djfourmoney wrote:ahardy -
I don't disagree at all. I agree that things are different in other countries and that we are often times in the West comparing our culture with the local culture, this includes body shape, eye shape and skin tone. Anglo culture and its forces has Korean women bleaching their skin and reshaping their eyes for example.
What I am mainly saying is American Women, even more than Canadian or European Women often times want the Bad with the Good. Which has given rise to that mythical beast known as a Corporate Thug. Somebody who is street smart, confrontational with strangers, has an "edge" to him yet works a job that pays 6 digits. All to often those men are Professional Athletes, such as Football or Basketball Players. NBA wives have often told new wives to be ready to deal with certain aspects of "the life". Because standard operating procedure for marriage doesn't apply in these worlds.
Western European women don't have the fear of being unprotected unless you count FSU/Poor EU countries. In FSU security is an issue because they have an underdeveloped middle class with the vast majority of the working people somewhere near the poverty line, this includes most public service jobs like teachers.
Most American Women are looking to move upmarket when they marry. This includes dating certain types of men based on earning potential. Seldom do you find women who say things like "I don't care what kind of job he works as long as he's happy". That could mean Jason is happy being a Wal-Mart Cashier and doesn't want anymore responsibility. Are most women going to accept that? Hell No! I'm surprise American Women aren't more callous and demand he make a certain amount. Some women do that by saying "I want a Professional, College Educated Man", that's code for incomes over $35K a year min, but around $50K with the potential to make much more with additional training or additional degrees.
European women hardly ever discussed what my job was. They may have asked what I did and I told them, never heard about it after that. American Men are guilty of changing the rules, but Women's Lib 2.0 was bent on equalizing education (Title 9) and equalizing job opportunities, being a stay at home mother was beneath them so also asking for paid maternity leave and things of that nature were never brought up.
There is only a Rugged Individualism debate in America, which many women buy into.
Djfourmoney, you seem to know a lot about dating conditions around the world. People adapt to the conditions around them, so if a woman was born in a given country, she will act like her fellow country women. We do this to survive. Individualism puts a lot of pressure on everyone. It's an unnatural pressure, that puts everyone against each other in an unnatural race. The weaker will fall. Naturally, women look for a strong running partner who can protect her from life's assaults along the way, and ease her into old age with love and security, not a nursing home, or dying of cold on the city streets.
Societies that value human connections, will not put this undue burden on a woman. So she is more secure in herself, and she feels no need to look for the 'strong male' to protect her. I do not believe in the feminist values. I never agreed to them, neither do I live by them. I wished it had never happened. I feel for the victims of this ideology - men, women, children, who have had to suffer from the feminist propaganda. And believe me, we all suffer. Feminism is single-handedly destroying our society.
I want people to realize on here, that I am not trying to down anyone, or minimize their pain. I am simply giving a woman's perspective on dating. Facts are hard and bitter at times, and sometimes it can shed light on certain situation. Knowledge can sometimes make a difference. Taking advice like giving flowers to a woman to win her, does not work. You can only give flowers to a woman if you have her respect and attention. If she does not look up to you, no amount of wooing her will work.
A lot of guys might want to know why they have not been successful with women in America. I can't speak for all women, but I can let you in my inner responses.
When I see a man I have never met, all my defenses go up. I have an automatic check and within seconds have designated him foe, or maybe a threat or OK. To not have those defenses up, I feel I will die. It's all on a subconscious level. Rape, death, kidnapping, these are fears that many of us women believe are ever present out there when we leave our homes.
Does he have a gun? Will he pull me into a dark alley and rape me? Is he going to attack me? Everywhere you go you are warned that you can be raped by strangers. We are raised in this environment of fear.
Most guys out here are just going about their business, and are harmless. But we have an image of guys out there as hunters in the perennial jungle, and we the potential victim.
Ever so often you see a woman that was murdered by a man, and this strengthen our resolve to be more defensive. Women's culture is a culture laced with fear, protectiveness, and other women giving unsolicited advice. 'Be careful', 'don't do this', if you do such and such, you are going to end up this way', awful catastrophizing. 'Don't do this, don't do that,' it's a wonder we talk to any male strangers at all.
I, myself, have chosen to live without fear, but then there will be many women to warn me that I am a fool or something terrible will, happen to me. Yes, we are told often how bad men are. And often it is the experiences of someone's ex-husband or ex-boyfriend that we hear about, so they jump to conclusions: 'All men are evil' 'There are not any good men out there.' We women live in a different world, many women protect the weaker, less sophisticated women, a kind of invisible sisterhood, of people giving advice. Some advice is sound, other advice is just emotional harping. But by the time we get out on the streets we see every man as a potential enemy, killer rapist, kidnapper, pervert, potential stalker or all the above. if you say otherwise, there are many women who will remind you as often as possible how naive you are.
No wonder, the American man faces many obstacles to overcome before he gets past those defenses. It must be a terrible thing to have to battle so many defenses. I can see why you guys on here are feeling the way you do. I am not all women. But I can say, that if you keep showing up in an activity groups with both gender, and give women a chance to know you and see what a wonderful person you are, the defenses might drop, and you will see them disarm and the possibility of having a romantic relationship with a girl becomes very real. But trying to meet them cold on the street in this country, might lead to a lot of rejection. Remember, we women, from the cradle are taught that we must protect ourselves from "men". So bars, and one time meets will be harder to find dates. Church groups, volunteer work, at the job, in you neighborhood, show up, show up, be kind to all, do work for the community, and when the woman sees your strength and kindness, she will remember that, and will usually disarm.