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HAPPIER
ABROAD
Why
You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond
Fragmentation vs. Wholeness: Why you feel
alone and insecure in America
"There
is no such thing as independence in nature. The whole of nature is a
unified
system of interdependent variables, each a cause and reaction, existing
only as
a concentrated whole."
– Peter Joseph (Zeitgeist
Addendum film)
Several
times in my childhood, when I was 9, 14
and 17 years old, I remember going to Taiwan and that for some reason,
around
my relatives, I was able to be myself, speak my heart out and become
very
talkative. There was this feeling of
acceptance that made me feel healthy and whole on the inside. I was able to be who I was without fear,
insecurity or inhibition. It brought out
a part of me that was normally suppressed and subdued in the
At that
time, I was fully indoctrinated into
the idea that
Also, when
I was a teen, my level of awareness
was low and I had no communication skills so I would not have been able
to
articulate my feelings at the time anyway.
So I just tried to slowly forget this experience over time, and
returned
to my dream that someday I'd be a great person in
It wasn't
until I reached 30 when my level of
awareness, insight and communication/writing skills had reached new
heights and
I began traveling overseas long term, that I understood why I felt that
way
when I went to
For some
reason(s), America has this vibe and
environment that makes one feel fragmented, disconnected and insecure
inside. Something tries to make you feel
unworthy and inadequate, and you are always on the verge of slipping
into a
state of depression and emptiness. It’s as if some empty void was
always behind
you and you feared getting lost into it. It probably comes from the
cultural
environment and collective energy of the population. One can postulate
all
sorts of reasons for this, from the independent lifestyle and attitude,
to a
conspiracy by the elite to divide the population to squell any uprising
against
their power, etc. but the bottom line is that there is an inherent
sense of
disconnectedness in America.
In
general, there is a gaping lack of human
connection in America. People
are socially engineered to be segregated and paranoid of one
another, which is not conducive to healthy human relationships at all. People live in bubbles, do not usually
know their neighbors nor invite them over, and do not talk to strangers
unless
it's business related. They are very non-inclusive and it is difficult
to meet
people as well as awkward. (In fact, the most inclusive people in the
US tend
to be cult members and those at Evangelical Revival meetings, which I
consider
a sad fact) In social situations, people may make small talk and greet
one
another, but few will ever invite you to their homes or into their
lives.
Furthermore, breaking into cliques is difficult and does not come
naturally at
all.
This is
not just physical but psychological, as
"every man is an island" in mind and attitude, as well as body.
That's why one often feels "alone" in America even while amongst
friends or in crowded places. Worst of all, people are conditioned to
think
that this is “normal” and how people naturally are –
segregated, selfish and
paranoid – but in fact nothing could be further from the truth. That is NOT how humans are by nature. That is how people are socially engineered to
be in the US.
This
inherent disconnectedness and
fragmentation in US society makes it awkward and unnatural to socialize
and
meet other people, or even to make friends.
It just doesn’t come naturally, so to speak.
And of course, dating between men and women
also suffer. Simply put, the whole
essence of human relationships is severely eroded by the fundamental
fragmentation and disconnectedness in America.
In America, one is never truly “accepted” the
way they are, instead
one has to constantly “prove their worth” under neverending
pressure. Unfortunately, without true
acceptance, one
can never be truly “whole”.
Thus
it’s no wonder why loneliness is such a
silent epidemic in America. Even the media cannot help but sometimes
report on
it. Here are examples:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/22/AR2006062201763_pf.html
http://www.livescience.com/health/060331_loneliness.html
My friend
and interviewer Steve Hoca notices
this too as he went about his business in Ohio. One day, he decided to
sit down
outside and make this video about how I was right that Americans are
socially
disconnected.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REKN7y53OCI
Here
is my own video about how there is no sense of social or human
connection in
America.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsDbEwmCMz0
This
fragmentation and disconnectedness is not
only with others, but within oneself as well. People are not whole on
the
inside, and they do not even know who they are.
That's what makes it so hard to deal with problems and struggles
in
America, when you are fragmented, weak and divided on the inside. And since many have few or no real friends to
talk to, they have to go to therapists instead.
No doubt this contributes to America having the highest rates of
mental
illness in the industrialized world (and perhaps the whole world). The unnatural stresses, pressures to be
something you're not, coupled with inner fragmentation, naturally will
break
down a person, causing one to blame oneself for being "weak" and not
good enough or tough enough.
All of
this is insane, dysfunctional, inhuman
and unnatural of course, but since people are programmed and
conditioned to
blame themselves for their dysfunctionality rather than society, they
will not
draw attention to it out of pride, lest they expose their weakness.
They are
also programmed to think that this is natural and normal, and that they
can’t
do anything about it. What most
Americans don’t realize is that this inherent disconnectedness
and
fragmentation gradually erodes oneself, making them weak and insecure,
impairing their self-confidence, self-esteem and mental health. Instead,
they assume that any “inner breakdown” they suffer must be
due to some problem
with them that they need to “fix”, never realizing the true
source of it.
On the
other hand, in most countries beyond
America, there is a natural sense of connection and wholeness, both
within oneself
and with others, which doesn't exist in America. People
feel accepted and can easily "be
themselves". As a result, one never
feels “all alone” (at least not the way one does in
America) even when one is
physically alone. Everyone has problems
and struggles of course, just like they do everywhere, but the key
difference is that they are easier to deal with because when one is
"whole" on the inside it becomes FAR EASIER to deal with such
difficulties. This natural inner
wholeness is “true strength”. It
is why
people in other countries do not suffer mental breakdowns or illnesses
when
they endure life's many problems like Americans do.
Moreover, natural
connectedness between
people also makes human relationships far more healthy and natural, so
that it
is much easier to socialize, meet people, make friends or date the
opposite
sex. This is something you have to
experience to truly understand. It is
what Americans lack and do not even know that they lack.
Only when they meet others with such wholeness
or go to countries that allow them to feel that way (as I have) that
they
realize that they were lacking it all along.
Only then do they see how insecure and fragmented they were on
the
inside, all the while falsely assuming that the rest of the world was
the same.
One
important point. It’s not that other
countries “do” anything
in particular to make people feel connected and whole.
They don’t have to. People
are NATURALLY whole and connected to
one another. The difference is that
most countries ALLOW the natural wholeness and connectedness of human
beings to
develop and flourish, whereas somehow the USA doesn’t. Instead, America engineers its people to
think that they are selfish individuals in competition with one another
who are
segregated by their “individual freedom”.
And it’s beaten into them that “no one cares about
you; only you can
take care of yourself; it’s every man for himself” under
the name of
“individualism”. In other
words, America
divides its people, fragments them, and makes them feel empty on the
inside, so
they will be weak, controllable and over-consume to fill that emptiness
that
they don’t even consciously recognize.
It’s not a jurisdictional control, more like a
psychological form of
control, which the public is unaware of.
So, the
answer to my teenage mystery is not
that Taiwan did anything in particular to make me feel "whole" and
accepted. Rather, it was probably the
absence of the persecutory environment against my sense of self in
America that
led to my experiencing inner wholeness and acceptance for the first
time in my
life (along with the kindness of my relatives there).
In other words, I automatically became my
natural whole self by simply removing myself geographically from the
fragmented
cultural environment and energy field of the USA.
As a
poster on my Forum wisely said:
https://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6692
"If anyone feels they "come out of their
shell" when overseas, try to keep something in mind. That person you
are
overseas is the real you. The person you are in
So,
contrary to the teaching of US culture that
“freedom is to become a selfish disconnected individual”
which turns out to be
a prison of the soul, true freedom is being able to connect with others. And that’s why I felt
“freer” and able to
come out of my shell overseas than I did in
This
psychological feeling of alienation and
emptiness in the
Now let me
clarify some things. I am NOT
advocating collectivism here, or conformity without independent
thought. Far
from it. Neither extremes, selfish disconnected individualism where no
one
cares about anyone else or conformity to the collective without free
thought,
are ideal. Instead, why not have a
healthy balance? In
(Pages 13 – 14)
"The American and European
dreams
are, at their core, about two diametrically opposed ideas of freedom
and
security. Americans hold a negative definition of what it means
to be
free and, thus, secure. For us, freedom has long been associated
with
autonomy. If one is autonomous, he or she is not dependent on
others or
vulnerable to circumstances outside of his or her control. To be
autonomous, one needs to be propertied. The more wealth one
amasses, the
more independent one is in the world. One is free by becoming
self-reliant and an island unto oneself. With wealth comes
exclusivity,
and with exclusivity comes security.
The new European Dream,
however, is based
on a different set of assumptions about what constitutes freedom and
security. For Europeans, freedom is not found in autonomy but
in
embeddedness. To be free is to have access to a myriad of
interdependent
relationships with others. The more communities one has access
to, the
more options and choices one has for living a full and meaningful life.
With relationships comes inclusivity, and with inclusivity comes
security.
The American Dream puts an
emphasis on
economic growth, personal wealth, and independence. The new European
Dream
focuses more on sustainable development, quality of life, and
interdependence… The
European Dream is more cosmopolitan and less territorial…
Americans tend
to think locally while European's loyalties are more divided and
stretch from
the local to the global. The American Dream is deeply personal and
little
concerned with the rest of humanity. The European Dream is more
expansive and
systemic, and therefore more bound to the welfare of the planet.”
Also, when
I speak of “disconnectedness” I am
not referring to geographic spacing between people or isolation in
remote
areas. No, I am speaking of something
far deeper that has to do with a psychological attitude.
If merely crowding people together created
connectedness, then
In
Think on
this a moment. Do you think it's a
natural occurrence that almost everyone in
The truths
and comparisons above are usually
only discussed privately, never publicly, not even on the web. And that's because it is very politically
incorrect to compare cultures and say that one is better than the other
in some
way. Such talk is potentially offensive,
no matter how true, and we are taught never to say such things
publicly. In
addition, most common people are engineered to be blind to the faults
and
dysfunction in society and instead blame themselves if anything goes
wrong.
Unfortunately, most people follow what they’ve been
“programmed” and cannot see
outside of it. They do not possess the "consciousness level" or
insight to rise above it and see the truth.
This
poster on my Forum also recognized this “hidden emptiness”
in
https://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3840&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=40
”Everything in
Regarding suicide on the back burner, we've all been there i think, or
at least
most of us. The funny thing is that when one feels that way in America
he
cannot identify the reason, or should I say he would not be allowed to
identify
the reason he feels the way he does because everyone condones the life
in the
States and is either oblivious or not willing to acknowledge how
dysfunctional
and shallow it is. Criticizing the current state of affairs in
However, I
can testify firsthand that in many
private expat/traveler conversations, such comparisons are discussed.
But no
one dared reveal such truths and comparisons publicly, not even on the
web...
until now. My website HappierAbroad.com
is the first and only website that draws out such "taboo" comparisons
in detail point by point. With HappierAbroad.com, no longer do
you have
to know or be connected to certain individuals with special knowledge
who are
honest enough to share such forbidden truths and comparisons with you.
Now,
anyone can just log onto HappierAbroad.com and read all about
these
valuable life-changing secrets and comparisons freely, as well as
discuss them
openly with others in the Happier Abroad Discussion Forum.
And that's
the beauty and significance of HappierAbroad.com
- to share such important and life-changing truths, secrets and
comparisons
that are too taboo and politically incorrect to be discussed openly,
but which
are valuable nevertheless.
Now, what
was formerly confined to private
discussions only is now made public and disclosed out in the open. I've
always
believed that telling the truth was more important than being
politically
correct, and so my philosophy has been to do just that, "letting the
chips
fall where they may".
With HappierAbroad.com,
you will see
that you and I are not alone in thinking and feeling this way, and
therefore
you will be validated in your feelings.
Since the site began, many have come forward with the same
confessions
and observations.
Here are
some examples from letters I've
received, reader responses, site feedback, and posts in my Forum.
This
Russian immigrant who initially blamed himself,
for instance, found validation in the articles of HappierAbroad when he
realized that he wasn’t the problem:
“Anyway, to cut a long
story short,
everything you wrote in your treatise is precisely to the point. I am a
Russian
who has lived in the States long enough to know. I came to the country
expecting to find some flavor, as I had been able to do in
I took me a while to realize that there was a chasm of difference
between the
media picture of
And this
East Indian observed:
“I myself am heavily influenced by
nondualist
studies, such as Zen, Sufism, Advaita and Taoism, which focus heavily
on interconnectedness
with the universe, and getting away from the "I" (and understanding
that our own perception of the self is generally false).
Indeed,
By the way,
I do also think, however, that good and
bad
exists everywhere, in different ways and different amounts, which I
know you've
addressed. And we can only fight the bad so much. So it's a matter of
how well
we take the good with the bad.
But yes, when it comes to this particular
problem of not being able to control the ego, and being hopelessly
caught in
the traps of duality, rather than engaging in interconnectedness with
all,
My Expat
Advisor described how he feels
when he goes to the
“One thing you will notice in the
That is called Freedom. The freedom to be
yourself.
I am not afraid to go to Casinos there,
bars
and restaurants and that I will feel out of place or see cocky people
around
swaggering or puffing up their chests. All social interactions are
smooth and
friendly and you are part of everything. I just walk in and the feeling
is
nice. You are included in their groups. They are so different from the
Anglos
or the CJKs (Chinese, Japanese, Koreans).”
He also
observed:
"The Philippine society puts primary
emphasis on family, human relations and the development thereof- which
includes
sex, friendship, love, etc. Socially, it
seems to be one of the most advanced societies on earth.
Of course, these developments are not
mentioned in the western press which only measures progress in
political,
technological and financial areas. If it
started measuring societies by the healthfulness of social life, the
place you
are at would win hands down.
Cheerz."
A
professor observed and concluded:
http://www.livinginthephilippines.com/art_why_filipino_are_happy.html
“UP Professor Felipe de Leon, after
a decade of
researching, has concluded that Filipino culture is the most
inclusive and
open of all those he has studied. It is the opposite of the
individualistic
culture of the West, with its emphasis on privacy and personal
fulfillment. It
is also the opposite of certain collectivistic cultures, as one finds
them in
Confucian societies, that value hierarchy and ‘face.'
"BY CONTRAST", Filipino culture is
based on the notion of kapwa, a Tagalog word that roughly translates
into
"shared being." In essence, it means that most Filipinos, deep
down, do not believe that their own existence is separable from that of
the
people around them. Everything, from pain to a snack or a joke, is
there to
be shared. "The strongest social urge of the Filipino is to
connect, to
become one with people", says De
More
comments:
“Hi Winston,
I was just talking to someone in the
newsroom where
I work about his trip to
https://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=18
“The US appears to hold
individuality so dear
that it has produced possibly the most bland 'individuals' of all
cultures,
bi-polar patients aside perhaps, which there seems to be no end of now.
It
would appear the true life of the person cannot be found in isolation,
rather
it blooms in a more collective mentality. No surprise, it's difficult
to
cultivate a complex mentality when all you're exposed to is the same
people,
friends, situations, roads, jobs, etc or worse, left in isolation. I
have
always found my friends from other countries to be far more informed
and
colorful as people, men and women both and far more altruistic and
'other
oriented' than the people I've known in the
Strangest thing is, the people I've known
from
politically torn and bomb ridden countrysides are far less paranoid
than people
from the States and far more outgoing. Then again, people from safer
countries
than the
“
“Interesting. A lot of it stems from
collective
mentality- there is no need for a massive ego if you belong to a group
with many
friends. They bolster you and support you and make you feel better
about
yourself.
In the
"You really tell the truth the way it is
about American society. Many people want to get in a bubble or comfort
zone of
a kind of fake reality with our mainstream media, superficial tv and
music and
it reflects in the women of
Richard
“Alright I just read the rest of
your paper and
though I still agree with the original thought I can see where you
placed your
finding... without a doubt the countries I have been too particularly
Sweden
and Jordan when traveling many times perfect strangers would ask for my
friends
and I to come visit... have dinner, tea, etc without wanting or
expecting
anything in return. These things you would never, ever see in the
states where
everyone stranger or friend is looked at as a threat.
hope you had a good day,
Maureen”
“Agreed.
“Hi Winston I can 100 percent relate
to your
last article. About how the
In
closing, I'd like to share some quotes from
revolutionary leaders and intellectuals that are relevant here.
Peter
Joseph, founder of the revolutionary Zeitgeist Movement, in
his
transformative film Zeitgeist
Addendum, summed up the interconnectedness concept very well:
"There is no such thing as independence in
nature. The whole of nature is a unified system of interdependent
variables,
each a cause and reaction, existing only as a concentrated whole."
And in the
same film, John Perkins, a former
“Economic Hit Man” described the joy of connection:
"Joy comes from that bliss of
connectedness. That's our God spirit.
That's that side of ourselves that really feels it, and you can
feel it
deep inside you. It's this amazing wonderful feeling. You know it when
you get
it. You don't get it from money. You get it from connection."
The Expatriate
Revolution is Now!
Discuss
this article here: https://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6709
See also:
Interconnectedness
vs.
Separateness: Why Americans overinflate themselves and try to "fit
in"
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