Going abroad; don't chicken out!

[mattyman]

Hi there,

the only reason I'm mentioning this is because about two years ago I made a fantastically good decision; booked a one way plane ticket to Granada Spain (I'm British btw) to meet up with a friend down there who was teaching English for private lessons (who's since moved to Peru). I went down there to investigate into pursuing the same thing & also to look into workaway gigs. I had a great time, I initially stayed in a backpackers hostel. Met loads of new people, including a sweet German girl who introduced me to a friend of hers who was also living there (who was Canadian and who had also lived in the UK at one time) who also became a friend. Anyway, that's not what this post is about.

I also made an EXTREMELY STUPID decision which I'm regretting today; booked a flight home! My friend quite rightly said 'you fool, are you barking mad! He was absolutely right! It was the most STUPID decision I have ever made in recent times.

Now, what motivated that? Unaddressed fears. You see, there are two factors at play that stop people from pursuing a better life, perceived benefits of home and perceived fears and risks of moving. The thing is, it's not always easy to put your finger on them.

Recently I've been doing a lot of studying about comfort traps and ambivalence about change, which is mainly what I would like to discuss

Next time I do something like that, I don't want to chicken out like that again. Looking back it was madness? Why give up the chance for a better life, independence, a better social life, regular opportunity to mix socially & date beautiful olive skinned women & come back to a crappy mediocre excuse for a social life back home?

I noticed that in the FAQ section of this site there's an important question regarding why people don't go abroad. One reason cited despite finance, but what I think is more important and not discussed nearly enough is the 'comfort trap', common fears and ambivalence, the fear of missing things (I know this sounds funny, but even if you're escaping from a miserable situation, you can still end up 'relapsing' to it in the same way alcoholics sometimes relapse). I've been doing a lot of research recently into stopping drinking & am starting to realize that many of the concepts also apply to making many changes in life including relocating abroad.

[yick]

Extremely stupid desicion? I don't know about that, you thought it was right at the time... what are you planning on doing in Spain? Can you speak fluent Spanish and are able to compete with the millions of unemployed Spanish people willing to work for under a 1000 Euros a month? (Especially in Andalucia) Or are you planning to teach English? If so, do you have a degree?

What is stopping you from going to Spain if you're British? You wouldn't need a grand to go out there if that's what you really wanted and was willing to share lodgings and go at the job hunt hard (providing you have a degree or have fluent Spanish...)

I like Spain, but I would never work there, for me, it is a place for a holiday. But horses for courses and all that, in the end you have to make the wheels turn when it comes to what you want. Also we are coming to the end of Brexit and we still don't know what hare-brained schemes the government are willing to partake in, the option of living and working in Spain might be closed off to you if you don't get your skates on and THEN you will be kicking yourself... you need to start making plans now.
t

[Cornfed]

Why would Spain be so great? It seems to have become even more of a feminist hellhole than the Anglosphere.

[waylon mercy]

is it true czech people dont wer deodorant?

[yick]

As you can see HA'er's - I have been helpful and sympathetic to the OP many times in the past. I tried helping him here - he wanted answers to his questions about why he chickened out to a new life in Spain...

I asked him some questions and took an interest - he ignored my attempts at helping him - didn't you @mattyman?

If you ignore my attempt to help you or even give some interest towards your plight, what can I do about it?

[yick]

@mattyman we are going to ask the forum's experts who are now abroad on how to help you move abroad... is that fair enough?

Gentlemen, how can the OP lose his anxiety and move abroad - which is what he wants... everyone who I know who has made the move abroad can chime in and give their advice which is what he wants... really... making a plan to leave Weymouth will be better than him sitting on his backside pontificating on a subject he is completely ignorant about - I want to see him become a famous Armenian language folk singer fellas, please help him out!

@Shemp
@Winston
@Tsar
@Cornfed
@MarcosZeitola
@hypermak
@MrMan
@Contrarian Expatriate
@gsjackson
@Yohan
@Italianman
@MrMan
@HouseMD
@Jonny Law

And even though he isn't abroad and stuck on some military base in the middle of Oklahoma or wherever as a pay clerk... we will include this little blurt

@Man With a Plan

And we can include this arsehole, never been abroad, never made a post worth a damn on here - he can be useful for once and make an effort to be productive

@HenryGeorge

[yick]

And we can include this arsehole, never been abroad, never made a post worth a damn on here - he can be useful for once and make an effort to be productive

@HenryGeorge

Lol @HenryGeorge is without a doubt the single greatest waste of space this forum has ever known or produced. He makes even Dan Cilley seem like a productive member of society, Cornfed like the 'voice of a generation' and PAG a Nobel prize worthy author. He's a completely and utterly useless human being who has no place being in a forum dedicated to going abroad when he hasn't got to balls to get on a plane. Like, my goodness. His entire existence is just ridiculous.

I think that is a very fair, balanced and constructive critique of the poster @HenryGeorge

Not once have I ever read ANY thoughts about him a) going abroad or b) any intentions or the idea of going abroad.

This might kickstart him into jotting down his thoughts, saying that, I am not holding out much hope!

[yick]

I think that is a very fair, balanced and constructive critique of the poster @HenryGeorge

Not once have I ever read ANY thoughts about him a) going abroad or b) any intentions or the idea of going abroad.

This might kickstart him into jotting down his thoughts, saying that, I am not holding out much hope!

No, he is beyond help, beyond hope, and well beyond saving. No one saves anyone, really. Nothing saves anyone. We save ourselves. And even the concept of 'saving' is debateable. We're all just distracting ourselves with our little side-quests and our little projects until we die. For Cornfed, it's his theories about how the world is run and ruined, the Great Reset and all that. For Winston's it's his quest for True Love. For me it's my quest to bang my way into the human genepool in some sort of lasting way. For you... I don't know, comfort, experiences, an enjoyable life? I'm not sure. I just know that Henry George doesn't seem to have that neat little "something" figured out for himself. So he remains adrift, just, floating through life, aimlessly, going nowhere. It's sad. A little tragic. And entirely his own doing.

I think with Winston and yourself - I think you're being honest and Winston is lying to himself - I think he just wants an everlasting road of non-commital sex without any of the responsibility that might come with it - which of course is impossible to carry out for any length of time though I have to say, he has given it a good go over there in Angeles City, as for your lifeplan - it's a good one, why not? You have succeeded or are succeeding, my grandfather had 11 children and if was alive today he would be overseeing dozens of grandchilden and hundreds of great-grandchilden/great-great granchildren - of every hue, shape and size. His family name is all over the planet - if that is what you are after then it will be achieved for sure.

What I wanted was to leave my miserable hometown - even as a kid I wanted out and joined the army but that wasn't a long term answer but I found it - sometimes, I catch myself thinking 'am I really here' and I look around at my surroundings and realise I am far from home. I will write a post about the psychology of being abroad, how it changes you without your permission or with even trying - I have changed 360 since leaving the UK and every time I go back home - not in awhile - nothing has changed except for me. Now I realise that leaving wasn't the main reason why I wanted out but a deeper reason but it took leaving for me to realise it.

The thing is, we don't really know what the motivations for most people who post up on here and what they really want from going abroad - we know about Yohan, Shemp, Winston and a fair few of the posters, hell - we know Tsar's reasons and they're well defined, got to give him that but posters like @HenryGeorge George - we don't know and he probably doesn't even know himself except he's unhappy with his life but thinks it's someone elses responsibility to change it - same with a fair few of them on here @jamesbond
@Mercury.

[Yohan]

Why would Spain be so great? It seems to have become even more of a feminist hellhole than the Anglosphere.

There are plenty of people from UK who bought a second home in Spain, because UK and Spain at that time were both EU members and it was almost like travelling within the same country, no real borders.

Spain is truly feminist by its laws, but it is not within the anglosphere and there are not so many complaints about women and their behavior.

Th reason is much more simple why UK citizens like to spend a lot of time in Spain: The flight is cheap and short and the weather is so much better.
Weather in UK can be a real problem. Plenty of rain...

Also Spain is cheaper, especially if you have a family with children. Holidays in UK are really expensive.

[Man With a Plan]

Aside from the schizo who tagged me (take your meds by the way, and don't ever mention/tag me again, faggot), I will say that if you're worried about feminism or gynocentrism, that's going to rule out a good portion of countries. That said, the autistic obsession with feminism has got to go. If not, you'll never find a truly good place to call home, unless you're willing to go 2nd or even 3rd world. I've been looking into some countries that have strong non-western cultural foundations. While I won't say where (because HAers will muck it up), I will say they exist. But it's a double-edged sword. When in Rome, do as, or that may be your ass.

[yick]

Aside from the schizo who tagged me (take your meds by the way, and don't ever mention/tag me again, faggot), I

Or else what you mental midget?

Here you go... @Man With a Plan whaddyagonnadoaboutit

[yick]

I will say that if you're worried about feminism or gynocentrism, that's going to rule out a good portion of countries. That said, the autistic obsession with feminism has got to go. If not, you'll never find a truly good place to call home

That however, is quite correct.

[Tsar]

@mattyman we are going to ask the forum's experts who are now abroad on how to help you move abroad... is that fair enough?

Gentlemen, how can the OP lose his anxiety and move abroad - which is what he wants... everyone who I know who has made the move abroad can chime in and give their advice which is what he wants... really... making a plan to leave Weymouth will be better than him sitting on his backside pontificating on a subject he is completely ignorant about - I want to see him become a famous Armenian language folk singer fellas, please help him out!

...
@Tsar
@Cornfed
@MarcosZeitola
@hypermak

...

I think anxiety is a part of life but confronting the anxiety is what is needed.

Here's a very simple process he could use:
1. Write down all the benefits of going abroad vs. what he's leaving behind.
2. Write down why he wants to go abroad
3. Look for the places he might like best and are possible to stay long-term, and how he could stay.
4. Choose one and go.

(The steps don't apply to me because I didn't actually have any life in the United States or much at all)

He needs to think about money and how to earn it. English teaching is the only way for most people, unless he has £200,000 in the bank to invest some into a business. If he has £25,000 then maybe he could do day trading. Crypto trading is also possible. He could try writing ebooks or create a website

His options for going abroad long-term to the EU have become almost impossible post-Brexit but there's plenty of nations in South America and Southeast Asia that he could go long-term once travel resumes.

"The hardest choices require the strongest wills."
Thanos

Well, for me, leaving America was the easiest decision I ever made. I can't deal with life in America. I would never go back to live there. I miss the EU but I don't miss America. The great thing about America is the online shopping. Aside from that, there's nothing and no one that I miss.

I imagine with COVID-19, feminism, higher taxes, and from what I heard the NHS in the UK hasn't been funded too well in the last decade that he should really want to go abroad. But maybe he has friends and family he really doesn't want to leave or maybe he has excellent welfare perks or earning an income to stay abroad would be challenging so he doesn't really want to leave. People might have different priorities.

I think he must really want to go abroad to go abroad. Maybe he could start by sharing where he would like to go once he can travel to places when travel restrictions lessen.

[yick]

@mattyman we are going to ask the forum's experts who are now abroad on how to help you move abroad... is that fair enough?

Gentlemen, how can the OP lose his anxiety and move abroad - which is what he wants... everyone who I know who has made the move abroad can chime in and give their advice which is what he wants... really... making a plan to leave Weymouth will be better than him sitting on his backside pontificating on a subject he is completely ignorant about - I want to see him become a famous Armenian language folk singer fellas, please help him out!

...
@Tsar
@Cornfed
@MarcosZeitola
@hypermak

...

I think anxiety is a part of life but confronting the anxiety is what is needed.

Here's a very simple process he could use:
1. Write down all the benefits of going abroad vs. what he's leaving behind.
2. Write down why he wants to go abroad
3. Look for the places he might like best and are possible to stay long-term, and how he could stay.
4. Choose one and go.

(The steps don't apply to me because I didn't actually have any life in the United States or much at all)

He needs to think about money and how to earn it. English teaching is the only way for most people, unless he has £200,000 in the bank to invest some into a business. If he has £25,000 then maybe he could do day trading. Crypto trading is also possible. He could try writing ebooks or create a website

His options for going abroad long-term to the EU have become almost impossible post-Brexit but there's plenty of nations in South America and Southeast Asia that he could go long-term once travel resumes.

"The hardest choices require the strongest wills."
Thanos

Well, for me, leaving America was the easiest decision I ever made. I can't deal with life in America. I would never go back to live there. I miss the EU but I don't miss America. The great thing about America is the online shopping. Aside from that, there's nothing and no one that I miss.

I imagine with COVID-19, feminism, higher taxes, and from what I heard the NHS in the UK hasn't been funded too well in the last decade that he should really want to go abroad. But maybe he has friends and family he really doesn't want to leave or maybe he has excellent welfare perks or earning an income to stay abroad would be challenging so he doesn't really want to leave. People might have different priorities.

I think he must really want to go abroad to go abroad. Maybe he could start by sharing where he would like to go once he can travel to places when travel restrictions lessen.

Good post that, Tsar! Hopefully, @mattyman will come on here and give you a big thank you for taking time to respond to his OP...

[MrMan]

Hi there,

the only reason I'm mentioning this is because about two years ago I made a fantastically good decision; booked a one way plane ticket to Granada Spain (I'm British btw) to meet up with a friend down there who was teaching English for private lessons (who's since moved to Peru). I went down there to investigate into pursuing the same thing & also to look into workaway gigs. I had a great time, I initially stayed in a backpackers hostel. Met loads of new people, including a sweet German girl who introduced me to a friend of hers who was also living there (who was Canadian and who had also lived in the UK at one time) who also became a friend. Anyway, that's not what this post is about.

I also made an EXTREMELY STUPID decision which I'm regretting today; booked a flight home! My friend quite rightly said 'you fool, are you barking mad! He was absolutely right! It was the most STUPID decision I have ever made in recent times.

Now, what motivated that? Unaddressed fears. You see, there are two factors at play that stop people from pursuing a better life, perceived benefits of home and perceived fears and risks of moving. The thing is, it's not always easy to put your finger on them.

Recently I've been doing a lot of studying about comfort traps and ambivalence about change, which is mainly what I would like to discuss

Next time I do something like that, I don't want to chicken out like that again. Looking back it was madness? Why give up the chance for a better life, independence, a better social life, regular opportunity to mix socially & date beautiful olive skinned women & come back to a crappy mediocre excuse for a social life back home?

I noticed that in the FAQ section of this site there's an important question regarding why people don't go abroad. One reason cited despite finance, but what I think is more important and not discussed nearly enough is the 'comfort trap', common fears and ambivalence, the fear of missing things (I know this sounds funny, but even if you're escaping from a miserable situation, you can still end up 'relapsing' to it in the same way alcoholics sometimes relapse). I've been doing a lot of research recently into stopping drinking & am starting to realize that many of the concepts also apply to making many changes in life including relocating abroad.

When I was in my early 20's, maybe 22, I had a college degree. I had lived in different US states and I had travelled around the US a bit, but I had never been out of the country except for a day when I was two years old on a short road trip across the border to Mexico.

I was living with my parents, who were reasonably young and in good health and didn't need anyone taking care of them. I was single. I was working part-time in the US. I think it is still the case that if you have a degree, you can get a job teaching English in South Korea. China since became a big destination. I got a job in South Korea teaching English off of someone in my former university's computer lab who was also looking for a job.

Teaching English and 'hagwan'-- independent English schools--South Korea in the mid 1990's paid maybe $1500 a month plus transportations there and back, housing, and insurance. I think I got $1600 because my school was a franchise...or something... of a Seoul school where the wages were just a bit higher. The last I checked, salaries tended to be around $2000, so they have dropped in real terms. My salary was like that of a starting engineer in South Korea at the time. South Korea was kind of rigid. I went back to the US with the hopes of starting a teacher recruitment business, but my contact on the Korean end was just saying 'yes' 'yes' like Koreans do but didn't take any action. So I gave that up and went to work in Indonesia after about 10 months. Lower pay, about $1200 a month, but it was cheaper to live there and I found it more exciting than South Korea.

I guess I was a bit adventurous, not too rooted to one location since I'd moved around a lot growing up and been to eight schools before I'd graduated high school. A full-time gig with an apartment and a decent gig wasn't really that fearful of a thing to jump into at the time. I have made moves across the Pacific with no job lined up on the other end, at times with family in tow, at least four times that I can think of.

There are lots of self-help gurus that will talk to you about fear holding you back. A bit of practical advice would be to line up something where you want to live that isn't as scary-- at least a job situation that is enough to support you. I've had to trust the Lord on some of those moves where I either just didn't have a job, including when I didn't have a job and I believed the Lord wanted me to be in a certain location.