You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond
Fragmentation vs. Wholeness: Why you feel alone and insecure in America
"There is no such thing as independence in nature. The whole of nature is a unified system of interdependent variables, each a cause and reaction, existing only as a concentrated whole."
– Peter Joseph (Zeitgeist Addendum film)
times in my childhood, when I was 9, 14
and 17 years old, I remember going to Taiwan and that for some reason,
my relatives, I was able to be myself, speak my heart out and become
talkative. There was this feeling of
acceptance that made me feel healthy and whole on the inside. I was able to be who I was without fear,
insecurity or inhibition. It brought out
a part of me that was normally suppressed and subdued in the
time, I was fully indoctrinated into
the idea that
I was a teen, my level of awareness
was low and I had no communication skills so I would not have been able
articulate my feelings at the time anyway.
So I just tried to slowly forget this experience over time, and
to my dream that someday I'd be a great person in
until I reached 30 when my level of
awareness, insight and communication/writing skills had reached new
I began traveling overseas long term, that I understood why I felt that
when I went to
For some reason(s), America has this vibe and environment that makes one feel fragmented, disconnected and insecure inside. Something tries to make you feel unworthy and inadequate, and you are always on the verge of slipping into a state of depression and emptiness. It’s as if some empty void was always behind you and you feared getting lost into it. It probably comes from the cultural environment and collective energy of the population. One can postulate all sorts of reasons for this, from the independent lifestyle and attitude, to a conspiracy by the elite to divide the population to squell any uprising against their power, etc. but the bottom line is that there is an inherent sense of disconnectedness in America.
In general, there is a gaping lack of human connection in America. People are socially engineered to be segregated and paranoid of one another, which is not conducive to healthy human relationships at all. People live in bubbles, do not usually know their neighbors nor invite them over, and do not talk to strangers unless it's business related. They are very non-inclusive and it is difficult to meet people as well as awkward. (In fact, the most inclusive people in the US tend to be cult members and those at Evangelical Revival meetings, which I consider a sad fact) In social situations, people may make small talk and greet one another, but few will ever invite you to their homes or into their lives. Furthermore, breaking into cliques is difficult and does not come naturally at all.
This is not just physical but psychological, as "every man is an island" in mind and attitude, as well as body. That's why one often feels "alone" in America even while amongst friends or in crowded places. Worst of all, people are conditioned to think that this is “normal” and how people naturally are – segregated, selfish and paranoid – but in fact nothing could be further from the truth. That is NOT how humans are by nature. That is how people are socially engineered to be in the US.
This inherent disconnectedness and fragmentation in US society makes it awkward and unnatural to socialize and meet other people, or even to make friends. It just doesn’t come naturally, so to speak. And of course, dating between men and women also suffer. Simply put, the whole essence of human relationships is severely eroded by the fundamental fragmentation and disconnectedness in America. In America, one is never truly “accepted” the way they are, instead one has to constantly “prove their worth” under neverending pressure. Unfortunately, without true acceptance, one can never be truly “whole”.
Thus it’s no wonder why loneliness is such a silent epidemic in America. Even the media cannot help but sometimes report on it. Here are examples:
My friend and interviewer Steve Hoca notices this too as he went about his business in Ohio. One day, he decided to sit down outside and make this video about how I was right that Americans are socially disconnected.
is my own video about how there is no sense of social or human
This fragmentation and disconnectedness is not only with others, but within oneself as well. People are not whole on the inside, and they do not even know who they are. That's what makes it so hard to deal with problems and struggles in America, when you are fragmented, weak and divided on the inside. And since many have few or no real friends to talk to, they have to go to therapists instead. No doubt this contributes to America having the highest rates of mental illness in the industrialized world (and perhaps the whole world). The unnatural stresses, pressures to be something you're not, coupled with inner fragmentation, naturally will break down a person, causing one to blame oneself for being "weak" and not good enough or tough enough.
All of this is insane, dysfunctional, inhuman and unnatural of course, but since people are programmed and conditioned to blame themselves for their dysfunctionality rather than society, they will not draw attention to it out of pride, lest they expose their weakness. They are also programmed to think that this is natural and normal, and that they can’t do anything about it. What most Americans don’t realize is that this inherent disconnectedness and fragmentation gradually erodes oneself, making them weak and insecure, impairing their self-confidence, self-esteem and mental health. Instead, they assume that any “inner breakdown” they suffer must be due to some problem with them that they need to “fix”, never realizing the true source of it.
On the other hand, in most countries beyond America, there is a natural sense of connection and wholeness, both within oneself and with others, which doesn't exist in America. People feel accepted and can easily "be themselves". As a result, one never feels “all alone” (at least not the way one does in America) even when one is physically alone. Everyone has problems and struggles of course, just like they do everywhere, but the key difference is that they are easier to deal with because when one is "whole" on the inside it becomes FAR EASIER to deal with such difficulties. This natural inner wholeness is “true strength”. It is why people in other countries do not suffer mental breakdowns or illnesses when they endure life's many problems like Americans do.
Moreover, natural connectedness between people also makes human relationships far more healthy and natural, so that it is much easier to socialize, meet people, make friends or date the opposite sex. This is something you have to experience to truly understand. It is what Americans lack and do not even know that they lack. Only when they meet others with such wholeness or go to countries that allow them to feel that way (as I have) that they realize that they were lacking it all along. Only then do they see how insecure and fragmented they were on the inside, all the while falsely assuming that the rest of the world was the same.
One important point. It’s not that other countries “do” anything in particular to make people feel connected and whole. They don’t have to. People are NATURALLY whole and connected to one another. The difference is that most countries ALLOW the natural wholeness and connectedness of human beings to develop and flourish, whereas somehow the USA doesn’t. Instead, America engineers its people to think that they are selfish individuals in competition with one another who are segregated by their “individual freedom”. And it’s beaten into them that “no one cares about you; only you can take care of yourself; it’s every man for himself” under the name of “individualism”. In other words, America divides its people, fragments them, and makes them feel empty on the inside, so they will be weak, controllable and over-consume to fill that emptiness that they don’t even consciously recognize. It’s not a jurisdictional control, more like a psychological form of control, which the public is unaware of.
So, the answer to my teenage mystery is not that Taiwan did anything in particular to make me feel "whole" and accepted. Rather, it was probably the absence of the persecutory environment against my sense of self in America that led to my experiencing inner wholeness and acceptance for the first time in my life (along with the kindness of my relatives there). In other words, I automatically became my natural whole self by simply removing myself geographically from the fragmented cultural environment and energy field of the USA.
As a poster on my Forum wisely said:
"If anyone feels they "come out of their
shell" when overseas, try to keep something in mind. That person you
overseas is the real you. The person you are in
contrary to the teaching of US culture that
“freedom is to become a selfish disconnected individual”
which turns out to be
a prison of the soul, true freedom is being able to connect with others. And that’s why I felt
“freer” and able to
come out of my shell overseas than I did in
psychological feeling of alienation and
emptiness in the
Now let me
clarify some things. I am NOT
advocating collectivism here, or conformity without independent
from it. Neither extremes, selfish disconnected individualism where no
cares about anyone else or conformity to the collective without free
are ideal. Instead, why not have a
healthy balance? In
(Pages 13 – 14)
"The American and European dreams are, at their core, about two diametrically opposed ideas of freedom and security. Americans hold a negative definition of what it means to be free and, thus, secure. For us, freedom has long been associated with autonomy. If one is autonomous, he or she is not dependent on others or vulnerable to circumstances outside of his or her control. To be autonomous, one needs to be propertied. The more wealth one amasses, the more independent one is in the world. One is free by becoming self-reliant and an island unto oneself. With wealth comes exclusivity, and with exclusivity comes security.
The new European Dream, however, is based on a different set of assumptions about what constitutes freedom and security. For Europeans, freedom is not found in autonomy but in embeddedness. To be free is to have access to a myriad of interdependent relationships with others. The more communities one has access to, the more options and choices one has for living a full and meaningful life. With relationships comes inclusivity, and with inclusivity comes security.
The American Dream puts an emphasis on economic growth, personal wealth, and independence. The new European Dream focuses more on sustainable development, quality of life, and interdependence… The European Dream is more cosmopolitan and less territorial… Americans tend to think locally while European's loyalties are more divided and stretch from the local to the global. The American Dream is deeply personal and little concerned with the rest of humanity. The European Dream is more expansive and systemic, and therefore more bound to the welfare of the planet.”
I speak of “disconnectedness” I am
not referring to geographic spacing between people or isolation in
areas. No, I am speaking of something
far deeper that has to do with a psychological attitude.
If merely crowding people together created
this a moment. Do you think it's a
natural occurrence that almost everyone in
The truths and comparisons above are usually only discussed privately, never publicly, not even on the web. And that's because it is very politically incorrect to compare cultures and say that one is better than the other in some way. Such talk is potentially offensive, no matter how true, and we are taught never to say such things publicly. In addition, most common people are engineered to be blind to the faults and dysfunction in society and instead blame themselves if anything goes wrong. Unfortunately, most people follow what they’ve been “programmed” and cannot see outside of it. They do not possess the "consciousness level" or insight to rise above it and see the truth.
poster on my Forum also recognized this “hidden emptiness”
Regarding suicide on the back burner, we've all been there i think, or at least most of us. The funny thing is that when one feels that way in America he cannot identify the reason, or should I say he would not be allowed to identify the reason he feels the way he does because everyone condones the life in the States and is either oblivious or not willing to acknowledge how dysfunctional and shallow it is. Criticizing the current state of affairs in
However, I can testify firsthand that in many private expat/traveler conversations, such comparisons are discussed. But no one dared reveal such truths and comparisons publicly, not even on the web... until now. My website HappierAbroad.com is the first and only website that draws out such "taboo" comparisons in detail point by point. With HappierAbroad.com, no longer do you have to know or be connected to certain individuals with special knowledge who are honest enough to share such forbidden truths and comparisons with you. Now, anyone can just log onto HappierAbroad.com and read all about these valuable life-changing secrets and comparisons freely, as well as discuss them openly with others in the Happier Abroad Discussion Forum.
And that's the beauty and significance of HappierAbroad.com - to share such important and life-changing truths, secrets and comparisons that are too taboo and politically incorrect to be discussed openly, but which are valuable nevertheless.
Now, what was formerly confined to private discussions only is now made public and disclosed out in the open. I've always believed that telling the truth was more important than being politically correct, and so my philosophy has been to do just that, "letting the chips fall where they may".
With HappierAbroad.com, you will see that you and I are not alone in thinking and feeling this way, and therefore you will be validated in your feelings. Since the site began, many have come forward with the same confessions and observations.
Here are some examples from letters I've received, reader responses, site feedback, and posts in my Forum.
This Russian immigrant who initially blamed himself, for instance, found validation in the articles of HappierAbroad when he realized that he wasn’t the problem:
“Anyway, to cut a long
everything you wrote in your treatise is precisely to the point. I am a
who has lived in the States long enough to know. I came to the country
expecting to find some flavor, as I had been able to do in
I took me a while to realize that there was a chasm of difference between the media picture of
And this East Indian observed:
“I myself am heavily influenced by nondualist studies, such as Zen, Sufism, Advaita and Taoism, which focus heavily on interconnectedness with the universe, and getting away from the "I" (and understanding that our own perception of the self is generally false).
By the way,
I do also think, however, that good and bad exists everywhere, in different ways and different amounts, which I know you've addressed. And we can only fight the bad so much. So it's a matter of how well we take the good with the bad.
But yes, when it comes to this particular
problem of not being able to control the ego, and being hopelessly
the traps of duality, rather than engaging in interconnectedness with
Advisor described how he feels
when he goes to the
“One thing you will notice in the
That is called Freedom. The freedom to be yourself.
I am not afraid to go to Casinos there, bars and restaurants and that I will feel out of place or see cocky people around swaggering or puffing up their chests. All social interactions are smooth and friendly and you are part of everything. I just walk in and the feeling is nice. You are included in their groups. They are so different from the Anglos or the CJKs (Chinese, Japanese, Koreans).”
He also observed:
"The Philippine society puts primary emphasis on family, human relations and the development thereof- which includes sex, friendship, love, etc. Socially, it seems to be one of the most advanced societies on earth. Of course, these developments are not mentioned in the western press which only measures progress in political, technological and financial areas. If it started measuring societies by the healthfulness of social life, the place you are at would win hands down. Cheerz."
A professor observed and concluded:
“UP Professor Felipe de Leon, after a decade of researching, has concluded that Filipino culture is the most inclusive and open of all those he has studied. It is the opposite of the individualistic culture of the West, with its emphasis on privacy and personal fulfillment. It is also the opposite of certain collectivistic cultures, as one finds them in Confucian societies, that value hierarchy and ‘face.'
"BY CONTRAST", Filipino culture is
based on the notion of kapwa, a Tagalog word that roughly translates
"shared being." In essence, it means that most Filipinos, deep
down, do not believe that their own existence is separable from that of
people around them. Everything, from pain to a snack or a joke, is
be shared. "The strongest social urge of the Filipino is to
become one with people", says De
I was just talking to someone in the
I work about his trip to
“The US appears to hold
individuality so dear
that it has produced possibly the most bland 'individuals' of all
bi-polar patients aside perhaps, which there seems to be no end of now.
would appear the true life of the person cannot be found in isolation,
it blooms in a more collective mentality. No surprise, it's difficult
cultivate a complex mentality when all you're exposed to is the same
friends, situations, roads, jobs, etc or worse, left in isolation. I
always found my friends from other countries to be far more informed
colorful as people, men and women both and far more altruistic and
oriented' than the people I've known in the
Strangest thing is, the people I've known
politically torn and bomb ridden countrysides are far less paranoid
from the States and far more outgoing. Then again, people from safer
“Interesting. A lot of it stems from collective mentality- there is no need for a massive ego if you belong to a group with many friends. They bolster you and support you and make you feel better about yourself.
"You really tell the truth the way it is
about American society. Many people want to get in a bubble or comfort
a kind of fake reality with our mainstream media, superficial tv and
it reflects in the women of
“Alright I just read the rest of your paper and though I still agree with the original thought I can see where you placed your finding... without a doubt the countries I have been too particularly Sweden and Jordan when traveling many times perfect strangers would ask for my friends and I to come visit... have dinner, tea, etc without wanting or expecting anything in return. These things you would never, ever see in the states where everyone stranger or friend is looked at as a threat.
hope you had a good day,
“Hi Winston I can 100 percent relate
last article. About how the
In closing, I'd like to share some quotes from revolutionary leaders and intellectuals that are relevant here.
"There is no such thing as independence in nature. The whole of nature is a unified system of interdependent variables, each a cause and reaction, existing only as a concentrated whole."
And in the same film, John Perkins, a former “Economic Hit Man” described the joy of connection:
"Joy comes from that bliss of connectedness. That's our God spirit. That's that side of ourselves that really feels it, and you can feel it deep inside you. It's this amazing wonderful feeling. You know it when you get it. You don't get it from money. You get it from connection."
The Expatriate Revolution is Now!
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