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Falsity and dangers of narcissism and self-esteem

Postby Winston » Mon May 09, 2011 4:46 pm

Holy Cow!

Check out this chapter in Steve's report about the falsity and dangers of teaching your child to be narcissistic, and how our assumptions about "self-esteem" are wrong and hurt us and hurt others, and why reality tends to be the opposite of what we teach about it, as studies show! It's so eye-opening and makes so much sense!

Causes of the Narcissism Epidemic in American Culture

The increase in narcissism in individuals is, we believe, just an outcome of a massive shift in culture toward a greater focus on self-admiration. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 37) The cultural focus on self-admiration began with the shift toward focusing on the individual in the 1970’s. In the three decades since, narcissism has grown in ways these authors never could have imagined. Parenting has become more indulgent, celebrity worship has grown, and reality TV has become a showcase of narcissistic people. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 4)

“Americans abandoned the vision of themselves as part of a interconnected social system – a connection of parents to children and grandchildren and of community to community - and instead turned to the narcissistic pursuit of the self as a source of value, almost like a religious experience.â€￾ (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 64)

At one time, strong social pressures kept people’s egos in check. (i.e. Mothers asked children “Who do you think you are?â€￾) Now we are likely to say “What do you want for dinner princess?â€￾

Since we were small children, we were taught to put ourselves first. We simply take it for granted that we should all feel good about ourselves. The focus on the needs of the individual self begins when children are young. One of the most popular nursery decorations right now is 12 inch tall letters spelling out the child’s name, an obvious bow to individualism… a hyper-individualized emphasis on how truly, exquisitely unique and precious our child is, like a hope diamond, more special than the others. Our parents have treated us as royalty since we were born (Generation Me, pg 75)

One program sponsored by the Canadian Mental Health Association teaches children, “I am me! There’s not another person in the whole world like me. I have my very own thumbprint. I am special.â€￾ Telling people how similar they are reduces aggression and egotism, yet this program emphasizes to teach kids how different they are from one another. The program claims it aims to “increase skills that promote personal development and successful relationships,â€￾ but it potentially encourages attitudes that could undermine relationships through narcissism and aggression. This is far from the only school program (or media message) that emphasizes how different we are from one another. A guide for child care providers on self-esteem emphasizes telling children, â€￾You are a very special person. There is only one you in the world.â€￾ A website called “Manifest Your Potentialâ€￾ asks, “Do you wonder what makes you different from everyone else? Are you looking for answers to ‘what makes me special and unique?’â€￾

Not only does this go against the research on reducing aggression, but it defies centuries of history. Almost every war and every atrocity in the history of the world has been based on differences among people. Hitler singled out the Jews as different, and less than human and the common enemy to be killed. The Tutsi killed the Hutu, Shiites kill Sunnis, and Serbs killed Croatians. White people enslaved black people. Men prevented woman from voting. Recognizing the common humanity in your enemy is often the first step to stopping a war or other conflict.

It’s not low self-esteem that causes kids to become bullies. It’s narcissism. Narcissistic kids fight when insulted, not the low self-esteem kids. Teaching kids how special they are makes things worse not better. Many people are incredulous when we suggest that all people are not special. The emotions involved in this are so strong that arguing against the importance of self-admiration is often a nonstarter. People argue that children have to like themselves or they will suffer dire consequences. These views are so ingrained in American culture they are hard to fight. It’s kind of like telling people they don’t really need to wear pants. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 286-288)

Parents need to abandon the notion that their child is the center of the universe. This is a tough pill for parents to swallow sometimes, because they have been told that being special is necessary for being loved. But that’s not really true. People who truly think they are special have trouble with connecting to “normalâ€￾ people; likewise, “normalâ€￾ people have problems connecting to “specialâ€￾ people. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 293)

In schools, the emphasis on self-esteem has to go. No more “I am specialâ€￾ songs. No more “everyone is a winnerâ€￾. We are not saying that children need to be told they are not special or are losers –just drop the whole issue. It is relatively easy to succeed in life with low self-esteem, but very difficult to succeed without self-control, self-discipline, or emotional resilience in the face of setbacks. The ability to learn from failure is crucial in life, and is much, much easier in a culture that does not push “specialnessâ€￾. Children’s sports programs should stop giving trophies to everyone who participates. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 296)

Public service announcements vividly illustrate what Americans are now concerned with (ourselves) and what no longer gets much attention (Knowledge and the larger world). In fact, most Americans know very little about the rest of the world compared to foreigners. But we sure think we do. If public service announcements are going to positively influence Americans, they need to start by focusing on things outside ourselves (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 291)

Generation me (those of us born after 1965) is straightforward and unapologetic about our self-focus. A careful study of news stories published or aired between 1980 and 1999 found a large increase in self-reference words (I, me, mine and myself) and a marked decrease in collective words (humanity, country, or crowd). So, why did children’s self-esteem increase so dramatically during the 1980’s and 1990’s? The short answer is that they we were taught it. (Generation Me, pg 53)

Many school districts across the country have specific programs designed to increase children’s self-esteem, most of which actually build self-importance and narcissism. These programs make self-importance mandatory, demanding of children that they love themselves and encourage children to feel good about themselves for no particular reason. (Generation Me, pg 55) In such programs, kids color posters that read “YOU ARE SPECIALâ€￾, or wear badges saying “I AM GREATâ€￾, and recite phrases and wear T shirts saying “I’m lovable and capableâ€￾. Parenting books and magazines stress the importance of self-esteem. The mission statements of many schools is to raise children’s self-esteem. Schools create exercises making self-importance mandatory, demanding of children that they love themselves for no particular reason. Teacher training courses often emphasize that a child’s self-esteem must be preserved above all else. Self-esteem should not be raised based on who they are but rather than how they perform or behave. TV and mainstream media have taught us that loving yourself is more important than anything else. (Generation Me, pg 57)

Shows for younger children actively encourage narcissism in a different but equally effective way. One PBS show proclaims, “You’re special just for being you!â€￾ Very young girls now watch TV shows like Hannah Montana and High school Musical. Although these shows are free of inappropriate sexuality and crass language, they are unfortunately not free of narcissistic attitudes. Shows like Hannah Montannah promote the seductive narcissistic dream of fame, riches, and vanity. Hanna Girls dress up like Hannah Montana in makeover parties like those at Club Libby Lu, a mall based chain that hosts makeovers for girls age six to eleven. The company website suggests “Visit our VIP area for super spa party ideas.â€￾ (VIP stands for “Very Important Princess.â€￾ Sweet & Sassy, a Texas based salon for girls, offers a package in which the girl is picked up at her door by a pink limo. “We live in a culture of insta-celebrity,â€￾ said marketing executive Samantha Skey. “Our little girls now grow up thinking they need to be ready for their close-up, lest the paparazzi arrive.â€￾ (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 102)

And we wonder why so many American woman grow up as they do… materialistic with a golden princess attitude to boot. Apparently, in America, we start teaching them young.

We hope that writers and producers will get the message that excessive self–admiration is not praiseworthy but dangerous. You do not need to encourage children to feel special and proclaim that they are hot. You don’t need to convince teenage boys that they should be confident enough to hit on their friend’s mom. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 105)

On a recent trip to Babies R Us, Jean was distracted by the display of bibs at the checkout counter. In large white letters on pink and blue, they announced : “Chick Magnetâ€￾,â€￾ Super Modelâ€￾, “Princessâ€￾, and “I’m the Bossâ€￾. This is just a glimpse into the new parenting culture that has fueled the narcissism epidemic. It says a lot about a culture that people think a six month old wearing a “Super Modelâ€￾ bib is cute. It is increasingly common to see parents relinquishing authority to young children, showering them with unearned praise, protecting them from their teachers’ criticisms, giving them expensive automobiles, and allowing them to have freedom but not the responsibility that goes with it. Not that long ago, kids knew who the boss was and it wasn’t them. It was mom and dad. And mom and dad weren’t your “friendsâ€￾. They were your parents. Parents want their kids’ approval, a reversal of the past ideal of children striving for their parents’ approval. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 73)

Many of today’s parents seek to raise children high in self-admiration and self-esteem, partially because books and articles have touted its importance. Unfortunately, much of what parents think raises self-esteem – such as telling a kid he’s special and giving him what he wants – actually leads to narcissism. Modern behavioral theories argue that narcissism arises from inflated feedback - if you are told over and over that you are great, you’ll probably think you are great. Good intentions and parental pride have opened the door to cultural narcissism in parenting. A remarkable percentage of clothes for baby girls has “Princessâ€￾ or “Little princessâ€￾ written on it. If your daughter is a princess, does this, mean that you are the queen or king? No – it means you are the loyal subject, and you must do what the princess says. Unless you’re Prince William or Harry, don’t dress your daughter in an outfit claiming she is a “Princessâ€￾. She’s not. Get over it.

This really is the era of the weak parent. Giving this much power to children teaches an entitled view of life, with all of the fun and choices but none of the responsibility. More than any time in history, the child’s needs come first. In studies on parenting and narcissism, this kind of lax parental monitoring was one of the strongest correlates of narcissism in teens. It’s also a good predictor of teen drug and alcohol abuse and crime. Parents who want to stick with the older model of child rearing that downplays materialism and emphasizes politeness and discipline are swimming against the cultural tide. If you don’t let your children do something, but every other message that your children hear – from the media, friends, the school, and other parents – tells them it’s OK, then your resistance will only last so long.

Many parents’ resolve crumbles in the face of permissive norms. Throughout the 1980’s and 90’s, the importance of obedience steadily declined until it reached an all time low in 2004, the last year for which data was available. The surveys shore up the feeling many Americans have about modern parenting: that we have become too indulgent, that we praise children too much, that we treat our children almost like royalty. When children are overindulged, it leads to outcomes resembling the seven deadly sins: pride, wrath, envy, sloth, gluttony, lust, and greed. The seven deadly sins are, of course, a succinct summary of the symptoms of narcissism. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 74-82)

What kind of young people does all this unconditional self-esteem building produce? Many teachers and social observers say it results in kids who can’t take criticism. In other words, employers, get ready for a group of easily hurt young workers. Research shows that when people with high self-esteem are criticized, they became unfriendly, rude, and uncooperative, even toward people who had nothing to do with the criticism. They feel they deserve recognition and attention from others, and their unique individual needs should be considered first and foremost. Gen Me takes for granted that the self comes first and we often believe exactly what we were sp carefully taught - that we’re special. (Generation Me, pg 65)

Surely kids who have high self-esteem go on to make better grades and achieve more in school. However, research shows that self-esteem does not cause high grades - instead, high grades cause higher self-esteem. Nor does high self-esteem protect against teen pregnancy, juvenile delinquency, alcoholism, drug abuse, or chronic welfare dependency. In fact, all the literature seems to conclude that high self-esteem doesn’t cause much of anything. Self-esteem based on nothing does not serve children well in the long run. In fact, people with high self-esteem are often more violent and more likely to cheat. It’s clearly better for children to value learning rather than simply feeling good about themselves for no reason. Self-esteem without basis encourages laziness rather than hard work. True self-confidence comes from honing your talents and learning things, not from being told you’re great just because you exist. (Generation Me, pg 67)

Young people who have high self-esteem built on shaky foundations might run into trouble when they encounter the harsh realities of the real world. Kids who are given meaningless A’s and promoted when they haven’t learned the material will later find out in college or the working world that they don’t know much at all. And what will that do to their self-esteem, or more importantly, their careers? Unlike your teachers, your boss isn’t going to care much about preserving your high self-esteem. The self-esteem emphasis leaves kids ill prepared for the inevitable criticism and occasional failure that is real life. Setting kids up like this is doing them a tremendous disservice.

The risk in these self-esteem programs is in inflating the self-concept of children who already think the world revolves around them. Building up the self-esteem and importance of kids who are already egocentric can bring trouble, as it can lead to NARCISSISM – and maybe it already has.

This focus on self-esteem often crosses over into entitlement: The idea that we deserve more. And why shouldn’t we? We’ve been told all our lives that we are special.

Parenting magazines should stop insisting that a parent’s most important duty is to raise a child who likes “herselfâ€￾. Most kids like themselves just fine - and make the demands to prove it. If children are always praised and always get what they want, they may find it difficult to overcome challenges as adults. The risk of overindulgence is self-centeredness and self-absorption. Much of the self-esteem movement actually encourages narcissism, or the belief that one is better and more important than anyone else. Narcissism is a very negative personality trait linked to aggression and poor relationships with others. We also need to stop talking in unrealistic platitudes, and this goes for teachers, parents, and Hollywood screenwriters. We must stop telling children “You can be anything you want to beâ€￾, or “You should never give up on your dreams.â€￾ Why? Because both of these statements are patently untrue. Talk of dreams and being anything you want creates unrealistic expectations that are bound to disappoint. Adults cannot follow their dreams all the time, but must deal with the practical matters of getting a job that pays the bills. (Generation Me, pg 225 -226)

Another aphorism and mindless psycho babble that should be chucked is “You must love yourself before you love othersâ€￾. Narcissists - people who really love themselves - are horrible relationship partners. Self-centered people are rarely fun to be around. So why do we keep telling people to love themselves first before others? Beats me. An Aphorism that makes more sense is “No one is an islandâ€￾. (Generation Me, pg 227)

Treating your child as if he’s Christ, singing “I am specialâ€￾, and wearing a shirt that says “Too cool 4 youâ€￾ instills narcissism, not basic self-worth. America has overdosed on self-admiration, and our “Wonder drugâ€￾ comes with serious side effects such as arrogance and self-centeredness. In the rush to create self-worth, our culture may have opened up the door to something darker and more sinister. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 17)

Most Americans assume that self-esteem is strongly linked to doing well in life. Our culture tells us it pays to believe in yourself as long as you are not arrogant or narcissistic. However, this isn’t really true. A major review of research on self-esteem and achievement found that high self-esteem does not cause better grades, test scores, or job performance. (In fact, controlled experiments have proven that in certain academic situations, self-esteem boosting actually leads to failure, not success). Self-esteem comes “AFTER successâ€￾, not before, because self-esteem is based on success (academic or social). (The Narcissism Epidemic pg 46-47)

When parents and teachers protect children from failure to cushion their self-esteem, kids may end up doing worse because they aren’t learning from their mistakes. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 49)

In the United States, the ethnic group with the lowest self-esteem, Asian Americans, achieves the highest academic performance. So, the group with “alarmingly low self-esteemâ€￾ is actually doing the best in school. US high school kids have not improved in academic performance over the last 30 years, a time when self-esteem has been actively encouraged and boosted among American children (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 47)

In the United States, we have had a 1% improvement in actual learning over 30 years, but an 83% increase in “Aâ€￾ grades. Apparently, our culture has decided to go with the strategy of boosting the fantasy of success rather than success itself. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 47)

In previous generations, children were expected to work hard. They weren’t told they were special and didn’t get the idea that they were better than others. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 170)

Parents can also play a big role in raising less materialistic children. Of course, parents want to make their children happy, and children want stuff. Thus parents buy them stuff. And children are happy, but only for a short period of time. Then they want even more stuff. If, in your mind, every time you thought about buying your child stuff, you substituted the word “crackâ€￾, it would make the reasoning much easier - I want my daughter to be happy. Crack makes my daughter happy. Therefore, I will buy her crack. This will make her happy for a short period of time and then she will only want more crack. We’re not saying that stuff is as bad as crack, but its clear that kids in America have way too much stuff. It’s got to end somewhere.
(The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 178)

The trend towards more unique names says a lot about our culture. We now wish so fervently that our children will stand out from the crowd that we equip them with unique labels from birth. Unique names aren’t necessarily bad, and we don’t mean to pass judgment on them, but the individualistic focus on children being unique and different fits squarely into the narcissism epidemic. Scales of narcissism reliably correlate with standard assessments of the need for uniqueness, because narcissists like the idea of standing out and being different from other people. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 183-184)

The Associated Press story on our study of the rise in narcissism mentioned the “I think I am a special personâ€￾ item from the NPI. The story ended with a quote from University of Vermont student Kari Dalane: â€￾It would be more depressing if people answered, ‘No, I’m not special.’â€￾ Kari was not alone; we got an avalanche of questions on this issue. “Everyone likes to hear they’re special and wouldn’t it be just creepy if 7 year olds walked around saying, ‘I’m not special?’â€￾ asked the daily Kent stater in Ohio. When Jean did radio interviews on this topic, many callers were shocked when she suggested that feeling special isn’t a good thing. Newspaper columnists, such as Joe Vulopas in the Lancaster (Pennsylvania) New Era, responded to this suggestion with “Puuuleeeaaase… Are these researchers upset because their mommies and daddies didn’t say they were special?â€￾ (Yes, that’s exactly why we went into psychology.) Vulopas noted that he regularly greets his daughter with “You’re the most beautiful little princess in the whole world!â€￾ and insisted he would continue to say she is “special… EVERY CHANCE I GET.â€￾ The (Pennsylvania) Eagle argued that if parents “stop telling their children they’re special in an effort to keep them from becoming narcissistic, parents could run the risk of damaging their children’s self-confidence.â€￾

In our online survey, we asked, “Is it important to tell kids they are special?â€￾ Nicole, 29, gave a version of the most popular response: “Definitely. It builds self–esteem and confidence, and I believe it also helps them to respect others.â€￾ In some ways, these responses make our argument for us. We are a nation fixated on the idea of being the exception to the rule, standing out, and being better than others-in other words, on being special and narcissistic - and we’re so surrounded by this ethos that we find it shocking that anyone would question it. Fish don’t realize they’re in water. But feeling special is narcissism - not self-esteem, not self-confidence, and not something we should be building in our children. There’s a difference between narcissism and self-confidence. And it is unlikely to lead to respect for others, as Nicole theorized; people who believe they are special often want to be the exception to the rule, which is usually unfair to everyone else. Even though everyone cannot be special, everyone is unique. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 183-184)

Loving your children, and telling them so, is not the same as telling them that they are special. Love creates a secure base for a child and a connection that they can count on. In contrast, telling a child she is special sets her apart and creates disconnection – a recipe for narcissism. An overemphasis on uniqueness has negative consequences for individuals as well. Studies have found that teenagers who have a “personal fableâ€￾ of uniqueness believe that no one understands them. Teens with these beliefs are significantly more likely to be depressed and think about suicide. (The Narcissism Epidemic, pg 192)

The enthusiastic claims of the self-esteem movement mostly range from fantasy to hogwash. The effects of self-esteem are small, limited, and not all good. Those with high self-esteem are more likely to be obnoxious, to interrupt, and to talk at people rather than with them (in contrast to the more shy, modest, self-effacing folks with low self-esteem). People with high self-esteem are also more likely to be bullies. Self-control is worth 10 times as much as self-esteem. (The American Paradox, pg 167) This explains the bullying epidemic in America.
Last edited by Winston on Mon May 09, 2011 7:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Formatting done! Here's the Table of Contents

Postby Winston » Mon May 09, 2011 4:52 pm

Hi all,
I've finally finished formatting Steve's report and fixed the most blatant errors. Check it out now.

Here is the complete Table of Contents now, so you can see how comprehensive his report is.

Table of Contents
What Do The Experts Say? 3
Introducing America’s Leading Experts 3
Dr. Jean Twenge 3
Dr. Laura Schlessinger 4
David G. Myers 5
Today’s American Women Have Unrealistic Expectations of Men 6
American Women Have An Overly Large Sense of Entitlement 6
American Women Harbor Subconscious Disdain and Anger Towards Men 8
American Women Are Taught To Not Need Men 9
American Women Tend To Be Self-Centered 10
The State of Many American Women Today 10
American Women’s Masculinity Scores Over Time 13
Masculinity and Traditional Gender Roles Under Attack 14
Materialism and Sense of Entitlement 15
Bridezillas 16
America’s Individualist Ethos 17
America’s Divorce Epidemic 17
Feminism Increases Likelihood of Divorce 17
Americans are Lonely and Depressed 19
The Catastrophic Consequences of Narcissism 22
The Quest for Infamy and the Rise of Incivility 23
“Isn’t it fun to get the respect that we’re going to deserve?â€￾ 23
“STFU!â€￾ 23
America’s Youth – A Gangsta-Worshipping Thug Culture 24
“MySpace – Screw You! But Thanks for the Addâ€￾ 24
America’s Absurdly High Cost of Living 25
Overly High Expectations 25
American Culture Breeds Rebellious Youth 26
The Narcissism Epidemic in American Culture 26
“I’m Special, Look at Me!â€￾ 26
“Hell Yeah, I’m Hot!â€￾ 27
Cheating 28
America is Exporting its Narcissism to Other Countries 29
How the World Views America 30
Cultural Differences in Narcissism 31
In America, Materialism Trumps Spirituality 31
Americans Live to “Work and Consumeâ€￾ 33
Road Rage is Mainly an “American Thingâ€￾ 34
Our Culture is Based on Hype and Excess Consumption 34
I Deserve the Best at 18% APR 35
Uncle Sam Does It Too 35
Irrational Exuberance of Generation Me 35
America’s Hook Up Culture – Hooking Up and Checking Out Emotionally 36
America’s Narcissistic Culture and Its Impact on Relationships 36
America’s Obesity Epidemic Leads the World 38
In America, Single Men Far Outnumber Single Women 38
Causes of the Narcissism Epidemic in American Culture 38
What the Future Holds 43
Divorce 44
The New America - Lack of Social Stigma over Divorce 44
Expecting Perfection 44
Selfishness 45
Lack of Commitment 45
A Misunderstanding of “Loveâ€￾ 45
Americans Quit 45
American Women Initiate Divorce 66% of the Time! 46
This study shows that Domestic Violence, Infidelity, and Exploitation are NOT a Factor in divorce. The reasons are below 46
"Because I've Outgrown Him" 47
"Because I Don't Need Him" 47
"Because I Will Win" 47
Divorce Is All the Rage for Females Over 40 47
The ego epidemic: How more and more of us women have an inflated sense of our own fabulousness 48
Great Internet Posts 55
Dating Imbalances in the USA 57
The Male/Female Ratio of Online Dating 57
Internet Dating in America Doesn’t Work for Men 58
Seattle Times Article - Stay away, American Woman, say British men 58
Proof That Single Men Outnumber Single Women in America 59
More U.S. Marriages are Unhappy 62
Appendix A: The "Mail-Order Bride" Industry and its Impact on U.S. Immigration 62
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Postby steve55 » Tue May 10, 2011 1:30 am

Good work Winston. Lookin good. Next time you are in some internet chat forum and people are denying your comparison chart, you can now quote the author, book, and page#!!!! No one can tell you (or us) we are nuts for saying this politically incorrect stuff. Some of my family thought I was a bit nutty to have such strong views. But after reading my report they just shrug their shoulders. No surprise I guess, after all, what can anyone say to refute this report? How can they justify refuting the experts? I know they understand now. My brother said "its all true but no one really cares about this stuff". And he's probably got a point cause Ive sent this to many people and no one replies with comments either way good or bad. That shows how disinterested this stuff is to them. Really, the only people who "CARE" will be our target audience which is single American men who are ready to settle down but have no descent options in the states. Steve H and I disagreed a little on this but I really think for a young guy, America still provides descent options if all a guy wants to do is fool around with multiple partners, even if most will be chunky and overweight). There are too many willing woman in the bars who a guy can do that with. When guys are young, they dont care if she is fat or feminazi or whatever, all that matters to them is that she has a hole. That's how I see most younger guys do. But by the time men get into their 30 and 40's they are looking for quality and looking to marry and have kids and this is where America comes up short for these particular class of men. And that is who I think our target audience is. We'll soon find out when I run the Dallas Observer ad. We'll see. Even though these truths have proven to be self evident, perhaps no one gives a dam but us. Either way, in the end, Ive enjoyed the truth seeking (truth seeking as Winston calls it, he he he) and vindication (and future vindication) for my views. There are so many men on these dating sites and out there in the US who are involuntarily lonely when they can be a rock star and have the life and family they are seeking. The matrix has got such a grip on our culture that they are blind to opening up their minds about this topic. Its sad really, cause as the research report shows, these foreign woman really do make great wives and mothers and the divorce rate with them is only 20%.
Last edited by steve55 on Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Think Different » Tue May 10, 2011 2:39 am

"When mother Theresa came to the United States to receive an honorary degree, she said “This is the poorest place I’ve ever been in my life,â€￾ recounts Robert Seiple, the former director of World Vision, a Christian charity organization. â€￾She wasn’t talking about economicsâ€￾, he adds. “She was talking about poverty of the soulâ€￾. "

Ouch! That's intense, and coming from Mother Theresa, no less.

If you tell the typical American this quote, and they'll freak out on you, hate on you, and tell you you're not good enough to be an American or some such shit, like I get told a lot. Most American's can't take ANY criticism, even if it's constructive, and will just tell you to get out of the country (love it or leave it), if you don't like something. I wonder if they told that to Mother Theresa, too.
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Postby Think Different » Tue May 10, 2011 3:48 am

"There are too many willing woman in the bars who a guy can do that with. When guys are young, they dont care if she is fat or feminazi or whatever, all that matters to them is that she has a hole."

I don't want to sound like a wet blanket, but I suspect that this message will fall on mostly deaf ears. In my experience most American guys are not exactly "thinkers" and are primarily out for banging as many chicks as they can (notches in the bedpost/quantity, not it is in most everything in American lives today). Then there will be some that hear but do not listen. The next group will be the ones that listen, but are too stuck in a rut and scared to actually do anything about it. The more I talk to other guys about this subject, the more I'm seeing deer-in-the-headlights looks. They just don't get it. They have no frame of reference, as I didn't, honestly, until my first hookup with a Latina in Puerto Rico, when I was 17. I couldn't believe the attention she gave American girl had ever given me the time of the day.

PS: I'm still in contact with and friends with that Latina 25 years later.
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Postby Winston » Thu May 12, 2011 5:33 am

I just linked Steve's Resarch report to the menu at the top under Research. I replaced the "Phone Cards" button cause it wasn't doing much. I also linked it to many sections of the home page and intro pages. It should help make this site more legitimate and credentialed.
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Postby Winston » Fri May 20, 2011 8:02 pm

Hi folks,
Check out the awesome conclusion that Steve just added to his research report. Isn't it an awesome close?


The important thing to come away with in this Research Section of Happier Abroad is to realize that America is a culture in a state of moral and social decline. The researchers cited have shown that narcissism has infected our culture. As noted by Dr. Jean Twenge and Dr. Jean Campbell (America's leading social psychologists), the rise in narcissism has occurred mainly among American women. Keep in mind that the prime components of narcissism are vanity, selfishness, and materialism. In addition, most American women have been infected with the values of feminism as well. What feminism has done to our women is nothing short of monstrous.

For starters, feminism has made women masculine. As documented in this project, the latest research shows that women are now equal in masculinity with men. Secondly, as quoted by America's leading relationship expert, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, "Feminism promotes the elevation of women without men (and children without fathers) and dismisses men as 'unnecessary'. Feminism also promotes an image of men as 'dangerous'.â€￾ And she is referring to “dangerousâ€￾ in a predatory sense. Nowhere else in the world do women subconsciously view men in such a fearful, disdainful, and predatory light. It is totally unprecedented. Also, what feminists and most Americans don’t realize is that most of the rest of the world does not envy our feminism, but in fact despise it, finding it unnatural, distasteful, and unlady-like.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger also states the following in her book: "The effects of feminism have certainly not contributed to the kind of positive disposition that women need in order to function healthily within a monogamous, heterosexual committed relationship". She further states, "Since the 1960’s, the so-called liberation of women has proven itself to be a liberation from just about everything that could possibly be of value for a women and for the society she influences." Dr. Schlessinger also believes that "Feminism is not only responsible for the deterioration of the family, but also for the disintegration of intimacy between men and women". (source - ... lessinger/) She is just one of many American experts who argues this point.

Setting aside expert opinion, let’s look at common sense. If you will notice, the countries most infected with feminist ideals are also the countries with the world leading divorce rates, with the United States at the very top. That is by no means a coincidence. Feminism has destroyed the family unit in America, and as a result, we have a country in moral decline with single parent households being the norm rather than the exception. If that’s not proof enough of the disastrous effects that feminism has on societies then I don’t know what is.

In addition, it is interesting to note that the research has proven that the divorce rate is far higher in marriages where men marry women who ascribe to feminist values than women who stand by traditional values. In fact, America's most renounced relationship expert, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, has been quoted as saying, "American women are the ones digging their own graves where their failing marriages are concerned." The double whammy of narcissism and feminism that has infected American women in the last 4 decades has led to the destruction of the most important societal anchor of any culture - the family unit. Unfortunately, American women have brought these problems upon themselves due to the unsatisfying way they are teaching themselves to live - which is, in essence, a self-centered way.

Another major conclusion this research has shown is that America has the worst and most hostile dating environment for the American male. Women have all - the power and choices - for several reasons. For starters, men outnumber women by 20 percent, creating a shortage of available females. In turn, women can afford to become picky and choosy and develop a spoiled attitude. In addition, the infection of feminism into our culture makes women hostile, much more emotionally independent (i.e. they don’t need a man), fearful, and unreceptive to men. This makes it very hard for men to approach women in everyday life because they can sense the vibe that American women put off that they don't want to be approached. But this is not the case in most other cultures of the world, where women give a vibe of friendliness, receptiveness, and approachability. As such, they do not convey the attitude of "Why is this creep trying to talk to me?"

Also, unlike most American women, most foreign women are humble, appreciative and have great family values. They truly "need" men and appreciate whatever you can do for them, however small it might be. And unlike with most American women, how much money you have or how much you are willing to spend on them is not a significant influential factor in their decision on whether to date you or not. Examples of this can be seen in their online dating profiles (see examples I put together here).

Foreign women profiles typically state, "I am looking for a man who will accept me for who I am" or "I am looking for someone to love me and care for me". And it’s not uncommon to receive a message from a foreign lady that says "Thank you for viewing my profile" or "Thank you for writing to me". I have never in my 20 years of internet dating received any messages like that from American women. I don’t know about most men, but I myself prefer humble appreciative women over unappreciative hard-to-please narcissistic women. And one wonders why the divorce rate is only 20% with foreign ladies vs. 60% with American women. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out.

Another interesting note is that being a basic "good guyâ€￾ actually wins the day with foreign ladies as opposed to in America, where it’s often the “bad boyâ€￾ player types who win the day because the average "good guyâ€￾ is too boring for many American women. Then after the player types are done using them (as both Dr. Jean Twenge and Dr. Laura Schlessinger talk about in their research) they are left with emotional scars caused by being used, and cycling through so many relationships. This makes them more unstable in future relationships. What puts the mind in boggle overdrive is when these same women then have the gall to proclaim, "Where have all the good guys gone?"

Lastly, foreign women take marriage seriously and will go to incredible lengths to stay with their man, while on the other hand, as the American researchers have proven, many American women will leave their man at the drop of a hat, especially if the cash runs low. In fact, the research shows that American women initiate divorce 67% of the time and studies show that the reasons are not attributable to abuse, as feminists attempt to misportray. The reasons given by most of the women are along the lines of: "I want to spread my wings" or "I’ve outgrown him" or "I don’t need him anymore" or "I don’t love him anymore".

For marriage-minded men (especially those in their 30's and older), it is necessary to step outside your comfort zone and think outside the box and dip your toes into international dating waters and find how easy and rewarding it can be. I’ll be very frank in saying that just about all men I know who married a foreign woman are still extremely happy many years on. On the other hand, almost all the men I know who married an American woman are either divorced, or if still married, unhappily so. Very few American men I know are truly happy in their marriage and of course the research reflects this. This explains why the USCIS quotes a divorce rate of 20% between American men and foreign ladies compared to a 50-60% divorce rate between American men and American women.

So go abroad guys. You don’t have to sign up with an agency to do this. There are plenty of international dating sites on the net for meeting foreign ladies. Airfares are cheaper than you might think. As any man who has experienced dating foreign ladies will tell you, it’s the best thing they ever did for themselves. The difference is like night and day. Good luck fellas!

Steve Neese
Happier Abroad Research Specialist
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Postby Winston » Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:35 pm

Steve just added this new part in his personal intro about the internet dating scene in America. It's very eloquent.

In addition, despite being a decent looking man (throughout my adult dating life, most women have described me as handsome), I’ve never had any success with Internet dating. I could never figure out why. It was always a mystery. Then one day I started digging into the facts and found out why American women have the upper hand in internet dating. The reason is that on American internet dating sites, men outnumber woman by an average of at least 20%! In addition, attractive ladies don’t have to use internet dating to find a mate because they have so many men chasing after them in the real world. So, the few attractive ladies on internet dating sites get all the attention and become overwhelmed with the number of messages (not to mention a big head). What this means to the men is that a typical average Joe can send out hundreds of emails and only get a few half hearted replies (if any). But if that same man joins an international dating site, he will suddenly become a rock star and get literally hundreds of replies! Many of the replies will be coming from beautiful, highly educated intellectual ladies, not just poor uneducated province girls as many feminists will have you believe. Simply put, on American dating sites, American women have all the choices and power, whereas on international dating sites, men do. My point here is that it’s all about LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION (see here for plenty of proof)!

America is a nightmare dating scene for the average single American male. I know very few men who report having much success with American internet dating sites. So, most men just keep muddling through hoping for the best. It's a shame to see these guys just sit there helplessly and do nothing about it. I have seen these guys complaining about their plight on numerous American dating sites such as I’ve also personally seen men in this predicament all around me. It is truly a silent epidemic. The sad truth is that many, if not most, of these men are likely to stay single all their lives unless they TAKE ACTION to do something about it. That's where Happier Abroad steps in. It is our mission to show these men just how much in demand they would be if they would just expand their dating horizon to include dating overseas.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Steve Neese's new website!

Postby Winston » Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:20 pm

Hi all,
Steve Neese is coming out with a new global dating website that will feature his work. He has hired a webmaster to design it for him. So far, this is the draft they came up with for his home page. What do you think? Looks nice doesn't it?


He also plans to combine his Research Section and Intro into a book to sell as an ebook and paperback on Amazon. Great idea huh?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

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Postby Winston » Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:57 pm

Here is Steve's updated research report on his own website: ... ction.html
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

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Hi Steve!

Postby buddy77 » Wed Aug 14, 2013 1:35 am

So is the research all doom and gloom? Or do the social scientist propose some sort of solution? We all know that USA is a social and dating nightmare, i for one would like another solution other than going abroad just to find some happiness.

Btw.. I posed a similar question to this to your friend, Winston.
I would like to think that there is some hope for America.
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Postby Winston » Mon Apr 28, 2014 8:17 am

Check this out. This astrology website referenced your Research Report because it was relevant to the page. ... -part-one/
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Postby jamesbond » Mon Apr 28, 2014 8:52 am

Winston wrote:Steve,
Check this out. This astrology website referenced your Research Report because it was relevant to the page. ... -part-one/

Steve's research quote was in the comment section. Nice to see other people are looking at what Steve wrote and agree with him.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

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Re: Steve Neese's Research Section with Experts and Studies!

Postby Winston » Fri Aug 05, 2016 7:23 am

Hey check this out. Some website with college course materials in psychology listed Steve Neese's Research Paper on HA as a document to download. I wonder why? lol
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

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