Life sucks! (or at least mine does)

[emh]

First, a little background...I'm soon to be 43, from the US, and like many on here I've never had much success in dating AW. I have lived for 3-4 months each in the Philippines, Colombia and Peru and never had a problem finding a high quality girlfriend.

Right now I'm at a major transition point in my life. In 2011, I tried living in Colombia and in Peru. But I've slowly come to the conclusion that the Latin American countries just aren't for me. I went back to the US for Thanksgiving and was planning on staying. But then I realized something. If I stay in the US, I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. Plus I'll spend most of my days working at a job that I hate (my resume is so f'ed up at this point I have no idea what I could even get hired for but I've never found a job that I've enjoyed). So instead of staying in the US, I've been aimlessly wandering the world, trying to figure out what to do with my life. I'm in Poland right now and have no idea where I'm sleeping after tomorrow.

Basically I feel like I'm in a catch-22, with two options, neither of which is desirable:

1) Go back to the US, be alone for the rest of my life, and work some job that I hate.

2) Live in another country where I know I can find a high quality girlfriend. Theoretically #2 sounds better but there are issues that come with it. a) I get tired of the language barrier very quickly. And I'm just not a fan of learning languages. I managed to get to an intermediate level of spanish (an easy language) but couldn't get any further. I can't even imagine trying to learn something like Russian or Mandarin. b) My job options in other countries are generally limited to teaching english or perhaps making money online, neither of which appeals to me. c) I have a hard time finding fun things to do in other countries and end up getting really bored after awhile. My girlfriend's in Peru and Colombia were happy to just sit around and watch tv all day, which drove me nuts. d) I can't seem to make friends in other countries. So I'm stuck spending all my time alone or with my girlfriend. And I've found girls in other countries are very clingy so they're fine spending all their time with me. e) In many countries, there are issues with staying there legally if you're not married to a local, in some places you're not allowed to own property, etc. Basically you're an outsider for the rest of your life.

I don't expect anyone to have any answers to me. All I know is that I'm really tired of this. I just want to be settled down somewhere and have a "normal" life like most people do.

[gsjackson]

"Return to normalcy" was the theme of the Harding campaign for president in 1920. Unfortunately, normalcy in the US has increasingly represented dysfunctionality pretty much ever since that point. That's the hypothesis on this site -- if you agree you need to have the courage of your convictions, and understand that your dissatisfaction means you are going to be presented with some substantial challenges in creating a better life than the one the US has on offer. You've got to embrace those challenges with some confidence.

If the rolling stone thing isn't working, and no country is saying to you, "this is the place," then you probably need to hunker down somewhere and get to work building what you want. You might try one country over to the west of where you are now -- Germany. Getting by in English is no problem there. A residency visa is pretty easy to get -- just show them you have health insurance, a place to live and a way of making a living. Intellect has always been more valued there than in any other western country -- the German language is full of words with complex philosophical meaning that have no correlative in the English language -- and you might find that your two masters degrees are more valued there than in the US, which is a viciously anti-intellectual society (notwithstanding all the hot air rhetoric about the value of education.)

Making friends and having a predictable and satisfying pattern of life do suggest staying in one place for a while. At the very least, doing that allows you to actually learn something about another culture, rather than just skipping over them with glorified tourist experiences. Life is supposed to be about learning, I think, and it's also hard. Meeting challenges like learning other languages will build your confidence and enhance the learning experience. But you can't just keep surrendering to every challenge that presents itself, because they'll keep coming if you do. You're a psych guy, you know that.

[Taco]

The political and economic climate around the world is unstable and becoming more unstable everyday. With that in mind, I suggest you go some where you can get a job quickly(China) or shack up with woman quickly(Philippines).

There's literally millions of Asian women that would love to make you their sex slave/husband and some of them are wealthy. If you have a history of short term relationships this might not appeal to you but it might be your best option. Yes, foreign women can be a little obsessive but at least they care about you. Also, a divorce in China only costs $1.20 US. How can you lose?

[WuFan]

Life sucks for everyone except celebrities or model looking guys.

Deal with it.

[onezero4u]

good luck amigo....

id say try to do the best you & dont expect to find perfection or paradise in this life...

[gsjackson]

Life sucks for everyone except celebrities or model looking guys.

Deal with it.

I don't know where it is you live that you've come up with this as your mantra (though I don't discount the possibility that you're on this site only to bait people, starting with Winston), but it's certainly not the United States. Most of the attractive women I see here are with the most wretched looking, slobbish men imaginable. Now it's possible that my taste is entirely divergent from the norm. I go for the natural look and enormous tits. What a lot of guys seem to regard as a hot babe I see as just another bleached blonde with a stick figure and a ton of war paint on, the toxicity of American culture just written all over her. Virtually all the women I see who I think are appealing are either alone or with extremely unattractive men. It's like they're just looking for a safe port in the storm of American life, and get with any guy who comes along they don't find threatening.

There is no apparent rhyme or reason to why men and women get together in this culture that I can discern. It's most definitely not the strict meritocracy of looks and money that you want everyone to believe.

[emh]

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm doing a bit better today. I think part of my struggle stems from my life not working out the way I expected it. I assumed that by now I'd be "settled into a life" - job I like, wife, kids, house etc. The fact that I don't have those things and am nowhere close to have them is pretty discouraging. Secondly, I don't know anyone else who has struggled with these issues the way I have. All my friends and family had no problems finding a partner (okay some of them have been divorced) or a career. It's hard being so different from everyone else that you know.

[OutWest]

First, a little background...I'm soon to be 43, from the US, and like many on here I've never had much success in dating AW. I have lived for 3-4 months each in the Philippines, Colombia and Peru and never had a problem finding a high quality girlfriend.

Right now I'm at a major transition point in my life. In 2011, I tried living in Colombia and in Peru. But I've slowly come to the conclusion that the Latin American countries just aren't for me. I went back to the US for Thanksgiving and was planning on staying. But then I realized something. If I stay in the US, I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. Plus I'll spend most of my days working at a job that I hate (my resume is so f'ed up at this point I have no idea what I could even get hired for but I've never found a job that I've enjoyed). So instead of staying in the US, I've been aimlessly wandering the world, trying to figure out what to do with my life. I'm in Poland right now and have no idea where I'm sleeping after tomorrow.

Basically I feel like I'm in a catch-22, with two options, neither of which is desirable:

1) Go back to the US, be alone for the rest of my life, and work some job that I hate.

2) Live in another country where I know I can find a high quality girlfriend. Theoretically #2 sounds better but there are issues that come with it. a) I get tired of the language barrier very quickly. And I'm just not a fan of learning languages. I managed to get to an intermediate level of spanish (an easy language) but couldn't get any further. I can't even imagine trying to learn something like Russian or Mandarin. b) My job options in other countries are generally limited to teaching english or perhaps making money online, neither of which appeals to me. c) I have a hard time finding fun things to do in other countries and end up getting really bored after awhile. My girlfriend's in Peru and Colombia were happy to just sit around and watch tv all day, which drove me nuts. d) I can't seem to make friends in other countries. So I'm stuck spending all my time alone or with my girlfriend. And I've found girls in other countries are very clingy so they're fine spending all their time with me. e) In many countries, there are issues with staying there legally if you're not married to a local, in some places you're not allowed to own property, etc. Basically you're an outsider for the rest of your life.

I don't expect anyone to have any answers to me. All I know is that I'm really tired of this. I just want to be settled down somewhere and have a "normal" life like most people do.

I think you are seeing things from a depressed perspective. For example, in the tourist zones of many countries there are numerous opportunities
to establish small businesses such as tourist service businesses where the foreigner has an advantage over the local. After all, you may know exactly what the "Foreigner" will like, while a local might be rather clueless. I see this all the time in the Philippines...other places as well

Outwest

[djfourmoney]

Let me get this straight -

1) You can find p***y easy in Latin America. But the lack of language so you can engage the culture better and your girl, who by the way thinks your VALUABLE clings onto you because UNLIKE America/UK/AU/NZ/SAF, there isn't this rampant desire to have "Me" time.

2) You're job skills are not transferable because of the aforementioned language problem. So this limits your choices, while failing to mention what interest you.

3) Now your find yourself on the boarder of Eastern and Western Europe (Poland). I agree with GSJ, that Germany is by far the country the most friendly to Americans outside of Great Britain. Belgium's official second language is English, these are reasonable options.

Suggestions -

Find something you like. There has to be SOMETHING. Why is making money on the internet a turnoff? Its not all that hard to design a couple of web sites with information on it and then have it show up in Google on the first page, generate some hits, maybe some sales and rake in the money. Wow, I just explained what Winston is doing and how you're helping him by visiting this site and posting here.... So again you're against making money on the internet????

Move to Germany or Belgium. I too am not all that interested in learning another language. A child's mind is WIDE OPEN to such things, let my children learn there future mother's tongue. Only idealistic people believe you should learn the language of your host country, when you're an American. Poor Latins cross the boarder and many don't know much English at all. Are we demonizing them? Not really... So you can't speak the cop that pulls you over for speeding. Guess what they will call dispatch and FIND SOMEBODY THAT DOES. What do you think happens to American tourist who popped over to Germany to pick up their European Delivery BMW M3 and get caught on the wrong part of the Autobahn doing 120mph???? So you're a resident, I don't see a difference here, you'll be treated the same way.

I'll guess your a White Male, this is why its been easy to find a woman in the countries you mentioned. I would argue in largely White and homogeneous countries like Poland, you're better of being Black or Latino. If you're a White Guy, even if your American, that's hardly unique in Europe.

Good Luck on whatever you choose and thanks for sharing.

[WuFan]

Life sucks for everyone except celebrities or model looking guys.

Deal with it.

I don't know where it is you live that you've come up with this as your mantra (though I don't discount the possibility that you're on this site only to bait people, starting with Winston), but it's certainly not the United States. Most of the attractive women I see here are with the most wretched looking, slobbish men imaginable. Now it's possible that my taste is entirely divergent from the norm. I go for the natural look and enormous tits. What a lot of guys seem to regard as a hot babe I see as just another bleached blonde with a stick figure and a ton of war paint on, the toxicity of American culture just written all over her. Virtually all the women I see who I think are appealing are either alone or with extremely unattractive men. It's like they're just looking for a safe port in the storm of American life, and get with any guy who comes along they don't find threatening.

There is no apparent rhyme or reason to why men and women get together in this culture that I can discern. It's most definitely not the strict meritocracy of looks and money that you want everyone to believe.

Yes of course. The 9s and 10s only date fat, short, ugly, bald guys. That´s why Winston left America. He just had too many hotties persuing him and it was too much for him.

You like fat chicks, we get it.

The only reason you hate on the hot bleached blonde girls is because you can´t get them and are invisible to them.

[ExpeditionSailor]

Life sucks for everyone except celebrities or model looking guys.

Deal with it.

I don't know where it is you live that you've come up with this as your mantra (though I don't discount the possibility that you're on this site only to bait people, starting with Winston), but it's certainly not the United States. Most of the attractive women I see here are with the most wretched looking, slobbish men imaginable. Now it's possible that my taste is entirely divergent from the norm. I go for the natural look and enormous tits. What a lot of guys seem to regard as a hot babe I see as just another bleached blonde with a stick figure and a ton of war paint on, the toxicity of American culture just written all over her. Virtually all the women I see who I think are appealing are either alone or with extremely unattractive men. It's like they're just looking for a safe port in the storm of American life, and get with any guy who comes along they don't find threatening.

There is no apparent rhyme or reason to why men and women get together in this culture that I can discern. It's most definitely not the strict meritocracy of looks and money that you want everyone to believe.

Yes of course. The 9s and 10s only date fat, short, ugly, bald guys. That´s why Winston left America. He just had too many hotties persuing him and it was too much for him.

You like fat chicks, we get it.

The only reason you hate on the hot bleached blonde girls is because you can´t get them and are invisible to them.

"The 9s and 10s only date fat, short, ugly, bald guys."

I'd love to know how that is possible in North America. I'm fat, short, ugly, and bald and I can't get a date to save my life 99% of the time. Once in a long, long while I get lucky and manage to have coffee with someone, but it never goes anywhere. Those times are like scratch-and-win lottery tickets. You scratch the ticket, hoping for something special, and all you get is, "Sorry! Try again." It's the story of my life. I know for a fact that women are generally NOT attracted to me.

[WuFan]

Although there is no excuse for being fat, don´t feel bad.

Literally 90% of the male population is considered unattractive and ugly by women.

If you don´t have moviestar looks you´ll eventually have to settle for ugly/fat girls. If you make decent money you can get married to a used up 30 something average looking baby momma that got f***ed by a gazillion guys in her teens and 20s.

Life sucks for everyone except celebrities or model looking guys.

Deal with it.

I don't know where it is you live that you've come up with this as your mantra (though I don't discount the possibility that you're on this site only to bait people, starting with Winston), but it's certainly not the United States. Most of the attractive women I see here are with the most wretched looking, slobbish men imaginable. Now it's possible that my taste is entirely divergent from the norm. I go for the natural look and enormous tits. What a lot of guys seem to regard as a hot babe I see as just another bleached blonde with a stick figure and a ton of war paint on, the toxicity of American culture just written all over her. Virtually all the women I see who I think are appealing are either alone or with extremely unattractive men. It's like they're just looking for a safe port in the storm of American life, and get with any guy who comes along they don't find threatening.

There is no apparent rhyme or reason to why men and women get together in this culture that I can discern. It's most definitely not the strict meritocracy of looks and money that you want everyone to believe.

Yes of course. The 9s and 10s only date fat, short, ugly, bald guys. That´s why Winston left America. He just had too many hotties persuing him and it was too much for him.

You like fat chicks, we get it.

The only reason you hate on the hot bleached blonde girls is because you can´t get them and are invisible to them.

"The 9s and 10s only date fat, short, ugly, bald guys."

I'd love to know how that is possible in North America. I'm fat, short, ugly, and bald and I can't get a date to save my life 99% of the time. Once in a long, long while I get lucky and manage to have coffee with someone, but it never goes anywhere. Those times are like scratch-and-win lottery tickets. You scratch the ticket, hoping for something special, and all you get is, "Sorry! Try again." It's the story of my life. I know for a fact that women are generally NOT attracted to me.

[gsjackson]

Life sucks for everyone except celebrities or model looking guys.

Deal with it.

I don't know where it is you live that you've come up with this as your mantra (though I don't discount the possibility that you're on this site only to bait people, starting with Winston), but it's certainly not the United States. Most of the attractive women I see here are with the most wretched looking, slobbish men imaginable. Now it's possible that my taste is entirely divergent from the norm. I go for the natural look and enormous tits. What a lot of guys seem to regard as a hot babe I see as just another bleached blonde with a stick figure and a ton of war paint on, the toxicity of American culture just written all over her. Virtually all the women I see who I think are appealing are either alone or with extremely unattractive men. It's like they're just looking for a safe port in the storm of American life, and get with any guy who comes along they don't find threatening.

There is no apparent rhyme or reason to why men and women get together in this culture that I can discern. It's most definitely not the strict meritocracy of looks and money that you want everyone to believe.

Yes of course. The 9s and 10s only date fat, short, ugly, bald guys. That´s why Winston left America. He just had too many hotties persuing him and it was too much for him.

You like fat chicks, we get it.

The only reason you hate on the hot bleached blonde girls is because you can´t get them and are invisible to them.

You're just plain wrong here, pal. I don't like fat chicks, I like big tits. I truly am not attracted to the "hot" bleached blondes. My critique of the US took root years ago when I started noticing how ugly the women had begun to make themselves, and began wondering what sort of cultural pathologies had produced such ugly people, inside and out. As I said, I could read the social pathology on their faces -- just as Winston has done in several of these comparative videos -- and it was not attractive to me.

As far as whether I'm invisible to women now, I honestly don't know. I know that years ago when I substitute taught the high school and junior high girls would go fricking crazy, writing "Mr Jackson is a fox" on the blackboard, propositioning me, etc. Almost every day. The actor I was most commonly compared to was Dirk Benedict. I look in the mirror and think I've still got it, but maybe I'm just bullshitting myself. Tell me how to post a picture here and maybe you can let me know, since you've set yourself up as the expert on this subject.

In any case, the vast majority of the females who would qualify as "hotties" in the US are honestly not of interest to me. Only self-flagellators are attracted to women they know to be bitches. Don't worry, your judgment will get a little better when you get older.

[E_Irizarry]

The political and economic climate around the world is unstable and becoming more unstable everyday. With that in mind, I suggest you go some where you can get a job quickly(China) or shack up with woman quickly(Philippines).

There's literally millions of Asian women that would love to make you their sex slave/husband and some of them are wealthy. If you have a history of short term relationships this might not appeal to you but it might be your best option. Yes, foreign women can be a little obsessive but at least they care about you. Also, a divorce in China only costs $1.20 US. How can you lose?

What Taco/Puttin' On The Ritz said +1!!

[HappyGuy]

Classic thread