My son is like a monster from hell, what to do?

[Winston]

Hi all,
Since I got back to the Philippines, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my son Angelo, who is now 3, has memorized a lot of numbers, letters, colors and objects, demonstrating some intelligence in learning.

However, his personality is just the same as before, like a "monster from hell". If you experience him for a few hours, you'd know what I mean. If you are around him for too long though, you will feel like you either want to kill him or commit suicide.

He literally has one of the worst personalities I've ever seen in a kid, reminding me of the worst kid in the class in school. He acts like a total tyrant and narcissist, with no consideration to anyone but himself. The worst thing about him is that he constantly whines, yells and screams every other minute, so that you don't even feel safe taking him anywhere out in public or even to a restaurant.

He also gets moody over the strangest things. Today he would not even get off the jeepney cause he did not want me carrying him off. He only wanted Dianne. But we only had a few seconds to get off the jeepney at that stop and had no time for his bullshit moody games. So I grabbed him and carried him off the jeepney against his will. Suddenly he exploded and began crying. It is moments like that when you regret having a kid. For sure. It's like every minute around him is hell.

And I can't believe how some people try to excuse his behavior by saying "He's just a kid". Um noooooooo! OTHER KIDS HIS AGE ARE NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL! So that's a stupid thing to say. Take Mr S' daughter for example. He never has a problem with her. She is quiet and well behaved and never causes any trouble. In fact, he says that she is even more well behaved than most adults.

Going out with Angelo is the worst. It's not enjoyable at all, and nothing but stress, tension and anger. He brings out the worst in people and seems to thrive on it. That's why I call him a "monster from hell" cause that's how he acts.

Frankly, I don't see why any parent would want to tolerate this kind of behavior from a child. It's really not worth it. What do you get for the stress and anger that you suffer every minute from a kid like this? All you get is that "proud feeling of being a parent" that Mother Nature tricks you into having in order to propagate the human species. But when you add it up, it's no better than suffering a lifetime of pain for a few moments of sexual bliss. The cost and benefit is hugely swayed toward the negative cost side. Simply put, you lose your peace of mind due to the tricks of nature and the conditioning of society to "work and raise a family" which is not really worth it, since peace of mind is the most important thing you can have. (and yes it's more important than having children)

Now I am actually a lot more tolerant than most people. So I'd imagine that most people would go crazy sooner.

Even if you hit him or spank him, he just reacts by yelling or screaming or crying even louder, as if he won't let you win. The only way I know how to deal with that is by hitting him even harder, since there is no other logical choice and Dianne is way too nice and lenient to him. Eventually you feel like treating him like dirt and yelling at him "SHUT THE f**k UP! NOW!" with ever increasing volume.

Is there a toddler army bootcamp I can send him to? Sheesh. You know, I am ethically against the state raising children instead of the parents, as Alex Jones says, but in my case, I might be willing to make an exception.

He is also very violent. If he sees me cuddling with Dianne or even touching her, he will run at me in a jealous rage and start hitting and punching me. It doesn't matter how many times I kick his ass by hitting him back (with near full power) and demonstrating superior strength, he never learns from it and just repeats his behavior again, like a monster from hell.

Any suggestions for dealing with this "monster from hell" whose personality is total shit? What is his problem? Where did he get such an awful personality? What would you do if your child constantly causes you to reach a breaking point and won't change and just repeats his behavior and doesn't give a flying shit what you say? What kind of reason could be applied to such an insane dysfunctional turbulent behavior?

[Adama]

I think much of this goes back to subtle values received from the dominant parent, especially if he is being spoiled. I have a younger brother, and despite all my efforts, he turned into a spoiled brat, but that is only because our mother never held him accountable, instilled values in him or denied him anything he wanted.

[Repatriate]

He is also very violent. If he sees me cuddling with Dianne or even touching her, he will run at me in a jealous rage and start hitting and punching me. It doesn't matter how many times I kick his ass by hitting him back (with near full power) and demonstrating superior strength, he never learns from it and just repeats his behavior again, like a monster from hell.

You hit your toddler full on ? What's wrong with you. Look, I have a cousin who's roughly your age and has 4 kids and my other relatives all have young kids. It's a crap shoot as to what you will get from the terrible two's three's and four's age group. Some kids act like savages some are well behaved. I will say that it rarely reflects on how they will be in the future. You will probably get a better look at your kid's "true" personality when they are around 7-10 years old.

Where did he get such an awful personality?

[momopi]

Try a professional nanny.

[Think Different]

I can't believe I just read this.

I'm speechless, to say the least.

[odbo]

winston sounds like a typical lazy ass low-income american/mexican, walking around the grocery store in his gym shorts oblivious to the disruption his little son of a bitch is causing.

put some effort into raising your kid you fat bastard!!
and keep him away from sweets. don't allow your wife to buy him any candy and he'll never get addicted to that shit.

boys need their exercise. just like you take a dog for a walk, you should sign him up for soccer or something if you can't be asked to play with him yourself.

teach him how to read. challenge him. because what he does this early on in life will determine how the rest of his life goes. if a child is smart at age 5, he's still going to be above-average at 18 no matter how bad his life situation gets. if a child is slow at age 5, you can rest assured he's going to still be mediocre at age 18. that's what the research shows and i can speak from experience! i was the smartest guy in the class when i was 5/6. after that i started to rebel and never put any effort in school, though i still outclassed my fellow retarded classmates! my parents never put any special effort into challenging me, they were far too busy working 2 jobs, i didn't learn to read and i didn't learn math until they taught us in 1st grade!

but they key is my parents took me seriously. i can remember waiting in lobbies at places like the doctors office, sometimes for up to 2 hours which is the most boring and excruciating thing in the world for a young boy.. but i kept quiet because my parents would ASK me to act like an adult and be patient. i wanted to be treated as an adult as probably every child does (ageism is the most frustrating form of discrimination!) and i didn't want to let down my parents or embarrass them in front of others.

you shouldn't be training animals using violent let alone your son! take some developmental psychology classes or something. do some research!! you do research when deciding to buy a new laptop but you figure you can just wing it as a parent!?

punishment doesn't work. at best it represses behaviour. the only way you can change a criminals behaviour is by educating them that what they're doing is wrong. in this case, just try to talk to him. it may be hard with a 3 year old, but then he's not a violent criminal is he? most likely he needs to expend more of his energy, eat healthier foods and needs you to spend more time with him. of course i have no experience with raising someone yet besides for a few hours, i may not know what's best but i do know what not to do! mainly from living in modern america. btw my mother worked in a pre-school and had her own day care in our house during the summer. i was only 10 and those kids annoyed the f**k out of me!

[fschmidt]

Sounds like a typical son of a single mother. Winston, I haven't followed your story, but mothers cannot control their sons and boys who grow up without fathers usually become undisciplined monsters. Women have no inner strength, so they either give in to their kids or they hit them. The father's job is to provide stability and clear fair rules of behavior. You shouldn't hit your kids, nor should you give in to them. You should quietly show that you are the strongest in the family, that you make the rules and that in the end, no one in the family can succeed in going against your rules.

I will give one example. I was walking home with my son who was around 3 at the time. He was tired and cranky. So he asked me to carry him home. I said no. So he began to scream. I told him to go ahead and scream, that he could scream all day and all night and I would just wait until he is finished and then he would walk home. He screamed for about an hour. Then he walked home. He never tried screaming at me to get what he wanted again.

[The_Hero_of_Men]

winston sounds like a typical lazy ass low-income american/mexican, walking around the grocery store in his gym shorts oblivious to the disruption his little son of a bitch is causing.

put some effort into raising your kid you fat bastard!!
and keep him away from sweets. don't allow your wife to buy him any candy and he'll never get addicted to that shit.

boys need their exercise. just like you take a dog for a walk, you should sign him up for soccer or something if you can't be asked to play with him yourself.

teach him how to read. challenge him. because what he does this early on in life will determine how the rest of his life goes. if a child is smart at age 5, he's still going to be above-average at 18 no matter how bad his life situation gets. if a child is slow at age 5, you can rest assured he's going to still be mediocre at age 18. that's what the research shows and i can speak from experience! i was the smartest guy in the class when i was 5/6. after that i started to rebel and never put any effort in school, though i still outclassed my fellow retarded classmates! my parents never put any special effort into challenging me, they were far too busy working 2 jobs, i didn't learn to read and i didn't learn math until they taught us in 1st grade!

but they key is my parents took me seriously. i can remember waiting in lobbies at places like the doctors office, sometimes for up to 2 hours which is the most boring and excruciating thing in the world for a young boy.. but i kept quiet because my parents would ASK me to act like an adult and be patient. i wanted to be treated as an adult as probably every child does (ageism is the most frustrating form of discrimination!) and i didn't want to let down my parents or embarrass them in front of others.

you shouldn't be training animals using violent let alone your son! take some developmental psychology classes or something. do some research!! you do research when deciding to buy a new laptop but you figure you can just wing it as a parent!?

punishment doesn't work. at best it represses behaviour. the only way you can change a criminals behaviour is by educating them that what they're doing is wrong. in this case, just try to talk to him. it may be hard with a 3 year old, but then he's not a violent criminal is he? most likely he needs to expend more of his energy, eat healthier foods and needs you to spend more time with him. of course i have no experience with raising someone yet besides for a few hours, i may not know what's best but i do know what not to do! mainly from living in modern america. btw my mother worked in a pre-school and had her own day care in our house during the summer. i was only 10 and those kids annoyed the f**k out of me!

I do not mean to take sides here, as I have no children, but then again, there are children who know how to act at that age (like those who you can tell to do something and they will do it, no questions asked), and those who do not (those demons that do not listen to ANYTHING that you say). It's just like you said about criminals: they need to be educated about the wrong that they are doing. However, what about those (criminals and/or children) who know they are doing wrong and just don't give a damn? See, those are the kinds of people that, to quote Madea, "are the type of people that need that 'whup that ass' adjustment", because talking to them just won't cut it. Like if a criminal keeps offending, the best thing to do may just be to keep his Rudy-Poo Candy Ass locked up.

Like I said, I am not taking sides here, I am just trying to give my two cents on the matter.

[Winston]

He is also very violent. If he sees me cuddling with Dianne or even touching her, he will run at me in a jealous rage and start hitting and punching me. It doesn't matter how many times I kick his ass by hitting him back (with near full power) and demonstrating superior strength, he never learns from it and just repeats his behavior again, like a monster from hell.

You hit your toddler full on ? What's wrong with you. Look, I have a cousin who's roughly your age and has 4 kids and my other relatives all have young kids. It's a crap shoot as to what you will get from the terrible two's three's and four's age group. Some kids act like savages some are well behaved. I will say that it rarely reflects on how they will be in the future. You will probably get a better look at your kid's "true" personality when they are around 7-10 years old.

Where did he get such an awful personality?

Words are easy to say. But if I suddenly strike your face without warning a few times, no doubt you would hit me back. It'd be your reaction or instinct. Trust me on that. If you don't believe me, come here and see how many times I can hit you without you reacting. Stop pretending to be idealistic. The reality is, if you hit someone stronger than you, he will hit back. I too have a temper and short fuse, besides. And if I hit him hard, I am hoping he will learn not to hit again, but he doesn't learn. What do you expect me to do, playfully slap him back like Dianne does? If he acts like shit, you should treat him like shit.

If you ask my mom, she will tell you that I was nothing like that. I was much more calm at his age. So no Repatriate, he didn't get his personality from me, at least not all of it.

He got to expend his energy by playing with other kids. But Dianne's family doesn't live there anymore, or they are too busy. There are not recreational activities around here. Dianne now feels like she wants a second child, but I don't want to go there and double my trouble...

[Repatriate]

Think about when you were two to four years old. I have a pretty good memory and I don't remember much of anything except fragments. So that's how everyone is when they are at that age unless you have some kind of abnormal ability to recall things. Toddlers just don't have the capacity to reason yet and are self centered by nature. They've done experiments where kids don't understand the concept of "self" or empathy until a certain age.

Some kids are naturally quiet though and that's just how it is. You play with the hand you are dealt, but at least with young kids the cards get reshuffled down the road and you end up with a different personality.

The fact that Winston is flipping out now and punching his kid doesn't bode well for the future though.

[MrPeabody]

Put him on the doorstep of the Shaolin Monastery and see if they will take him.

[Winston]

I can't believe I just read this.

I'm speechless, to say the least.

Oh trust me. Reading that is nothing. Come here and experience him for a day or night, and the next day you will tell me, "I feel like I'm gonna kill him! Why don't you beat some sense into that SOB Winston?" Anyone can read something and make a judgment, but it doesn't mean shit until you experience it. Come over and experience it, and you will be angry, not speechless.

And no, in real life, hitting him or letting him cry while ignoring him doesn't change his personality, as fschmidt claimed. If it was that easy, then there would be no problem. You can't change someone's personality that easily.

[Winston]

Try a professional nanny.

What would a professional nanny do? How would a nanny treat a toddler who acts up every minute and doesn't give a flying shit what you say or do? What would you do if your kid was like that and nothing you said or did made any difference?

[fschmidt]

And no, in real life, hitting him or letting him cry while ignoring him doesn't change his personality, as fschmidt claimed. If it was that easy, then there would be no problem. You can't change someone's personality that easily.

It's not just ignoring him. It's making sure he understands that tantrums will not produce the effect that he wants. You can only effectively do this when the mother is not around because women instinctively react to tantrums. So basically, spend time alone with him and only give him what he wants when he behaves. When he doesn't behave, just ignore him and let him scream, but make sure that there is no one else around who will respond to his bad behavior. Tell him that he will get what he wants only when he behaves. When he does behave, then give him attention and give him what he wants.

[Repatriate]

Winston, your toddler DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO REASON YET just like how my dog isn't going to sit down and have a candid discussion about the philosophies of Immanuel Kant. Toddlers can only roughly follow your directions based on early socialization/cues only.

Do you not understand this? Good god read a book on child rearing at least before you keep punching your son to try to prove you're the "alpha" of the family group.

Oh btw, since you're pretty much an absentee parent I would look at what your in laws are doing with the kid too. I wouldn't trust Filipino parenting skills for shit.