Trilemma: Married vs. Single vs. Playboy - Which is best?

[Winston]

Hi all,
My friend Steve and I have been talking about the dilemma of the married life vs. the single life. He told me an interesting quote by Chris Rock that says it all: "You are either married and bored, or single and lonely." That's so true and sums up the dilemma in America that puts you between a rock and a hard place.

Basically, married life is boring, monotonous and routine. Eventually your wife becomes a passionless roommate or friend, and the sex withers away to either occasional, or none at all. Plus you have no freedom either and have to seek agreement from your spouse when you make any little decision.

But if you are single, you become lonely and depressed, having no one to hold or cuddle with at night, lonely nights, and sexually deprived and horny all the time. You then understand the phrase "Sex is like air. It's no big deal unless you're not getting any." because it becomes the epitome of your life.

When you are a single male in America, you can't really meet women to date either, unless you're in high school, because women in America don't talk to strangers, don't like to meet new people and don't socialize outside of their clique of familiar friends. They are unapproachable and paranoid. To make things worse, they also lack curiosity and have no soul, and thus are hard to connect with.

Thus the single life for men is a lonely no-win dead end situation, unless you are in the top 10 percent of men and have a great social network with great image/status. Otherwise, you're out of luck and not allowed to complain about it or tell the truth about it.

Therefore, Steve and I both conclude that the best life for a man is that of a playboy, since you get sexual variety in women, have more fun, get to keep your freedom, and don't have to deal with loneliness and sexual deprivation all the time. It's definitely the most fun of the three lifestyles. But of course, you can only be a playboy in a foreign country where women are attainable, because it's nearly impossible to become a playboy in America, even if you are wealthy.

However, even the life of a playboy has its consequences:

1) You will probably have to often use deception in such a lifestyle. It's doubtful that a playboy lifestyle can be maintained with total honesty. Women who are into open relationships are hard to find. (Unless they are looking to be sugar babies) So you may have to make false promises to get what you want. This will not only undermine your credibility, but may weigh on your conscience too (if you have one).
2) The women you're juggling will eventually find out about each other, or can sense that you have other women. Thus eventually none of them trust you and will not invest their heart or emotions into you.
3) You may eventually feel like you are lacking true love and a real relationship.
4) Unless you live in a big city, your playboy lifestyle eventually gets around town and tarnishes your reputation, making it harder for you to pick up anymore women. So you have to constantly move to new towns, or live in a big city and deal with higher prices and more traffic.
5) Society will look down on your lifestyle negatively and treat it as a taboo.
6) Most of your family and friends will view your lifestyle as a threat to their values, and may ostracize you.
7) When you are down or things have gone south, you may have no committed partner or wife who will be there for you.
8) When you get too old or lose your looks, you may become undesirable so that it may be harder for you to get women, unless you lower your standards or are in a country full of poor and desperate women.
9) You may eventually wind up alone and lonely with no stable partner to grow old with.
10) When you experience too much sexual variety, no woman ever becomes good enough, thus you can never have a true stable relationship again.
11) You become a slave to your everlasting desires for neverending sexual partners and sexual variety, and always feeling dissatisfied without it.
12) You may have to spend a lot of money to support multiple partners, unless you are attractive and charming, or lucky enough to be involved with women who don't need your money.
13) If you want to raise children, this lifestyle will not be conducive to being a good parent or family man since you will often not be there for your children or their mother.

So let me break it all down for you. Here is the trilemma of all three lifestyles with the pros and cons of each. Let me know what you think and which lifestyle is best. Is there any way logic can solve this trilemma? Let's start a poll. Cast your vote above.

The Pros and Cons of Married vs. Single vs. Playboy

1. Married and bored lifestyle.

Pros: Stable partner. Looks normal and acceptable to society and to the public. Raises social standing. Good for raising families and children. Having someone to sleep with every night. Having someone to grow old with.

Cons: Becomes a boring routine after a while. No sexual variety or adventure. Sex eventually decreases to infrequent or not at all. When your sex life is gone, you can't have sex with someone else because you're married. Passion is eventually gone. No freedom in that every decision you make has to be approved by your spouse. Ties you down, especially if you have children, making you like a chained/caged animal. Bars you from dating new women and exciting new romances, unless you cheat. Lots of pressure to buy a house and maintain a stable job. Divorce is expensive, and damaging to you financially because the state may divide your assets and give most of it to your wife.

2. Single and lonely lifestyle.

Pros: More personal freedom to do what you want. You can make decisions without approval from spouse. Less drama. More peace of mind. Better for pursuing a spiritual life or seeking enlightenment. Better for perpetual traveling around the world. Less weight and burden on your shoulders. No pressure to buy a house or maintain a stable job.

Cons: Lonely most of the time. Horny and sexually deprived all the time. Makes you feel desperate and depressed. Going out alone makes you feel like a loser. Harder to make friends when all your friends are married. Looked down upon because single men past a certain age are seen as abnormal and suspect. Unless you break into a clique (a closed social group) you will have no social life, since American social life is all within closed cliques and is not inclusive in nature. No real social events where you can meet women, because women in America don't talk to strangers, don't like to meet new people and don't socialize outside of their clique of familiar friends.

3. Playboy and distrusted lifestyle in a foreign country.

Pros: Great sexual variety. More fun. New experiences and novelty. Excitement of meeting new women everyday. Having female companionship yet keeping your freedom at the same time. Having women, romance and sex without commitment or attachment. Experiences are more memorable and meaningful due to the novelty, excitement and variety. Lots of special memories with different romantic partners. Secretly envied by married men, and by single lonely men too of course.

Cons: Will probably have to often use deception, which will undermine your credibility and weigh on your conscience. High risk that all the women you're juggling will find out about each other. If so, none of them will trust you or invest their heart/emotions into you. You may feel deprived of true love or a real relationship. May tarnish and damage your reputation in town, unless you live in a big city, so that you will have to move to another town. Society will look negatively at your lifestyle, and treat it as a taboo. Most of your family and friends will see you as a threat to their values and may ostracize you. No stable partner. No one to grow old with. No one will be there for you when things are down, as a wife would. As you grow older, your looks may expire which will make it harder for you to be a playboy, unless you lower your standards. You could eventually wind up alone and lonely when you get too old to be a playboy anymore. Too much sexual variety and partners eventually makes it so that you can't have a true stable relationship anymore since no woman will be ever good enough. You become a slave to your everlasting desire for sexual partners and sexual variety, and will be dissatisfied without it. You may have to spend a lot of money to support multiple partners, unless you have good looks and charm, or are involved with women who don't need your money. Not good for having children, because you will not be there for them or their mother.

As you can see, all three have their pros and cons. There is no win-win situation without drawbacks. There is no escape from negative consequences.

What do you all think? Which is best? Can logic solve this? Have any of you grappled with this trilemma too?

Let's do a poll here so you can cast your vote above!

[Rock]

Depends.

Are you a one woman man or do you prefer variety?

If you are a one woman man, get a long term gf and keep it alive as long as possible. When she pushes you in a corner (marriage or over), either marry her or find a new gf

If you prefer variety, the be an international playboy. Get your finances in order (it takes some regular income depending on how you wanna do it) then jet around the world to hotspots, romance and seduce women, and enjoy their company while you are in their country. After some weeks or months, move on the next city or country. Of course, you can backtrack at times and perhaps some of your old flames will be keen on a part 2.

When you get to old to seduce women (assuming you still like the young uns), re-invent yourself into some kinda pure monger. Perhaps you can target those girls who give value for money, good service, and GFE.

That's what comes to my mind off the bat. BTW, if you wanna have children at any time, it's doable either as a married or single man and at about any age. You just have to find the right type of gal to bear your kid.

[mguy]

To solve with logic you need to have a criterion.

The criterion would be set as personal situation/preferences.

For example, the foreign/playboy lifestyle is what i'm aiming for, but I am still in my twenties thus the consequences are not as grave for me attempting something like this.

[Rock]

To solve with logic you need to have a criterion.

The criterion would be set as personal situation/preferences.

For example, the foreign/playboy lifestyle is what i'm aiming for, but I am still in my twenties thus the consequences are not as grave for me attempting something like this.

I would say you are at a prime time to marry and start a family if that's in the cards for you. Cus you could see your kids reach adulthood by early/mid 50s, the time when you have energy and patience to deal with all the tolls a wife and kids will take on you. If you wait till much into your 30s, it will become an increasingly daunting task. The only advantage to waiting might be getting into a somewhat better situation financially if you are not there yet. But really, mid 20s-early 30s is best time.

If you were late teens/early 20s, then sure, playboy option is probably the best unless you wanna get the family thing completely outta the way by early 40s.

Like it or not, husbands and wives change over time. She may be hot now but in 20 years, you may both wanna go for a younger model lol. I've seen couples with kids divorce after like 20 or 30 years of solid marriage. Heck, even Al Gore finally divorced a few years ago and he was supposed to have had a model marriage.

At your age, it's actually a very tough choice. Older guys can bag it and just be playboys. Younger guys can afford to wait. But you are at prime marriage/family age.

[Jester]

All three choices have drawbacks. Polygamy is the answer. You get multiple women, and each woman pours on the attention and makes you feel like a king.

I believe this can be done outside U.S. if you let them know upfront, and make sure they feel taken care of money-wise. Clothes, nails, hair, car or apartment. A better lifestyle than they could do on their own. They have to be able to hold their head up around their female friends and family.

Some may come and go, but once you have a kid with a girl, she will be locked in, if you are dominant with her.

[C.J.]

Winston, I got an option for you.

How about Single and Happy?

Yeah, you'll get your share of lonely pains. I have them once a month. But once those pass, you can step up and live a pretty fulfilling life. If you make women your source of happiness and direction, you will be led around and unhappy for the rest of your life, no matter WHAT you do.

Many HA members just don't f***ing get it. *shrugs*

But I guess you won't stop f***ing around with women until your **ck falls off, will you Winston?

I'm not saying you should be celibate though. But I think S_Parc had the right idea for you sex fiends - when you need to boink, just boink a girl and leave them alone otherwise. In other words...

LEARN TO SKIP A BITCH OR TWO!


I was gonna suggest polygamy, but those kind of people stand out for many reasons. One, they're responsible. A lot of polygamists who aren't westerners, don't think "Oh, p***y everyday HEEEEY!". They know what they're getting into. They're making a family.

Two, they spend a lot on their women. But Winston... do you really call yourself a responsible spender?

If you really wanna keep your **ck warm THAT badly, just be a sugar daddy.

[Ghost]

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[Johnny1975]

Winston, that whole list is accurate, but the underlying premise is that a man has no option but to work around whatever a woman dictates. There are alternatives, for example :

You don't get married, and you don't live with her. You tell her to move close to you, about 15-20 walk away, and not in an area where you would both share the same town centre, that way you won't be constantly bumpinng into each other, but you'll be close.

Then, you spend 1 week at yours, 1 week apart, 1 week at hers, and 1 week apart, and so on. And if you have kids, you just continue like that. The kids won't think anything of it, it will be normal to them, no big deal, plus the novelty of having 2 homes. If you separate, you don't have to do anything. No divorce, no moving a whole bunch of your stuff out. So you won't be waking up to her face day after day after day, and you'll have your own time away from her and vice versa, which will keep things fresh and interesting.

Sex : To avoid boredom or routine, you teach her and encourage her to learn and try as much sexual stuff as possible. i.e. pompoir, dressing up, various positions, etc etc etc. To make it more intense and last longer, you learn tantra. That alone will totally transform the sex that you have. If variety becomes an issue, you ask her to let you have sex with a prosti tute or just some girl once or twice a year, on her terms so she's comfortable. And you make it clear that you reserve the right to flirt with other women. And if you become really good at tantra you could literally have an org asm just by looking at a woman, so there's always that, which is a good outlet in itself, and no one needs to know.

Decision making : You make it clear that you wear the trousers, period. Don't become another henpecked husband. If a man can assert himself with other men, I see no reason why he can't politely tell his girlfriend what time it is.

Result : all the pros of marriage, and many of the pros of single life. And let's face it, when you're 50 or 60, you're going to want to have someone.

[air_king]

there is still another option, get married and have the companionship, but then be a playboy on the side. in Asia, this is still pretty much acceptable, if not expected

[Teal Lantern]

Would you rather be grounded like the tree, or free like the cloud?

[Winston]

To the new members of this forum:

What is your response to the Trilemma question above? Which do you think is best? Is there a solution to this?

[jamesbond]

Like Dr. Phil has said, "I would rather be single and lonely, rather than be married and miserable." I don't think being single means you have to be lonely.

The best scenario is to be traveling around the world dating many beautiful women. Of course, this takes money and you need time off from your job to be able to do this.

[Tezcatlipoca]

In my ideal world, it would be a beta man's paradise in essence: every man gets a woman (monogamy) and gets to bang hoes on the side and especially before marriage. Playboy types (seducers) could have all the p4p they wanted but would promptly be put to death for committing adultery (i.e. sleeping with another man's wife or ruining a virgin) and would therefore be regulated. Women would either be wives and mothers or be hookers. No middle ground. Don't see why it has to be "boring."

That's actually oddly brilliant haha. Good luck enforcing it.

[Halwick]

If you are young and handsome and virle, you've got a good shot at being a playboy. But playboys age and the girls don't. Then it becomes harder to keep up the pace.

But if you have lots of money, there are other ways to make the girls happy. Look at Hugh Hefner.

Jester's suggestion of polygamy is probably the best compromise.

Ever thought of building and surrounding yourself with hundreds of beautiful fembots, programmed to cater to your every whims, such as the androids in the original Star Trek episode, "I, Mudd"? LOL

[fschmidt]

In my ideal world, it would be a beta man's paradise in essence: every man gets a woman (monogamy) and gets to bang hoes on the side and especially before marriage. Playboy types (seducers) could have all the p4p they wanted but would promptly be put to death for committing adultery (i.e. sleeping with another man's wife or ruining a virgin) and would therefore be regulated. Women would either be wives and mothers or be hookers. No middle ground. Don't see why it has to be "boring."

That's actually oddly brilliant haha. Good luck enforcing it.

This has been enforced many times in history, in virtually every rising culture of history.