Dating Middle Class Filipinas?

[davewe]

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I can also understand now, the topic starter, starting this topic for middle-class filipinas.
A middle class filipina, will come from a middle class family.
So, the chances are that you do not have to send them money.

Not quite
So, now we have come full circle. I always hear this "find a middle class Filipina" argument and crack up. Let me hit a few points:

1. Depending on how you define it, the middle class is small in the Philippines and the chance that your 20-something girl is middle class is small.
2. More importantly is how we define middle class. It is not like in the West. If a guy with a family in the Philippines makes the equivalent of $1000/month - he's middle class. He can afford a modest home, owns a motorbike or used car, and if he saves can send his kids to a cheap college. That's middle class in the Philippines; it's not exactly my middle class life.
3. Even more importantly is what Pete was explaining about the cultural requirement to help the family. This "requirement" isn't just based on poverty. It's hardwired into their culture. My friend's wife does not come from a poor family. On the contrary - dad is stinking rich. While she doesn't send money home to her parents, she does help nieces and nephews and cousins. And she lays expensive gifts on many family members. Despite her father's wealth she has the same feelings as a poor Pinay about being a new American and "helping." BTW, if you ask her she will tell you her father is merely a simple businessman

So, do not think if you end up with a "middle class" Filipina it will mean she doesn't want to help her family.

[pete98146]

^^^ Great post Dave! Mentor, "kano" is the term that Filipinos call us. Means Americano shorted to "kano."

[OutWest]

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I can also understand now, the topic starter, starting this topic for middle-class filipinas.
A middle class filipina, will come from a middle class family.
So, the chances are that you do not have to send them money.

Not quite
So, now we have come full circle. I always hear this "find a middle class Filipina" argument and crack up. Let me hit a few points:

1. Depending on how you define it, the middle class is small in the Philippines and the chance that your 20-something girl is middle class is small.
2. More importantly is how we define middle class. It is not like in the West. If a guy with a family in the Philippines makes the equivalent of $1000/month - he's middle class. He can afford a modest home, owns a motorbike or used car, and if he saves can send his kids to a cheap college. That's middle class in the Philippines; it's not exactly my middle class life.
3. Even more importantly is what Pete was explaining about the cultural requirement to help the family. This "requirement" isn't just based on poverty. It's hardwired into their culture. My friend's wife does not come from a poor family. On the contrary - dad is stinking rich. While she doesn't send money home to her parents, she does help nieces and nephews and cousins. And she lays expensive gifts on many family members. Despite her father's wealth she has the same feelings as a poor Pinay about being a new American and "helping." BTW, if you ask her she will tell you her father is merely a simple businessman

So, do not think if you end up with a "middle class" Filipina it will mean she doesn't want to help her family.

With a middle class girl, if you can find one, it may simply be a matter of scale. "A little short" may mean $200 to a poor family, but $1000 to a better off family.
My wife's family would be considered frugal middle class, until recently, as with a death in the family, my father in law and his brother inherited substantial land and houses, so they are not going to hit me up for a while...lol

The quality of the person has to shine through, no matter their circumstances. I know girls from poor families that few men on this board would be worthy of.

[mentor]

I 'll agree with davewe, 'we have come full circle'!

I am working on this topic in my mind.
Let me reverse the question, I am curious about your answers!

How do you know that a girl really loves you, if helping family is indispensable?

I mean, ok, I can understand your thought, 'they worth it', 'their culture', even an utilitarian opinion like 'it is the best you can spend your money'.

I wonder, if I offer 'no money' in a filipina dating, then I am going straight to failure?
Give money=I love her, no money=I am not worth her?
In the end, 'no money, no honey', even with the filipinas?

Money makes the difference?

I want to explore all aspects of this topic, I admin I a have hard time with it! Your opinions lightens the scene for me.

[mentor]

So, I need your suggestions, to be real as I want, and set a realistic ground about this topic with my mate.

"I could help depending on my current financial situation, on occasional basis, and after reasoning and thinking about a difficult situation back in Philippines."

Depending on my mood and my style, as I described it above, and a more realistic approach on what we discuss, do you find it as a good declaration?
I think it is logical, but lets see your comments.

Some opinions on this thought of mine please.

[OutWest]

I 'll agree with davewe, 'we have come full circle'!

I am working on this topic in my mind.
Let me reverse the question, I am curious about your answers!

How do you know that a girl really loves you, if helping family is indispensable?

I mean, ok, I can understand your thought, 'they worth it', 'their culture', even an utilitarian opinion like 'it is the best you can spend your money'.

I wonder, if I offer 'no money' in a filipina dating, then I am going straight to failure?
Give money=I love her, no money=I am not worth her?
In the end, 'no money, no honey', even with the filipinas?

Money makes the difference?

I want to explore all aspects of this topic, I admin I a have hard time with it! Your opinions lightens the scene for me.

If you do not have the finances to support a modest life with a filipina, why lead them on? Most filipinas want family...children...the fact that they want a man who can provide for a family is not a character flaw. You don't have to be rich, but meeting and marrying a filipina, or anyone, is not a zero budget proposal. Fix your finances first if needed.

[mentor]

Outwest, as I said, I am a middle class European.
You misunderstood me.
I just examine for each action I take, the feasibility.

I would like to have answers to the questions I posted.

[OutWest]

Outwest, as I said, I am a middle class European.
You misunderstood me.
I just examine for each action I take, the feasibility.

I would like to have answers to the questions I posted.

..

How old are you? In reasonable shape? If those are good, and you are European middle class, you have what you need. It's completely feasible. For most, its the courage to act.

[mentor]

Helping occasionally depending on the situations(ours, theirs), is not enough ??????

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So, everybody seems compromised with this reality.
But I would like to have some answers to my questions.
Let me repeat them here:

- How do you know that a girl really loves you, if helping family is indispensable?

- If I offer 'no money' in a filipina dating, then I am going straight to failure?

- Give money=I love her, no money=I am not worth her?

- 'No money, no honey', even with the filipinas? Money makes the difference?

[OutWest]

Helping occasionally depending on the situations(ours, theirs), is not enough ??????

-------------------------

So, everybody seems compromised with this reality.
But I would like to have some answers to my questions.
Let me repeat them here:

- How do you know that a girl really loves you, if helping family is indispensable?

- If I offer 'no money' in a filipina dating, then I am going straight to failure?

- Give money=I love her, no money=I am not worth her?

- 'No money, no honey', even with the filipinas? Money makes the difference?

There are 100million people in the Philippines...millions of girls. There are no rules, just tendencies and guidelines. You can surley find one that suites you, but you actually have to go there....spend the time. The very least you should get is an interesting vacation.

Your questions are hard to answer because they are simplistic. Most girl from good families are reluctant or even offended if you assume they just want money.
They would be reassured if it seems obvious that you have enough money to support a family you might form.
You really think you would get to know them and offer money as part of the courtship? Their family may never need any help, or they may obviously need some help and be too proud to ask. Your conscience and sense of decency is to be your guide. Do you have the wisdom to evaluate individual circumstances? People cannot be reduced to rules or formulas.

A good girl will likely not bring it up, but think about this: assume you meet and Mary a wonderful girl who comes from a poor family. She moves back to Europe with you and is living a comfortable life. What kind of heartless bitchh would she be, if she never so much as gave a thought to somehow helping her family. Do you really want to find a girl with a heart of ice?

[mentor]

A girl asked me in DateinAsia:
'So, why Asia?'

I did not respond as I do not know what is the best answer!
What should I tell to asians that ask such question?
Why a foreigner search for a girl in Asia?
There should be a good answer.

[Balmung]

A girl asked me in DateinAsia:
'So, why Asia?'

I did not respond as I do not know what is the best answer!
What should I tell to asians that ask such question?
Why a foreigner search for a girl in Asia?
There should be a good answer.

[MrMan]

A girl asked me in DateinAsia:
'So, why Asia?'

I did not respond as I do not know what is the best answer!
What should I tell to asians that ask such question?
Why a foreigner search for a girl in Asia?
There should be a good answer.

You could tell her a lot of women in the west focus on their careers and don't get really serious about marriage until they are nearly 30. You could say Filippinas tend to be very family-oriented. If you are a marriage oriented guy, that's a fair response. If not, then that's being a con man, I suppose. If you are looking for a wife, an answer like that might increase a family-oriented girl's interest in you.

You could also tell her you are attracted to Asian women and like Filippina (etc.) culture so much. Just think of the reasons for you, and explain them in a positive light.

You could even say, "White women over here don't find me attractive, but Filippinas seem to like me." Why not? If you say it in a joking way, it may work and may not sound pathetic.

I struggled to find answers to 'why aren't you married.' I thought it was kind of a rude question if it wasn't from a woman interested in me. I would say I haven't found the right person yet. But I was thinking of saying, "I'm too ugly. No one will have me." If you say that to a girl who finds you attractive, you might get some complements. And if you say it as a joke, it can work.

[mentor]

Thanks for the responses MrMan and Balmung.

[mentor]

My mind goes around the whole 'money' concept, the 'help to her family'.
Many thoughts arise from it.

For example: is it almost binding, the family opinion? Can a girl decide differently?
If the family is not satisfied with 'money matters', will they block the girl from a progress in our relationship?
Or there are filipinas that will go on with their own heart?
I know that the good relation with her family is the ideal thing.
But, I want some assumptions about a negative family attitude due to 'money' topic.