Would having Asperger Syndrome affect my chances in dating abroad?

[Asp]

I have Asperger's and along with my love-shyness, this has influenced the fact I have never been in a committed long-term relationship. Winston and others have had successes in relationships abroad. Would it make a difference if a person was in that environment and had Asperger's, affecting their communication and interaction skills?

[Winston]

It depends. How bad are the symptoms? Can you describe them?

It also depends on your looks, personality, the tolerance of the women, etc. But yeah, there is someone for everyone I think.

[dano]

I have Asperger's and along with my love-shyness, this has influenced the fact I have never been in a committed long-term relationship. Winston and others have had successes in relationships abroad. Would it make a difference if a person was in that environment and had Asperger's, affecting their communication and interaction skills?

My best friend has Tourette's Syndrome which is probably just as serious as Asperger's. Fortunately for him he married a filipina, they have been married now for 25 yrs. now and have 3 kids. It hasn't been easy for them to keep there marriage together but they managed to pull it off. Don't let your medical problems hold you back. As long as you date filipinas you have an excellent chance of having a successful relationship.

Incidently, my best friends brother would probably be voted in high school as the person most likely to succeed. He's tall, handsome, athletic, nice personality, excellent student and healthy. However, he married a white woman and ended up getting divorced, go figure!

[Asp]

Well, my symptoms are strong enough that when seeking a diagnosis for the condition, doctors had absolutely no doubt I had Asperger's and it was easy for me to get a diagnosis quickly. Sometimes other people struggled to get a diagnosis.

My social interaction is good compared to others with the condition, as I have few problems interacting with others with the condition. On the other hand, my social interaction is almost all limited to other people with Asperger's, there being an Asperger society and an autism centre here where I've successfully been able to make circles of friends. And compared to the average NT (non Asperger's/autistic) my social skills tend to not be up to their level. I find it too easy to get pushed into the background in a group of NT's, especially because I struggle with people's sense of humour which is pretty much a prerequisite in social groups it seems, and I'm sure also in most relationships as women value a good sense of humour. I have severe problems with non-literal communication, as I communicate and understand things extremely literally, and this includes jokes and banter which oil the wheels of social communication so much.

Other things where I am limited, and risk marginalising me from groups, include extremely narrow, limited interests, which tend to be in the domain of geography and demographics. (It's because of this interest that I've come to an understanding of what it is that makes places, notably non-coastal US, more favourable places to find relationships, at least online.) Therefore, more chance of having less in common with people. And the fact I probably don't come across as very expressive, as I've been told my use of facial and hand gestures is somewhat reduced. Apparently I have constant, but not intense, eye contact. And there's the difficulty I've had forming intimate relationships - face to face, offline - which as I've said elsewhere I don't blame on my culture.

My symptoms are serious enough that I also find myself experiencing interpersonal discrimination at work (other than being lucky enough to have supportive managers), and more than a few difficulties with neighbours and living in neighbourhoods, since something must be making me come across as different. I have had jobs terminated in the past because of my communication difficulties. Employment is a problem for me, as once I've had a job terminated, it's very difficult for me to get another one, because of communication problems. Suffice to say I required 26 interviews before getting the job I'm currently in.

However, I have a verbal, lexical and numerical ability that's far in excess of my social skills, and indeed far in excess of most people's.

[BellaRuth]

Asp, there is another poster here with Asperger's, I hope he will see this thread and reply to you, he is Adam917.

Thanks for describing what it's like to have this condition, it's interesting for me to read it from your viewpoint.

Filipinas are lovely as partners. I know one who came here to marry a British guy. They are also extremely beautiful.

Good luck finding your girl.

[fschmidt]

Asp, quite honestly, it sounds like there is nothing wrong with you. Asperger's only became a widely recognized disease after feminism spread and social skills became all-important. Why is it that weak social skills is considered a disease while weak analytical skills is not? Feminism, that's why. I guarantee you that you will find happiness abroad.

[Adama]

Why do you want to socialize with people? As I have gotten to know more and more what people are all about, I have actually gone out of my way to avoid interacting with people. They rarely become your true friends, and if they ever figure you have a leg up on them, they will work in the background to bring you down. Sad portrait of reality, but thats how I see it in North America.

[Enishi]

I have aspergers to an extent. Struggling to get out of my shell and interact with people at goth clubs did help, as did meditating.

During my russian trip I noticed that my asperger symptoms seemed to have lessened somewhat. I still had to be careful to read body language and not let my mind wander, but I felt more 'present' then I do now that I'm back in america.

[dano]

Why do you want to socialize with people? As I have gotten to know more and more what people are all about, I have actually gone out of my way to avoid interacting with people. They rarely become your true friends, and if they ever figure you have a leg up on them, they will work in the background to bring you down. Sad portrait of reality, but thats how I see it in North America.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I've become quite paranoid myself. I don't even like being around my own family. We stopped having family reunions because no likes each other.

[Winston]

What is Asperger's? What are the primary symptoms of it? How does it incapacitate you exactly?

[Jackal]

My opinion is that social skills are helpful anywhere, but it should be remembered that not all women have great social skills.

Asp, I think if you hung out around a foreign university or took a few classes there that you could meet decent-looking but intellectual women with bad social skills who might be a good match for you. Another option would be to hang out with the foreign grad students at a US university. Often most of the grad students in the science and engineering departments at American universities are Indian, Chinese, or Russian. Some of them will be married, but some will not. Often foreign students live very isolated lives in the US.

Or try going to geography or sociology conference abroad or in the US to meet like-minded people, since that's your passion.

These are just my ideas, but I don't know you, so it's possible that none of these ideas may appeal to you.

[Adama]

My opinion is that social skills are helpful anywhere, but it should be remembered that not all women have great social skills.

Asp, I think if you hung out around a foreign university or took a few classes there that you could meet decent-looking but intellectual women with bad social skills who might be a good match for you. Another option would be to hang out with the foreign grad students at a US university. Often most of the grad students in the science and engineering departments at American universities are Indian, Chinese, or Russian. Some of them will be married, but some will not. Often foreign students live very isolated lives in the US.

Or try going to geography or sociology conference abroad or in the US to meet like-minded people, since that's your passion.

These are just my ideas, but I don't know you, so it's possible that none of these ideas may appeal to you.

Women dont have good social skills at all. It just seems that way cause we arent allowed to judge women. Women are absolutely socially inept.

The reasons why women dont have social problems like men is because they need each other. They need to have a gaggle of friends around them. If not, they feel like a "loser." The other women may not like them, but they put up with them, because they know the fury each individual woman will unleash on the others if they attempt to exclude her. It is friendship by fear and intimidation.

Get them alone and you just may see (if they trust you enough) that they secretly hate their friends.

With regards to men, women are so weak that if men didnt do ALL of the work, nothing would ever happen. Women's signals for men that they are interested are intentionally nebulous cause they need to be able to deny it if they change their minds and they consider when men refuse to approach a hard rejection. Socially inept and weak.

Women just get to sit in the judge's seat. It doesnt mean they have high social IQs at all. It just means women have the power if you want sex.

[Winston]

SO TRUE J.Adama!

Most women in America have no social skills at all, especially the younger ones. They just judge from a position of unaccountability. It's total hypocrisy and one sided. And of course you are NOT allowed to complain about it expose the truth about it. It's taboo. America is all about conforming to whatever bullshit the media spills out at you. It's not about truth or freedom.

What I don't get is, if women have no social skills, then why do men need social skills to meet women? Isn't that odd?

[raindreamer333]

Hey,

If you want to have a happy dating relationshp (and hopefully a happy marriage) with a Filipina, social and interaction skills are less important as your emotional intelligence. Your Filipina girlfriend needs to know you love her and you need to be able to express that to her.

Make sure you can anticpate her needs. Be affectionate - Filipina girls love affection. My Filipina fiance is never bored of hugs and kisses. You need to know how to kiss long and passionately.

If you aren't that good at speaking, practice listening. Make her do the talking, and you listen to her. Keep eye contact and know when to smile.

Some people claim I don't have good social skills, and yet I have a honeymoon relationship with my fiance. Every day I am in ectasy, and I am still a virgin. I can't imagine what it will be like when we are also having sex.

If you aren't so good at the above, here are three things that have helped me:
1. Reading books about social skills
2. Volunteering at a crisis line - This really helped me listen well and improved my emotional inteligence skills.
3. Salsa dancing. When I started off, I was terrified even to touch a girl on the back. I guess I was raised with the attitude that women were sacred and couldn't be touched. Salsa dancing helped me over come that limitation I have put on myself. Get comfortable touching girls, as long as you keep your hands off places they shouldn't be (we know what we are talking about)

I hope this helps.

[BellaRuth]

The reasons why women dont have social problems like men is because they need each other. They need to have a gaggle of friends around them. If not, they feel like a "loser." The other women may not like them, but they put up with them, because they know the fury each individual woman will unleash on the others if they attempt to exclude her. It is friendship by fear and intimidation.

Get them alone and you just may see (if they trust you enough) that they secretly hate their friends.

Not come across this personally- ever. Maybe a generalisation of youngsters in US?