Living abroad - Avoid marriage? Love marriage? Hate marriag

[lovesong]

Hello all,

This question is for those of you living abroad who see large amounts of hotties on a daily basis compared to us guys in the U.S.

Do you see yourself ever getting married?

If already married, why'd you get married? And is it hard to fight temptation? Or did you have your fun? Or are you cheating?

The reason I ask this is because my current gf has implied she wants to get married in a few years. Here in the U.S., there's not a lot of women I find attractive so feel I've got a "quality girl" and am considering it. I do love her.

Buuut I know what it's like in certain parts of Asia and while I've never been to Russia, have met a few Russian hotties and can only imagine what a whole country of em could make a single man feel. Is it more tempting to have several girlfriends when living abroad and how to live that life vs a single monogamous relatonship.

Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance

[keius]

I got married when i found the right one abroad. I've always been a 1 woman kind of guy. Never cheated.
Did i play the field much? No. That's because i wasn't just looking for any and all women to just get laid.

As for your gf, make sure you've lived with her for a bit before deciding to marry her. If you get "bored" of her or vice versa then bail. When they "settle" down in that comfy zone, you may start seeing things that will make you doubt. Make sure you know her and trust her 100%. Make sure you satisfy each other sexually. If a girl isn't willing to get kinky now and then.....to ensure a healthy sex life, then it won't work longterm. Sex with the same woman over time gets boring with ALL men. They need to be willing to spice things up, as does the guy.

Oh yeah, if i could have gotten away with it, i'd have never gotten married That doesn't fly to well with alotta women though, especially nice girls in Asia...but if you feel sure of yourself and that she's worth it....
Anyway, i don't really believe in marriage. I simply believe in commitment. That piece of paper is just a legal way of screwing men over.

[onezero4u]

the same girl forever bores the living shit out of me....nuff said...stay single

[djfourmoney]

To me these are simple to answer -

1) Do you want to have children?

2) Are you a one woman sort of guy

If you answer Yes to both then you want to get married. Otherwise, stay single which will suck once you hit about 70 or so... Don't believe that you'll be in your 70's and still be dating women half your age in Asia or some other developing world. Sure its possible but unlikely, you'll be dating women closer to 50 at best.

[The_Adventurer]

For me it came down to family. After living with some families in different parts of Asia, I wanted that. The first girl I really thought I'd marry was one I met abroad. Never considered it with a western girl. I will likely marry my current girlfriend if things go well over the next year or so. I want the real family experience.

Also what DJ said. I read enough of these guys who are 70 putting around Thailand and Phils with young girls, (usually hookers) and I don't see that in my future. I want to be surrounded by family when I am old, and we all eat together at a huge table.

[Williamblake]

Having more girlfriends in U.S is a very very common thing. Its not at all a big deal. You can have girlfriends but there should be only one girlfriend in your heart whom you truely love and try to maintain long lasting relationship with her.

[Winston]

Oh boy. That is one of the biggest dilemmas on this board. There is no easy solution or even a win-win solution.

I guess the guys here are divided between marriage minded types (Mark Davis, Think Different, etc.) and polyamorous types (Ladislav, Mr S, Rock, myself, etc.) Since Mark Davis is on our team and promotes monogamous marriages with foreign women, we should not promote or advocate either lifestyle, but let men choose what's right for themselves.

So I guess some guys are the marrying types, but some aren't. But you gotta ask yourself, are you getting married because you WANT to, or cause society told you that you are incomplete without it? If it's the latter, then you should de-brainwash yourself first. lol. Otherwise you could be making the biggest mistake of your life.

I will say this though. Logically, marriage doesn't make much sense. A man doesn't really gain from it and stands to risk losing his assets if it doesn't work out. So a man stands to lose if he makes a mistake. Plus it is not realistic to swear an oath to only love one person for the rest of your life and create a contract on it. I mean, what if you get tired of your wife, or love someone else, or want your freedom back, or regret being bound by fidelity? What are you gonna do then? Society and its conformists fail to take that into consideration.

If you meditate on it, you realize that it makes no sense and is highly unreasonable. But most people think it's natural and normal, because society has programmed them to think that. I've explained this many times to my parents and Taiwanese relatives, but they just brush it aside. Tradition seems to be a very powerful indoctrination among people. And society exists to CONTROL YOU and give you a life of slavery, not to free you. Don't forget that.

That being said, in the end, only you can decide what's right for you.

[E_Irizarry]

For me it came down to family. After living with some families in different parts of Asia, I wanted that. The first girl I really thought I'd marry was one I met abroad. Never considered it with a western girl. I will likely marry my current girlfriend if things go well over the next year or so. I want the real family experience.

Also what DJ said. I read enough of these guys who are 70 putting around Thailand and Phils with young girls, (usually hookers) and I don't see that in my future. I want to be surrounded by family when I am old, and we all eat together at a huge table.

And Black feminists have the audacity to say that there aren't any good family-oriented Black men whom want to raise a two-parent household abundant of children.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Hello all,

This question is for those of you living abroad who see large amounts of hotties on a daily basis compared to us guys in the U.S.

Do you see yourself ever getting married?

No, no, no, no, no! Did I mention that I would not get married?

For every "hottie" you encounter, there is a man who is damn tired of screwing her. That's before she gets old, fat, and ugly. Snap out of your "marriage" programming.

[OutWest]

For me it came down to family. After living with some families in different parts of Asia, I wanted that. The first girl I really thought I'd marry was one I met abroad. Never considered it with a western girl. I will likely marry my current girlfriend if things go well over the next year or so. I want the real family experience.

Also what DJ said. I read enough of these guys who are 70 putting around Thailand and Phils with young girls, (usually hookers) and I don't see that in my future. I want to be surrounded by family when I am old, and we all eat together at a huge table.

I'm with you on that one...I already have two great Fil-am children that are still pretty young, but that was with my Filipina EX. We actually
have a pretty cordial relationship and cooperate quite well about the kids...but now I have my current GF who lives with me, young and quite lovely actually,
and I am seriously considering round 2 for a second crop...LOL. (To make sure I have a very full group around the table)
I have really been around and did not see myself getting married again, but she has over time found so many chinks in my armor that my defenses
are going down. LOL She is a girl who has proven time and time again that she would walk on hot coals for me if required...has true empathy for another person's position, is totally reliable and honest with me ( In the Philippines yet...) handles money very well...comes from a really good family, middle class, but humble and warm people, and the WORST thing she does is ...LOL...when I do there various little screw ups that a man might make...forget something...overlook something...forget to keep some promise or simple have to change plans somehow, she is TOTALLY unlike any American girl I ever met and it kills me! LOL

Yesterday I stood her up by accident- I overslept, and she got left in a lurch a bit, and men in America will get some kind
of whining and sniping and retribution for something like that...and instead, she left me the sweetest most romantic little note...and she does something
about like that every time...hmmm...I asked her about it...she gave me this little smile like she does...damn! she scores again!
She really makes my life better in so many ways...not a pain in the ass like most women are. I'm planning a little surprise "girls shopping trip"
for her and her sister at SM when we are in Cagayan de Oro this Saturday.

An important observation fellows, when I am around her family I can see in so many ways, why my girlfriend is the way she is. Her family is kind and gracious, really solid and supportive of her being just as she is. It is difficult for a girl to be far different than her family. Her family choked on it a bit
that I moved her into my house without marrying her as I did, but has been nothing but kind to me since. I guess they knew their daughter better than I did- that she would really work me over LOL.

Outwest

[E_Irizarry]

For me it came down to family. After living with some families in different parts of Asia, I wanted that. The first girl I really thought I'd marry was one I met abroad. Never considered it with a western girl. I will likely marry my current girlfriend if things go well over the next year or so. I want the real family experience.

Also what DJ said. I read enough of these guys who are 70 putting around Thailand and Phils with young girls, (usually hookers) and I don't see that in my future. I want to be surrounded by family when I am old, and we all eat together at a huge table.

I'm with you on that one...I already have two great Fil-am children that are still pretty young, but that was with my Filipina EX. We actually
have a pretty cordial relationship and cooperate quite well about the kids...but now I have my current GF who lives with me, young and quite lovely actually,
and I am seriously considering round 2 for a second crop...LOL. (To make sure I have a very full group around the table)
I have really been around and did not see myself getting married again, but she has over time found so many chinks in my armor that my defenses
are going down. LOL She is a girl who has proven time and time again that she would walk on hot coals for me if required...has true empathy for another person's position, is totally reliable and honest with me ( In the Philippines yet...) handles money very well...comes from a really good family, middle class, but humble and warm people, and the WORST thing she does is ...LOL...when I do there various little screw ups that a man might make...forget something...overlook something...forget to keep some promise or simple have to change plans somehow, she is TOTALLY unlike any American girl I ever met and it kills me! LOL

Yesterday I stood her up by accident- I overslept, and she got left in a lurch a bit, and men in America will get some kind
of whining and sniping and retribution for something like that...and instead, she left me the sweetest most romantic little note...and she does something
about like that every time...hmmm...I asked her about it...she gave me this little smile like she does...damn! she scores again!
She really makes my life better in so many ways...not a pain in the ass like most women are. I'm planning a little surprise "girls shopping trip"
for her and her sister at SM when we are in Cagayan de Oro this Saturday.

An important observation fellows, when I am around her family I can see in so many ways, why my girlfriend is the way she is. Her family is kind and gracious, really solid and supportive of her being just as she is. It is difficult for a girl to be far different than her family. Her family choked on it a bit
that I moved her into my house without marrying her as I did, but has been nothing but kind to me since. I guess they knew their daughter better than I did- that she would really work me over LOL.

Outwest

*E_Irizarry renders a napkin to himself and gives a standing ovation.*
"Tearjerker, baby.....tearjerker". LOL But seriously though, I cherish your story, Outwest. Some Pinays will wait hand and foot for you in some shape or another. You are blessed to have her. Good stuff.

[jamesbond]

the same girl forever bores the living shit out of me....nuff said...stay single

Tom Leykis has said that one person cannot fulfill all your needs (whether your a man or woman). Men want sexual variety, women want romantic relationships with high status men.

However, the thought of being old and alone when I am in my 70's and 80's does scare me a little bit. I think I might want to have kids, I do love the idea of raising my own children. If I do take the plunge and get married, I think a foreign woman would be the best fit for me.

[Montanaland]

Fred Reed summarizes it up quite well...

-However, most women give the marry-me-or-leave ultimatum in about two years max, which means that you'll have to find another. This is unpleasant, but then the variety is nice.

http://www.fredoneverything.net/marriage.shtml

My last two girlfriends who were in their early 30's.. were so desperate to get married. Getting pushed into a marriage ultimatum is not something you want. good luck

[ladislav]

Yes seriously, maybe this playing around/variety is good until a certain age but I am 51 now. Should I wait until my libido subsides completely or what? Think about this- 70/80 years old and what? In bars with hookers? Who is the oldest guy here? Is it me? And do you know guys in their 70ies still without a wife and kids and looking for variety?

[pete98146]

Yes seriously, maybe this playing around/variety is good until a certain age but I am 51 now. Should I wait until my libido subsides completely or what? Think about this- 70/80 years old and what? In bars with hookers? Who is the oldest guy here? Is it me? And do you know guys in their 70ies still without a wife and kids and looking for variety?

Ladislav,

I know a guy who lives 6 months in Seattle and 6 months in Phils. He's in his early 70s. His hobby is traveling around in Phils from one small town to the next. He's a brilliant and engaging conversationalist and he never talks down to a filipina. Forget bar girls, this guy has a gf in every small town but he's been doing this for years...kind of like a traveling salesman who has built up his clientele...lol.

So yes he is a traveling cooze hound. Don't think he's very picky....just out to bang that lonely 40-50 year old. Let's face it, all filipinas are attention whores. He comes in and gives them a cheap romantic meal, maybe buys them a $8 pair of jeans or shoes, bangs them for two or three days and then he's off to the next town.

For other readers, I would say if you have the means to retire in Phils, go as a single man. Play the field and only get married if a Hope Diamond falls in your lap.