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HAPPIER ABROAD  Why You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond America

Fascinating observations of the pros and cons of Filipino characteristics

 

Here are some fascinating observations of the Philippines based on my experiences as well as those of other intellectual expats and foreigners here.  

 

It’s a culture of denial.  When lies or dark secrets are discovered, they simply act as though it doesn’t exist.  For instance, when you catch a Filipino or Filipina in a lie, they don’t try to explain it, acknowledge it, or even apologize for it.  They simply act like it doesn’t exist and refuse to discuss it.  Likewise, when you ask them to reconcile a contradiction or discrepancy in their story, they often don’t bother and if you insist on it, demanding “Just tell me the truth!” it usually falls on deaf ears.  Or when you catch them in an embarrassing blunder, such as when a store clerk tells you “We don’t have that, sir” and then two seconds later you see it behind them and point to it saying “Well isn’t that it?” (which happens very often here), they don’t apologize or acknowledge their error.  And if you then ask “Why did you tell me you didn’t have it when you did?” to try to force them to acknowledge their mistake, it will certainly fall on deaf ears, no matter how many times you repeat the question.  It’s their way of “saving face”. 

 

They don’t even like saying “I don’t know” in response to a question.  In fact often they’d rather give you the WRONG directions, wasting your time, energy and money, rather than tell you “I don’t know” when asked for directions.  Obviously, they are not taught that “honesty is the best policy”.  And this applies to even good well-meaning people here.  It’s definitely a country where a perfectionist who demands exact and quick answers and information will get very frustrated and annoyed often.  Logic doesn’t even seem to exist here.  EVERY single foreigner I’ve talked to who has been here for a while agrees with these observations and reports similar experiences.  Some even say they can write volumes on such experiences and even more bizarre ones.

 

One refreshing thing I’ve noticed is that they do not generally judge, analyze, criticize, compare, or complain.  It’s not in their nature to do so.  And that’s nice in the sense that they aren’t usually going to judge you, criticize you or complain to you.  But on the flip side, this also means that they also lack the ability to think and reason as we understand it, so communication with them can often be frustrating.  And giving them lectures in logic or on being fair and considerate by Western standards, often feels futile, like trying to teach a dog to do arithmetic.  They aren’t as exacting as we are.  In fact, asking them for explanations often results in silence as if they don’t hear you or their brain stalls. It’s as if asking for explanations “freezes up” the Filipino mind. They simply don’t like to think of “explanations” or “reasons” or even to question things.  It’s definitely not an “intellectual culture” or even an organized one.  It’s no surprise then that this country is not noted for intellectual achievements or for winning any wars.  Since no one really complains here (at least the way Americans do), services and processes don’t usually improve.  It’s a non-confrontational culture. 

 

However, all this is also beneficial and therapeutic in the sense that no one is labeled a “misfit” or “weirdo”, or told that they are “unusual” or “different” from others, or that “there is something wrong with you”.  Hence, every “freak”, “misfit” or “reject” from other societies feels like they finally “fit in” here, accepted and very much at home.  Whereas Western countries are advanced economically, the Philippines is much more advanced socially.  Although its economic infrastructure is weak in comparison, socially it is far more evolved, advanced, stronger, and more integrated than in the West.  No one is perpetually lonely, friendless or dateless here.  No one is really isolated and families are always help each other.  There isn’t the concept of “individualism” that isolates people and separates them like in the States, and hence there is little individuality among people here.  People remain calm, easy-going, cheerful and pleasant in stressful situations, when things go wrong, and even while driving through heavy traffic on the streets.  Rarely does anyone ever lose their cool.  Depression, mental illness, and suicide are unheard of here and almost nonexistent.  No one has to go to a psychiatrist or therapist.  Finding someone here who has been to a therapist is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.  Now, CONTRAST that to America, where nearly HALF the population have been in therapy at some point during their lives!  Somehow, people seem to be able to maintain this inner state of balance, “Zen state”, psychological harmony, or whatever you want to call it.

 

Thus, as in all things, there are pros and cons to the Filipino ways, culture, mentality, and behaviors.  But as for me of course, the bottom line is that my love life here and the women here, are a TRILLION times better than in the States.  Here I have a CHOICE among beautiful women, thus giving me a sense of WORTH and VALUE.  To men like me, that’s what matters the most.  And that’s why we put up with all the annoyances here.

Comments to this update by my culture consultant, who speaks almost ten languages, including two Filipino dialects – Tagalog and Visayan

 

- “One more local trait- they do not like to apologize, you are supposed to sulk at them for a few hours to a few weeks depending on the offence and then you are supposed to forget it as if nothing has happened. They will do the same to you. You will be amazed at what offences they forgive and forget. When you start mentioning some past misdemeanors, they will shrug and say- ‘but it is all in the past’. These past offenses only resurface when they are drunk.”

 

- “Another trait of Filipinos is to live in today and to see enjoyment in very simple things. And if you learn the language you will see that every word sounds like a piano note and every phrase like a musical chord. So, their life is overflowing with meaning, beauty and significance that few foreigners can see.”

 

 

Note:  If you are considering going to the Philippines, I recommend you get Larry Elterman’s Ebook A Man’s Guide to Life and Love in the Philippines. It’s a must have for anyone serious about the Philippines. Click here to read sample chapters and order. Listen to his informative audio interview here. 

 

 

 

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