Japanese men share a list of common male woes before and after marriage

[chanta76]

https://japantoday.com/category/feature ... r-marriage


Got this list from Japan today about how tough it is for Japanese men in the marriage/dating.

Japanese Men prior to marriage

The man is expected to confess his love, and eventually propose, to the woman.
The man is always expected to pay for the meal.
The man is expected to either give presents unconditionally, or to give presents worth three times as much as the presents his girlfriend buys for him.
The man is always expected to make calls and send messages to his sweetheart.
The man is expected to decide on the ideal location for a date, dinner, etc.
The man must always give preference to his girlfriend’s opinions when it comes to dates.
Women are allowed to judge men based on their income and appearance, but the opposite does not hold true.
The man is expected to go and meet his girlfriend’s parents first.
While meeting her parents, he must prostrate himself before them and endure a shower of criticisms from her father.
The man’s side of the family is expected to offer up a large sum of money as an engagement gift.
The man is expected to pay for the wedding ceremony and reception.
The man is expected to pay for the engagement rings and other jewelry.
Men after marriage

The husband is expected to pay for the honeymoon.
The husband is expected to buy a house with his own money, and continue paying off loans until he dies.
If the husband refuses the sexual advances of his wife, he becomes the perpetrator of DV [domestic violence].
If the husband’s sexual advances come off too strongly, he becomes the perpetrator of DV.
Even if the wife is a housewife, the husband is still responsible for a share of housework and childrearing.
Regardless of whether he did or didn’t do the above, the man loses custody of the children and must pay alimony in the event of a divorce.
Even if the man has a higher source of income, almost all of his visitation rights are taken and he must pay high child support.
Even if the man wins custody of the children, he cannot seek child support from his former wife.
Almost all of a husband’s salary is eaten up by extravagant purchases by his wife, school expenses for his children, gas and electricity bills, and food expenses.
If the husband does not surrender the full amount of his salary, which he slaved away working for, to his wife, it can be considered DV.
The husband must make due with the minuscule allowance he receives from his wife, but the wife is excused from taking secret savings out of his salary [Note: Traditionally, the wife is expected to keep track of all of the finances in a Japanese household].
While the husband gobbles down a 380 yen (US $3.16) lunch at a beef bowl fast-food restaurant, his wife enjoys a 3,000 yen ($24.95) lunch at a sit-down restaurant.
Husbands spend their entire lives living under the mantra “What’s his is hers, and what’s hers is hers.”


If this half true. It makes sense the low marriage and birth rate in Japan but still why do I hear about white or black dudes claiming Japan is some women paradise.

[rabbithabit]

Seems fair to me

[flowerthief00]

The report in the OP as well as the attitude of the poster directly below (unless she was being sarcastic) are why the decline of marriage in today's environment is inevitable.

This part floors me:
"The man’s side of the family is expected to offer up a large sum of money as an engagement gift."

It used to be that the bride's family was the one paying money or property to the man in the form of a dowry. This was in recognition and appreciation of the fact that a man taking on the long-term responsibility of caring for a woman was a very big burden. Giving him a token of something up front was the very least they could do to try to make it worth his while.

Not only is that custom no longer practiced, but it operates in reverse? Good lord, what a colossal scam marriage is! In Japan or in the West, only fools will still engage in engagement.

Which is troubling when you think about how it. If only fools are reproducing....

[Cornfed]

Is it really that bad now? This sounds like the West. I thought Japan was not so crazy yet.

[flowerthief00]

Well I don't live there any more, only visit occasionally. But there is that Herbivore Men thing going on, and trusted sources from the inside report that the reasons listed in the OP are exactly what is driving it.

[Zambales]

NO woman in the world is worth selling your soul to like this. If this is true, Japanese men must be absolute idiots.

[Moretorque]

Has Japan been conquered ? Who conquered them ? Is there a concealed treaty after they were conquered ? Who is sitting on the treaty ? Has anybody seen a list of owners of their central bank ?

SONY - Standard Oil of New York .

Who controls all their courts now ? " allow me to issue the currency and I care not who makes the laws ".

[redfeather]

No poon on earth is worth this amount of male slavery. We already knew that American woman poon was not worth anything, and now it looks like Japanese women poon is worse than AW poon. If you want to get married to have children it is best to go to countries where women are not raised under feminism. It is also best to research and get signed an unbreakable prenup agreement. This is why I stopped dating American women, and this is what motivated me to get on a plane and fly to the Philippines. But even in the Philippines you have to due your due diligence in vetting any woman prospect, and I still say it is best to stick to the southern Philippines when looking for a filipina girlfriend...and look out in the province areas and not the big cities.

[chanta76]

Yohan may have a better pulse of Japan. He lives there with his Japanese wife but he married a long time ago.

I think with the younger generation it might of changed allot. I can say the same with South korea. It's part of the reason why you don't have too many expats heading to Japan or South Korea cause it's expensive and the women their are not as submissive as people think .

Where as the poorer South East countries is still maybe OK.

[flowerthief00]

Well if we're talking about supply and demand, all you have to do to get a feel for the difference between Japanese women and Filipino women is compare the online international dating sites.

There are plenty out there where you can browse profile after profile of Filipino women young and old. If I login into one where I've created a profile, I start getting messages every day without having to do anything.
Whereas there are no sites I know of where you can browse more than a handful of (not very attractive) Japanese women. Ditto with Korean women. There is no demand from that area of the world for international dating.

Or I could tell stories. Like the time I went on a 3-week trip to Japan with a 1-day layover in the Philippines afterwards.
I've spent a lot of time in Japan, know my way around, can speak/read/write the language, have friends all over the country, know lots and lots of Japanese girls (too many to count), etc. As for the Philippines, I'd never been there before, know nothing about the country, was only there to stay one night and change planes. Yet I got more action with the opposite gender in a single day in the Philippines than I did in 3 weeks in Japan!
I asked an 18-year-old Filipina I'd never before met in person to take a taxi for 2 hours from her home to meet me on a weekday morning and get dirty with me in my hotel room before I headed for the airport at noon never to return...and she actually did. An experience like that would be totally unthinkable in Japan.
Also, she was literally the very first girl in the Philippines I tried messaging online prior to my trip. The very first girl in the Philippines I'd ever tried communicating with in my life. What kind of crazy country is this where the first girl whose profile pic catches your eye not only returns your message but goes on to meet you in person and do anything you ask.

Nevertheless, I really do not recommend the Philippines. Just because the fruit is low-hanging doesn't mean it's good for you.

[Yohan]

by chanta76 » Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:47 am
Yohan may have a better pulse of Japan. He lives there with his Japanese wife but he married a long time ago.
I think with the younger generation it might of changed allot. I can say the same with South korea. It's part of the reason why you don't have too many expats heading to Japan or South Korea cause it's expensive and the women their are not as submissive as people think .
Where as the poorer South East countries is still maybe OK.

Hi, Chanta76,
This list is rather unrealistic, for both older and younger people in Japan,
first of all there is a mix-up of what is the law and what are merely customs.
It is true that I belong to the older generation and so does my Japanese wife, but I have 2 daughters, and the brother of my wife has 2 daughters...
I have a good relationship with all of them and also with our neighbors, I think I am informed after living in Japan since 1976.
I will try to add some notice to this list in red for each line.

And we talk here about ordinary average people, not about rich families.
I would not consider Japanese and Korean women to be the same typ of a female. Koreans are aggressive, all of them.
By far Korea is more westernized by US influence, not only because it is a divided nation under US-military protection, but also because of feminism and Christianity.

Japanese Men prior to marriage
The man is expected to confess his love, and eventually propose, to the woman.
Japanese women are passive and usually wait for the man to do the first step. However at least the Japanese man is not down on his knees and does not buy expensive items - engagement ring - for her like in USA
The man is always expected to pay for the meal.
No, this is not true, Japanese often go out in groups and everybody pays for himself or herself
The man is expected to either give presents unconditionally, or to give presents worth three times as much as the presents his girlfriend buys for him.
No, most young men don't even have the money for that
The man is always expected to make calls and send messages to his sweetheart.
Unfortunately both, the Japanese man and the girl are obsessed with digital media, it works in both directions
The man is expected to decide on the ideal location for a date, dinner, etc.
No, usually asking where to go, what to eat etc...
The man must always give preference to his girlfriend’s opinions when it comes to dates.
How is this different anywhere else in this world? if she really wants to go to this place and not to that place...
Women are allowed to judge men based on their income and appearance, but the opposite does not hold true.
Yes, in Japan women do that - it is more difficult for criminals and drug abusers etc. to be accepted by a Japanese woman
The man is expected to go and meet his girlfriend’s parents first.
Why not? What is wrong with that?
While meeting her parents, he must prostrate himself before them and endure a shower of criticisms from her father.
No, this is not true
The man’s side of the family is expected to offer up a large sum of money as an engagement gift.
Maybe in Thailand in case of rich people, but not here in Japan, there is no 'bride-price' 'dowry' etc.
The man is expected to pay for the wedding ceremony and reception.
No, in Japan you try to invite as many people as possible and every guest coming is expected to offer a donation in cash money, it is the same in case of funerals
The man is expected to pay for the engagement rings and other jewelry.
No, most couples don't even have engagement rings

Men after marriage

The husband is expected to pay for the honeymoon.
No, most couples anyway will spend only a few days in a resort hotel or take a cheap flight to Hawaii or Singapore and pay their expenses together
The husband is expected to buy a house with his own money, and continue paying off loans until he dies.
In case he really is doing that, only his name will be in the land titel, after divorce it will belong to him 100 %, this is not gender specific, in my case our condominium is 50/50 registered
If the husband refuses the sexual advances of his wife, he becomes the perpetrator of DV [domestic violence].
the domestic violence law is weak in Japan, however there is a rule that not only the man has a right for sex, but also his wife
If the husband’s sexual advances come off too strongly, he becomes the perpetrator of DV.
Only in case there are visible injuries
Even if the wife is a housewife, the husband is still responsible for a share of housework and childrearing.
Never heard of this
Regardless of whether he did or didn’t do the above, the man loses custody of the children and must pay alimony in the event of a divorce.
Not true, while the man loses custody of the children, there is no legal way to force payment of alimony and child-support in Japan
Even if the man has a higher source of income, almost all of his visitation rights are taken and he must pay high child support.
There is no invitation right in Japan, and no legal obligation to pay child support
Even if the man wins custody of the children, he cannot seek child support from his former wife.
There is no way to force child support in Japan
Almost all of a husband’s salary is eaten up by extravagant purchases by his wife, school expenses for his children, gas and electricity bills, and food expenses.
In general the wife is doing all cash payments, but this is changing as many payments are now being done by using a banking account
If the husband does not surrender the full amount of his salary, which he slaved away working for, to his wife, it can be considered DV.
Not true, this is not considered as domestic violence
The husband must make due with the minuscule allowance he receives from his wife, but the wife is excused from taking secret savings out of his salary [Note: Traditionally, the wife is expected to keep track of all of the finances in a Japanese household].
While the husband gobbles down a 380 yen (US $3.16) lunch at a beef bowl fast-food restaurant, his wife enjoys a 3,000 yen ($24.95) lunch at a sit-down restaurant.
Husbands spend their entire lives living under the mantra “What’s his is hers, and what’s hers is hers.”
Not with me and other husbands I know in Japan, I never had a 'miniscule allowance' - we agreed to a fixed amount monthly and I kept the difference and the bonus and the overtime etc. for myself
If this half true. It makes sense the low marriage and birth rate in Japan but still why do I hear about white or black dudes claiming Japan is some women paradise.
Women have a better life in Western countries like USA, UK etc. compared to Japan. Many Japanese women are modest in their behavior and spending. It is not so easy however to marry a Japanese woman as a foreign man.

[chanta76]

Thanks Yohan,

I hear that Japan and South Korea are similar with low birth rates and it might have to go the route of immigration. But seeing how multiculturalism can cause some problems to the native countries it's sad if Japan and SOuth Korea go this route.

[chanta76]

Well if we're talking about supply and demand, all you have to do to get a feel for the difference between Japanese women and Filipino women is compare the online international dating sites.

There are plenty out there where you can browse profile after profile of Filipino women young and old. If I login into one where I've created a profile, I start getting messages every day without having to do anything.
Whereas there are no sites I know of where you can browse more than a handful of (not very attractive) Japanese women. Ditto with Korean women. There is no demand from that area of the world for international dating.

Or I could tell stories. Like the time I went on a 3-week trip to Japan with a 1-day layover in the Philippines afterwards.
I've spent a lot of time in Japan, know my way around, can speak/read/write the language, have friends all over the country, know lots and lots of Japanese girls (too many to count), etc. As for the Philippines, I'd never been there before, know nothing about the country, was only there to stay one night and change planes. Yet I got more action with the opposite gender in a single day in the Philippines than I did in 3 weeks in Japan!
I asked an 18-year-old Filipina I'd never before met in person to take a taxi for 2 hours from her home to meet me on a weekday morning and get dirty with me in my hotel room before I headed for the airport at noon never to return...and she actually did. An experience like that would be totally unthinkable in Japan.
Also, she was literally the very first girl in the Philippines I tried messaging online prior to my trip. The very first girl in the Philippines I'd ever tried communicating with in my life. What kind of crazy country is this where the first girl whose profile pic catches your eye not only returns your message but goes on to meet you in person and do anything you ask.

Nevertheless, I really do not recommend the Philippines. Just because the fruit is low-hanging doesn't mean it's good for you.

If I remember your Asian? I think Japan and South Korea are both consider wealthy countries and the women in those countries are not desperate and can be stuck up compare to a poor country like the Philippines.

Countries like Japan and SOuth Korea you have to have a A-game now and certain look to be consider attractive. I'm too old now to really know the pulse for Japan and or South Korea regarding what the looks that work in those countries but I guess follow the pop culture can give you the idea.

The Philippines and other poorer countries I think it's easier to meet girls cause there is that social economic factor. If I am ever single again I would definitely give the Philippines a try.

[Yohan]

Thanks Yohan,
I hear that Japan and South Korea are similar with low birth rates and it might have to go the route of immigration. But seeing how multiculturalism can cause some problems to the native countries it's sad if Japan and SOuth Korea go this route.

They are only similar to some extent. - Both countries however are clearly overpopulated. Full means full.

South Korea is about the size of Minnesota, which has 6 million people. Japan is smaller than California, which has 39 million people.

This tiny South Korea has now over 52 million people, and Japan has 127 million people.

Nobody here I know is interested to increase the population further, neither with own children nor with entire immigrant families.

Even Japanese companies prefer a reseach about how to replace humans with robots and not a research how to replace missing Japanese workers with uneducated immigrants from somewhere.

Both countries are however importer of foreign (Asian females from China, Vietnam, Brazil-Japanese etc.) women for marriage to Japanese/Korean men.
In Japan marriage of foreign wife/Japanese man outnumbers marriage of foreign husband/Japanese wife more than 2:1.

[Yohan]

Well if we're talking about supply and demand, all you have to do to get a feel for the difference between Japanese women and Filipino women is compare the online international dating sites.

This is understandable, there is no need for a Japanese woman to move out of Japan. Living standard is not bad, safe and clean, no problem with food or water supply, good medical care, most Japanese are not good in foreign languages...etc.

The situation in Philippines for many is very depressing.

The world bank is listing Japan as #24 with $ 38.550,- and Philippines as #116 with $ 3660,- per person/year.

Poverty alone is not really a reason to leave your own country, but Philippines has many other problems too.
Natural disasters like earthquakes, terrible living conditions in slum-like cities, volcanic activity, serious floods because of typhoons, high jobless rate etc.

In case of illness, the rule for the poor is to pay cash or die early. No public health care available.

There is also unrest going on especially in Southern part of this country, and there is also a serious problem regarding drugs and criminality.

Many Filipina women in poverty decide to leave if possible - despite it might be risky. Some are lucky, to enter Japan for marriage is not so bad, but some are seriously mistreated like maids in Arab countries....plenty of complaints.

My Filipina fosterdaughter in Cebu is working in a bank, has a university degree for business administration from the expensive Sto. Carlos university and is earning per month php 11.000,-, this is about USD 210,-. She is still happy to have a regular job. What else shall I say?