My son is like a monster from hell, what to do?

[Mr S]

Well, some guys are more than happy with an ignorant uneducated girl from the province. This is, in fact, what they want. Usually these guys are older, retired and can spend their days relaxing in the province or countryside, never need to really go anywhere. They get great sex whenever they want, with a girl 30 or 40 years their junior, have someone to clean, cook and wash everything and they laze the days away doing their hobbies.

As for this board, I do think some western attitudes are prevailingly strong on some issues while they seem to be hated on other issues. If it is to be about free thinking, truth seeking and awareness, then you gotta take the good with the bad.

Yeah, I know; many lazy minds and bodies are looking for ignorant lasses to boss around and have them do the grunt work. They can get their supposed intellectual stimuli in the bars with other ex-pats. I for one have to deal with the ignorant here on a regular basis and I'm sick of 'em. I really can't deal with ignorant and stupid people on a regular basis, just in small doses. I don't mind being around educated women since I am a dominant personality and can handle my own. I'm just sick of making ALL the decisions about everything regarding family, there is no help what so ever. I might as well be a single father. But the government here won't allow it so I'm stuck for the time being. No more dumb women for me, only for short time shits and giggles, nothing more.

[swincor]

Yes, he is a bit self-centered and asks for advice numerous times and often times doesn't seem to follow through with any of it. Why? Who knows really but part of it probably has to do with getting as much attention as possible from numerous people to make up for possibly a lack of it while growing up.

Hell, he doesn't need child-rearing advice -- he needs psychological therapy!

Hopefully Winston will buck-up and either accept full responsibility for his child and be a proper, unselfish father

Oh shit, I nearly spat out my coffee after reading that. Now THAT's a good one! LOL

or fully abandon his father duties and start fresh somewhere else where he can be as selfish as he wishes without ramifications, unless he makes a similar mistake again...

OK, now this makes sense.

[wallstreeterwww]

I think much of this goes back to subtle values received from the dominant parent, especially if he is being spoiled. I have a younger brother, and despite all my efforts, he turned into a spoiled brat, but that is only because our mother never held him accountable, instilled values in him or denied him anything he wanted.

Wow these 2 examples sound like my younger bro also lol

[keius]

I think much of this goes back to subtle values received from the dominant parent, especially if he is being spoiled. I have a younger brother, and despite all my efforts, he turned into a spoiled brat, but that is only because our mother never held him accountable, instilled values in him or denied him anything he wanted.

Wow these 2 examples sound like my younger bro also lol

Yeah, sounds exactly like my sister-in-laws younger son (nephew by marriage), and he's only 2 years old. The older son is held accountable for everything, including taking care of the younger, giving the younger anything that the younger wants, not allowed to hit the younger even if the younger starts beating the older with a hammer, giving his own food to the younger if the younger demands it, etc etc. They punish the older (5 years old) whenever he doesn't give in to the younger....drives me f'ing crazy when i see this kind of behavior. They give in to everything when it comes to the younger.

[swincor]

Hitting children in the face is child abuse plain and simple. Any parent who hit's their kid (other than on the butt) is committing a crime! I think any adult who abuses children should be put in prison and not have the right to see their child ever again.

Even if a child hit's you, that does not give you the right to hit them back!

In America child abuse is a felony, I don't know about the laws in the Philippines but child abuse is wrong plain and simple!

This is virtually indistinguishable from what a feminist would say. Just substitute the word "woman" in place of "child" above.

The ability of men to physically intimidate women in the past kept a lot of those women in check. That's why one of the biggest feminist mantras is: "There is never an excuse for violence against women."

For once, I agree with Swincor. That's what a politically correct stupid feminist would say. In truth, slapping someone in the face with an open palm NEVER damages or injures anyone. Many parents slap their kids in the face. It NEVER really hurts them, just shocks them, and is effective. Nothing wrong with that as long as it's not excessive. Parents say that it does the trick. But punching with closed fists is another matter.

NEVER EVER claim that one particular group, even women and children, is unaccountable and can do whatever they like and get away with it and never get punished for it. That is a recipe for disaster.

Bold words, indeed.

Unfortunately, they are completely meaningless.

Why? Because they are coming from you, Winston. You don't walk your own talk.

Given your track record as a weak, incompetent, irresponsible parent, who could possibly ever take what you just said above seriously??

[ExpeditionSailor]

Words are easy to say. But if I suddenly strike your face without warning a few times, no doubt you would hit me back. It'd be your reaction or instinct. Trust me on that. If you don't believe me, come here and see how many times I can hit you without you reacting. Stop pretending to be idealistic. The reality is, if you hit someone stronger than you, he will hit back. I too have a temper and short fuse, besides. And if I hit him hard, I am hoping he will learn not to hit again, but he doesn't learn. What do you expect me to do, playfully slap him back like Dianne does? If he acts like shit, you should treat him like shit.

If you ask my mom, she will tell you that I was nothing like that. I was much more calm at his age. So no Repatriate, he didn't get his personality from me, at least not all of it.

He got to expend his energy by playing with other kids. But Dianne's family doesn't live there anymore, or they are too busy. There are not recreational activities around here. Dianne now feels like she wants a second child, but I don't want to go there and double my trouble...

Without being too cruel, I think your son has picked up some of the traits of your woman's family. It's a shame. Probably another reason to vet the family before getting too deeply involved.

I also wonder how deeply genes influence behavior in these situations.

'Vet the family'. Exactamundo. I wished I had done a more careful job of vetting my wife's family (ex-wife is an AW) before marrying her. Or at least paying more attention to her mother. I firmly believe that a lot of our
personality traits are genetically transmitted, and only some of those traits develop de novo through exposure to the environment. I have seen, first hand, evidence that supports my argument. My half-sister (from my mother's side of
my family) was put up for adoption because my mother was too young too look after her and did not have a husband. She never met my mother until she was in her late 20s, so she never had a chance to pick up my mother's ways. I had lunch with her last spring and was amazed to see that many of her mannerisms and her overall personality was almost a carbon copy of my mother's traits and personality. Spooky, but in a way comforting since my mother died about ten years ago.

[steve55]

Are you saying that if I divulge too many details, then it will be used against me? Doesn't that imply that the forum members who use what I say against me, are my enemies in fact? Why would anyone do that, unless they are your enemy? That's stupid.

Why can't people not be assholes like that? Is it in their genes? I don't use what people say against them unless they are my enemy in some way, or they did the same. It's like they are bullies looking for an excuse to trash others, even using exaggerations and jumping to conclusions.

LOL. Winston, every forum has its share of bitter, spiteful and hateful people who just love to POUNCE and ATTACK whenever they have an opportunity to. Ive seen them at every forum. Its the dark side of human nature and there will always be those types at every forum. Just understand this fact and it wont bother you as much. I used to react like you too when people would do such bitter and hateful attacks based on something I said. Now, I just expect it when I post something that might open me up to that like you just did. When you expect it up front, those people just become meaningless "NOISE" in the background. For the rest of us non haters, we can give healthy constructive advice or share our point of views without being "vitrole" (did I spell that right?). The point is, its ok to disagree with Winston's parenting style, but the viscous name calling and personal attacks are unnceccessary and just plain UGLY, no matter who is the recipient of them!

WInston - man, that sucks you have a kid with beahavioural issues like that. Sorry to hear that. I would like to think I wouldnt hit or slap my kid back under any circumstance but I do believe in spanking on the buttocks in those most extreme moments when its called for. Everything Ive read on the subject seems to indicate that physical punishment does more harm than good. But , Im not in your shoes so I cant say how I would react with a severely misbehaving kid like yours. Sitting here thinking about what you described, and without the benefit of googling/reading up on what the experts recommend, my instincts would not be to strike the child back, but to have a time out room to put him in and lock the door and let him know that he can come out only when he is ready to behave. That way you teach consequences to his actions without making it so personal and possibly psychologically scarring by striking him back. But my first step would be to get professional counseling for the kid and see what's causing this and how to best deal with it. Professionals are professionals for a reason.

WInston, what if the professional counseling worked and helped your kid bahave better and relieved a lot of that stress for you? Wouldnt that be worth it? You should try it - but it would need to be a steady thing, not a one or two time visit to the doc.

[xsplat]

It's unlikely that you'll find anyone who can empathise with that feels like or who knows what you are going through. Some of the speculation as to what caused it is just pulled out of peoples speculative asses with a speculum.

I have a son like that too, and being around him is torture. A kid like that is literally dangerous, and can drive you near mad. No one has the patience for it, as the kid deliberately pushes every button possible, over and over and over. And he seems to sense that you can't kill him.

For me I eventually took the only solution for myself that I could, and just left the country. And that's not an easy solution. He's my own kid, after all. Twelve years later and he has still been an enormous social and personal drain for all involved with him.

Your kid almost certainly has some serious permanent brain damage, probably caused by lack of oxygen in the womb. He is broken, and there is no repairing him. At best you can maximize what is still available. You may never be able to view him as a normal kid, because he isn't one.

Truth hurts, and I'm sure many here will be outraged to hear it.