intentions known far and wide among the type of families that you hope to pluck a girl from. I would have thought that a country like the Philippines would have some sort of tradition along those lines.

[davewe]

One thing that does strike me is that you seem quite concerned about acceptance by others beyond you and the girl. Of course, the social circle is a time honored tradition, but what if it gets in the way of your happiness? If you find someone that makes you happy and loves you, who cares what others think?

I admit it: I want her from a decent family, not necessarily wealthy but not dirt poor and in constant need. I want her pretty, pretty by any standards, not sex-starved-foreigner standard. She needs to be on demand, in fact so on demand that I might have to literally steal her from the claws of a good Filipino man (and his family). She needs to be at least college educated, from a good 3 or 4 years university, none of those useless diploma factories. With no money problems to speak to. Not so old, late 20s max, never married and with no kids.

I admire your honesty and self-awareness. You want what you want - and there's nothing wrong with that. We all have our specific notions of what happiness is and what kind of girl will make us happy.

But I'd have 2 caveats to this. The first is that while you can want what you want - so can everyone else. Tastes differ as do life goals. So while you may not prefer the skinny dark colored girl, someone else has the right to believe she's the most beautiful girl he's ever known. So be careful to not universalize your goals and tastes; they may not be as universal as you assume.

The 2nd caveat is that your life will change, you goals will change, what you are looking for in a woman will change. I used to like the cute, pert, blonde type. Needless to say I haven't been with a blonde in a very long time! So don't be surprised when someone outside your "list" sneaks up on you and takes your heart. If it happens it's a good thing.

[publicduende]

But I'd have 2 caveats to this. The first is that while you can want what you want - so can everyone else. Tastes differ as do life goals. So while you may not prefer the skinny dark colored girl, someone else has the right to believe she's the most beautiful girl he's ever known. So be careful to not universalize your goals and tastes; they may not be as universal as you assume.

The 2nd caveat is that your life will change, you goals will change, what you are looking for in a woman will change. I used to like the cute, pert, blonde type. Needless to say I haven't been with a blonde in a very long time! So don't be surprised when someone outside your "list" sneaks up on you and takes your heart. If it happens it's a good thing.

I agree with you totally and unconditionally. Few things in life and society are more subjective than ideals of beauty. Dark skinned girls are associated to many undesirable traits in Filipino society for purely statistical reasons: dark skinned <-> poor, uneducated, lazy and (sometimes) bad. I met a few dark skinned girls here in Davao who could pass for models in a decent, non-racist country like the UK or the US. Two of my ex-gfs were solidly of that type.

The problem is that when you get hold of your chocolate beauty, you automatically get the whole package of qualities and dilemmas that come with that human category: they're much more likely to be from poor families who will always interfere with your relationship, to the point that you forget who needs you more - the girl or the family. They will have done one or two years of college and dropped out, or completed an associate degree that won't even allow them to land a Jollibee cashier job. They will have no other life ambitions than become a "loyal wife" (if not "a bored wife") to you, the foreigner. If they belong to this social-media-obsessed generation, they will probably find no better way to spend their free time posting selfies of uneventful life moments, like bumming around the house, checking out their puppy or "bonding" (co-bumming around) with one or two of their relatives.

You certainly got lucky, Dave, and your morena wife is lively, lovely and makes you feel decades younger. You have a sacrosanct right to be happy, and an even more sacrosanct right to choose your own path to happiness. And lucky you you are not living in the Philippines, like me, and nobody will ever crack one of those stupid/cynical/cruel jokes about foreigners liking 'em "exotic", or dark skinned being the only one who will ever want us, etc.