My situation - Advice

[Juneau]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, it's great to be on this site. I've been lurking around for a while now, but feel it is worth signing up and contributing to what it is a good community!

I'm looking for some help on what to do with my life really! I'm a 22 year-old from the UK. I feel at home in this place most of the time, but as far as relationships, I am excommunicated. To be blunt, I am still a virgin. Never had a relationship with a girl, and have never really got that far in terms of physical contact. I'm not a bad looking bloke, but perhaps I'm too much of a nice guy that lets himself get walked over. This gets me really down sometimes, and currently this is the lowest I've felt for a while.

For the past couple of years, I have been looking at the idea of travelling or living in another country. The place I most seem to like is China, as I have an interest in it's culture. Since having this interest, I have joined up to a few dating sites; CB, DateinAsia, ChinaLoveCupid and have had some good responses, which for a guy who gets no attention in the UK is overwhelming! This has made me believe a life in Asia is probably better than remaining in the UK. However I do have a couple of close friends and am close to my family, as I am still quite young I feel I may struggle to live on my own without my normal support groups.

I've been talking to one girl from Indonesia for over three months now. She's a good girl, really cute, smart, funny and can speak English well. She is a virgin (or so she says) and does not want sex until marriage, as she is a Buddhist Taoist. For a virgin like me, that is hard to accept as I'm young and stuck high on testorone! Haha. Unfortunately she can be stubborn and we've had fallings out over the few months we have known each other. We have fallen out tonight and I'm not sure how, but she has said I have done something wrong and that she doesn't want to speak to me. Although I really like this girl, she is frustrating me with her attitude. Is it best to cut her off?

In terms of a career and finances, my career isn't really going anywhere. I work in IT Support for a small to medium family owned business. I get just below what is the national average for the job. Fortunately living at home I have been able to save up a decent sum of money, which could allow me to survive without a job for a little while. I have no college/uni degree, so restricts me in terms of what I can do if I move I'm not sure. One of my goals in life is to start and run my own business, ideally online. I figured moving abroad where living costs are cheaper and especially being in a country like China with growth opportunities might be the ideal place to start and run an online business.

I'm really just at a crossroads in my life and I am really unsure on where to go or what to do! Any help would be great, thanks

[publicduende]

Hi Juneau,

The best bet for a young man with no degree and a desire to spend some time abroad would, perhaps, be to invest some of your savings on a vocational course to learn a solid construction-related trade, possibly one leading to a national qualification: plumbing, electrical, masonry, roofing, etc.

I know it might sound like a step back compares to your IT (probably desk-bound) job, but if you look at the scarcity of qualified tradesmen in the UK, especially in the South and South East, and the fact that even the more mediocre ones straight from Hungary, Bulgaria or Albania can command a few thousands pounds a month worth of work, you will see that is a very good platform to ensure financial stability. Plus, after some time working for a local company to learn the ropes, as soon as you start your own business/consultancy you will be able to work on your terms, perhaps spending a few months in the UK and a few in some warm Asian or Latin American location.

I too am an IT pro, actually working in what one would have once defined the "upper echelons" of the software industry. And yet, I can tell you the entire industry is getting commoditised like hell and less and less money are thrown at it and to be made out of it.

Good luck!

[newlifeinphilippines]

buddhist dont have a hangup about sex so if they give you lip service about them NEXT them. Only christian women have guilt.

Anyways your too young and inexperienced to go wife hunting. Just meet women as friends or whatever. But it sounds like you need to get your money situation worked out first. I would make sure your online business is very viable and long term before thinking of moving abroad. And i would take lengthy trips overseas before even considering moving. I work online and make lots of money but its risky and wont last forever so im staying put and being frugal after already traveling. Traveling was a great experience for me but it has a lot of risks. Just be careful.

[Ghost]

.

[Break the chains]

You sound a little bit like me at 22, working in IT Support and feeling down after a falling out, although I wasn't a virgin.

The best thing is you are still very young and you have seen the light: namely that there is life outside the anglosphere.

Pursue your dreams and hobbies, pursue the things YOU WANT to do, and I think more self-confidence will come. Self-confidence is the key. Focus on developing this.

But yeah your youth is a huge advantage, armed with the knowledge there is a big world out there - and keep this in mind in regards to women too, it's tough when you get to know someone like that and you run into trouble. I obviously don't know your personal situation, but I don't think you should cut her off if you still want to have some sort of contact with her. Just give her some time.

Don't go committing at your age, a lot of young men don't realise their value goes up over time. The stakes are high.

[Taco]

Lots of British guys go to China to teach English because the job market and dating market in the UK is really bad. This might be a good option for you provided you have an extrovert personality.

[lasttry]

First, lose your virginity to a hooker. If British hookers are too expensive, fly to Berlin for a week, stay in a hostel, and visit the brothels every day. Try out at least 3 girls, then go back to whichever of the 3 was nicest. Hookers like repeat customers. Repeat once a year if necessary. You need to get rid of your virginity to avoid making it the focus of your life. It's no bigger a deal that getting your first job (which you've done) but you can imagine that if you were still trying to get that first job it would become an obsession and make it impossible to progress in other areas of life.

If possible, learn to delay your orgasm during sex with these hookers, because you'll need this skill if you ever get a real girlfriend who wants to be pleasured (hookers would prefer you come quickly and don't want to be pleasured). There's lots of advice on the internet about how to do that, but the most important tips are: (a) pull out and stay out (or 99% out) when you feel yourself approaching the edge and don't go back in until your arousal is back down; (b) for the next minute or do, only go in a little each time, just an inch or two, until your arousal is back where it was originally; (c) learn to relax, since the buildup of tension is what causes the orgasm.

Paid sex is ultimately empty, IMO, and an expensive habit, so I'd switch to masturbation to take care of most of your needs. If possible, stick to straight missionary sex with the hookers and then fantasize in your mind about those hookers while masturbating. Internet porn may warp your mind so badly you can never get it on with a real girlfriend, and is thus best avoided.

Read Mantak Chia's books on Multi-orgasmic male and Taoist sexuality. You don't need this at your age, but you should start preparing now for later life.

Forget about marriage with foreigners until you're in your 40's, at a minimum. You're just asking to get scammed right now. Be very careful about relationships with women in Britain. I'm not sure of the legal situation there, but there are definitely horror stories about men here who are stuck paying child support for children they never get to see. Then again, there ARE many nice women in the world. Just be very cautious.

If you are certain you don't want children, get a vasectomy. Not a decision to be taken lightly, but the best way to protect from child support.

Remember that almost none of your ancestors got to marry until their late 20's at the earliest and never had sex prior to then, other than with hookers, and that they had much harder lives than you all around, and that people in the 3rd world still have very hard lives. Imagine life as a seamen in the British Navy around 1800, keel-hauled for the slightest infraction of the rules (including masturbation), no sex, bad food, horrible living conditions. You've got it very easy by comparison.

Other than that necessary trip to Berlin to lose your virginity, squeeze your pennies until they scream in pain. Money is your lifeblood and your ticket to freedom. Spending less is a LOT easier than earning more.