First move and selection

Adama · Post by **Adama** » January 22nd, 2016, 5:31 am

1. I would say you should let the woman do most of the work. Let her do the chasing. Let her make the suggestions. If she really wants you, she should be able to figure it out. But if it comes down to time pressure where you'll never see her again, you can blatantly make the suggestion. If she ignores your suggestion, then leave her alone. Either she was just playing games, or she's uninterested, or she's too scared to bother with.

Number 2 is very unclear to me what is going on. But if a woman isn't fully participating, then move on. I think women should be doing at least 75% of the work. When they want you, they can muster up the strength to do the asking, if you have enough rapport that you can have conversations.

3. It isn't your job as a man to send messages, if you mean by that selecting the girl. It is the woman who selects the man first. Then the man gets to see if he is willing to accept her. A man generally doesnt get to pick the woman. The woman must decide yes in her mind first. The chances of a man convincing a woman to say yes when she hasn't already decided no are slim. It can be done, but you'd have to be an accomplished master.

If any of this is about online conversation then I can't comment, because I don't participate in that.

I also don't know what you mean by "making the first move." Specifics are important to make sure we are discussing the same things.

Mr Natural · Post by **Mr Natural** » January 22nd, 2016, 5:50 am

MarcosZeitola gave you the best reply but you don't want to hear it. Forget the online stuff and go there, there are guys that have made the online method work but in fact they are a very small percentage. But your question about "tactics" applies whether online or in person, and I would say it depends on your personality, how much time you have, and your standards. Traditionally minded girls tend to be quite shy and reserved so if you sit back and wait for them to come to you, well, you might wait a long time for the right one to approach you. Also the overwhelming percentage that approaches you will be the type you should actually avoid. But I can't emphasize enough - forget the online stuff and go there.

Mr Natural · Post by **Mr Natural** » January 22nd, 2016, 9:48 pm

But Marcos, he did ask a legitimate question that others might be interested in as well - whether you should pick them or let them pick you. I think that question is relevant either online or in person. If he doesn't want to follow up then it's his loss. But for me, there is no doubt which way is better. In this world, if you want something you have to reach out and get it. Waiting for someone else to drop it in your lap is a losers game.

Cornfed · Post by **Cornfed** » January 22nd, 2016, 10:04 pm

Mr Natural wrote:Waiting for someone else to drop it in your lap is a losers game.

Doesn't that mean that, by definition, you are dating/marrying losers?

Mr Natural · Post by **Mr Natural** » January 22nd, 2016, 11:16 pm

Cornfed · Post by **Cornfed** » January 22nd, 2016, 11:21 pm

Mr Natural wrote:No.

But they are loser people who waited for you to drop into their lap.

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » January 23rd, 2016, 4:54 am

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chanta76 · Post by **chanta76** » January 24th, 2016, 3:36 pm

It's better to choose than have a girl choose you. At least you choose the girl you want...but in the end even if you choose that girl she has to agreed to choose you too. So in a way women still end up deciding if they want to be with you or not.

mentor · Post by **mentor** » January 24th, 2016, 9:56 pm

Let me tell you a practical situation that I face now:
A girl contacted me first, with a message, just a simple word.
Then I respond to her, asking her to tell me some things about her life.
She did, but she end up telling that 'she is not deserving a man like me'!
I am confused.
Low self esteem? Maybe hiding something bad? Or she just wants to chase her?
I tell myself that it is not the best way to chase, we 've already discussed it. She is a typical filipina girl, but I like her.
But, I 've decided not to chase, not western women, even more not asian ones!
I show my interest, after they give me a sign, if I like one.
But, active hunting will not be my style. Second mistake will not be done by me, once again, as I described in my first post.
So, what do you think for the attitude of this girl?
I don't know if I should continue contacting her.

Zambales · Post by **Zambales** » January 25th, 2016, 12:32 am

It could be any of those three you mentioned but at the end of the day it's a negative response in my book so I would move on.

As for your strategy Mentor, I echo on previous comments made. You need to go to the Philippines and don't rely on her coming to you. What about the visa? Who will be pay the airfare? If you're hoping she will you're reducing the pool drastically in a pool that wouldn't be very big in the first place due to your requirements. Unless they're a scammer I'd be quite surprised if a Filipina came to meet you even if you did pay for the flight.

mentor · Post by **mentor** » February 8th, 2016, 3:24 am

Zambales wrote: As for your strategy Mentor, I echo on previous comments made. You need to go to the Philippines and don't rely on her coming to you. What about the visa? Who will be pay the airfare? If you're hoping she will you're reducing the pool drastically in a pool that wouldn't be very big in the first place due to your requirements. Unless they're a scammer I'd be quite surprised if a Filipina came to meet you even if you did pay for the flight.

My experience in this online dating scene with filipinas, is little, indeed.
But even with this little experience, some girls told me 'i did everything to be with him, I even visited him in his country, but then we broke, etc'. And these guys had not been ever in Philippines! So yes, there are girls who could take this step for the man that they think they deserve to chase.
I am not telling it is not the ideal practice to visit her there.
But it could be done vice versa, I am not telling it by myself, the girls told this to me, from their past experiences.
Another vote for filipinas!

davewe · Post by **davewe** » February 9th, 2016, 9:23 am

mentor wrote:
Zambales wrote: As for your strategy Mentor, I echo on previous comments made. You need to go to the Philippines and don't rely on her coming to you. What about the visa? Who will be pay the airfare? If you're hoping she will you're reducing the pool drastically in a pool that wouldn't be very big in the first place due to your requirements. Unless they're a scammer I'd be quite surprised if a Filipina came to meet you even if you did pay for the flight.
My experience in this online dating scene with filipinas, is little, indeed.
But even with this little experience, some girls told me 'i did everything to be with him, I even visited him in his country, but then we broke, etc'. And these guys had not been ever in Philippines! So yes, there are girls who could take this step for the man that they think they deserve to chase.
I am not telling it is not the ideal practice to visit her there.
But it could be done vice versa, I am not telling it by myself, the girls told this to me, from their past experiences.
Another vote for filipinas!

There's an exception to every rule but for a Filipina to get a tourist Visa to a Western country - well it's unlikely, the process is costly and lengthy. A Filipina can travel to another Asian country (where a Visa is easy or not required) or she may have been working in a foreign country on a work visa and had a BF in that way.

So if your fantasy is that you will start a relationship online and that the girl will just be able to show up at your house as a tourist - again that's a fantasy and very unlikely.

It's easier, more fun and you will learn the culture better if you just bite the bullet and go.

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » February 9th, 2016, 12:05 pm

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mentor · Post by **mentor** » February 9th, 2016, 10:05 pm

Some girls, although the made the first move to me, after a while they stopped messaging.
I am always very clear in my conversation, and kind, etc.
Maybe they looked for something else and they understood that I am not the guy they wanted.
I thought they would chase me further.
But if it was going to be a bad relationship, it is better they abandoned the ship early.

I think that Ghost's post is on the right track, though I will change it a little bit:
The trick is to get ('those')the right women to find you and choose you.