Do we become cynical and jaded as we grow older?

[Jackal]

Great questions about Buddhism! ...But I'm kind of too lazy to want to answer them in detail now because I'm enjoying my summer so much!
Maybe I'll give you a detailed answer later.

I think the main thing is that Buddhism isn't "anti-pleasure": it just points out that all kinds of transient pleasures are useless from the ultimate point of view because they don't help people to attain enlightenment (the only permanent type of happiness). There's no western concept of "sin" in Buddhism; there are just skillful actions and unskillful actions.

Also, keep in mind that there are many different types of Buddhism. Saying "Buddhism says this" is often about as meaningful as saying "Christianity says this." Some general things are true about all sects, but many sects within each religion are very different from each other.

Tantric forms of Buddhism (i.e. Tibetan Buddhism) also talk about transforming negative emotions into positive ones and about using wordly actions as skillful means (there are also meditation techniques to do be done while having sex, but few people actually know how to do this properly).

Pleasure can also be an offering: When you see something beautiful (a nice view, a beautiful woman, etc.) you can think "I offer this to the Three Jewels (Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha)." This is a very pleasant way to create good karma.

Buddhism doesn't teach that beings that seek after pleasure are "bad." It just teaches that such beings are immature and unlikely to attain enlightenment any time soon. I am mature enough to admit that I'm still immature from the Buddhist point of view! lol

Since you like pleasure, Winston, I would encourage you to experience other pleasures as well: the pleasure of experiencing the true nature of your mind during meditation, the pleasure of giving to poor and suffering people, and the pleasure of feeling loving-kindness towards as many living beings as you are capable of.

Buddhism doesn't have to always be a path of pain, but can also be a path of inner bliss--bliss tempered with the knowledge of impermanence and interdependence, just like an athlete can feel joy while in the middle of playing a difficult sports game in which he knows that the odds are against him and that his actions will affect his teammates.

Perhaps I'll write more later. May all beings be happy!
OM AH HUM

[lavezzi]

Hi Lavezzi,

Not trying to be contentious but just out of curiosity over your new-found Buddhist beliefs, what would you say to the following:

Buddhism purports that desires are only illusions and are a form of suffering. But what about when these desires are fulfilled, giving pleasure to us? We feel good, we feel happy and satisfied about it. Happiness and satisfaction are genuine feelings that increase the quality of our lives. So are the fulfillment of desires, at least the ones that can be realistically fulfilled, not a worthwhile pursuit?

For instance when you have sex with a beautiful super sexy woman. You fulfill a desire and are happy and satisfied. Was that not a desire worthwhile pursuing？

When you meet up with a very close friend whom you had not seen for years. You feel happy and satisfied. Was that not a desire worthwhile pursuing？

When you fall in love with a girl and you realize for the first time that she's in love with you as well, and you kiss, the sense of exhilaration and joy you feel at finding your soul mate, was not that a desire worth pursuing?

I understand that with the pursuit of fulfillment there will often be disappointments as well, and that makes desire a form of suffering when they're unfulfilled. But it's all part of life isn't it? You take the good with the bad.

I agree with Buddhism that we're merely bodies with consciousness and that the rat race is something we've all been brainwashed into, but it doesn't mean that things like sex, love, close friendships, communal warmth, beautiful music, adventure, great food and more aren't desires worth pursuing and that they don't bring happiness to our lives. Even if nothing is permanent surely a life filled with sex, love, close friendships, communal warmth, beautiful music, adventure, great food is better than life filled with none of these at all?

At the risk of sounding like a hedonist, nothing is permanent, but we got one life and we got to make the best of it.

Dismissing desires as an illusion and therefore a waste of time to pursue seems to be the recipe for creating a life of absolute numbness, where one feels no pain only because one feelings nothing at all.

Sorry I only just noticed this now.

For the vast majority of humans on earth, desires are deeply ingrained with an unconscious sense of need for validation of one's ego (mind made/conceptual self). If one wants to progress spiritually, one must first fully realize the nature of one's ego and then make a conscious effort to quell it whenever one recognizes it manifesting itself through one's thought patterns and actions. Having an ego at some point is a natural psychological progression, but if one does not evolve by transcending it and becoming enlightened, one is essentially spending one's entire life seeking unnecessary validation; this leaves one at total mercy to whatever one's life situation or mood may be at any given time, and such negative emotions as fear, depression, boredom etc. can and will arise as a result. Being fully conscious is when one has transcended the need for validation (ego) and is free of all negative emotions; this is a profoundly blissful and peaceful existence where one has no attachment to one's desires but retains the ability to enjoy them just as much as one did while still living through the scope of one's ego.

I hope this helps.

[noog]

An old friend had once said to me "you can't live with regrets". If you're cynical and jaded, it probably means that you are spending too much time looking into the past and there is something that you regret that needs to be addressed or rectified. But when doing this, also keep perspective - "Am I being selfish and unrealistic? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?" Be grateful with what you do have because life is too short.

[Ginger]

[lavezzi]

Maybe people become cynical and jaded as they grow older out of the unconscious frustration of having a life without meaning and purpose.

good point. growing older is a perfect time to awaken and live purely as essence (as one has now had many experiences and is bound to have realized no real gratification ever comes from ego), but society conditions people to cling to their egos well into old age. at this stage they have little to attempt to get ego gratification from so they end up moaning about everything obviously in an unconscious attempt to put themselves above the object of complaint. im sure we all know of a few individuals where this is the case.

[davewe]

An old friend had once said to me "you can't live with regrets". If you're cynical and jaded, it probably means that you are spending too much time looking into the past and there is something that you regret that needs to be addressed or rectified. But when doing this, also keep perspective - "Am I being selfish and unrealistic? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?" Be grateful with what you do have because life is too short.

+1 Gratitute is something we dont have or forget to maintain. We take our successes for granted, even our failures for granted. As there are less years ahead than behind, you can either savor the pleasures of life or dwell on a lifetime of pain. It's a personal choice that leads to cynicism.

One thing that is always recomended by doctors to older people is to do new things to keep the brain fresh or do the same things in a different way. Writing with your opposite hand is one technique recommended.

Even on HA, think of the excited experiences of guys going to a country for their first or second time. Now compare it to the experiences of the guy who has been there 50 times or has lived there 10 years. The newness has gone. The brain anticipates the experience before you have even had it. For example, even before your morning cup of coffee has passed your lips you feel its effects; your brain anticipates.

So sometimes in older age a person anticipates the effect; whether it's at the job you've worked at for years; the wife you've lived with for decades; the culture you have known since childhood. You anticipate the effect before it occurs and the boring knowledge of the effect to come, leads to that jaded/cynical attitude. New experiences and the fresh perspective they create are the best cure.

I see many men past a certain age become cynical about sex. They still enjoy it of course, but the more women they are with, the less they view the experience for the joy it brings. They compare body parts and performance characteristics. Fantasy becomes more important than the connection they create with the person they are with.

[pete98146]

I consider myself less cynical than I was 10 years ago and the biggest reason for the drop is that I discovered international dating/marriage. The light at the end of the tunnel for me is knowing that I can retire overseas for a fraction of what I could here in Seattle!!!! That carrot at the of the stick keeps me very excited.

[Jester]

Maybe people become cynical and jaded as they grow older out of the unconscious frustration of having a life without meaning and purpose.

When one finds meaning in their life and lives with a purpose, it's really difficult to be jaded and cynical.

+1

[Jester]

One thing that is always recomended by doctors to older people is to do new things to keep the brain fresh or do the same things in a different way. Writing with your opposite hand is one technique recommended.
...think of the excited experiences of guys going to a country for their first or second time.

Nice.

Reminds me of an infant, standing up in the crib, waiting to be lifted out.

Every morning is new.

[mguy]

In latina America I realized I was being cynical. Need to change it.

[ladislav]

In my case, at 52 I concentrate more on here and now and enjoying life now. Back in my 20ies and 30ies I used to believe in the "try, try again" and "winner never quits" philosophies so I spent years on doomed projects which not only did not succeed but left me with debts and a few years of my life totally wasted.

So, I am more careful about undertaking a project that may require too much effort and take too much of my personal time while having a strong possibility of going South. Anything that is risky also has a time wasting factor attached to it now. I would not call it cynical or jaded but I value my time more now and do not want to invest too much of it- I do not have so much of it left on Earth.

[Jester]

In my case, at 52 I concentrate more on here and now and enjoying life now. Back in my 20ies and 30ies I used to believe in the "try, try again" and "winner never quits" philosophies so I spent years on doomed projects which not only did not succeed but left me with debts and a few years of my life totally wasted.

So, I am more careful about undertaking a project that may require too much effort and take too much of my personal time while having a strong possibility of going South. Anything that is risky also has a time wasting factor attached to it now. I would not call it cynical or jaded but I value my time more now and do not want to invest too much of it- I do not have so much of it left on Earth.

I hear this.

I don't think we become jaded or cynical.

I think we come to cherish the sweet moments, because we see how fleeting the can be.

A family member can die.
A love affair can end.
One can lose touch with dear friends.
An enjoyable job can be lost.

So we learn to cherish while we can.