My neighbor came over

[mehendicant]

My neighbor came over and explained that she was out of work and needed some money to keep her phone from being cut off. I've been in such a situation, so I gave her some money. She's seen me around the apartment complex, but we've never talked before. We start chatting at random. I bring out my concertina and play a few tunes, and she remarks that her daughter plays guitar or something. She has short hair; the sides are razed or slicked down while the middle is dyed some strange color, which she changes every so often. Dyeing her hair like that, it would be impossible for her to reach tailbone. I asked if her husband had a job; she replied that she doesn't have a husband. She did say she'd pay me back; whether from unemployment or child support, I don't know.

She asked me what I was going to do. I had a few emails to write, and while I was thinking about how to word the answer, she asked another question. She asked if we could play. "Play what?" I wondered. As to music, her daughter plays, but she doesn't. As to games, I don't have a pack of cards or a board game. Then she asked if we could go out to eat, and with a few more questions I went into overload and started making noises.

*This was a Friday afternoon. I had things to do before sundown.
*I rarely eat out.
*With hair like that, it's unlikely that our diets have anything in common.
*If she didn't have money for her phone bill, she didn't have money to eat out either, and I'm not going to pay for a meal for her.
*I figured she's looking for a man to support her and her daughter. I am not that man. I had already told her I'm planning to go overseas to look for my wife; the remark apparently went in one ear and out the other.
*How long had she been out of work? If long, why didn't she cut out visits to the salon? She didn't say how much she spends on hair treatments, but looking at her hair, I'm sure it's much more than I do.

[fuzzy_corleone]

Is this in the U.S.

If she has money to treat her hair but refuses to pay her phone bills then obviously her priorities are out of whack.

[Jester]

My analysis:

She's a woman who needs a man. That's normal.

She knows you're available. You've already told her that.

And she is grateful you helped her. That's normal.

So she made it clear she's available to you.

She's wrong for you. You already know that.

She's not CONSCIOUSLY trying to keep you from going overseas. Just to be with you while you're there. But if you act on it, and get involved with her in any way, you wil develop feelings for her, and perhaps her daughter. That's only human.

You will then be unable to leave, and you will be trapped in a relationship with the wrong woman.

As a man, you have to decide whom you will let into your life. We all do.

[mehendicant]

This is in the USA. I don't know how long she's been out of work. If it's only a few weeks, she may just not have had any survival money. If more than six weeks, and she has kept getting this done to her hair, something's definitely wrong.

I spend less than $5 a month on my hair (not counting hairtoys, which I don't buy when I'm low on money). And I don't spend that each month - I buy several hundred grams of henna at once and keep it in the freezer.

ETA: She asked me to call her on Mother's Day. I'm not going to. She's not my mother. I'm just going to buy food and come home and work on stuff.

[gsjackson]

Kiss the money goodbye. And she'll be back for more soon, so you'd better have planned out what you're going to say.

[mehendicant]

I had another neighbor who did pay me back. But if this one asks me for more without first paying me back, I'll tell her to bug off, and probably report her to the apartment office.

I'm getting out of here anyway, as soon as my plans come together. I may not go to Guatemala until September, but in a couple of months I should be living in a cabin in another county.

[ph_visitor]

My neighbor came over and explained that she was out of work and needed some money to keep her phone from being cut off. I've been in such a situation, so I gave her some money.

Never do this.

You f***ed up.

As setting a plate of milk out for the neighbourhood stray cat will miraculously have it begin to show up at your door every day, so too will giving money to this woman have her become a pest.

[Renata]

that's not right.

Money for food yes, but her phone? No. If she asks for more tell her she needs to pay back what she owes before borrowing more... and since she is out of work ask her to do odd jobs for you, like clean, run errands etc for cash ... see if she has any ambition to earn' rather than get'

[OzGuy]

NEVER give a woman money, PERIOD!

Don't even pay for them on a date, ALWAYS go dutch! If you give them a little, then they keep expecting more!

Women use men for money, she will only see you as a money making machine to support her and her offspring.

Get away from this woman as quickly as you can. Go abroad and don't look back! Don't be tempted by her!

If may only be paying for phone now, but in a few years time she will be taking you to the cleaners and bankrupting you! Don't let this happen!

[NorthAmericanguy]

My neighbor came over and explained that she was out of work and needed some money to keep her phone from being cut off. I've been in such a situation, so I gave her some money. She's seen me around the apartment complex, but we've never talked before. We start chatting at random. I bring out my concertina and play a few tunes, and she remarks that her daughter plays guitar or something. She has short hair; the sides are razed or slicked down while the middle is dyed some strange color, which she changes every so often. Dyeing her hair like that, it would be impossible for her to reach tailbone. I asked if her husband had a job; she replied that she doesn't have a husband. She did say she'd pay me back; whether from unemployment or child support, I don't know.

She asked me what I was going to do. I had a few emails to write, and while I was thinking about how to word the answer, she asked another question. She asked if we could play. "Play what?" I wondered. As to music, her daughter plays, but she doesn't. As to games, I don't have a pack of cards or a board game. Then she asked if we could go out to eat, and with a few more questions I went into overload and started making noises.

*This was a Friday afternoon. I had things to do before sundown.
*I rarely eat out.
*With hair like that, it's unlikely that our diets have anything in common.
*If she didn't have money for her phone bill, she didn't have money to eat out either, and I'm not going to pay for a meal for her.
*I figured she's looking for a man to support her and her daughter. I am not that man. I had already told her I'm planning to go overseas to look for my wife; the remark apparently went in one ear and out the other.
*How long had she been out of work? If long, why didn't she cut out visits to the salon? She didn't say how much she spends on hair treatments, but looking at her hair, I'm sure it's much more than I do.

I'm all for helping people when you can; but I would have never helped a neighbor with their phone bill. She's not going to die if her phone is cut off.

Also, you have to be careful with helping out women. Many women I have seen are highly irresponsible (i.e, drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling) but they continue to get by (for YEARS!) because they go swinging like monkeys from one male sucker to the next who will bail them out until the guys money/resources runs dry, or until the guy puts his foot down and refuses to be used anymore.

You guys need to start looking at it from this way: Would the woman you plan on giving money to help YOU out if YOU were in need?

I have been down and out plenty of times before, and no woman has ever come to my aid except my mom. I have even had white male nationalist come to my aid, but not even a woman from my own race. In fact, when I was in need the woman of my own race showed nothing but contempt and gave me nothing but smug nasty attitudes meanwhile they would let a x con stay with them rent free and give him full use of her car and all the food he could eat. So a big f**k YOU goes out to all American black women!


Anyhow, at the very least, you should of had her clean your home, or offer her to do some kind of work (other then sex) in exchange for giving her the money.

[boycottamericanwomen]

LOL! This whore is using you for a fool. She obviously is a whore mother, as she has one bastard child already. And she's trying to use you to eventually lure you in, sucker you in to marrying her, and then boom, you are finished.

The ONLY reason she is interested in you is for your money.

If you want, play the game, f**k her a few times, and then drop her ass.

[Winston]

Is she even attractive? Does she seem like she's willing to exchange sex for all your support?

There's nothing wrong with helping out a little, as long as she doesn't take advantage of it. The universe does seem to return good deeds karmically.

[fuzzy_corleone]

My brother used to tell me to never give a woman money unless you're going to have sex with her. If you're going on a first date with a girl then it would have to be the type of date where you don't spend money (simply hanging out or going for a walk on the beach). You spend money on subsequent dates only if you've had sex with her.

[gsjackson]

The universe does seem to return good deeds karmically.

OTOH, the oft-repeated adage: "No good deed goes unpunished." That's a little closer to my own experience. Lending money usually leads to a quintessential illustration of the point.

[S_Parc]

Oh boy , there's a woman, just as you've described, lurking about my own block. Well ... she's played off a lot of fellows. The closest I've ever gotten to her was an invitation to watch a Celtics game w/ drinks. I didn't take it up. I already have my sports cadre in place.

Anyways, if you loan out money, it should only be towards honor-tested male friends and even there, be judicious. I disagree with Winston and the pop band, New Radical, 'You only get what you give' really means ... 'The more you give, the less you've got'

The laws of karma are not so keen as a real-time ledger system.