Jailbirds

[Fenix]

*Old blog I wrote*

Black people seem to love going to jail. Jail is like going to Chucky Cheese. "Dude, I thought you went back to jail?" I am
not a stereotype of the black community, I haven't been in there, I hope I never will (knock on burnt wood). This is not about blacks, everyone seems to want to go to jail. I was watching this documentary last year. Prisoners were getting their college degrees and shit. Really? You know jailbirds get treated better than homeless people do? It is a God damn shame. Jailbirds have television sets and Playstation 3 in their cells, 3 good meals a day, recreational areas like basketball courts, pool tables, and the whole ten yards. You just murdered your whole family, you are playing "Assassin's Creed 2" (appropriate game title!). Maybe I should go to jail? They have more opportunities there than in the real world.

I was unemployed for a long time. Peep this, my stepfather went to jail for 10 months in 2007. When he got out, 2 weeks later, he got a f***ing job. I was still trying to look for one and I didn't even have a criminal record. Sorry to put you on blast dad, but it is the f***ing truth, Ruth. How can a convicted felon get a job so easily? You have to pay your way through college in the real world. No you don't, rob an elderly lady for $5, you can get your psychology degree in jail watching "Lost". No wonder why everyone is in and out of jail like it is a hotel. Someone asked me this great question for $250,000..."Have you ever been to jail?" Asking me this shit like going to jail is like going to see the pyramids in Egypt. No, I haven't been to jail, you herpes infested cunt licker.

I love how jailbirds go to jail for 10 years or so, they went in with no brain cells, but come out of jail quoting MacBeth. You are Albert Einstein now? The only math you knew how to do was measuring kilos for cocaine. You are now studying calculus and economics? Get the f**k outta here. I am all about people changing their lives. You did the crime, you do the time. I don't understand how jailbirds get all of these resources. People are living on the streets and no one gives a flying f**k nut. I went to the store yesterday and I donated money to the Salvation Army. I didn't see one person donate any money.

I know that is off topic, but seriously...It is ri-dic-u-lous. I think it was two weeks ago, I saw this clip online about the most dangerous inmate in South Africa. He said he wasn't gay, but if the guy didn't French kiss him or f**k him in the asshole, he would kill him. "Say your ABCs or I will kill you!" What do you think the guy is going to do? "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, Now I know my ABCs, next time will you use a condom when you f**k me?"

Come on now, girl, I said, come on now, girl! This inmate said he wasn't gay, but he was tossing salads without using Thousand island dressing. The inmate said that the men there are women. Hmm, men have dicks, unless vaginas are prehistoric or something. Prehistoric = dinosaurs were the largest animals on land on Earth. The f***ing elephant is the largest on land now. Big difference. Anyway, men are f***ing each other in jail. No one is stupid. I don't care if I snapped and killed someone, I am not going to f**k another man in jail. I jack off, all I need is my left-hand. The thing that is disturbing about jail is that people think that going to jail is some type of achievement. "Yeah, I was in jail. I have been in jail since I was 12. I am 42 now. I am a kingpin."

People are obsessed with this type of lifestyle. Jail is scary to me. I have seen those shows where they show the horrors of jails and prisons. It is like showing me STDs on an overhead projector. Girl's skunk looks like rocky road ice cream. Would I f**k a girl like that? f**k no, Candice. Why would I go to jail where no one gives a shit about anyone or themselves? Jail is not Sesame Street. People are walking around talking about they have been to jail like it is part of their resume. I would not be proud of going to jail. Is it fair that convicts get more benefits than regular people? Noooooo.

Last thing about jail and I am off to see the wizard...People are put in jail for the dumbest shit. In the 80s, we had a war on drugs. War of batshit. Anyway, if you had marijuana in your possession, you would get 8 years in prison. Why? They just want more people in jail and prison. Prisoners are working for 1.5 cents a day and shit. "I love my license plate! My cousin in jail is great for doing this!" They have more prisons and jails in America than schools. 2 million people are in jail in America, the largest in the world. Why? I would take all of that wasted money and build homeless shelters and schools. I just got arrested so I might not be on MySpace until tomorrow. See you! (not if I see you first!) (Stand by Me reference FTW!)