What do females do on online dating sites?

[Johnny1975]

It's a complete mystery to me. None of it adds up. What do they do all day?

I have 3 accounts on OKCupid, and 1 on Oasis.

The 3 on OKC are my normal profile of me, a fake one with a model looking guy (just 1 picture), and a thug type with tattoos (about 6 pictures).

The one on Oasis is just me.



With my normal OKC account, UK women never, almost never visit my profile. It makes no difference whether I visit theirs or not, whether I send a message or not, or the nature of my message if I send one. And out of the extreme few who do visit my profile, very, very few ever reply to my messages, and I don't quite remember if anyone has ever sent me an unsolicited message. But I have noticed that when I send a message that is a bit insulting or sarcastic, I sometimes get a reply. The very few times that I've had a positive conversation, it has always faded away after a few messages.

Needless to say, with filipinas, it's a totally different story. Everything I just described is the opposite of what happens with filipinas, at least for the most part.

With my model guy profile, and with the thug tattoo guy, I've had a bit of activity, but very, very little, and most of it had to be initiated by me.



On Oasis, it's the same as OKC. i.e. my real profile gets almost nothing, except for filipinas, and funnily enough I've had chats with colombian girls also, but maybe that's because I'm spanish and I chat to them in spanish.



On OKCupid, when someone visits your profile, you get a brief popup alert, with a thumbnail of the person, and it's silent, but at the top there's a counter of how many visitors you've had and the number goes up by 1. So maybe they notice, maybe they don't.

On Oasis, you get a ping sound, and an alert but no thumbnail (or maybe you do get a very very tiny one, it's been so long since I had a visitor that I can't remember). But if you don't hear the sound or see the alert, you won't know that you had a visitor unless you go and check.

So, maybe they notice my visits and messages, maybe not. But I'm pretty sure they'd check sooner or later.

I always assume that females go on dating sites mainly for the attention. My theory is that they log on, they see that they've had some visitors and messages, they read the messages and look at the thumbnail, and they only visit the profile if the thumbnail fulfills some fantasy of Mr Right for them, otherwise forget it. But surely they would want to visit a few profiles even if they don't like the look of the person in their initial picture, just to see if maybe there are better pictures that show them in a better light. But no, it doesn't seem to be that way. There doesn't seem to be any curiosity at all.

My other theory, as of yesterday, is that they consider their visiting a profile as an invitation to the other person to send them a message. Maybe they are very careful not to visit a profile unless the initial thumbnail picture is super duper. But again, surely, even if they don't take the thing seriously, surely they would have some curiosity about reading profiles. Surely they are curious about the types of guys that visit theirs and send them messages. It just doesn't make sense.

So I wonder what they do all day. Apart from reading messages and looking at thumbnails, what the fu ck? Maybe they do a search of the username of the person that visited them / sent a message and then they read the first bit of the profile that appears. But again, I can't imagine what they get out of just that. Another theory that has just occurred to me is that maybe they set their profile so that you can visit people without them knowing. So maybe my guys are getting visits but I just don't know. But if that's the case, it's very childish. It's like they're scared.

Like I say I have 2 fake OKC profiles, both of guys who I'm sure a lot of women would be interested in. So why aren't they getting any action?

If these women are serious about dating, surely they would get more involved, look at profiles, and occasionally reply to a message, even if it's a polite "no" or even just to engage in idle chit chat for a while. And if they're not serious, and they just want validation, that's understandable (albeit stupid) but surely they can't be that busy reading messages to do anything else. I really can't imagine that so many women are that busy engaging in chats with guys.

I have no idea what these females do all day. None of it makes sense and none of it adds up. And if the problem is that they're scared of rejection, that doesn't make sense either, because if they're getting plenty of messages (as I'm sure they are) that should be evidence enough that their messages would probably be well received. It is us men who have every reason to feel like it's pointless, yet we carry on sending messages. Women have no need to worry about that so I don't see why they would, if that is what the issue is.

[momopi]

Girls on dating sites receive 50-100+ responses per day. It's not realistic to expect someone to reply each message if they log on after few days and find 300 messages in the in-box.


Years ago, I worked as a sys admin for a company that had over 12,000 employees world-wide. Previously the company used mainframe system for e-mail and calendar (PROFS/IBM OfficeVision). It looked something like this:



Back then (1990s) people didn't send as many e-mails, but by 2000's after we switched to Lotus Notes, suddenly everyone started spamming the CC and BCC list. As the Sys Admin I received 80-100+ e-mail's daily, and my managers received 200-300 per day. We actually had classes where the instructors taught us that there was no such thing as "just a minuet" or "only a second", because if you spend a minuet per e-mail, you'd end up spending half your work day just reading them. People who use such words do not really value your time, if they did then they would explain why they need your time for something that is important to you and not other people. If you can somehow translate that into messages that you send to girls on dating sites, where the message can be conveyed and understood within the first few seconds, then you might improve your chances of getting a response.

Dating websites work for some people, but I dislike them because the competition factor is much worse than RL (real life). If you go to a speed dating event you might compete against 20-60 other guys. On dating sites you're competing against tens of thousands of other men. It's far better to join social events and special interest groups with fewer people. If online dating is not working out for you, the best thing to do is to delete your account and stop wasting your time on it or complaining about it. Some guys think foreign online match making sites are better because they're getting responses from the ladies, this is partly due to less competition (fewer men on those sites). However, should those sites become much more popular, then you'd face the same issues with competition from others.

[Johnny1975]

I have a fake female profile on OKC. I hardly ever log in, but when I do, usually I have no messages. People have done experiments where they log in and see tons of messages. I'm not getting that, and my girl is very attractive and her profile is very good.

So I'm not sure if the idea of most women getting tons of messages really applies as much as one would assume. And even if they get a lot of messages, I hardly think it would totally take up all their time.

And besides, even if some women get a ton of messages, I'm sure they'd want to take a break now and then from reading message after message in order to visit a few profiles.

[kai1275]

Cupid sucks.

Nuff said.

Hey momo, you work with email systems? I'm a Messaging Systems Architect/Engineer myself.

[momopi]

Hey momo, you work with email systems? I'm a Messaging Systems Architect/Engineer myself.

Nope... back then the company e-mail (PROFS) was maintained by IBM off-site. I was the Netview DM (NVDM) admin doing software change management work. The system ran on RS/6000 box, AIX 3.2, and updates arrived on tapes. >_> I spent many evenings watching the dots crawl across the screen as updates are being installed from the tape drive, only to see it crash at 98% completion.

[kai1275]

Hey momo, you work with email systems? I'm a Messaging Systems Architect/Engineer myself.

Nope... back then the company e-mail (PROFS) was maintained by IBM off-site. I was the Netview DM (NVDM) admin doing software change management work. The system ran on RS/6000 box, AIX 3.2, and updates arrived on tapes. >_> I spent many evenings watching the dots crawl across the screen as updates are being installed from the tape drive, only to see it crash at 98% completion.

Whoa! You are old school! No offense.

[targetguy]

Sad subject but considering conditions in the third world especially Philippines, Many on the internet are looking for a business opportunity at scamming foreigners. After two of these pen pal scammers that I went to the pi to meet and only to be disolutioned with later. Most of the conversations will be about money and the endless disgust of health and other problems there send money. And always at the end the I love you line,
which is overly worn out. They seem to go after retired or older males. Even after meeting these gals in person they put on a show to appear interested but watch the credit card numbers because if they get ahold of them charges will come from everywhere. Many of the gals over there have several illegitimate kids and this is a way of life over there and will do anything to support them, unlike the usa where deadbeat dads are forced to pay. Lying seems to be accepted in the culture in the pi and the I am going to the embassy means send more money me and the new boyfriend need it. Unless retireing in pi permanent I would advise against trusting people there as lying is the accepted part of the culture unlike the usa.

[xiongmao]

It's been my experience of Asian dating that dating sites ruin females.

Seriously, you should find a lady who ISN'T ON THE INTERNET.

Dating sites ruin ladies because they sit and wait for Mr Perfect. And even when a man actually visits them, they think they can find a better man.

And would you marry a woman who spends all day chatting to other men? Yeah right.

Many Chinese Love Links ladies have been on there for all the time I've been using the site. They'll probably still be there when they're pensioners.

[Johnny1975]

Momopi, I'm not talking about replying to messages necessarily. I'm talking about visiting the profiles of people who sent them messages. Or just visiting profiles at all.

I'm sorry but I don't believe that women are so swamped with messages that they have no time ever to do anything but go through them.

Secondly, even if they are swamped, any normal person would take a break from going through them, and just spend some time looking at profiles. Imagine if you logged in and had 100 messages, every time. Would you really spend the whole of your time logged in going through them? I mean, wouldn't you want to go look at some profiles too? Just because you have a ton of messages doesn't mean you're going to spend all day going through them. Then again I'm describing normal behaviour.

I have a new theory. I think that the vast majority of western females on dating sites not only want validation, but they want that validation to be completely unsolicited. On the one hand, visiting a guy's profile will increase the chances of him visiting her, and sending a message, which is what she wants. But on the other hand, that's too easy. What they want is to be able to say to themselves "Look, I'm so wonderful, that even with no effort, without having to do anything at all, I still get loads of visits and messages". That's what I think it is. That's how narcissistic they are. It's the only explanation.

I also think that they spend a lot of time reading their own profiles again and again, editing it, and maybe even visiting other women's profiles to see what the competition is doing with their profiles, and then making tweaks here and there.

It's just unbelieveably weird how even my fake top alpha guys hardly get visits. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of these females log in and then do absolutely nothing at all. Waiting and waiting for Mr Perfect.

[Johnny1975]

By the way last night I created another fake profile, in which I ask women what they do on online dating sites.

Today I got a response. I went to look at their profile but it has been removed. I'm guessing that she created the profile just to address what I said, and then removed it. Strange. Here's her reply :



"To answer your question, some of us spend the time on these sites going through endless photos (not profiles), thinking how bad things are that its so hard to meet people in real life and that we are sitting here alone going through photos of men that don't seem attractive or interesting to us. Wishing that it was easier for single women to go out on their own to meet people without sticking out like a sore thumb. Also thinking that we have had it with anything to do with looking for a men on the internet and giving it up entirely. Hopefully this helps you a little in quest for finding out about the mysteries of online dating for women."

[clowny]

[Johnny1975]

I do think there are genuine filipinas on dating sites. I don't think I've evr had a scammer try it with me. They don't talk about money, how poor they are, family members who need help, none of that. they don't ever make any hints. In fact they are very shy so they don't say much at all unless pushed to talk.

Having said that, I wouldn't mind doing a bit of scamming myself. If it's that easy, why not. If anyone here has been scammed, or someone tried to scam you, why not post some of their messages to you so I can use them.

[kai1275]

Momopi, I'm not talking about replying to messages necessarily. I'm talking about visiting the profiles of people who sent them messages. Or just visiting profiles at all.

I'm sorry but I don't believe that women are so swamped with messages that they have no time ever to do anything but go through them.

Secondly, even if they are swamped, any normal person would take a break from going through them, and just spend some time looking at profiles. Imagine if you logged in and had 100 messages, every time. Would you really spend the whole of your time logged in going through them? I mean, wouldn't you want to go look at some profiles too? Just because you have a ton of messages doesn't mean you're going to spend all day going through them. Then again I'm describing normal behaviour.

I have a new theory. I think that the vast majority of western females on dating sites not only want validation, but they want that validation to be completely unsolicited. On the one hand, visiting a guy's profile will increase the chances of him visiting her, and sending a message, which is what she wants. But on the other hand, that's too easy. What they want is to be able to say to themselves "Look, I'm so wonderful, that even with no effort, without having to do anything at all, I still get loads of visits and messages". That's what I think it is. That's how narcissistic they are. It's the only explanation.

I also think that they spend a lot of time reading their own profiles again and again, editing it, and maybe even visiting other women's profiles to see what the competition is doing with their profiles, and then making tweaks here and there.

It's just unbelieveably weird how even my fake top alpha guys hardly get visits. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of these females log in and then do absolutely nothing at all. Waiting and waiting for Mr Perfect.

Dude you have some tricks to learn....

Women get MANY emails on those sites! Especially any legit high 8's-10 scale ones, on a mainstream scale (long blone hair, white legs, perfect teeth, etc)..... Many times if you are not one of the first 20 to send an email, they may have 2-5 months worth of dates to work with! They never followup on any extra ones that come through either. Dating sites are a big game. You have to know how they work. It's mostly about timing.

Most women that browse men's profiles are older leftovers, ugly, desperate, freaks, crazy, or all of the above. Women that are legitimate buyers WAIT! All age groups too. They are not going to go through the hell of a k1/k2, introduce to parents, serious dating, if the guy is so-so or just not what they want. Like the few guys and Winston said in the PUA threads, women decided on you the the second they see you. Not hours later.... Remember they dont have a dick, their brains are not making them think about f***ing every 5 mins like us. They are wired totally differently.

Also often times there are too many dudes on these sites. Also too many guys that look like you too! One huge trick, a few players that get laid alot off the AW sites unanimously told me was in your photos you post. When I followed their advice I hit jackpot everywhere (AW sites and foreign)!. That is a deeper subject for another thread, but I bet money your fake men profiles suck ass or look fake. Most of those women aren't stupid. How you gonna trick them when they are better at tricking dudes all day long?

[Andrewww]

You guys should seriously quit online dating...forever. A healthy, attractive, normal woman does not have a use for such websites. They can find a man without difficulty unless they are extremely picky, sluts or f***ed up. You don't wanna date women like that right ? It doesn't matter if it's foreign or domestic.

[kai1275]

You guys should seriously quit online dating...forever. A healthy, attractive, normal woman does not have a use for such websites. They can find a man without difficulty unless they are extremely picky, sluts or f***ed up. You don't wanna date women like that right ? It doesn't matter if it's foreign or domestic.

Pffft. I found my babe online. Best decision EVER! Only old people think they can get away with only picking up women outside. That shit only works in certain countries and in certain settings. The world is too violent and crazy and everyone has their guard up.

Also unless you look like that Thor actor, approaching women is too tough these days!