Why is it so hard to make friends in America?

[Hero]

I also hardly see any single women in the suburbs. All I see are middle aged married women and senior citizens. I do see some young single women when I go into the city but not as many as you would think there would be.

Where in God's name are all the young single women in America?

The real question is, where are all of the PRETTY young single women? I don't see them even when I hang out on college campuses.

[jamesbond]

Another obstacle to making friends in America is that Americans expect you to be cheerful, smiling and laughing all the time. If you're the quiet and serious type, or you dare to say that the world is an imperfect place, then they'll tell you that you have an attitude problem and shun you.

I never could manage to get that fake smile glued to my face 24/7 like almost every other American does.

I could never put on the "fake smile" either. Americans love outgoing friendly people, even though a lot of the gregarious type of people are fake as hell.

[Adama]

Another obstacle to making friends in America is that Americans expect you to be cheerful, smiling and laughing all the time. If you're the quiet and serious type, or you dare to say that the world is an imperfect place, then they'll tell you that you have an attitude problem and shun you. I never could manage to get that fake smile glued to my face 24/7 like almost every other American does.

The stats must be fabricated. I don't see very many white girls around at all. Of the white girls, most of them are below average to average looking with it being rare that there are any cute ones. It seems like all the girls now are Caribbean (which itself is vast with many nations), Indians, Filipino, East Asian with a few Hispanics and a few white girls sprinkled in there.

I thought this racial stuff wasn't supposed to happen til 2025, but we are almost to 2025. So yeah, must be fewer children were both with more immigrants from non-EU countries.

I guess if you wanted your hot white babes you had to get them before 2010. I've only seen about 5 American women I thought were truly hot since then.

[Hero]

The stats must be fabricated. I don't see very many white girls around at all. Of the white girls, most of them are below average to average looking with it being rare that there are any cute ones. It seems like all the girls now are Caribbean (which itself is vast with many nations), Indians, Filipino, East Asian with a few Hispanics and a few white girls sprinkled in there.

I thought this racial stuff wasn't supposed to happen til 2025, but we are almost to 2025. So yeah, must be fewer children were both with more immigrants from non-EU countries.

I guess if you wanted your hot white babes you had to get them before 2010. I've only seen about 5 American women I thought were truly hot since then.

I'm not really hung up on race or skin color. There are lots of hot Hispanic and Asian women. I just want to find somebody without tattoos or body piercings and who isn't fat.

[jamesbond]

I'm not really hung up on race or skin color. There are lots of hot Hispanic and Asian women. I just want to find somebody without tattoos or body piercings and who isn't fat.

Good luck with that, we are all looking for women who do not have tattoos or body piercings and who is not fat. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

[Nomad]

I'm not really hung up on race or skin color. There are lots of hot Hispanic and Asian women. I just want to find somebody without tattoos or body piercings and who isn't fat.

Good luck with that, we are all looking for women who do not have tattoos or body piercings and who is not fat. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Ontop of another haystack.

[CB8]

It's hard to make friends because most Americans are obsessed with conforming to popular opinions and political correctness. However, the thing that makes people truly connect with one other is being accepted for our differences and individuality. In America, being yourself and being unique are considered wrong and you must keep your quirks and unpopular opinions to yourself or be shunned completely. So how can you have a real friendship with someone when you're hiding who you really are the whole time?

This whole situation is made worse for people like us. Most people on this site are non-conformists and are considered misfits, weird, etc. by mainstream society, simply because we openly think and act differently. The result is typical Americans are more likely to shun us for not wanting to put on a mask, as so many have forced themselves to do. Winston has said many times that a genuine person cannot mesh well with a fake person, and that's something most of us find true in America. I know I have.

[jamesbond]

It's hard to make friends because most Americans are obsessed with conforming to popular opinions and political correctness. However, the thing that makes people truly connect with one other is being accepted for our differences and individuality. In America, being yourself and being unique are considered wrong and you must keep your quirks and unpopular opinions to yourself or be shunned completely. So how can you have a real friendship with someone when you're hiding who you really are the whole time?

This whole situation is made worse for people like us. Most people on this site are non-conformists and are considered misfits, weird, etc. by mainstream society, simply because we openly think and act differently. The result is typical Americans are more likely to shun us for not wanting to put on a mask, as so many have forced themselves to do. Winston has said many times that a genuine person cannot mesh well with a fake person, and that's something most of us find true in America. I know I have.

That is well stated CB8, most people in America are obsessed with conforming to popular opinions and being politically correct. Being unique and different is considered taboo and strange.

Welcome to modern day America!

[AW Warning]

It is hard/impossible to make friends in America because Americans live like demons. The entire culture in America is strictly built around hatred. In fact, that is exactly why, if you try to be social, you will actually end up with far more enemies than "friends!" Tell the bad guys/bad women to "go back to Chicago" as I have seen in a few Facebook reviews of a few bars/clubs in the Fort Myers/Cape Coral area in Florida, and you'll more likely provoke a massacre or shootout, plus more hatred and paranoia in the area that makes strangers mingling, especially co-ed mingling, look like even a capital felony under Federal law punishable, for all involved, by public execution.

[Winston]

I have a theory on why it's so hard to make friends in America and why it is so socially disconnected compared to most other countries. This is a multi-part theory:

The immigrants that went to America, from the early Pilgrims and Puritans to present day, were not the kind of people seeking social connection.

1. Firstly, the Pilgrims and Puritans who came to America in the early 1600's, by all accounts, seemed like uptight rigid repressed people. Not mainstream Christians, but a super repressive type. Religious fanatics tend to have issues. So these were probably not well adjusted people. England was a Protestant country, so why did they feel the need to leave it? If they were persecuted for their religion, it was probably cause they did something wrong or were abnormal or had unsavory practices that make them bad examples of Christians who took everything to the extreme. They are probably the foundational cause of why America is more uptight and puritanical than Europeans are. You can't even show a naked breast in an American magazine, whereas you can in Spain with no problem, for example. Other religious extremists followed too, such as the Quakers, Amish and even modern day Ukrainian Pentacostals. These types are usually very withdrawn and in their own world, separate from outsiders, and are very religious as well. So basically they are seeking to be separated from others, not to connect with others.

2. After the religious pilgrims, other settlers that came to America in the 1700's and 1800's were usually those looking for privacy, free land, or to make money. People usually come to America to MAKE MONEY. They don't go there for social connection or to make friends or to experience a rich culture. Thus, the type of immigrants that America draws are MATERIALISTIC types. They are not seeking social connection. They probably wanted to GET AWAY from people in their home country, because they didn't like people very much. Thus they may have been misanthropes. They were seeking social DISCONNECTION and privacy. They wanted to own their own land and not be bothered by others. And they were not prone to loneliness since they weren't seeking social connection. If they had a wife and family of their own, it was usually enough. They didn't need any friends beyond that. Also, materialistic types who are focused on money aren't that social or easy to connect with. They are greedy by nature and do not have rich souls.

So, since the white Americans today are descended from such immigrants, they probably inherited the same personality types as their ancestor immigrants did. And they were also probably brought up in the same materialistic and individualistic values that their forefathers believed in, which encouraged independence and the drive or greed to make as much money as possible. Hence the Americans today are similar to their forefathers from both their genes and the values they were brought up with. We all know that much of our personality traits come from our genes, so this would be a very plausible explanation. If so, then it would explain why Americans today also prefer privacy and space over social connection, and are too materialistic and money crazed to care about having real friends or connecting with others.

Now once in a while, people are born in America who do not have these traits of their immigrant forefathers or parents, and instead care more about social connection than about money and status. These are the "genetic aberrations" like us HAers who end up being misfits or lonely and alienated, because we care more about social connection than money and materialism, which goes against what US culture is about. As you know, US culture doesn't care about social connection and doesn't even talk about it on the news. All it cares about is ECONOMIC issues and politics, which is all you hear about on the news. Social connection doesn't matter to American culture and media. So if it matters to you, you are a freak and invalidated. That's how we HAers feel.

3. The immigrants that came to America in the 20th Century up to today, tend to be Hispanic and Asian. And these too, came to America for money or materialistic reasons. For example, Chinese come to America to make a higher income and also to invest in real estate and gain property values and assets from it. They also come to send their kids to the best universities so they can get the best paying jobs after graduation. For them, MONEY/CAREER=HAPPINESS. Not social connection or friendship or love. They are also very career oriented and care more about status than about making friends or connecting with others. Likewise, the Hispanic and Mexican immigrants also come to America to make money, which they will admit if you ask them, and they hope to return to Mexico rich.

Essentially, the motto in America is: "Be independent. Be competitive. Make as much money as you can." People tend to move to where they fit in. So it's safe to assume that those who beat to that drum will be attracted to America. And those that don't, will not be drawn to America. Simply put, those who are very materialistic or have strong materialistic goals, tend to not be very open or social with others. Therefore, the types that are drawn to America aren't going to be the most social, open or fun.

So you see, the waves of immigrants who came to America throughout its history were of two primary types: 1) Religious extremists who wanted to be separate from others and withdraw into their own little world, and 2) Those whose primary goals were materialistic, aiming to make money and establish a profitable career or business. Neither of these main groups were seeking social connection or meaningful friendships. They wanted to get away from others and preferred privacy over human connection. They may have been misanthropic in attitude too, disliking social contact with others to the point of minimizing it. They could have had plenty of social connection in their homeland, such as in Europe, but they didn't want that. Hence why America is severely lacking in social connection and why it's more difficult to make friends or talk to strangers in America than most European countries. This "immigrant motivation and personality type" factor is probably one of the biggest reasons for the social disconnection and shitty social life in America.

So anyway, I think this theory explains the social disconnect in America, as compared to its mother homelands of Europe, which have far richer social connection and better social life. I know it's just a theory and I can't prove it. But it's an educated theory that makes sense and is logical I think.

What do you all think?

[starchild5]

You had me at America....

America was created to suppress human soul and freedom, so they needed soulless people first to populate it, aka those who are soulless would naturally gravitate towards fakeness aka money.

Americans Imported everyone from Europe except Gypsies and labelled them as non-sense tribe. The entire fun, entertainment music of Europe is Gypsy..Even Spanish Guitar is actually Gypsy Guitar

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gypsy_jazz

Violin and Guitar came from the Gypsies in Europe.

The fun and free vibe of Europe is actually not European but from Nomadic tribes who introduced all different forms of dance, music, street performance etc...All Philosophy we know in Europe is Jewish, so there is not much in it there.

The Europeans were also Rigid and uptight till the Gypsies came, the Jews carefully, took away all Gypsy culture and labeled it as Spanish because even today, what ever the Spanish do..Gypsies can do it 10 times better....

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT4IufMeyYA[/youtube]

Watch the above video and tell me, who is the real deal in Music of Europe..Spanish or a useless tribe called Gypsies.

Here more on so called "Spanish Guitar"

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpnAobm_dws[/youtube]

Europeans are social but not really as much social as Asians or Filipinos...Now that's the Gold Standard of Social Interaction we are talking about aka Philippines.

Europe never had Philippines level of Social Life...BUT yes, if you compare with America, it does look better, but on a world-stage...Europe would be somewhere in the bottom along with America.

[GoingAwol]

I have a theory on why it's so hard to make friends in America and why it is so socially disconnected compared to most other countries. This is a multi-part theory:

The immigrants that went to America, from the early Pilgrims and Puritans to present day, were not the kind of people seeking social connection.

1. Firstly, the Pilgrims and Puritans who came to America in the early 1600's, by all accounts, seemed like uptight rigid repressed people. Not mainstream Christians, but a super repressive type. Religious fanatics tend to have issues. So these were probably not well adjusted people. England was a Protestant country, so why did they feel the need to leave it? If they were persecuted for their religion, it was probably cause they did something wrong or were abnormal or had unsavory practices that make them bad examples of Christians who took everything to the extreme. They are probably the foundational cause of why America is more uptight and puritanical than Europeans are. You can't even show a naked breast in an American magazine, whereas you can in Spain with no problem, for example. Other religious extremists followed too, such as the Quakers, Amish and even modern day Ukrainian Pentacostals. These types are usually very withdrawn and in their own world, separate from outsiders, and are very religious as well. So basically they are seeking to be separated from others, not to connect with others.

2. After the religious pilgrims, other settlers that came to America in the 1700's and 1800's were usually those looking for privacy, free land, or to make money. People usually come to America to MAKE MONEY. They don't go there for social connection or to make friends or to experience a rich culture. Thus, the type of immigrants that America draws are MATERIALISTIC types. They are not seeking social connection. They probably wanted to GET AWAY from people in their home country, because they didn't like people very much. Thus they may have been misanthropes. They were seeking social DISCONNECTION and privacy. They wanted to own their own land and not be bothered by others. And they were not prone to loneliness since they weren't seeking social connection. If they had a wife and family of their own, it was usually enough. They didn't need any friends beyond that. Also, materialistic types who are focused on money aren't that social or easy to connect with. They are greedy by nature and do not have rich souls.

So, since the white Americans today are descended from such immigrants, they probably inherited the same personality types as their ancestor immigrants did. And they were also probably brought up in the same materialistic and individualistic values that their forefathers believed in, which encouraged independence and the drive or greed to make as much money as possible. Hence the Americans today are similar to their forefathers from both their genes and the values they were brought up with. We all know that much of our personality traits come from our genes, so this would be a very plausible explanation. If so, then it would explain why Americans today also prefer privacy and space over social connection, and are too materialistic and money crazed to care about having real friends or connecting with others.

Now once in a while, people are born in America who do not have these traits of their immigrant forefathers or parents, and instead care more about social connection than about money and status. These are the "genetic aberrations" like us HAers who end up being misfits or lonely and alienated, because we care more about social connection than money and materialism, which goes against what US culture is about. As you know, US culture doesn't care about social connection and doesn't even talk about it on the news. All it cares about is ECONOMIC issues and politics, which is all you hear about on the news. Social connection doesn't matter to American culture and media. So if it matters to you, you are a freak and invalidated. That's how we HAers feel.

3. The immigrants that came to America in the 20th Century up to today, tend to be Hispanic and Asian. And these too, came to America for money or materialistic reasons. For example, Chinese come to America to make a higher income and also to invest in real estate and gain property values and assets from it. They also come to send their kids to the best universities so they can get the best paying jobs after graduation. For them, MONEY/CAREER=HAPPINESS. Not social connection or friendship or love. They are also very career oriented and care more about status than about making friends or connecting with others. Likewise, the Hispanic and Mexican immigrants also come to America to make money, which they will admit if you ask them, and they hope to return to Mexico rich.

Essentially, the motto in America is: "Be independent. Be competitive. Make as much money as you can." People tend to move to where they fit in. So it's safe to assume that those who beat to that drum will be attracted to America. And those that don't, will not be drawn to America. Simply put, those who are very materialistic or have strong materialistic goals, tend to not be very open or social with others. Therefore, the types that are drawn to America aren't going to be the most social, open or fun.

So you see, the waves of immigrants who came to America throughout its history were of two primary types: 1) Religious extremists who wanted to be separate from others and withdraw into their own little world, and 2) Those whose primary goals were materialistic, aiming to make money and establish a profitable career or business. Neither of these main groups were seeking social connection or meaningful friendships. They wanted to get away from others and preferred privacy over human connection. They may have been misanthropic in attitude too, disliking social contact with others to the point of minimizing it. They could have had plenty of social connection in their homeland, such as in Europe, but they didn't want that. Hence why America is severely lacking in social connection and why it's more difficult to make friends or talk to strangers in America than most European countries. This "immigrant motivation and personality type" factor is probably one of the biggest reasons for the social disconnection and shitty social life in America.

So anyway, I think this theory explains the social disconnect in America, as compared to its mother homelands of Europe, which have far richer social connection and better social life. I know it's just a theory and I can't prove it. But it's an educated theory that makes sense and is logical I think.

What do you all think?

This doesn't make sense because Americans were friendly just a few decades ago. The old people (50+) are still friendly here.

[Winston]

This doesn't make sense because Americans were friendly just a few decades ago. The old people (50+) are still friendly here.

Americans were FRIENDLIER a few decades ago than now, yeah. But they were not as friendly as in Europe. I've asked people who grew up in the 60's and 70's. They say that Americans were friendlier back then. But not as much as in Europe or many other countries. Americans still had cliques back then. And the culture also taught independence.

[Winston]

What I've found is that if you are in a culture or country that you fit into and have good synergy/chemistry with, then good things happen naturally. You will make friends easily, get dates regularly, and feel good about yourself, as well as accepted by others. All this happens naturally with the flow of things. You don't have to do anything special to "make it happen" or read BS books titled "How to Make Friends".

But if you are too much of a misfit, then you will have little or no friends or dates, and will not feel good about yourself. It's not a matter of doing anything special or "working on yourself" as the New Age/self-improvement industry claims. You can do the exact same things in two locations, such as simply "being yourself" or "going out and doing what you love" and get totally different results. I know because I've lived it.

Not only can location make a big difference in your dating and social life, but it will greatly improve your self-esteem and mental health as well, because when you are in an environment that you fit into and have some synergy with, you will FEEL BETTER about yourself. You will be more in your element too. As a result, things will start happening. You will form new social connections, attract the opposite sex, and have more fun and meaningful experiences.

I know this from experience. I have been the same person and done the same things in different countries and gotten drastically different results. For example, when I go out in America or Taiwan, I don't make any real friends or get any dates or social life, simply because people exclude from their social cliques and lives. They also seem to dislike me for some reason and give me bad vibes that make me uncomfortable. Some countries are like that - people believe that a stranger is a stranger and should be kept at a distance, and they want to keep it that way. Such people will exchange polite greetings and smiles only, but not invite you out. They prefer to be in their own bubble, isolated and disconnected from others. But not all countries are like that fortunately.

In contrast, when I go to Europe, Russia, China or SE Asia, I experience the opposite. tend to have a very active dating and social life, because I have real synergy with those countries. My personality and soul fits in such cultures, because they are more genuine, down to earth, inclusive, open and soulful (at least for me). And people are more sociable to me and not afraid to talk to strangers. There is also a fun free spirited vibe where I can meet people easily and acquire social contacts with little effort, simply by asking.

As a result, things happen for me in countries I fit into. My life is more exciting and meaningful. When I go out, I meet people and make new friends. I don't have to do anything special or follow any "formulas or methods". I just go out and act open and social and be myself. Yet when I do the same in America or Taiwan, I usually get no results at all. So I can vouch for a certainty that LOCATION makes all the difference here, not my "attitude or confidence" as most Americans and New Agers will wrongly assume.

See these articles and testimonials for more examples of how location often makes all the difference in happiness and dating:

http://mavericktraveler.com/new-environ ... ifference/
http://www.happierabroad.com/testimonials.php
http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Page74b.htm
http://www.happierabroad.com/Great_Letters.htm

Discussion: Changing your thoughts vs. Changing your location
viewtopic.php?f=40&t=20277

[TheBoom]

On the surface, America should be the easiest place on the planet to make friends. In most countries, especially non-wealthy ones, people primarily socialize with family. Family is your safety net. What non-family socializing they do is mainly around childhood friends.

I think making friends is hard in the US because of these factors (male perspective):

1. American men are focused on work and women. Either they are playing the field and trying to bang or they are looking for a girlfriend if they are single. If they are married, their social life revolves around their wife and kids if any.

2. Most married men turn their social life over to their wives to manage. The women usually only want to socialize with couples where they are friends with the wife. Men will sometimes have activity partners to go golfing or some other activity with.

3. Americans want to friend up just like women want to marry up. If you provide more status to someone through looks or some other type of social standing they will want to befriend you. The less status a man has the less people want to be his friends, at least in white culture. when someone moves up the status chain they tend to dump old friends and if they move down their friends dump them.

4. Americans tend to be short-term focused with friends. What are you offering me now. This is encouraged in the media. As the old song goes - Nobody Knows You When You Are Down and Out.

5. America is a mobile culture. People routinely move to get the better job or lifestyle sacrificing bonds when they do so. Childhood friendships often don't even survive in any meaningful way university because so many people move away for school and then often move again for work.

6. Tied into all that is the cult of the individual. Personal Space. More highly valued than in most other cultures.

7. Many men are worried about appearing gay if they make overtures for friendships. At least I read a study that suggested this.