We are all F*** up in one way or another because we currently live a harsh existence where we have to use other people or submissively let other people use us to survive. It sounds like a simple set up, but abuse and exploitation is always a constant reoccurring theme.ajushi wrote:I am the one with an insecure attachment style because I was neglected and abused by my mother and abandoned by the father, like 10s of millions of other Americans these days raised in divorced families. I am the one with abandonment issues as a result, giving me a virtually non-existent thresh hold for dealing with rejection and break ups with the American women who are impossible to please mainly because I am in fact insecure, wounded, and so on as a result of my own background.
I am the one who, as a result, struggles with a deficient sense of social belonging and even struggles at work and is insecure in relationships (not a good thing to be with already masculine, domineering American woman.) In fact, I and every man I know from my kind of background is single because of it - they are too insecure to function normally in relationship.
I know American men who are well adjusted with loving American wives. Several in my own town here come to mind..... Every single one of these men comes from a solid multi-generational family and upbringing. I do not. The men I know who come from my kind of background are also all single. A bandaid can not be put on this by going to Europe, etc.
Now that's my story and it doesn't apply exactly to all, but I believe that all the guys on here, and many of the ones looking for foreign wives, are f***ed up somehow like me, coming from my kind of background in one form or another and I dare any of you to deny it.
As far as growing up, I grew up in a dysfunctional home too, and I agree that it changes the way you think about people and relationships. You tend not to trust people and you look out for yourself; not a bad thing considering the type of world we live in.
The thing for me however, once my mother is gone, that's it, I have nobody else so that means, if I start a family, and get married, I don't get any help from elders, uncles, grandparents or anybody.
That's crazy, I'm not going to sign up to do everything on my own! And it's not about money or dowry, it's about having grandparents that you can talk to when your relationship with your wife is on the rocks, or having a sister help watch your kids so you can let your hair out with a night out on the town.
I strongly believe that people who don't have anybody to turn to in a time of need (even just to talk) have a higher propensity for mental illness. So with that said, I'm avoiding getting involved in relationships where I put my fragile emotions and mental well being on the line.
This does not mean that I'm extremely f*** up, it just means that I'm smart enough to know that it's not wise to extend my emotions to a stranger who could emotionally devastate me knowing that I don't have any backup (family, friends) to help me rebuild myself.