How well do Chinese girls take breakups?

[sentinel89]

I am working as a high school mathematics teacher at an international school in Dongguan. I am not interested in Asian girls for marriage or even very long term relationships. I don't want my kids to be mixed Asian (I'm white, blonde hair blue eyes 6' tall).

But, I have decided I still want a girlfriend while I'm here. I think it would drastically boost my quality of life and general happiness. Besides routine sex, which nonetheless will be a great advantage, having a girlfriend will allow me to see places, eat foods, and do things I otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to do.

Btw, tantan is a perfect alternative to tinder. If you're going to use tinder, you need a VPN, and also most Chinese girls don't use tinder. I already have over 50 matches in just a few days, and many of the girls are decent looking. Many of them also message me first.

I think FWB isn't super common in China, there's always some kind of strings attached. Most girls want at least some implication of commitment before they spread their legs for you here. With that being said, I think my only option is to kind of play it like I am interested in a relationship, but probably breakup after a short time with girls so that I don't get them too invested in me before I dump them (I don't want to be a jerk about it).

How well do Chinese girls take breakups? Do they get angry at you, deeply emotional and cry, or do they just let you go your own way mercifully?

[CannedHam]

Runs the gamut. Some will thank you for considering them, wish you the best, and invite you to return if you change your mind in the future. Others will go batshit insane, destroy your shit, and call the police falsely alleging abuse. And everything in between.

I'd be careful with "older girls" (> 28 y/o). Many are under extreme pressure get married and have kids ASAP, and will likely not take a breakup lightly.

Your best bet is to be honest and just say your looking for a casual FWB relationship. Not many are into it, but some definitely are and you'll find one eventually.

[Adama]

I think my only option is to kind of play it like I am interested in a relationship, but probably breakup after a short time with girls so that I don't get them too invested in me before I dump them (I don't want to be a jerk about it).

That would make you a grand deceiver, and you'd have a steep price to pay.

Why not just form friendships with people and hang out with them if you want to see sights. Or join a club. I wouldn't ever recommend using people, especially not setting out to use them and also deceiving them the whole time. That's up there with murder and would make you a destroyer. We're talking about hurting other people who do have hearts and souls. Don't bring the western style dating and hatred with you.

What you essentially plan to do is to extract goodness, glory and pleasure from someone, but in the end, you'll give them death and destruction in return. That will not work out well for you when God catches up to you. Also, that is one reason why many men don't like western women, because they have sinister motives.

[MrMan]

I think Adama has a good point. A single man should never date a woman he knows he is not going to marry. if you aren't going to end up together long-term, don't break her heart, and don't waste the time she has to find a husband. Some women date men for years, burning up their 20's, but he's never serious. It works the opposite way, too. Dating isn't there to fill emotional or sexual needs. It has become that for a lot of people. Asians tend to be more sensible about it and tend to be looking for spouses, rather than just dating recreationally. I wish I could undue some of my dating choices from my younger years. I had the wrong mindset about the purpose of dating.

I also like the idea of just getting to know people in a group or club, hanging out together and getting to know a girl you like in that context, and just not pursuing if you find out you aren't interested.

For me as a Christian, when I met the woman I was going to marry, I started praying about. We called each other 'just friends.' Each of us kind of knew we'd found the right one. She believed God spoke that to her when she met me (the second time actually. We figured out we'd met briefly before.) I had a sense of it, and was praying about whether she was going to be my wife. For me, dating was also a time of prayer to get clarity on the issue. When I prayed about it and made the final decision to propose, it was then that I was 100% sure. I didn't have cold feet. I knew what I wanted to do. We are getting close to 20 years that we've spent together.

[MrMan]

But, I have decided I still want a girlfriend while I'm here. I think it would drastically boost my quality of life and general happiness. Besides routine sex, which nonetheless will be a great advantage, having a girlfriend will allow me to see places, eat foods, and do things I otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to do.

Btw, tantan is a perfect alternative to tinder. If you're going to use tinder, you need a VPN, and also most Chinese girls don't use tinder. I already have over 50 matches in just a few days, and many of the girls are decent looking. Many of them also message me first.

I think FWB isn't super common in China, there's always some kind of strings attached. Most girls want at least some implication of commitment before they spread their legs for you here. With that being said, I think my only option is to kind of play it like I am interested in a relationship, but probably breakup after a short time with girls so that I don't get them too invested in me before I dump them (I don't want to be a jerk about it).

How well do Chinese girls take breakups? Do they get angry at you, deeply emotional and cry, or do they just let you go your own way mercifully?

100 years ago in the US, they had a name for people who did this sort of thing. They called them cads.

I don't know about China, really. When I was there briefly, a young man told me that a lot of girls in his part of the country were conservative and he thought they were virgins. I have read of some hook-up culture in Beijing, but that could be a minority of really promiscuous girls creating the wrong impression.

A lot of Asians date to marry. If you date just for temporary emotional fulfillment and sex, they could see that as cheating them. It is. It's using them. It could be conning then out of their virginity. There are some things we do that are a kind of social contract that aren't spoken. If I leave money on the table at the restaurant, it is an unspoken cultural rule that the waitress can take it. She doesn't have to chase me out the door to return the money. That happened to me in Malaysia.

In some places, if you sleep with a girl, that's a bad thing, but you are also agreeing to marry her. If you date for a certain period of time or date seriously, marriage may also be expected.

I suppose you could get girls to date or sleep with you when you are interested in short-term and they are interested in being together for life, but you would actually be cheating them, short-changing them, using them, and turning them into second-hand women that have little or no 'market value' after you are done with them. You could ruin a girl's marriage prospects in Asia that way. A lot of Americans want to talk about test driving a car (not you. Sounds like you want to borrow one, metaphorically speaking.) But the car loses 30% of it's value when you drive it off the lot, and more than that if you keep driving it around. If you test drive the girl in some countries, she can lose 95% of her value on the marriage market. That's not counting the damage to her soul.

[CannedHam]

I think Adama has a good point. A single man should never date a woman he knows he is not going to marry. if you aren't going to end up together long-term, don't break her heart, and don't waste the time she has to find a husband. Some women date men for years, burning up their 20's, but he's never serious. It works the opposite way, too. Dating isn't there to fill emotional or sexual needs. It has become that for a lot of people. Asians tend to be more sensible about it and tend to be looking for spouses, rather than just dating recreationally. I wish I could undue some of my dating choices from my younger years. I had the wrong mindset about the purpose of dating.

I also like the idea of just getting to know people in a group or club, hanging out together and getting to know a girl you like in that context, and just not pursuing if you find out you aren't interested.

For me as a Christian, when I met the woman I was going to marry, I started praying about. We called each other 'just friends.' Each of us kind of knew we'd found the right one. She believed God spoke that to her when she met me (the second time actually. We figured out we'd met briefly before.) I had a sense of it, and was praying about whether she was going to be my wife. For me, dating was also a time of prayer to get clarity on the issue. When I prayed about it and made the final decision to propose, it was then that I was 100% sure. I didn't have cold feet. I knew what I wanted to do. We are getting close to 20 years that we've spent together.

Lots of good wisdom in this post MrMan.

I agree about not leading a woman on if you absolutely know you won't marry her. I think the only exception is if you make it 1000% clear to her (before doing anything sexual with her) that you're only in it for short-term enjoyment. If she's cool with that, great.

I've talked to quite a few Chinese woman in the past year, and I'm shocked at how many have blown their 20s dating "the one" for 5+ years only to have things fall apart at the last minute, or have the man go back to his wife/ex wife (after having been separated), or he finds another (usually younger) woman to "reset the clock" etc. I partially blame the women for allowing themselves to get strung along for so long in hopes of marriage, partly on the men for being inconsiderate loser douchebags.

I also agree 1000% about Asian (esp Chinese) women being a lot more pragmatic when it comes to finding a marriage partner. Sure, looks and romantic feelings are nice, but at the end of the day, the logistics and finances have to work out.

[Winston]

In my experience, when a Chinese woman breaks up with you, she cuts it all off cold. She doesn't remain friends or keep in touch or contact you anymore. It's all or nothing to them.

Btw OP, instead of dumping them, you can also have them dump you. All you have to do is go overseas or become flaky and unreliable and they will eventually dump you. That way you can avoid confrontation. Usually when Chinese women dump a guy, they make some polite excuse such as "My parents don't approve of us dating anymore" etc to avoid a confrontation. Or they will say their parents have arranged them to marry someone else. They don't like to coldly say "I'm not in love with you anymore."

[Winston]

MrMan,
I admire and applaud your moral principles in this matter. But I have a question. What do you recommend a guy do if he's horny as hell and filled with lust for women? Masturbating all the time isn't going to be satisfying. Do you recommend he go to prostitutes and whores to do p4p? Or what?

Also, if you weren't a Christian, would you believe these same things about not defiling women with casual dating without intent to marry?

[HouseMD]

MrMan,
I admire and applaud your moral principles in this matter. But I have a question. What do you recommend a guy do if he's horny as hell and filled with lust for women? Masturbating all the time isn't going to be satisfying. Do you recommend he go to prostitutes and whores to do p4p? Or what?

Also, if you weren't a Christian, would you believe these same things about not defiling women with casual dating without intent to marry?

You sound like a degenerate animal that is unable to control himself lol. If you aren't looking to settle down, you should pair with girls who also aren't looking to settle down if you've got even a shred of moral decency. I've always been up front and honest about my intentions, never had a problem.

[Winston]

MrMan,
I admire and applaud your moral principles in this matter. But I have a question. What do you recommend a guy do if he's horny as hell and filled with lust for women? Masturbating all the time isn't going to be satisfying. Do you recommend he go to prostitutes and whores to do p4p? Or what?

Also, if you weren't a Christian, would you believe these same things about not defiling women with casual dating without intent to marry?

You sound like a degenerate animal that is unable to control himself lol. If you aren't looking to settle down, you should pair with girls who also aren't looking to settle down if you've got even a shred of moral decency. I've always been up front and honest about my intentions, never had a problem.

Being very horny and lustful is not degenerate. Degenerate is drinking a lot and doing drugs and having tattoos and no morals and listening to rap and bad music. Merely having strong sexual desires is not degenerate. Even saints like Saint Augustine was very horny and slept with many women and prostitutes.

In an ideal world, you'd be right. But in the real world, if you told women that you only wanted to play around and not be serious, no one would date you. Especially in Asia where women are more marriage oriented. Come on. You know that. Anyone with real life experience knows this.

I never said that you should be a playboy. I'm talking about being horny and not having a wife or girlfriend to satisfy you. What do you do then? You can't be happy masturbating all the time, plus it's not good for you either.

[HouseMD]

MrMan,
I admire and applaud your moral principles in this matter. But I have a question. What do you recommend a guy do if he's horny as hell and filled with lust for women? Masturbating all the time isn't going to be satisfying. Do you recommend he go to prostitutes and whores to do p4p? Or what?

Also, if you weren't a Christian, would you believe these same things about not defiling women with casual dating without intent to marry?

You sound like a degenerate animal that is unable to control himself lol. If you aren't looking to settle down, you should pair with girls who also aren't looking to settle down if you've got even a shred of moral decency. I've always been up front and honest about my intentions, never had a problem.

Being very horny and lustful is not degenerate. Degenerate is drinking a lot and doing drugs and having tattoos and no morals and listening to rap and bad music. Merely having strong sexual desires is not degenerate. Even saints like Saint Augustine was very horny and slept with many women and prostitutes.

In an ideal world, you'd be right. But in the real world, if you told women that you only wanted to play around and not be serious, no one would date you. Especially in Asia where women are more marriage oriented. Come on. You know that. Anyone with real life experience knows this.

I never said that you should be a playboy. I'm talking about being horny and not having a wife or girlfriend to satisfy you. What do you do then? You can't be happy masturbating all the time, plus it's not good for you either.

I make girls an offer too good to refuse, I guess. And I say this as a guy who's even landed an Asian Christian virgin in the past while being honest about not having any future commitment. The thing is, if you're a quality guy, you don't have to be a snake. You can say, hey, you want to have a great night and they'll agree, despite the appearances they put on for their friends or family. You may not be up to their standards for such an encounter, so you have to resort to being a snake.

Sleeping with prostitutes is degenerate. Giving in to your animal nature is degenerate. That's part of the whole point of Christianity- you have base desires that the devil seeks to get you to give into, only through faith in God and strength of spirit can you overcome them. You're a degenerate, you just have the vice of sex instead of drugs. I have the same vice, but better control and better options.

[droid]

...

Why let any self-aggrandizing opportunity go to waste right?

To think this is the people supposed to 'care' about others. Most overrated profession for sure.
I have to borrow a bit from Adama here, if I may put it in this context.

Some people might say statements such as this as condemnation, which is a means of self exaltation.

To some people, that might sound like condemnation of the righteous, in order for the speaker to exalt himself as better than them.

This reminds me of when I hear a woman say, "I'm pretty."
Boasting is self-praise, and self praise is really self-worship which is idolatry. That's one of the mistakes of proud people. Another is that they speak verbal murder by insulting and condemning people who are innocent, which is also self exaltation as a judge.

[droid]

I think my only option is to kind of play it like I am interested in a relationship, but probably breakup after a short time with girls so that I don't get them too invested in me before I dump them (I don't want to be a jerk about it).

That would make you a grand deceiver, and you'd have a steep price to pay.

Why not just form friendships with people and hang out with them if you want to see sights. Or join a club. I wouldn't ever recommend using people, especially not setting out to use them and also deceiving them the whole time. That's up there with murder and would make you a destroyer. We're talking about hurting other people who do have hearts and souls. Don't bring the western style dating and hatred with you.

What you essentially plan to do is to extract goodness, glory and pleasure from someone, but in the end, you'll give them death and destruction in return. That will not work out well for you when God catches up to you. Also, that is one reason why many men don't like western women, because they have sinister motives.

You guys are right Adama. I'm not exactly a saint but can't really disagree with this. And I though I was a bit of an assh*le, that OP is messed up.

At the very least one should be clear about not being serious.
In practice however, generally, in Asia they will take you very seriously right away. Women might even say 'yeah that's ok' but go on to take the thing seriously anyway.

if you aren't going to end up together long-term, don't break her heart, and don't waste the time she has to find a husband. Some women date men for years, burning up their 20's, but he's never serious. It works the opposite way, too. Dating isn't there to fill emotional or sexual needs. It has become that for a lot of people. Asians tend to be more sensible about it and tend to be looking for spouses, rather than just dating recreationally. I wish I could undue some of my dating choices from my younger years. I had the wrong mindset about the purpose of dating.

This why women should learn not to give the goods away -ideally not before marriage- if they are serious.
They should also learn that if a man hasn't proposed by the third year, it will most likely not happen.

Btw OP, instead of dumping them, you can also have them dump you. All you have to do is go overseas or become flaky and unreliable and they will eventually dump you.

But that is pretty much dumping someone, anyone can notice if you are avoiding them, and will feel real bad. The alternative would be to play stupid or something so she really starts disliking you perhaps. All that is problematic, the best for sex-only is definitely p4p or going where the girls are sluttier, or a combination of those (i.e. thailand?).

[Winston]

MrMan,
I admire and applaud your moral principles in this matter. But I have a question. What do you recommend a guy do if he's horny as hell and filled with lust for women? Masturbating all the time isn't going to be satisfying. Do you recommend he go to prostitutes and whores to do p4p? Or what?

Also, if you weren't a Christian, would you believe these same things about not defiling women with casual dating without intent to marry?

You sound like a degenerate animal that is unable to control himself lol. If you aren't looking to settle down, you should pair with girls who also aren't looking to settle down if you've got even a shred of moral decency. I've always been up front and honest about my intentions, never had a problem.

Being very horny and lustful is not degenerate. Degenerate is drinking a lot and doing drugs and having tattoos and no morals and listening to rap and bad music. Merely having strong sexual desires is not degenerate. Even saints like Saint Augustine was very horny and slept with many women and prostitutes.

In an ideal world, you'd be right. But in the real world, if you told women that you only wanted to play around and not be serious, no one would date you. Especially in Asia where women are more marriage oriented. Come on. You know that. Anyone with real life experience knows this.

I never said that you should be a playboy. I'm talking about being horny and not having a wife or girlfriend to satisfy you. What do you do then? You can't be happy masturbating all the time, plus it's not good for you either.

I make girls an offer too good to refuse, I guess. And I say this as a guy who's even landed an Asian Christian virgin in the past while being honest about not having any future commitment. The thing is, if you're a quality guy, you don't have to be a snake. You can say, hey, you want to have a great night and they'll agree, despite the appearances they put on for their friends or family. You may not be up to their standards for such an encounter, so you have to resort to being a snake.

Sleeping with prostitutes is degenerate. Giving in to your animal nature is degenerate. That's part of the whole point of Christianity- you have base desires that the devil seeks to get you to give into, only through faith in God and strength of spirit can you overcome them. You're a degenerate, you just have the vice of sex instead of drugs. I have the same vice, but better control and better options.

LOL that's typical white guy snobbery. Lots of white guys tell me they can get laid for free and get laid for free all the time and never have to pay for it. It's all words. Rarely is it true. They never have any proof for such claims and when asked to produce proof, they make excuses.

What's a high quality guy to you? How do you define a quality guy? In many ways I'm a quality guy too. I have money and assets and good inner qualities and am decent looking (by asian standards, but not by western standards).

How are you a high quality guy exactly? Can you show us a photo of yourself? Is that you in the avatar?

So why did you deflower a Christian Asian virgin? Isn't that immoral?

Anyway, you are getting off track here. You didn't answer my original question, which was this:

So if you don't have a wife or serious girlfriend with serious intentions, then what should a man do about his sexual desires and horniness? You dodged the question in your attempt to act arrogant and snobbish and put me down. I hate it when people dodge questions in order to bully and look down on others. It's stupid. An honest person would just answer my question. So I doubt you are an honest man even.

Adama and MrMan's Christian morals are admirable. But the reality is, virtue and moral codes do not satisfy lust or sexual desires for women. Especially if these desires are obsessive and consume you and don't go away. Many guys here are like that. To them, sex is a need, not optional.

Btw, you don't have to be a snake. You just have to put on the charm and seduce the women. You don't have to make false promises. If you seduce a woman and the attraction is mutual, and you didn't lie about having serious intentions, then it's not really a lie. It's not like before having sex, a woman will say, "Stop here. Tell me first before we make love: Do you have serious intentions toward me? Or are you just seeking casual sex?" If a woman goes through with it, then there are no promises made to be broken. Simply making out or getting intimate, doesn't constitute a promise for marriage.

[HouseMD]

MrMan,
I admire and applaud your moral principles in this matter. But I have a question. What do you recommend a guy do if he's horny as hell and filled with lust for women? Masturbating all the time isn't going to be satisfying. Do you recommend he go to prostitutes and whores to do p4p? Or what?

Also, if you weren't a Christian, would you believe these same things about not defiling women with casual dating without intent to marry?

You sound like a degenerate animal that is unable to control himself lol. If you aren't looking to settle down, you should pair with girls who also aren't looking to settle down if you've got even a shred of moral decency. I've always been up front and honest about my intentions, never had a problem.

Being very horny and lustful is not degenerate. Degenerate is drinking a lot and doing drugs and having tattoos and no morals and listening to rap and bad music. Merely having strong sexual desires is not degenerate. Even saints like Saint Augustine was very horny and slept with many women and prostitutes.

In an ideal world, you'd be right. But in the real world, if you told women that you only wanted to play around and not be serious, no one would date you. Especially in Asia where women are more marriage oriented. Come on. You know that. Anyone with real life experience knows this.

I never said that you should be a playboy. I'm talking about being horny and not having a wife or girlfriend to satisfy you. What do you do then? You can't be happy masturbating all the time, plus it's not good for you either.

I make girls an offer too good to refuse, I guess. And I say this as a guy who's even landed an Asian Christian virgin in the past while being honest about not having any future commitment. The thing is, if you're a quality guy, you don't have to be a snake. You can say, hey, you want to have a great night and they'll agree, despite the appearances they put on for their friends or family. You may not be up to their standards for such an encounter, so you have to resort to being a snake.

Sleeping with prostitutes is degenerate. Giving in to your animal nature is degenerate. That's part of the whole point of Christianity- you have base desires that the devil seeks to get you to give into, only through faith in God and strength of spirit can you overcome them. You're a degenerate, you just have the vice of sex instead of drugs. I have the same vice, but better control and better options.

LOL that's typical white guy snobbery. Lots of white guys tell me they can get laid for free and get laid for free all the time and never have to pay for it. It's all words. Rarely is it true. They never have any proof for such claims and when asked to produce proof, they make excuses.

What's a high quality guy to you? How do you define a quality guy? In many ways I'm a quality guy too. I have money and assets and good inner qualities and am decent looking (by asian standards, but not by western standards).

How are you a high quality guy exactly? Can you show us a photo of yourself? Is that you in the avatar?

So why did you deflower a Christian Asian virgin? Isn't that immoral?

Anyway, you are getting off track here. You didn't answer my original question, which was this:

So if you don't have a wife or serious girlfriend with serious intentions, then what should a man do about his sexual desires and horniness? You dodged the question in your attempt to act arrogant and snobbish and put me down. I hate it when people dodge questions in order to bully and look down on others. It's stupid. An honest person would just answer my question. So I doubt you are an honest man even.

Adama and MrMan's Christian morals are admirable. But the reality is, virtue and moral codes do not satisfy lust or sexual desires for women. Especially if these desires are obsessive and consume you and don't go away. Many guys here are like that. To them, sex is a need, not optional.

Btw, you don't have to be a snake. You just have to put on the charm and seduce the women. You don't have to make false promises. If you seduce a woman and the attraction is mutual, and you didn't lie about having serious intentions, then it's not really a lie. It's not like before having sex, a woman will say, "Stop here. Tell me first before we make love: Do you have serious intentions toward me? Or are you just seeking casual sex?" If a woman goes through with it, then there are no promises made to be broken. Simply making out or getting intimate, doesn't constitute a promise for marriage.

First off, you probably meet girls through dating sites where you paint the picture of a guy looking for something long term. I mean, it's possible you don't, but you seem in the "deception" camp per your prior statements. Second, I Todd you what you should do- be honest and sleep with people that have the same intentions. If you're going to be immoral, lie with the immoral. Prostitutes are noted again and again to be sinful in the Bible, so that's pretty straightforward. The righteous answer for a man is also pretty straightforward- find a wife and marry or stay abstinent by fighting your lust.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God