Why is it so hard to make friends in America?

[Arabian_prince]

Most people, including myself, have acquaintances, not friends.

I cant put my finger on it. Is it that everyone is just busy ? Is it people dont like socializing ? Is it that they dont want friends ? is it that good friendship doesnt really exist.

[Tsar]

I don't have any friends. I never did. It's because America is dominated by clicks, isn't sincerely interested in knowing a person, and most people aren't genuine. You have to make your friends by conforming to the corrupt party culture, the decadence, or to take about something that the lowest common denominators find to be the best things to discuss. Most of the culturally refined topics or the topics that better people talk about aren't usually discussed, especially among the younger generators. In many other countries people are more refined and are probably genuine and more interested in having a good conversation. In America people aren't open to meeting new people if they already have friends. I've always been on the outside and a loner, and that is partly why I will never conform to society and I will never feel part of this society.

[Guyver]

These are all good questions, and I am much the same as you in this department. I don't think it's hard to make friends because people don't like to socialize. More of it is due to lack of time. I personally work 6 days a week, so I have no time for socializing. There are also trust issues too because of too much backstabbing from those that you thought you could call a friend. It has happened to me far too many times in the past, so I won't just go playing that game again.

A friend to me is someone who you can extend enough trust to share personal information and stories without being judged or condemned in their eyes based off their own ignorance. Sadly, there just aren't enough people around that are worthy of this level of trust anymore, so I think acquaintances will have to do for now.

[Taco]

Part of it has to do with US dollar devaluation. People have to work longer hours now than they did back in 1950's just to maintain the same standard of living so their always stressed out and not interested in socializing. Another problem is destruction of the family unit. As families become fragmented people become more anti-social. People in America are also generally arrogant and impatient which is not conducive to optimal social relations.

[tre]

These are all good questions, and I am much the same as you in this department. I don't think it's hard to make friends because people don't like to socialize. More of it is due to lack of time. I personally work 6 days a week, so I have no time for socializing. There are also trust issues too because of too much backstabbing from those that you thought you could call a friend. It has happened to me far too many times in the past, so I won't just go playing that game again.

A friend to me is someone who you can extend enough trust to share personal information and stories without being judged or condemned in their eyes based off their own ignorance. Sadly, there just aren't enough people around that are worthy of this level of trust anymore, so I think acquaintances will have to do for now.

^^^This. America is a work culture and will only become MORE so in the future. People are so stressed out all the time that they just don't want to be bothered. People are so untrustworthy that it's just not wise to put your neck out there due to the risk of getting it chopped off. A guy that approaches ANYONE in the USA will definitely be looked at as strange and maybe dangerous.

[mattyman]

Why not submit threads like this on topics like this to people doing research into reasons why rates of depression are going up? I know that the situations described here are far from uncommon. It depends what sort of community you're in I suppose.

I agree that modern society is 'fast' in the sense that people don't get the opportunity to develop the ability to be good friends, to be trustworthy, to develop their ability to empathise with others feelings. Even so, you can't change society, you can only pursue avenues that will maximise your chances of finding what you want, despite all the evil.

[polya]

Americans only care about facebook friends

[Robert77]

1. while in other countries "inner cities" are places of social interaction, of trade, of excitement, of culture and diversity.... in america inner cities are horrible crime ridden places where no one wants to live, because only crack heads and poor minorities live there..... everyone wants to live in cul de sac, cookie cutter mc mansions in the middle of nowhere suburbia surrounded by lilly white neighbors you never get to see because no one goes out much, everyone is always working.

2. being a suburban society means you need a car to go anywhere, so everytime you go out, you're not in a bus, tram, metro interacting with other members of your community, you're inside a car, that alone reduces your interaction with other humans by 95%

3. americans are fear mongers, theyre scared of their neighbors, they're scared of strangers, of foreign looking people, of imaginary terrorists that hate america's imaginary freedom, they're scared of everything because that is what keeps the masses in check, FEAR... that alone makes the average person avoid any one who looks different from them

4. american culture is very clique.... you hang out with people ur own race, ur own income, who lives in the same part of town as u, who goes to the same school as u and so on.....

america is not a place to make friends, is not a society to live life, go on picnics, meet all kinds of people and socialize...

that only happens in movies.... america is a society for workaholics and social climbers who want to have tons of money and are ready to sell their lives in the process (that is why so many social climbing asians and indians succeed and love it in america, because in america is the kind of place where if you get a college diploma and you're willing to work 70 hours a week, you can have a big house, a big car, a nice yard "which u wont enjoy much because you're working all the time")
and I point out asians and indians because those are notorious status mongering cultures.

if you dont care about status and money and you want to live a deeper life, enjoying every moment in the company of friends, loved ones... going on summer holidays to some country side home with your buddies and so on, then you're gonna hate it in america, you'll need to move to south america or europe.

[jamesbond]

Being a suburban society means you need a car to go anywhere, so everytime you go out, you're not in a bus, tram, metro interacting with other members of your community, you're inside a car, that alone reduces your interaction with other humans by 95%

Americans are fear mongers, theyre scared of their neighbors, they're scared of strangers, of foreign looking people, of imaginary terrorists that hate America's imaginary freedom, they're scared of everything because that is what keeps the masses in check, FEAR... that alone makes the average person avoid any one who looks different from them

American culture is very clique.... you hang out with people ur own race, ur own income, who lives in the same part of town as u, who goes to the same school as u and so on.....

America is not a place to make friends, is not a society to live life, go on picnics, meet all kinds of people and socialize...

that only happens in movies.... America is a society for workaholics and social climbers who want to have tons of money and are ready to sell their lives in the process.

Wow, that was well said and it was all very true. Americans are very cliquish and do not like meeting new people. They are also paranoid of strangers and don't talk to their neighbors. A great deal of people in the US don't even know who their next door neighbors are!

America is a great place to live if you are a workaholic and don't want to have a social life. The United States is a really great place to live if you are a man and don't want to meet any women, get laid or make any friends! In other words, if you want to be a hermit and have no life, then America is a great country for you to live in.

[Banano]

I think its women who are controlling all this, guys wouldn't mind socializing, who in the right mind wouldn't wanna talk to you female neighbor, invite her over for a coffee or movie but they seem to happy slaving away for greedy corporation and living in isolation with their cats.

The worst part is when you try to be friendly with them they think something is wrong with you, like you are supposed to be content with being lonely and not talk to your neighbors.

If this is what real human nature is all about then I don't have desire to procreate and bring someone into this f***ed up world. It is safe to conclude that human race has some major flows, its either that we didn't evolve enough, still work in progress or 'almighty designer' fuckd up big time

[Winston]

Being busy is just an excuse. You can make time if you want to for a friens. One major reason is that Americans fundamentally don't like other people. You can feel it in their vibe and body language. They tolerate others for a while but deep down they dislike others. I don't know why. The SF Bay Area is the worst in this regard. People are misanthropes at heart.

What's odd is that Americans think that this is the way of the world and that everywhere else is the same. There is no logical basis for that but that's the assumption, that America is "The World". Even the freethinking conspiracy movement and their leaders assume this, which is odd for a freethinker who claims to be against authority and the powers that be.

[fschmidt]

Because most Americans are shallow dishonest jerks. Why would you want such people as friends? If you want friends, either leave America or join a good religion.

[traveller]

Part of it has to do with US dollar devaluation. People have to work longer hours now than they did back in 1950's just to maintain the same standard of living so their always stressed out and not interested in socializing. Another problem is destruction of the family unit. As families become fragmented people become more anti-social. People in America are also generally arrogant and impatient which is not conducive to optimal social relations.

The pace of life in Chicagoland indeed appears to be really accelerating out of control, literally like a loaded freight train without brakes in the El Cajon Pass. And speaking of trains, it seems that, despite railroad safety information, the fast accelerating pace of life in Chicagoland is even causing more and more people to risk their lives at railroad crossings by trying to beat oncoming trains even when the gates are lowered. Metra (short for Metro Rail) is a passenger train system that serves Chicagoland and most of northeast Illinois. It takes only about 15 seconds or so for a Metra train to pass by, but it appears more and more Chicagolanders don't even have the patience to wait that long and they try to beat the Metras as well as the freights even when the gates are down. And travelling at as fast as 50 to 60 miles per hour, it can take a Metra up to the length of 10 football fields to come to a complete stop after hitting the brakes!

I also seem to notice quite a bit of fragmentation in my own family, too. One of my cousins divorced her husband, and last Christmas she had a highly obnoxious guy with her. When my mom complained about him, it caused a major cascade of bitter backlash from her plus my aunt. A couple of my second/third cousins even live in the ghetto (having moved there from the quiet suburbs), married most likely to hardened gangsters.

[Winston]

[hammanta]

I actually feel the complete opposite. Americans like to talk more than any people I've ever met. I think the trouble with a lot of individuals is that they simply don't know what to say or know how to have a legitimate conversation. They come off socially awkward or too forward in their beliefs and opinions. I meet people on planes, trains, buses, bars, stores etc. that just randomly strike up conversations with. Some have become good friends. But I do have the occasional "crazy guy" or depressed person whom thinks they can meet people by sharing their conspiracy theories or like to share how bad their past ten relationships have been. I could give two shits about your 5 cats or that you seem to beable to one up me in everything!!! It's about finding people who are interested in the same stuff you are. It's like that anywhere in the world.

If you are having a hard time finding friends try joining fraternal clubs like The Moose, American Legion, Lions Clubs, Ruritan groups. Or go online. You can meet friends in this forum. Or find people on Facebook whom you went to college or highschool with. Just attempt and attempt.

I know a guy that gets on facebook everyday and bitches about never having anyone to hang out with or being bored. Then he gets invited to a social event and is socially awkward and an ass to everyone their. Instead of looking at himself he blames everyone else for never wanting to hangout with him. Maybe if you are having a hard time meeting friends and even women, look at yourself before trying to blame the world.