What's the point of having a big wedding ceremony?

[Bao3niang]

I simply don't get why so many people want to devote so much time, money, and resources to have a grand wedding ceremony. Here are the reasons why I think it's mostly worthless:

(A) You can have the best wedding ceremony in the world but still get divorced 2 years later. This happens a lot in urban China and even more so in the West.


(B) Wedding ceremonies are extremely hard on money. Assuming you have a typical wedding, first you need to book a place which may or may not have spots. Secondly, both partners want to look good. Women dream of wearing a lavish and expensive wedding dress (just for a day), and men want a top quality suit. Once you buy the clothes, you must spend money on food, drinks, decorations, music, events, hiring one of those priests / whatever, maybe some technological aspects as well like lights and special effects.



(C) Sending so many invitations is just tedious and time consuming. In China, 80% of the people that show up are complete strangers that just want free food and drinks. Seeing your friend's-friends'-friends and relative's relatives' relatives tag along is extremely annoying, not to mention that many are bitches, assholes, or simply rude. You likely won't ever meet them again nor will you likely be interested in seeing them again.




(D) If you are someone who hates to dress formally even for just one day (like me), having to put on a suit is extremely unnatural and uncomfortable. Why must I wear a suit/fancy dress to signify the beginning of my life as someone's partner?



(E) Toasts! Every time when I have to toast a bunch of people at a table I don't even know what to say! I'd rather spare myself from this ritual than just saying cheesy and repetitive lines like everyone else. Perhaps its just my social awkwardness and ineffectiveness, but either way I find it strange.




(F) Wedding photos! I'd prefer NOT to spend 2 hours at a photography studio. It's awfully painful to pose in tight and often inconvenient clothing, and of course it also costs a lot.





So far, these are the reasons why I hate wedding ceremonies. I've never attended a wedding in my entire life. To sum up my reasons, they are:

-Many marriages end in divorce, and having a ceremony won't help with married life

-Extreme pressure on money if the wedding is grand

-Random people being invited and showing up

-Hating to dress formally, even for a day

-The awkward and strange ritual of toasting

-Shooting wedding photos wearing tight and often inconvenient clothing is long and costly


In China, what's becoming more popular in recent years is skipping the marriage ceremony and going on honeymoon right away. I believe this is the way it should be as it allows both partners to discover things about themselves and each other during the trip, while saving a lot of hassle that's involved in a formal ceremony. However, this kind of "wedding" is still unacceptable to most couples and their families.


On a concluding note, I believe that wedding ceremonies can be fun for the socially outgoing type that are willing to invest the time, money, and resources for a particular occasion. As for me, I'd certainly run away from this kind of planning.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Weddings serve to feed the bride's ego. Men go along with it to please their fiancees.

Women are conditioned to look forward to "their day" from childhood onward. Prom culture feeds into it and family and peer pressure push hesitant women into conformity.

Most importantly, weddings are a multi-billion dollar a year industry so it ain't going anywhere fast.

[TheAustralianMan]

Weddings serve to feed the bride's ego. Men go along with it to please their fiancees.

Women are conditioned to look forward to "their day" from childhood onward. Prom culture feeds into it and family and peer pressure push hesitant women into conformity.

Most importantly, weddings are a multi-billion dollar a year industry so it ain't going anywhere fast.

Yes, it is pure narcissism, based on the western culture of materialism. Have to have the best of everything to make themselves look good in front of their shallow self-absorbed 'friends'. Have to have the best of everything even though that is living beyond their means.

[Tsar]

When I find my ideal foreign girl and she becomes my bride, I will buy my her a nice wedding gown, nice styling, and nice jewelry for the event. I will not pay anything for a reception if I can't afford it. We will either have no reception or someone in her family can prepare a nice meal and have it as a gathering of her family. It is also mandatory that it be held abroad (in her country). Any wedding in a Western nation would be too expensive and not worth the expense. I'll also want a high-end luxury suit for myself. I will not spend anything I can't afford and that's something I will not change. Living within a budget is important and nothing will be put on credit unless it could be paid-off within two or three months, and not impact my future investments.

[momopi]

Large, expensive ceremonies and gift-giving has been a tradition in human society long before recorded history.

The native Americans of the Pacific Northwest, for example, harvested Oolichan (candlefish) oil. This particular smelt fish has very high fat content, approx. 15% of the fish's body weight is fat. When dried, you could actually stick a wick in it and use it as a fish candle. The Native Americans would boil the fish to get the fat on top, then skim it and store in containers for trade with other tribes. It was a popular commodity and used like butter in cooking, the trade routes were referred to as "grease trails" in the Pacific Northwest.

When a tribe's chief wished to impress honored guests, he'd laid out a feast, give gifts, and in a display of conspicuous consumption, they'd sometimes dump oolichan oil into the bonfire to make it burn really big and really hot, in a fiery display of their economic power and wealth. Keep in mind that this stuff was expensive back then (in trade/barter).

Neighboring chiefs, not wishing to be out-done and appear poor, would invite the guests over and host their own giant bonfire and fish oil burning. Sound familiar? Keeping up with the Jones?

[Will N. Dowd]

Great post, but take it a step further and ask what's the point of getting married in the first place?

Ask yourself the question: "what does the government and/or local religion have to do with your relationship"? The only answer to that question is nothing by the way.

All the things people do when they are married can be done without being married, so why do you need a marriage license? You can have kids, live together, buy a place to live, share a bank account, buy a car etc...without being married.

It's much easier to break up when you are not married, than it is to get divorced.

Most people won't even sign a cell phone contract for more than 2 years, so how can you sign a lifetime contract for a person?

Listen to Tom Leykis...

http://www.ihateweddings.com/

[polya]

When I find my ideal foreign girl and she becomes my bride, I will buy my her a nice wedding gown, nice styling, and nice jewelry for the event. I will not pay anything for a reception if I can't afford it. We will either have no reception or someone in her family can prepare a nice meal and have it as a gathering of her family. It is also mandatory that it be held abroad (in her country). Any wedding in a Western nation would be too expensive and not worth the expense. I'll also want a high-end luxury suit for myself. I will not spend anything I can't afford and that's something I will not change. Living within a budget is important and nothing will be put on credit unless it could be paid-off within two or three months, and not impact my future investments.

I doubt it will work out how you plan. I'm sure you'll soon give in and do what she says...or no wedding/sex for you.

[Teal Lantern]

Great post, but take it a step further and ask what's the point of getting married in the first place?

Ask yourself the question: "what does the government and/or local religion have to do with your relationship"? The only answer to that question is nothing by the way.

All the things people do when they are married can be done without being married, so why do you need a marriage license? You can have kids, live together, buy a place to live, share a bank account, buy a car etc...without being married.

It's much easier to break up when you are not married, than it is to get divorced.

Most people won't even sign a cell phone contract for more than 2 years, so how can you sign a lifetime contract for a person?

Listen to Tom Leykis...

http://www.ihateweddings.com/

Daddygov will eventually declare those things as being good enough to say you were in a "de-facto marriage".
British Columbia (Canada) and parts of Australia have already done similar.

[Will N. Dowd]

Great post, but take it a step further and ask what's the point of getting married in the first place?

Ask yourself the question: "what does the government and/or local religion have to do with your relationship"? The only answer to that question is nothing by the way.

All the things people do when they are married can be done without being married, so why do you need a marriage license? You can have kids, live together, buy a place to live, share a bank account, buy a car etc...without being married.

It's much easier to break up when you are not married, than it is to get divorced.

Most people won't even sign a cell phone contract for more than 2 years, so how can you sign a lifetime contract for a person?

Listen to Tom Leykis...

http://www.ihateweddings.com/

Daddygov will eventually declare those things as being good enough to say you were in a "de-facto marriage".
British Columbia (Canada) and parts of Australia have already done similar.

Yes I know, that's why I only dated foreign asian ESL girls, since they left after a year or less, and they didn't know the laws anyways. There is always a way to beat the system. The vast majority of the local girls weren't even worth meeting either, even the local pinays I met were rotten.

[Tsar]

When I find my ideal foreign girl and she becomes my bride, I will buy my her a nice wedding gown, nice styling, and nice jewelry for the event. I will not pay anything for a reception if I can't afford it. We will either have no reception or someone in her family can prepare a nice meal and have it as a gathering of her family. It is also mandatory that it be held abroad (in her country). Any wedding in a Western nation would be too expensive and not worth the expense. I'll also want a high-end luxury suit for myself. I will not spend anything I can't afford and that's something I will not change. Living within a budget is important and nothing will be put on credit unless it could be paid-off within two or three months, and not impact my future investments.

I doubt it will work out how you plan. I'm sure you'll soon give in and do what she says...or no wedding/sex for you.

Anyone that puts a wedding on credit is ignorant and foolish because using debt to fund any event is illogical and irresponsible. For the average person that would be a burden. Either the bride can accept that it is the responsible way or she won't be getting anything. A nice ring, a nice wedding gown, a nice wedding ceremony, and some nice trinkets will be covered even if some debt is needed to fund those purchases. Some wedding photographs. But there will be no expensive wedding reception at a fancy restaurant with many guests because that will not be funded with debt and all the aforementioned items in the previous sentence are more important because those are gifts directly going to her. Unless there are people in her family that would fund a big reception there won't be any. One of the leading causes of stress and divorce is debt and irresponsible use of finances. Either she can have very nice things for gifts from me or sacrifice some of that value to go towards a ceremony. The most I would spend on everything would be $5,000 or $6,000 assuming I had that amount of available cash available when I found a bride. Assuming a $1,500 for a designer suit and $1,500 for a designer wedding gown, maybe $2,000 for the rings, a few hundred for the wedding ceremony. No money from me for a reception at a restaurant. I wouldn't give in because it would not be responsible. If a bride doesn't understand that financial responsibility and budgeting is important, then things wouldn't work out. Everyone must pitch in when there is a wedding, one man can't take on all the costs.

[TheAustralianMan]

Much of the problem currently and in the future with Western economies is the addiction that governments and people have to debt. Fiscal responsibility has gone out the window due to the entitlement culture entrenched in the modern world.

[Bao3niang]

CE nailed it spot on. It is this princess culture that originated in the US (think Disney) and is unfortunately spreading to other places in the world. Young girls are programmed from a young age to believe that having a big, expensive ceremony IS required to have a happy married life (assuming they are still marriage minded).

Before, wedding ceremonies were simply seen as the norm, i.e. something that's done as part of culture and tradition. Now, they are more often than not used to satisfy egos and show off how rich you are. This is depicted a lot in modern Chinese romance movies like "前任攻略“ (Strategies To Deal With Exes), even more so in TV soap operas.

Perhaps to some women (or maybe even a lot of women) I may seem stingy, but they have totally misunderstood me. I've learned over the years through thinking and analysis that there isn't a point to a lot of things we do, and making a ceremony that big of a deal is no exception. If someone believes that you are not considered married UNTIL you have a formal wedding, I honestly see no difference between this and the false/dangerous church doctrine of baptismal regeneration, which is the belief that you aren't a saved Christian until you get baptized in water.


When I do get married, I'd like my future wife to understand how I feel, and hope that she's at least partly unconventional as well. If her parents force her to have a wedding ceremony with me and lay all the burden on me, then I will have a more than clear idea of her family's bitchiness by then.

[droid]

Fiscal responsibility has gone out the window due to the entitlement culture entrenched in the modern world.

+1
Nobody wants to be 'deprived' of anything now. The latest phone, the latest foo-king tablet, the latest car etc. unreal. Even if they're "poor", making a few bucks per hour.

Spending $10K-$20K on a stupid wedding day is insane. It would at least make some sense if it was really to satisfy the Ego like you guys say, but it's actually to satisfy others, wtf?

Maybe Tsar's virgin would actually deserve a whole-nine-yards princess wedding, in that case she deserves it. Heck, I would even throw in some dowry on top of it Lol.
But these used-up m*fs now want that, while wearing white etc, what a joke.

[Tsar]

Maybe Tsar's virgin would deserve the whole nine yards princess wedding, in that case she deserves it. Heck, I would even throw in some dowry on top of it Lol.

If I was wealthy then I would give her my future ideal virgin bride a princess wedding. I would have it at one of the nicest churches in Russia or Eastern Europe if she's Orthodox, maybe have some people release doves at the end, a nice wedding ceremony, a live orchestra to play the music, a white limousine with expensive champagne on the way to a gourmet banquet reception. Giving her a luxury wedding dress, getting myself an Italian designer suit, and very nice rings. But the truth is I'm not wealthy which means that everything must fall within a budget. There is always a renewal of the vows for an "upgrade event" if I became rich and the marriage lasts.

[polya]

When I find my ideal foreign girl and she becomes my bride, I will buy my her a nice wedding gown, nice styling, and nice jewelry for the event. I will not pay anything for a reception if I can't afford it. We will either have no reception or someone in her family can prepare a nice meal and have it as a gathering of her family. It is also mandatory that it be held abroad (in her country). Any wedding in a Western nation would be too expensive and not worth the expense. I'll also want a high-end luxury suit for myself. I will not spend anything I can't afford and that's something I will not change. Living within a budget is important and nothing will be put on credit unless it could be paid-off within two or three months, and not impact my future investments.

I doubt it will work out how you plan. I'm sure you'll soon give in and do what she says...or no wedding/sex for you.

Anyone that puts a wedding on credit is ignorant and foolish because using debt to fund any event is illogical and irresponsible. For the average person that would be a burden. Either the bride can accept that it is the responsible way or she won't be getting anything. A nice ring, a nice wedding gown, a nice wedding ceremony, and some nice trinkets will be covered even if some debt is needed to fund those purchases. Some wedding photographs. But there will be no expensive wedding reception at a fancy restaurant with many guests because that will not be funded with debt and all the aforementioned items in the previous sentence are more important because those are gifts directly going to her. Unless there are people in her family that would fund a big reception there won't be any. One of the leading causes of stress and divorce is debt and irresponsible use of finances. Either she can have very nice things for gifts from me or sacrifice some of that value to go towards a ceremony. The most I would spend on everything would be $5,000 or $6,000 assuming I had that amount of available cash available when I found a bride. Assuming a $1,500 for a designer suit and $1,500 for a designer wedding gown, maybe $2,000 for the rings, a few hundred for the wedding ceremony. No money from me for a reception at a restaurant. I wouldn't give in because it would not be responsible. If a bride doesn't understand that financial responsibility and budgeting is important, then things wouldn't work out. Everyone must pitch in when there is a wedding, one man can't take on all the costs.

I've been to weddings where you pay for your own meals/drinks at a restaurant and I still enjoyed myself. I largely agree with you, but I doubt I will ever just have $5,000 sitting around for a wedding anyway so my wedding will be at the registry office...I think some cultures force the bride's family to pay for the wedding - like in India. I hope to marry an Indian!