"You Don't Talk" Syndrome

[Fenix]

I know this 6-year old kid. He is cute. He has a machine gun tongue. He always says I don't talk much. If a 6-year old is saying this, something must be wrong with me! That is proof! What I am trying to accomplish with this thread is this: Americans have this "if you don't talk, something is wrong with you or we need to watch this quiet motherf***er" syndrome in this society. We all talk, obviously. I am more of a listener and an observer. I would hear and observe my family members talking when I was a child, so that is where I got this from. Again, I blame this trait for some of my failures with people since my personality sometimes doesn't mesh. I do talk, but I am not a chatterbox. I speak when I have something to say. This is another reason why I hate America and its people. At least once a week, a person will say "you are too quiet" or "you don't talk." I am sick of this.

Why do I have to talk all damn day for? Of course, something must be wrong with you if you are like this. Americans are obsessed with extroverts. I used to read job ads in newspapers and magazines and the ads usually say "you must be a people person, outgoing, energetic, etc." I am a people person and I am outgoing and I am energetic, however, why do I have to be like this 24/7? I am a mood ring. Somedays, I don't want to talk.I should have mentioned this in my other thread about why I am leaving this sewer. What constitutes that you talk? I don't understand. Even my "friends" say this shit. "Yeah, well, Phoenix doesn't talk that much" or "Phoenix is always quiet." Really? Really? How come we have conversations all day if I can't talk? It is always something going on. You are constantly judged over the most trivial things. Ironically, when I do become a chatterbox, I get ignored sometimes. Which one is it? This is probably my biggest pet peeve besides people trying to run your life and they won't even run their own.

Sorry, I just needed to rant this afternoon. The kid got punished...He got the piano hands of doom and I tickled his ass. How do you like being a human grand piano, shrimp?!?

[picasso25]

I have that same problem here in the U.S., most americans want you to carry on like a airhead just saying what ever comes to mind, even if it is disrespectful, and if you don't, then it's like he's a snobb or he's hiding something from me. I rememeber once when i was younger and i left the gym room to zip up my fly, i had two girls follow me out to see what i was doing, they said it was suspicious that i just and left without telling someone where i was going, what a bunch of assholes,I also see the same thing in the paper with people saying please be a outgoing person. the thing that irritates me most about these people is that when you are trying o be outgoing, they are extremely rude to you or put you down, and it's like ok how the hell am i supposed to be outgoing if everytime i try to bring up a conversation with you, you think what i am saying is stupid or make fun of me for feeling a certain way about a topic, as if these idoits are so perfect. on a daily basis im polite with these motherfuckers in conversation, but all they want to give you is negative engergy. after a while who wants to keep opening up to people who are stupid assholes. what i think these filthy piece of shits mean about being outgoing is talk, but talk only about things that have either no substance or are negative or trashy. God forbid someone would want to talk about something of substance like the war or terrorism, these motherfuckers want to talk about who lindsey lohan is dating, sorry ass bastards. why shoudl i have to degrade myself and talk about filth or negative things and act like a snobbish arrogant piece of shit, geez. I really hate this american culture. something needs to be done about this.it would be easy to be outgoing if the people were friendly and lots of fun activities were going on in the U.s. like in other countries, but this countries is boring and arrogant as shit, I really hope some maturity develops in this country, my goodness

[Adama]

Yes. This is right up there with people telling you to "smile" all the time. I also get the "stop talking, [my name]" (sarcastic) line. Like Picasso says though, once you open up your mouth to say something, anything you say can and will be used against you. It will just become a reason to label and hate you. That's all. It is best to keep the conversation light and any opinions and judgments should be kept to yourself.

The same people who make fun of me behind my back are the biggest ones who demand that I say something to them. I just go about my business ignoring them, which frustrates them even more. I wont say anything to most people I dont consider to be "on my side" unless it is strictly business related.

In other words, if I feel the person is somewhat trustworthy and not out to stab me in the back, then I will open up a little bit about myself. If the person is one of those who talk trash about me while they believe I am out of range, then of course I will only say the minimum of what needs to be said.

Overall this is a sad, sad culture, but that's what happens when the ideal is the feminine instead of the masculine traits of humanity, and those feminine traits come without boundaries and are the lowest of the low. (I.E. The negative side of feminine in the USA dwarfs the positive side, in a matriarchy.)

[thecobra2]

Yeah I feel the same way. People are going to talk shit about you behind your back no matter what. It's best just to realize that it is happening and ignore it. Go about your business and run your life exactly how you see fit. People are too damn judgmental and think they know what is best for everyone else. That is why I don't talk about other peoples lives. Instead I prefer to talk about what is happening in my life.

[Free]

Another possibility, especially in these modern cluttered & chaotic days, people are just outright uncomfortable with silence, and when around silence. Notice how people, from wake to sleep, are near constantly drowning out the precious silence.
So when they are around the quieter types, they may be uncomfortable around the silence. Can be several reasons, but one might be: accountability. They cringe at the thought of contemplative silence, to be still and take accountability for some possible concerns in their lives that they just do not want to face and are in denial about, or to take an honest look at the many problems around them. Quite a common theme these days, and it's not just in the U.S.

You're not broken. Don't worry. You just need to align with an environment more suited to who you are as an individual. You may find it in 2 months, 2 years, or sadly, 20 years. Hard to say.

Best to you.

[odbo]

It's part of the dehumanization process. Empty words and emotions. I remember they even talked about this in my Sociology course which is otherwise the worst class you can take. How when you have a service industry job (waitress, secretary, floor employee at a store, etc) and part of your job is to be cheerful (kiss the customer's ass), that takes something out of you. Stay too long at that job and a flame inside you dies. Something like these women, a hollow shell



There are other reasons tied to this. You need quiet time to think, but as talked about in the excellent television addiction topic, Americans hate silence.

By the way, have any of you heard people tell others "You talk too much"? I think that used to happen, but now they say "You think too much."

[E_Irizarry]

......Overall this is a sad, sad culture, but that's what happens when the ideal is the feminine instead of the masculine traits of humanity, and those feminine traits come without boundaries and are the lowest of the low. (I.E. The negative side of feminine in the USA dwarfs the positive side, in a matriarchy.)

Bam! +1

[Jackal]

Just go to Finland. They are notorious for not talking very much.
I heard one story about an exchange student who had a Finnish room mate in Finland, and the only sentence that the Finnish room mate said to him during the whole year was "It is now your turn to buy toilet paper."

[Bane]

Wow, I know how this feels! I, for one, have always hated the idea of "small talk" and just simply talking for the sake of talking. I tell people that I don't talk unless I have something important to say!

I recently took the Myers-Briggs personality test, and found out that I am an INFJ. Apparently, we are the rarest personality type out there, only 1% of the total. I think it simply comes down to the fact that 75% of the population are some form of extravert, and they either cannot or will not try to understand how we innies operate.

[The Arab]

There is a difference between making inane banter and small talk without real meaning and conviction - fake talk, like at cocktails, and actually being social, inquisitive, and loquacious.

I fall in the latter category.

I found Americans in LA to be rather anti-social and somehow paranoid and afraid of strangers - well, not afraid actually, just insecure and not able to hold conversations.

I love talking to people who are real and like to talk - as opposed to people airheads with nothing going on upstairs, which is very very common in the U.S.

Seems to me many of you are introverted - but then, when faced with fakeness everywhere, I can see why one would avoid it and become introverted

[Fenix]

I'm an ambivert (introvert and extrovert).

[onebelo]

i just know you're from america because every american i have met has this attitude! they talk talk talk for no reason. not even friendly talk but just worthless chatter! its really strange

because a hollister opened up where I live and all the american managers are like this, everyone from the UK think they are so strange lol

trust me in other countries silence is not looked down upon. if you've got nothing to say then nothing need be said

[Enishi]

I only like chatting with people I respect and find interesting....thus eliminating the vast majority of Americans.

I make small talk at work only out of necessity, otherwise being too quiet causes problems.

[abg98]

INTJ checking in (3 years later...), and this couldn't be more true. I think it's even worse because I'm Nigerian, and loudness/vivaciousness = hospitality in those cultures. I might get a bit of a pass there since I'm a girl, but in the US I'm a b!tch (because Black girls can't be shy ). I like being courteous, but certain things just don't come naturally to me or take a lot of energy, the major one being leaving without announcing it. Usually I'm not talking, so it really doesn't occur to me to announce my departure. Or smiling when making eye contact. I know people in East Asia don't really greet strangers they see on the way, but I wish bowing was a thing in the US. That way I could express the courtesy more regularly.