What immigrants and foreigners say about America that you never hear in the US media

HAPPIER ABROAD Why You Can Have A Better Life and Love Beyond America

What immigrants and foreigners say about America that you never hear in the US media

In reality, there are few redeeming qualities to living in America other than making money and consuming. Besides that, the rest is mostly fake and artificial. This is well known to many foreigners, immigrants and even some Americans. And in fact, foreign visitors and immigrants usually report that the first thing they notice upon arriving in America is that the culture and people seem “fake and superficial”.

According to CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS and other mainstream network news stations, ALL immigrants in America claim to have a better life and more freedom, escaping oppression and tyranny in their home country. That’s the view that they attempt to “manufacture” to the US public. Contrary opinions (such as the ones here) are censored out, and in their view, don’t exist. Therefore, I wish to try to bring balance to the media’s one-sided coverage and representation of immigrants’ views by sharing their real life opinions here, uncensored, honest and profound. Contrary to what is portrayed in the US media, most immigrants in America do NOT see coming here as a win-win situation. They either have mixed feelings about it or they regret it.

Here are their opinions and views, which are quite common and what you hear in real life when you travel and meet laypeople, but not in the highly censored, agenda-driven, unintellectual US media of course. In fact, any European easily notices, in comparison with their media, that the US corporate media is unintellectual and lacks any critical thinking skills.

What’s interesting here (and tickles my funny bone) is that these views are totally “out of the box”, going against everything we have been taught and “supposed” to think and believe, yet they are so true nonetheless, confirmed by many laypeople who read them. It took courage and insight to put something like this together, which goes against the grain and against the propaganda of the establishment, as a beacon of light, so that others who feel the same way know that they are not the only ones, and are not crazy. Instead, they are given words they couldn’t find to express how they feel. Thus, it’s nice to know that many who read these quotes below exclaim in liberated delight, “Wow! I thought I was the only one who felt that way!”

Now, you might wonder why if so many immigrants in the US have such opinions as below, that they stay. Well the explanation is simple and sad. Humans have a propensity to get into a “comfort zone” even when they don’t like where they live, don’t fit into the culture, or become enlightened about it. If you have a daily routine set up, as long as there are some benefits of convenience, it’s easier to do nothing and just maintain it, than to make drastic changes to your life which could entail starting your life over from scratch. And of course, where one lives usually brings obligations into one’s life that are hard to break due to the aforementioned reasons. In addition, the immigrants often have family members (e.g. their children, spouses, or parents) who are settled in the US that further tie them there. So you see, the “if you don’t like it then leave” mantra is much easier said than done.

Here now are the collection of quotes and comments from immigrants and foreigners sent to me directly or that I took off the web. I’ve kept them in their original form, correcting only spelling errors, leaving their grammar and informal style intact. They are sorted chronologically in descending order.

First, a Russian girl from Moscow had this to say about moving to the USA:

“To be honest i don't like usa at all, i can move there but only if it is strongly needed (if i fall for an american). Many of my friends was there(with families or for student exchange Work&travel usa) and say something similar to: "they have no culture, but the money... money and nothing more is interesting for them", Doesn’t sound inspiring..”

Next, an Asian American reader of my ebook gave his conclusion of life in America, similar to mine:

“Winston,

Interesting to read your writing on America....after 20 years living on the US, I gradually have come to a similar conclusion. Now I tend to see US as an extremely luxury prison, and experience life here as a shell, hollow with little content except if your life is all about making money or being fully committed to a career...

Regards,
*** ****
NJ”

And an African American man on my list observed:

“You can tell most people in other parts of the world are more cultured and morally more disciplined than most Americans. Most Americans think possessing material wealth is being cultured, and that they are socially more superior than other races…What an ILLUSION in their mind!!... They unfortunately so believe their illusions they fail to realize they are dead WRONG! North America is good to live in if you like to acquire material wealth period! And that is good provided you do not lose your morals of human compassion and relations.”

Here’s what a Ukrainian American lady in the US observed about our culture’s valuation of everything by its productivity:

“There are many things that can be said about main stream American culture (or non-culture, I should say), but the bottom line is that it is a paper plate consumer focused culture ... All things are judged in value according to their "use" or productivity, and then thrown aside when they are used up or no longer producing ... Usually, the corporations decide what is to be valued, and the people, with blind faith and obedience, look to the corporate conglomerates' commercials and their commercial sponsored media for the answers to everything ...

There are no parents in America; there are only property owners. There are no children, spouses, partners, friends, or lovers; there is only property. Americans don't really have freedom or independence; they have dependence and to their cars and other properties.”

Similarly, a Russian American male immigrant I know had this to say in response to my observation that foreign women abroad are far more relaxed, open, and sociable to strangers than in the US.

“Hey Winston.
It is good you noticed the difference. But it is not only women it is all americans are very different. Americans have empty eyes. Even those people on TV. Because there is no soul in this country only money.“

It’s true as they say, that the “eyes are the window to the soul.” You can see empty, plastic eyes of money and illusion there. But you might not notice unless you have other populations to compare them to, such as those of another culture. And of course, if you are of the same kind as them, then you won’t see what I’m talking about either. Again, an “inner life” isn’t something that can be quantified or described with mere words. Those who have it know what it is. And those who don’t have one, can’t see one with a mere description.

Back in college, a Greek friend used to often tell me:

“Americans have no inner life. All they do is consume!”

He couldn’t be more right. Our lifestyle is one of perpetual consumption in excess. To see an obvious example of excess consumption in America, go to a typical home and look in the garage or basement, and notice the excess of things stored there that are never used, making moving a total pain in the ass. As ancient wisdom goes, too much of anything is never any good. But alas, there is little else to do in the routine of American life.

Even a beautiful Lithuanian girl gave her honest impression of the artificiality of the states, which is surprising since beautiful women tend to praise America since they are given so much admiration, benefits, and special treatment there:

“Hi Winston,

nice to hear u like lithuania and it's people! and yes, i live here most of the time, but i'm travelling a lot as well and this fall i'm leaving for half a year. i've spent two summers in the states as well, so i do understand why u liked lithuania or europe in all, i could never live in that country, honestly, i guess i'm just love europe too much and couldn't get used to that feeling that everything and everyone was so fake over there, sorry if my opinion about the states seems rude, but i'm just being honest:)

talk to u later, got many things to do!

take care,”

Later on, when I told her I was impressed that she knew the abbreviations of so many US states, which most average Americans don’t even know, she replied, paying a great compliment to the average American:

“here, abbreviations is not a big deal, i've been to those states + i never use a criterion of what an "average american would/would not know" to decide if a person is smart- would be too many smart people in the world:P.”

Another Lithuanian girl described the hell and isolation she experienced when she stayed in the US for half a year:

“The longest period that I have spent abroad was like 6 months. I was in the states. Unfortunately (as most Americans would put it), I was in NJ this very little town called Stone Harbor. I don't think you would know it though. It was hell... being stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no wild nightlife....I still remember it as a worst nightmare.”

A Russian girl I met in a park in Moscow near metro station Chistie Prudy said that when she was in the states, she thought:

"This is America?! Come on, I need action!"

And a beautiful Russian girl selling souvenirs around Catherine Palace in St. Petersburg, Russia, gave her impression of girls in the states vs. in her country (summarizing from memory):

"I was in the states before. The difference between our girls and yours is that yours have no interests." (in comparison to the girls in her country)

In some cases, experiencing the US can cause such psychological damage that one prefers to erase all memory of it, as in the case of this Lithuanian girl who vociferated:

“hi Winston,

first of all, sorry that i'll be a bit distant for a while, because i have exam session and don't have any time to write mails. still, i do hope u're not gonna find me rude, cause i don't wanna be, but please, do NOT SEND me anymore ANYTHING ABOUT THE STATES. i really don't wanna hear what people say/think/feel etc. about it. i have been there, have my own opinion and my feelings to it are not positive at all, therefore i'm trying to forget all that and delete it from my memory and sorry, but ur mails don't help me too much with that. i had some really bad experiences there and everytime u make me relive those bad emotions, what i have no wish to do. if people in the states are proud to be americans and think it's the best country in the world (when their knowledge of the world reach maximum 5 miles around their farms)-let it be, cool, i'm telling them: live and be happy ever after. i'm out from there. for long. PERIOD.

I hope u understand that i'm not saying "don't write me", i just don't wanna hear about usa anymore.”

Perceptions like in the above are a lot more common than you might think. I’ve heard many such views from US immigrants, foreigners, and Europeans. In fact, I’d estimate that about 80 to 90 percent of Europeans feel that way about our lifestyle.

These next few quotes are in regard to US workplace environments, where coworkers tend to politely tolerate each other without becoming real friends or bonding with each other. Not always of course, but more so compared to other countries. During lunch breaks, for example, most office workers tend to go off alone and do their own thing. If they go eat with someone, it’s usually with one or two coworkers to the exclusion of the rest. But in other countries, such as Greece for instance, coworkers eat together, cook together, and often the boss cooks for them too.

One reader noted such an observation to me:

“Dear Winston,

A late good friend of mine from Peru used to tell me "Americans are friendly but not your friend". He observed how in the U.S. one could work for years in a company and never be invited to a co-workers home. This was far different from Peru where people frequently visited each others homes and were very social outside of work. I found this intriguing. As you have said each society has its pluses and minuses. Hope you enjoy this. Take care.”

And an East Indian friend of mine concurred, saying:

“Yes, very. I agree with your late peruvian friend in that I've found for the most part, most American's have a friendly manner that may or may not reflect how they really feel.

So someone coming here from another country (say India ) would think they're the friendliest people in the world. I thought that too, when I walked out on the streets on my first day in the US and had total strangers smiling at me and saying "Hello, How do you do".....but I quickly realized that they were just 'being nice' and had no earthly interest in hearing my answer.

In India, it is rather different - people aren't as quick to smile and say hi, but they are much more likely to invite you home, or do other things that help cement friendships quicker than I've seen happen here in the US. I know that's generalizing, and I'm not an expert on cultural phenomena by any means, but there definitely is a discernable difference.

Just my .02”

Another East Indian reader described the spiritual depravity in America and the selfishness/egoism of its individualism:

“I myself am heavily influenced by nondualist studies, such as Zen, Sufism, Advaita and Taoism, which focus heavily on interconnectedness with the universe, and getting away from the "I" (and understanding that our own perception of the self is generally false).

Indeed, America is therefore a very spiritually starved place, in my opinion, because of the emphasis on a self/ego (which is most likely perceived falsely to begin with), instead of the heavy emphasis on oneness, or interconnectedness. And it wreaks its havoc in work, in family life and beyond.

By the way, India, where my family is from, is a good place to meet people. Not the greatest, but quite a bit superior to USA in terms of social life. I love it when I visit there.

I do also think, however, that good and bad exists everywhere, in different ways and different amounts, which I know you've addressed. And we can only fight the bad so much. So it's a matter of how well we take the good with the bad.

But yes, when it comes to this particular problem of not being able to control the ego, and being hopelessly caught in the traps of duality, rather than engaging in interconnectedness with all, America is just about at the top. And therefore your site is spot-on about that.”

A young Czech girl I met on internet movie database (imdb.com) wrote her impression of America to me, which even though she’s never been there, is pretty darn accurate nevertheless:

“And about the states...well, when i was younger i thought it would be so cool to live there but then i grew up a little and i changed my mind. When somebody´s talking about americans i always imagine a fat man eating a BigMac, sitting in the cinema and laughing at the most stupid joke in the most stupid movie ever:-) I know americans are not this way but i just can´t help myself:-) I don´t want to judge usa until i can say i´ve been there cuz my view of usa is "made"(i don´t now better word:-) mostly of films and documents and of what i read (and that´s not very probative). I just hate it when americans bless their ´´amazing´´ country and they can hardly find it on a map:-) And I´m rather not talking about their knowledges of another countries...i just think americans should learn more about the world cuz they don´t know enough:-)”

An Italian related this joke about Americans to me:

“When the UN distributed this questionnaire:

‘What is your opinion on how to reduce food shortage to the rest of the world?’

The European replied: ‘What is shortage?’

The African replied: ‘What is food?’

The Chinese replied: ‘What is opinion?’

The American replied: ‘What is the rest of the world?’”

He then added:

“Over here in Italy, one thing that does not lack is culture and interest to the "rest of the world"”

In regards to the international affairs of the US government abroad, even Canadians are more aware and informed about US foreign policy than Americans are. A Canadian family I stayed with verbally related an interesting observation to me, which I will do my best to paraphrase from memory:

“America seems to be composed of two separate worlds. On the one hand, you have the American population, which generally consists of good well-meaning people. But on the other, you have the US government which is actively involved in horrible acts abroad, such as exploiting others, overthrowing governments and regimes in the interest of corporate greed, and committing all kinds of crimes, which the mainstream American public is amazingly unaware of and oblivious to. In fact, the WHOLE REST OF THE WORLD seems to know more about what the American government does in the international scene than the American people do!”

In fact, one immigrant from Lithuania who came to the US to flee communism ended up writing a series of anti-US government and anti-capitalism essays, which though extreme are very intellectually articulate. He describes America as a plutocracy – government ruled by the wealthy. Here is his index site:

http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Senate/1120/contents.html And his disappointment since arriving in the US is expressed here: http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Senate/1120/article1.html

Another Russian immigrant observed the effect that our consumerist culture has on people:

“One thing I notice is that Americans, in general, are very narrow-minded people, who are absolutely not interested or curious about anything more mind stimulating than stupid soap operas and some dumb idol/reality shows... that is why very often they come off as being too anti-social. It's not that they are stuck up or conceited, its just very hard to engage anyone in anything interesting. And most of them, i find, are the ones who actually have a low self esteem, so as a cover up, they may come off as arrogant and anti-social....

I thought, the Soviet people were brainwashed. Now I am convinced that every big empire brainwashes its people. There is no other way around.”

I receive fan letters from immigrants like the following on a regular basis:

“I came across your e-booklet on Happier Abroad

I cannot express in words how impressed I am by your work and how accurate and true you are to yourself. I have lived in the US for 13 years now, and I can't but agree with every single word you wrote. I am sure that many of my friends who have gone through the same experiences do also agree. America is the land of false promise, the land of moral and psychological depression. People in the US who think they're happy, are mostly so because they do not know any better.

Anyhow, I am working of relocating out of the US as soon as possible after reality of life has become crystal clear. No regrets, because life events have forced me into this direction, but now I say to myself: enough!

Congratulations again on a job well done!!!!!”

Like me, this Russian immigrant wondered if there was something wrong with him when he became disenchanted with America:

“Anyway, to cut a long story short, everything you wrote in your treatise is precisely to the point. I am a Russian who has lived in the States long enough to know. I came to the country expecting to find some flavor, as I had been able to do in France and Germany. Alas, what I ran into was a sea of blandness.

It took me a while to realize that there was a chasm of difference between the media picture of America and real life, but when the truth hit home, I felt very disappointed and empty. I even had a lapse of self-condemnation as I thought the problem was in me. I have gotten over it now and can see clearly. Your writing puts all the pieces of the puzzle together very well.”

And as I did, this Polish-American Cornell student also grew up feeling disenchanted about the dysfunction of America:

“Hey Winston,

I just read over the euro weekly digest and found you to be the only person who knows what he's talking about. I am a Polish-American that was born and has lived most of my life in the US and speak fluent English without an accent. I have spent many years living abroad in Poland (I visit just about every summer), Italy for a year, England for a year and visited a lot of other countries in Europe as well as Northern Africa.

So, when I read over your posts its just like reading what I've known for years. When I was younger I was a very average American teenager until I went to high school and saw the insanity of America and the everyday mentality of my friends from middle school becoming that of their narrow-minded parents. Ever since I have grown to hate America more and more by the day. America lusts for money and greed, the whole system is anti-friendly and geared towards those who like to work to death, after all what is the point of life in America if you are not working? Anyways I will spare you the rest of the generalizations because I already mostly agree with what you wrote in your posts. American people are duped everyday by their popular culture and the people in power, keeping everyone servile.

Anyways, nowadays I attend Cornell University and it is not much different to me than my high school or any other place in America I have been. People still lust for success and are just more cutthroat and willing to walk all over you to get what they want. I expected lots of interesting intellectuals and interesting people, but was disgusted by the mediocrity selfishness of almost all Cornell students. Even the European or international students change when they come to America and lose their cultures for money and success.

Well, just in conclusion, I am at Cornell so that I can get a better start in Europe because I care about my career, but obviously not to the degree that Americans do. I am personally more of a lover of Mediterranean Europe and I highly suggest you visit if you already haven't, I enjoy it much more than the North where people are generally colder. It is nice to know that people out there exist that know what the real deal with the world is today. I have a few friends that also understand this point of view, like Jake, he is my friend on couchsurf.

Just wanted to say hi and say I know your right and the rest is either uneducated or refuses to think deeply enough about the overall situation in the world.”

A Dutch girl in the states who read this collection of quotes, wrote these observations about the deficiencies of this country:

“Winston,

I was referred to your webpage by a friend of mine who is from Germany. She had sent me one of your articles and I decided to explore further on your web page. I found the article titled " what immigrants and foreigners say about America that you never hear in the U.S. Media" very funny and completely accurate. I am glad that there are people out there who realize that the U.S. is not everything. My friend and I always talk about this type of stuff, and it makes me very happy to see that WE are not the only ones who feel this way and get upset about it. Because we feel we cannot express ourselves fully without getting a strange look or some kind of disagreement. (It is as if we are emotionally in jail.)

I, myself, am from Europe (the Netherlands) where I lived until about 8 years ago. Being brought up in such a liberal country has made it very difficult for me to adjust to the American life style. Soft drugs, Euthanasia, same sex marriages, and prostitution are all legal and are not looked as if they are taboo or wrong doing ( feel these things should also be legal in the U.S.)

As I said before I'm having a difficult time (still) adjusting to the American way of life. What are Americans PRUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stand it. Talking about sex is a taboo, having sex is a taboo and oh boy... what if you see a nipple or a butt crack on T.V., it better be blurred out before we realize that others have those, too. In the Netherlands (as well as other countries throughout Europe) we embrace nudity. Women go topless or walk around naked on the beach, we wear shirts without a bra where the nipple is shown through. It is sexy and not looked as perverted. We have T.V. commercials (even during the day) where nudity is shown. Something I really do not understand is that on T.V. in the U.S., plastic surgeries are shown, the breasts are cut open and everything is exposed except for the nipple that of course, are blurred out. Nipples, vagina's, penises and butt cracks are part of the human body and should not be looked upon as something disgusting.

I also, personally, do not like the egotistic, and independent life style that exists here. For Americans, the world is the U.S. and if lucky, Canada and Mexico is included with that. (look at the world cup in baseball... how long have the Americans won that.. oh hold on.. only the U.S. plays in it hahaha {stupid if you ask me}!!!) People in the U.S are so uneducated about life out of the U.S. that I have been asked whether Amsterdam is a country (in which "Holland" is the capital I suppose)!!!! Also, the independent life style is so weird to me. People don't even know their own neighbors here, where is in Europa, we are "taught" to work together. We do know our neighbors, in fact, during World Cups or Euro Cups, a lot of streets put out T.V.'s and couches and chairs and the whole street sits behind that one T.V. with a beer in the hand, enjoying not only the game, but also the company of their neighbors.

I also feel that we do not live to work, but work to live and are not as materialistic as people are in the U.S. I can personally say that as a child I may not have had everything that I wanted, but I did have everything that I needed. In the U.S., most children get what they want so that they will shut up for another week, but often do not get the love, affection, respect and help that they need from their family members( other words, they get what they want, not what they need.)

Unfortunately I'm bounded to the U.S. because of family, how ever, I do hope to be back in Europa within the upcoming 5 years because there is no place like home ;-D

Thanks for being an outlet, and it is good to know that I'm not the only one. I feel a whole lot better already! hahahaha”

Here, an East Indian girl explained why she prefers living and working abroad, and summing up what her Israeli friend said as well:

“actually, i want to go to england, maybe work in london./ the rest of england outside of london is pretty slow. if london doesn't work out, me and vladimir will go to australia or new zealand. What about you? will you move? in america, all they do is tax you, work you so much, and no life for family. I don't want that.

in fact, my israeli girlfriend said it's very lonely here, and that everyone's afraid of each other here, and she also prefers to return to israel once her kids are 18. she thought america was a good place to live, but now she thinks it's full of work, political corruption, and they work you to death, and give back little. she recommends others not to settle here, for in many ways, it's a jungle here.”

Another African American gave these enlightening observations:

“You really tell the truth the way it is about American society. Many people want to get in a bubble or comfort zone of a kind of fake reality with our mainstream media, superficial tv and music and it reflects in the women of America and social networks. Americans are being socially engineered to live apart and not want "natural" contact with others but instead want superficial relationships and friendships. It is hard for free thinkers of different backgrounds in America to ever get truly comfortable in this kind of environment, which is why I want to either move to Europe or just travel from place to place instead of staying in America. This country is terrible. I am a pianist who thinks that Europe would be more open and accepting for a classical black musician as myself! The educational system is dumbing us down as well in America, making us submissive to authority and never questioning things in our society. I could write a long essay about this but I agree with everything that you have said. Keep up the good work.”

In the Philippines, some common things I hear about America are:

“When Filipino people move to America, they seem to change. Our friends and relatives who go there seem to just forget us.”

“I’ve heard from Filipinos in America that it’s boring and lonely, and that there’s not much to do except work.”

A reader from Greece wrote me the following:

“Hello Winston,

My name is ****** and I am from Athens, Greece. I came across your web site while googling trying to find web sites with articles about the differences between Europeans and Americans. I am writing an essay for one of my courses at college and I needed that kind of info. I have to admit that I was hooked up by your articles. Many of the situations that you describe were like a revelation to me. You see, many foreigners including me have a completely different image of every day life in America especially influenced by the various hollywood movies and american tv series. I had never expected that things were so horrible. You know, I also used to hate living in Greece but after what I read about the states I think I changed my mind a little bit. Anyway, the reason i'm writing is first to congratulate you for your courage to write about this stuff and let everyone know that America is not the ideal paradise that everyone imagines. I would be really interested in getting your e-book , I think it would be very helpful for my essay. Do I have to pay anything or can you send it to me for free? By the way, if you happen to know any more good web sites about the cultural and general differences between american and european lifestyles, you would be more than welcome to send them to me.

That's all for now! Thanks for your time and don't give up. There are 200 countries out there, America IS NOT the whole world, unlike many of your countrymen believe. I think if more americans had the opportunity to travel more and see different countries and different lifestyles it would be a very pleasant cultural shock to them and they would start realizing that they should change a lot of things about their lives. That way America would start becoming a better place.

???!!!!”

A man married to a woman of Dutch descent related the couple’s feelings about the US:

“We, like yourself, are just tired of the consumerist lifestyle here in the states. Corporate greed has reached all time highs here, and we are sick of it. We are also tired of the general ignorance of the people here. So many times when my wife tells someone she is Dutch, she gets responses about wooden shoes....and thats if we are lucky. Most people have no idea where it is on a map…….. Thank you so much for letting others see that they are not alone in their general disgust with American society and politics.”

A young Asian American female college student that I met while traveling wrote me later:

“I feel like I'm dying in the U.S. because of lack of like-minded people. When I was abroad in Europe 2 summers ago it seemed like people were more willing to go deep……… I find myself constantly questioning why I am dissatsified here. And even though I have many men interested in me here, I can't help but wonder if it would be easier for me to find a "soulmate" or an awesome social life abroad-- from the few times I've travelled I've met amazing men that were able to converse at a deeper emotional and spiritual level than men in the U.S. I don't know if it is a cultural thing, but I hate how disconnected I feel here, and this nagging sense that I'm missing out on life or wasting my youth.”

On a website discussion forum about my site, a poster noted this revealing difference in the standard of “hot girls” as observed by a South American:

http://reddit.com/info/22ggh/comments

“glmory 10 points 8 days ago

He certainly can blame the shortage of super models though. A friend from South America explained it to me this way: When you say a girl in America is hot, what you really mean is she is not fat. When you say a girl is hot in much of the world, she needs much more than not being fat, everyone is not fat!”

On the same discussion forum thread about my site, a German exchange student gave the following classic example of meeting people in the US vs. Europe:

http://reddit.com/info/22ggh/comments

“saprian 2 points 6 days ago

My experience here might be specific to the area were I'm staying (when I say US, I technically talk about the state I'm staying in), but I found for example that people in the US don't seem to make friends in classes; I found that pretty weird.

Let me give you an example that I found pretty striking. During my stay here I started to take dance classes. I found if I run into somebody from the class somewhere they would ignore me, not say hello, and in some cases even break eye-contact and all that, unless (!) we had officially been introduced, talked with each other or danced at the class. They treated me like a complete stranger.

When I went home to Germany for a couple of weeks I found a local dance-school and went to one of their practice sessions. On my way home at the train station I run into a couple I had seen at the dance; we hadn't talked, danced or been introduced to each other. We made eye-contact and started talking (and that was 2am at night at a deserted train station) - it was the most natural thing in the world and the conversation was very warm and friendly.”

An Asian American intellectual who dropped out of the police academy in the US and moved abroad, gained these insights after being overseas:

“Let's face it America is good for some things like making money, developing stable businesses, and enjoying the natural landscape however the standard of living is highly overrated and downright poor in many respects. People in America are stressed, sexless, annoyed, and angry most of the time. You can see it in mainstream American culture, the macho bullshit posturing, the elitism, and the feminist nonsense. I know some people will deny this and call us "pathetic" for our choices but I know too many American expats from all walks of life who are happily living abroad to discount this as mere coincidence. The english speaking western world has really pigeonholed itself as a moralistic, productive, and order based society but I feel the more you order and categorize people's lives the less happy they are. I’m not even going to get into all the racial discrimination, social politics, and other nonsense that pervades every aspect of American life either. Let’s just say that I’m sure you know about as much as I do how bad it can be as an asian minority in the U.S. Actually, it’s not even a race thing these days. I find a lot of my friends from ALL racial backgrounds to express how sick and tired they are of the bullshit they face in daily American life. However, the vast majority of these guys will never leave. They just don’t have the options on the table because they set down responsibilities and roots that will not allow them that mobility. I feel for them, if only they knew..

Once you go abroad it’s difficult to go back. My first extended experience living overseas opened my eyes in a variety of ways. People will always be people but I believe that culture is the single biggest influence on people. There is definitely something wrong with America in this respect. America may be a lot of good things..productive, prosperous, and relatively free but the socialization of its citizens is much less advanced than other (much more economically poorer) countries I’ve been in. The way I look at it quality of life isn’t just all about money. It’s about what you can do with yourself in that society and how comfortable you feel around others. In America I was never truly “comfortable” but always felt tense or slightly agitated at the people around me. There’s definitely a hostility and tenseness to social interaction there that I don’t feel anywhere else. That’s a lot of negativity to deal with daily so it’s not surprising that out of all industrialized first world countries Americans generally have the least healthy lifestyles and shortest overall life spans.”

Another Asian intellectual who moved to Europe had this to say about why he left the US:

“The reason I left the U.S. was because I found it to be a profoundly depressing and soulless existence living in North America. I hate life in U.S. suburbs the most. Cookie-cutter houses. Endless strip malls filled with the same stores (Blockbuster, McDonalds, etc). Having to drive EVERYWHERE. Spending every night watching television or DVDs in my big, isolated house. Weekends with nothing to do but go shopping at the mall. Like many people, I always felt half-dead whenever I spent significant periods of time in the U.S. I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized it. It was American culture. It was the American media. To put it bluntly, American culture is a ghetto culture that values flash over substance, superficial consumerism over spiritual growth. It's a culture that has an invisible racial hierarchy that places Asian men at the bottom and is obsessed with all things white or black American. It's a country that is built for doing business, not living life.

Anyhow, I've lived in many places during my life. And as we all know, each place has its good bits and its bad bits.

I've now learned to take the best bits of the U.S. (namely, service and business) and transfer it to my life abroad.”

One of his sentences above sums up America perfectly, “It’s a country that is built for doing business, not living life.” In fact, I’d say that if there’s one sentence or theme that would sum up this ebook, that would be it. Thus, I’m going to be using it in other parts of this ebook as well as my welcome page.

Little India, a US publication for Indian communities in America, published a story about unhappy Indian immigrants in America, some of which came here against their will, interviewing several of them to reveal their thoughts and feelings. Among their complaints were the feelings of isolation and stress, the cold indifference of strangers and neighbors, general boredom, and feeling “unnecessary” and meaningless. You can read the story on their website at the link below. I’ve also included some key excerpts and quotes from the article: (I always enjoy hearing from East Indians by the way, because like me, they are spiritual and philosophically oriented)

http://www.littleindia.com/august2004/UnhappyinAmerica.htm

The colors seemed to have been drained out of her life. Says Aparna, "The small pleasures of life I used to experience in India, I do not experience here. In India, standing on your balcony, you see life, you see kids playing, you see people sitting together. Neighbors stop to laugh and chat and find out how you're doing.
Here I would sit on the deck in the suburbs. All around me, there are beautiful trees, beautiful landscapes, and lovely cars. But there are no people. You might as well hang up a pretty picture in your living room and just keep on watching that. What's the difference?"

"My daughter is growing up here and I worry about her - that she will pick up the culture here and that constantly depresses me. I'm trying to blend in, but at times I still feel depressed and lonely. I think if I were 40 or 50, I would still prefer to go back. I cannot live here for good."

She adds: "I think each and every individual is here to make money. Personally if given a choice, each one of us would be there and not here. So I guess each one of us is compromising and trying to adjust."

"Everything seems to be artificial and formal and people seem to be pretending. You feel as if everyone has a mask on their face. They are not the same any more."

She feels in America, people are running on mental treadmills, with no time for anyone. You dare not drop in on a friend uninvited or dawdle with extended family, chatting over dinner on a weekday. She says, "It's this 'I'm really busy' attitude. It's the same 24 hours we used to have in India, the same 24 hours we have here. It's the same time, what's the difference, I don't understand. Yes, I know we don't have help here, but I'd make sure I give a hand with the dishes before I leave."

She feels the financial rewards of America are overrated. So what if you have a house or car? "You have a car to drive, because here it's a necessity. In India it's a luxury. Here, you have a car, but it's not your own. You have a house but it's not your own. You don't pay two installments, they'll come and take it away. "

Well-wishers point out to her the glittering wonders of America, the many malls where you can get anything your heart desires. She says, "Yes, because you don't have a family or circle of friends whom you can be with, you walk around malls and ultimately buy things. It's a consumer society and that's the only entertainment."

Even more grueling than the poverty was the loneliness. He says, "If you live in isolation, if you live in loneliness, that is the worst thing that can happen to an immigrant."

His life in Southern and Central Illinois, andlater in upstate New York was very spartan and emotionally bare: "These are small, cold desolate places and you have no friends.

It's miserable. If you have no job, you are ill or have some health problem, then that's the time you feel more isolated, more lonely. And that's the time you wish that you hadn't come to this country."

Partha Banerjee who works with New Immigrant Community Empowerment: “There are so many stories of unhappy people.”

It is often a rude awakening for a new immigrant to find himself in a rundown seedy apartment crawling with roaches and rats, counting pennies and struggling to hold on to a miserable job that he hates, if only for survival.

The faces of indifferent strangers greet him in the corridors and on the streets. At that moment, the string bed in the open courtyard of his village home, surrounded by loved ones and a pot of saag cooking on the family hearth, seems incredibly inviting.
This too is somebody's American Dream gone awry.

A reader on Little India’s site concurred, posting her feedback:

http://www.littleindia.com/feedback/reviews.php?id=11&cat=2&subcat=0&subsubcat=0&page=0

“1) Feedback added by Madhvi / 09-10-2005 (id 39)

What you have written is quite true. I also came here two months back and really feel like I am trapped in a gold cage. I was working in India for almost 10 years as an IT professional and now for everything I am dependent on my husband. It is so frustrating. My father is a heart patient in India and I have no mother. I feel so guilty at times that I wished I have never come here.”

Yet another Russian visitor made these observations about Americans:

“Winston,

This is what I figured out about most of the Americans I have met after living in the States for over 8 years (note: most, but not all of them, there are definitely very smart people here who became my friends, I am talking about the biggest population percentage):

Fake.... that's the first thing that I noticed and continue to hate to this day. Famous American smile, everybody smiling at each other, in the stores, on the streets, restaurants, at work. And while smiling and pretending to like you and being your friend, they quitely stab a knife in your back (still smiling, of course).

Close-minded.... all those things they say and think about other cultures and countries, while having hard time pointing out where Luxembourg is or asking if I drive to Russia and back (yes, driving... as in a car) while visiting my family there. Or stating that French people are greedy and stink, literally, while never visting France or knowing where Statue of Liberty came from or even meeting a French person in their life.

Ignorant... thinking that their culture/religion/Constitution are the only right way to live, while never experiencing anything else, seeing other countries, or, for that matter, not even being able to name any constitutional rights exept for one... right to bear arms... for some reason, everybody knows this one.

Confused.... thinking that their country is the one that can rule the world, yet making fun of their president and displaying "Bush hater" stickers on their car bumpers.

Confused again... eating McDonalds five times a week and thinking that Diet Pepsi will save them from being overweight.

Umm... stupid??? for suing a fast-food place for becoming overweight... winning the case is something I am not even sure what to call...

Living in absolute ignorance about anything that concerns any other country besides their own... for example, actual questions and comments I've heard about Russia: "Must be nice to be away from all that snow, huh?", "Do you guys still have to stand two hours in line to buy toilet paper?", "Do you have polar bears walking around Moscow?", "Do Russian women ever shave their legs?".

Living in ignorance about their own country, for that matter... when asked what Americans were in Iraq for, one of the answers I heard (on TV, mind you), was "well, 9/11, of course".

Should I go on???”

A Portuguese-American wrote these strong words:

“Dear Winston,

If so many immigrants feel this way about Americans, why do they show us such a false, ingratiating face when they meet us, and pretend to love us so? There are some Americans, like myself, a Portuguese-American, who feel exactly the same way many foreigners do about this dead, soulless country. When we meet non-Americans who share our feelings, we are never let know it. We have no one to talk to about our views. It's as though all Americans are stereotyped as exactly the same: we're all dead inside, we all have dead eyes, we all march in lockstep behind our belligerent, hate-filled, racist nation. "Therefore why even talk to them? They're all subhumans and they're all together and in on it." But that's profoundly untrue. Not all of us march in time to America's sick rhythm.

As an American who noticed the strange dead eyes of most other Americans early in my life, as a child, I feel very bad that more non-Americans I have known did not simply open up a conversation with me about how they felt. They would have been amazed to learn that some Americans also feel the way they do about America; and we, the minority, are trapped here.

My sister and I are two of about perhaps ten people we know who can see through the fog of deadness hovering over this country. Life for us as native-born Americans has been a steady hell. From childhood it is as though "normal Americans" could perceive our differentness. We were hunted, bullied, tortured, lied about and betrayed for our perception. My suffering as an American outsider has lasted for decades. Again and again I find myself encountering Americans who find it routine and okay to lie to me, lie about me, steal from me, betray me, try to manipulate me, use me, and discard me. There is no soul behind their eyes; their eyes are empty and blank, and all they care about all their bellies, their wallets, and the next (must be wealthy, thin and attractive!) sex partner.

If I could, I would leave America. I long to go to Portugal, the land of my ancestors. But right now I am trapped under a business that I built and can see no way of continuing it in another country: yet. If I hit upon an idea, I will be out of here and living across the world far away from this terrible land. Between Bush, Christians, the war in Iraq, the growing fascism, the media and the worsening inhumanity in the very streets here, I despise and feel sorry for this place.

America is very much an asylum for the mentally ill. My sister and I ask each other every week - literally, every week, in the wake of yet another betrayal or assault from a dead-eyed American near us - if the entire country has gone collectively insane.

You wonder why Americans don't know their own neighbors? They're more Americans - would YOU want to get to know them?

Portuguese-American longing to escape,

S.F.”

Here’s what my ex-friend’s Filipina wife wrote in her blog about why she was unhappy in the US and returned to the Philippines, dragging him back there as well:

http://rosas23.blogspot.com/2008/02/phillipines-or-america.html

”Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Philipines? Or America?

Well, I prefer Philipines more than here. Maybe I love the people there more.more than the people here, this is the differnet. see in list..

1.) I like Philipines because they have Respect, Kind, and Happy people.
2.) My Family's there.
3.) I have alot something to do in Philipines more then here.
4.) Have people around who can help me.
5.) And maybe I grow up there.

America?

1.) Because too far to Neighbor.
2.) Don't have stuff to do. Only (using Computer, Looking my Baby, Cooking, Cleaning, sleeping, Eating, hehehe!)
3.) It's hard to having Baby when you don't have people around can help you.
4.) I miss Filipino food.
5.) I miss going Mall. hahaha

As you can see, the other KID here in America are no respect. I prefer more the KID's there where I grow up. My Brother and Sister fighting together but have respect. Not like here, They not respect the Parents Or Old people. LOL, how you can live in Country the KID's they not respect you? well, for me I can't live Country like this. hehehe I'm annoyed!

Posted by "rosa" at 1:51 PM”

A German immigrant related these critical observations to me, which are typical for Europeans:

“This country, no offense, is dead, cultureless, lifeless, prude in many ways, and completely uncivilized. I now work for a german firm and spent the last six months working in germany before having to come back here to finish a project, and have made it perfectly clear to my management that once the job is done that I want to be transferred back overseas.

Now of course I cannot say that any country is perfect. All places have their pros and cons, but I simply cannot live with the fact of living in a country that thinks its the greatest piece of land on the planet, has the biggest ego about it, and has the mass propaganda on the media to make every american believe that they are god's gift to the world, while not knowing anything about the remaining countries on the planet. Most americans dont even know what the capital is of their neighbors, Canada and Mexico.

A friend told me once that the american ego stems from from this country scoring an A, and all the others scoring a C or less the last few decades. I would have to say this country scores a big fat F in my book. 5% of the worlds population using 25% of the worlds energy and creating 40% of the worlds trash doesnt score high on my list.

And lets not forget that this country has had George W Bush as president for eight years... what madness... and then this place was dumb enough to not just vote him in the first time, but then to vote him in again... and lets not forget that John McCain and Palin made a serious run at the white house... again that is only possible here, where the population is kept ignorant to anything else in the world, and lead the lives that they do because they do not know anything different or better.

Being German I find it especially frustrating because this country has an obsession with everything WW2 and Adolf Hitler. One turns on the history channel (or as I call it the war channel) to view history that happened a very long time ago... not that is a bad thing to learn a little history, and we all know most americans are not very educated about anything that happens outside of this place, but I have had enough of nazi jokes, beer jokes, or the comments that we actually wear Lederhosen every day, drink 20 beers a day, and eat nothing but pretzels and sausages, and that all of us have a Porsche (would be nice though).

I am not saying that everyone should be a world expert, but the average american could not point out my country or the continent it is located in on a map. Sure, most people overseas are not expert either, but everyone can at least point on a map and knows the basic geography of the world.

A lady in her forties recently asked me how big Switzerland is. Besides looking at a map, in this world of wireless internet, wikipedia, and google, shouldnt this have been mentioned in school at some point i ones life.

Another acquaintance of mine was actually firmly decided that he wanted to learn swiss. Anybody that knows anything about Switzerland knows that swiss is not language, but the spoken languages in Die Schweiz is german, french, Italian, and in some parts romansh (although if one doesnt know about that last one, thats understandable).

Ohh, and here is a new concept, I am typing this email in my second language, and I speak and write better english than most americans do. Or as I heard once, here is a joke:

When one speaks three languages: they are trilingual
Wehn one speaks two languages: they are bilingual
When one speaks only one language: they are american

Do not get me wrong, I have met some great people here and have made some good friends, but these are usually individuals that feel the same way that I do, have traveled a little bit, and are certainly not representative of the average person here.

My biggest problem besides the ego, is the distinct lack of culture. If country music, loaded six shooters, and cowboy hats are culture, then so be it. I am proud of my country, have an over D sticker on the back of my Audi, and a flag on my aviator jacket along with a european union one, but I would never do that in germany. Is it really necessary here to fly the american flag in front of every apartment complex, house, mcdonalds, shopping mall, business, etc...? Is it really right to instill the american ego from day one in children, making them at a young age recite the pledge of allegiance in classrooms, and breed ignorance and egos.

People in america are generally childish and are drama queens even at adult ages. I believe the average european is much more mature, cultured, and educated than the average american. During a recent trip to Amsterdam it is not hard to tell them apart in a crowd... big logo t-shirts, baseball caps, and of course the mindless conversations and the loudness of their voice. On a recent business trip to Munich, it wasnt us the germans that were completely wasted in the Biergarten.

And lets not forget the silly sports that are played... baseball and especially football are so bloody boring.... ohh yea... there a have to be different sports, so this way an american team can be world champion every year.

And lets not forget the blatant stupidity of the american units of measurements.... its 2009, and everybody else is on the metric system which actually makes sense.

The distinct lack of identity is rather strange as well. A now ex friend told me that he was Irish. I asked if he was either born in ireland, been to ireland, and/or held Irish citizenship. Of course the answer to all three was no. Can anyone tell me how a person can irish then? And then this same person trashes me for being anti american and rants on with the greatest nation ego crap.

Not to go on too long, but lets not forget that people here have no health insurance, no way to help them in times of need, no infrastructure with constant dependence on automobiles, but this place can justify a nice large military and bases around the world to protect the american interests of consumption... give me a break

And last but not least, there is no freedom here. There are laws and regulations about everything. There are certain financial freedoms here, but what good is it if you can not enjoy it. One can have guns, which by the way causes extreme crime and violence here compared to the rest of he west, but once can be arrested from drinking a beer in public, of showing as much as a buttcheek.... nice freedom!!”

This Belgium student describes how prudish he found America to be:

“I left Europe when i was 14 to go to Texas and spend 5 years in america i also went to Georgia and New Jersey...the first time i arrived in america since i was 14 the first thing on my mind was to go chat up some beautiful american girls in the hopes of meeting some for the first time in my life...as some friends introduced me to some girls they knew , we started hanging ot a bit and talking etc...then when it was time to say goodbye and go our separate ways i kiss the girl on the cheek since this is how we culturally say goodbye or greet each other in Europe...my friends rushed back to me and asked me "Why did you kiss her on the cheek!!??? now she thinks you are in love with her !!! " i was surprised that we were not able to have such body contacts...but from that day i knew i wasn’t going to have as much fun...another thing that struck me the most is the social behaviors that hot white american girls have acting like they are better than guys buy trying to achieve ultimate independence driving cars at 16 yers old etc... what i also hated was when they ignore you when you wlk in the hallway even know they see you but act like you are not there...girls in america dont seem to be ok with letting you go out with them and always put you in what they call the "friend zone" which basically everybody in america is in or at least the majority of them...and america also has so many virgins , not to forget the 40 years old virgin movie they made in trying to give hope to american citizens...and what about that show called the pick up artist with that guru guy called Mystery....his clients look depressed...its just scary to live like that and it sure is not healthy ...humans need one another in america not only is it hard to have sex...but to americans romantic behaviors are considered either weak or weird or needy...you name it...and what baffles me the most is no one talks about it and when you bring it up you sound crazy or something...they are just hypocrites...i couldnt bare the nasty food they give at lunch compared to the food in Europe...and we have no room to breath at school for example not enough time to socially feel one another... back in Europe we have 2 breaks one of 15 or 60 minutes at 10.30 and lunch break of almost 2 hours so we can do activities etc...in america you have to stay stuck inside and just have one lunch then keep ignoring each other if you ever run into each other in the hallways....everything you say id true Winston i could go on....anyway, what pains me the most is that even tough i am back in europe i still find it hard to go up to a hot girl because of how the hot girls treated me in america ...but i recently found the courage back and it worked i am slowly getting better like i used to be before i went to america....keep up the good work Winston because its a disgrace what is happening in America right now...lol they even have this to catch a predator show because women are too hard to be with apparently....its such a sick country....we are definitely happier abroad....thanks alot Bro....CIAO....”

A couple from Holland I met while camping shared this oddity about American friendliness:

“It’s funny how Americans are friendly and helpful to you while camping, but when you live next to them in a neighborhood they just ignore you.”

Later when I remarked about how American adults rarely see their parents after they grow up, they replied:

“In Holland, people remain in close contact with their parents throughout their whole lives, even if they live far apart.”

A young Russian immigrant who felt disenfranchised with the programming and conformity of America related these key observations:

“It is sometimes difficult for me to articulate my thoughts into words regarding the way I feel about my situation. Usually, it's easier to explain it orally -- but here I'll try my best.

I've been living in the US since 1989, when I was six and a half years old - my mother decided to immigrate here. For me, it's been one downward spiral since. Deep down, I know that I am not American and will never be an American, although everyone to whom I tell this doesn't seem to register it in their minds. I don't feel ANY kind of affinity with America or Americans, and I find them vacuous, shallow, and painfully superficial. I cannot relate to them at all. The weird thing about it is, that ten years ago it didn't even cross my mind that I would someday feel completely alienated from this country. I felt pretty much assimilated and adjusted, not realizing my future predicament. Only now has this problem manifested itself to a degree where I can no longer hide it or ignore it -- it's not simply going to pass easily.

The other problem I have is my projection of US crimes (Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc.) onto US Americans themselves, i.e., I identify the actions of the state with the people because, most often the population itself supports US terrorist aggression abroad wholeheartedly. This has made me even more resentful towards Americans, and out of this I don't have much respect for them either.

I also have some questions for you. Have you encountered the following in the American character?

1. Cowardice -- from experience I have not noticed that Americans, especially the men, tend to only act "tough" or "macho" when in groups or in a "gang" -- they seem to gang up on others and overflow with confidence when in a group, acting alone they rarely utter a word. Could this also be related to the fact that they attack ONLY countries which have absolutely no means of defending themselves?

Also, on the subject of cowardice, I have noticed that if an American, also especially an American male, who holds pretenses about being someone's "friend" - almost never stands up or speaks up for his fellow "friend" - he just has this blank, empty look on his face. Often, they will try to act innocent and ignorant, and always claim they don't know. In theRussian culture, most men will stand up or speak up for their friends, even if the friend happens to be just an acquaintance. I truly admire that in the Russian character -- the manliness and courage of the Russian.

2. Denial -- also from experience I have noticed that if someone points out the obvious in another person, that person will instantly deny or repress this fact, usually for fear of losing his or her job. Also, an exchange between an American and myself:

Me: What gives the US the right to militarily occupy Iraq?

American: We're not occupying Iraq.

This denial is very common, I think, in the American character. They will act inappropriately or in a juvenile, infantile manner and the very next day act like absolutely nothing occurred.

3. Political correctness to the point of benign totalitarianism. This one really takes the cake. From experience, working with Americans is sometimes like trying to swallow a dead rat. They are so politically correct about everything that it becomes tedious and painful to the soul. The society is so totalitarian in my opinion, that it probably borders on the insane. I have been reprimanded so many times on the job for saying things slightly one centimeter to the left or to the right (not in the political sense) of conventionality that I just have to bite my tongue and not say a damn word for fear of upsetting or angering them.

One example I can give you is from my job at a Marriott hotel.

I approached the manager at the front desk as I was ready to go on my lunch break and I asked her,

"I'm going to lunch now, do you need any help?" She replied, "No, I'm fine."

About twenty minutes later she approached me in total hysteria and scolded me for saying the word "lunch" at the front desk, because there was a customer in front of us!!! This is something that you might find only in an insane asylum.

I apologize for the length and breadth of this letter, but I think that if fully encapsulates my position regarding these freaks.”

He later added:

“Also, another question -- why are so many Americans scared of each other? I live here in the Midwest, and the fear is just so palpable, even from a distance. Their favorite expression when they see anything happening is, "May I help you?" For example, I was parking my car in a rather urban part of the city, and some lady pulls down her car window and asks in a very alert voice, "May I help you?" Or, they like to ask, "Are you okay?" -- because they become paranoid of something that looks unusual or simply unconventional. The suburbs are the worst, where paranoia is almost a standard.

Or maybe I'm just intimidating, for some reason?

The total lack of genuine human interest amongst them is what really irks me. Being completely enveloped in a shell, like you write in your many observations, and always in a hurry to get rid of me. They have developed a whole array of phrases to get people out of their lives. The easiest way for them to perform this maneuver is just to tell you, "Alright, have a nice day" or "Oh, ok!" or "It was nice meeting you." The killer is "I have to let you go." The person cannot respond in any way but to just nod his head and just leave, otherwise, he is perceived as a stalker or harasser. Almost never have they ever asked me about my origins or the meaning or root of my name, Dimitri, which is quite uncommon in the West.

On the subject of freedom, which Russians regard in a completely different dimension, dissident author and speaker Ward Churchill perfectly conveys my emotions when he writes:

"As things stand, persons residing in the US are subject to a greater proliferation of rules effecting a far broader range of their day-to-day activities than any people in the world. To the degree that 'freedom' may, as it must, be socially defined as the latitude of personal autonomy retained by individuals--or, again to put it another way, by the relative absence of an overarching authority regulating/regimenting the minutiae of each person's daily existence--US citizens now enjoy the least freedom of any people. In the "land of the free" one is "free" to do exactly what one is told in virtually everything one does, every walking moment, -- and for the most part, every sleeping moment as well -- of every single day."

Russians have the concept of volya, which translates literally as "will". In essence, it is the absence of the "overarching authority" of political correctness which has developed to an advanced level in the US akin to a totalitarian society. And it applies not to only words and speech, but to simple human behaviors as well. It is difficult to breathe freely in the US, because the schmucks are like you wrote, bred to be conformists. Everything is packaged and programmed. In the previous letter I mentioned the incident with my manager when I used the word "lunch". Well, at the same hotel, she would tell me that I am not allowed to sit at certain tables in the breakfast area to eat my lunch. Talk about your freedom!!!”

A young Ukrainian woman who immigrated to the US had this to say about my writings:

“Hi!

I just read your story in "about me". I really enjoyed it!   I'm a young woman from Ukraine, I moved to the US about 13 years ago.

What you wrote is mostly what I thought American guys must feel... As soon as I acclimated and learned the language (when I moved i went to middle school), I started seeing the tremendous differences between Ukraine and America.

At first, the only people nice to me were black girls. And in Indiana there weren't a lot of them. And also some overweight white girls. Basically, few people overlooked my accent and tried to help me and befriend me. Then there were of course the guys hitting on me in high school, but i knew all they wanted it sex so i didn't really pay attention to them. ( i wanted either a real relationship or nothing at all - i was brought up that way).
Anyway, i don't wanna get into the details too much, I'm not sure if you will get this email.
My point i that i felt that most people here were "under a fog" with a few heads sticking out. Those that stuck out were really different, more intelligent, open minded... it's hard to describe, but they seemed more "russian" or whatever. More present.

So i definitely felt what you are describing, but the other way around (i came from a country of openness and connections to this country).   so anyway, thank you for describing your experiences in such intimate details, not everyone could've done that.

In russia/ukraine, men and women are treated by their actions, thoughts, how interesting they are, if they are good at parties, etc... not just looks and stigma.   Women want guys like you, guys who really want a relationship and treat their girlfriends/wives with love and attention (unlike many russian men, spoiled by attractive women all around, many are cold and distant as husbands, and expect their wives to slave away in the kitchen). You appreciate beauty and what you've got. that's what men are supposed to be like. always wanting their wife, happy to walk around with her.. etc.

although i have some feminist tendencies (probably a rebellion to how I was brought up, my beautiful mom working at work , with children and in the kitchen, and my dad only working and expecting mom to take care of everything).
but I do agree with your view of "that's how women should be". Even by nature, they are supposed to need men, be vulnerable... it's great to be strong in many fields of life.. but in the man-woman relationship the man should be the strong one.

Anyway, write me back if you want to chat, I have to go back to work.

thanks again, your website was very informative, open and true to life.

bye,
Ludmila”

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