Will my Introversion be a problem overseas?

[Enishi]

I tend to be a fairly introverted individual and have trouble navigating through new types of social situations I'm not used to. Case in point, I went to a sports bar with some friends last night, which I don't ordinarily do. Although this was really more of a place for friends to hang out, not a joint for picking up babes, I was suprised and dismayed at how uncomfortable I felt. The country music they played did absolutely nothing for me. It gets really frustrating, it always feels that whenever I go anywhere, I'm the one who has to make 99% of the effort getting to know people, which doesn't come naturally to me.

Although I do intend to continue chipping away at my social anxiety by getting out and interacting with people, it does worry me. I was planning a trip to Rio De Janeiro recently, and I wonder, will I have the same problems in other countries, with a foreign culture and language added into the mix? Winston, is it true that social interaction will be easier abroad, even for a naturally introverted type like me?

[SNS]

I tend to be a fairly introverted individual and have trouble navigating through new types of social situations I'm not used to. Case in point, I went to a sports bar with some friends last night, which I don't ordinarily do. Although this was really more of a place for friends to hang out, not a joint for picking up babes, I was suprised and dismayed at how uncomfortable I felt. The country music they played did absolutely nothing for me. It gets really frustrating, it always feels that whenever I go anywhere, I'm the one who has to make 99% of the effort getting to know people, which doesn't come naturally to me.

Although I do intend to continue chipping away at my social anxiety by getting out and interacting with people, it does worry me. I was planning a trip to Rio De Janeiro recently, and I wonder, will I have the same problems in other countries, with a foreign culture and language added into the mix? Winston, is it true that social interaction will be easier abroad, even for a naturally introverted type like me?

According to player boy Rooshv (http://www.rooshv.com) he said that the same game that one uses in the USA is what is needed in Rio. However if you have trouble with a bit of social anxiety (which BTW is normal considering the social scene in the usa is mostly an assholes convention) I would say do not even try to come out of your shell until you get to another country. If I were in the states now, I would not even bother even looking in the general direction of an Americunt. I have experienced too much kindness from foreign women that I now am very jaded to any USA shit female. heck even Germany which is considered a feminist nation the women there still like to be with men, like to f**k us and (barring the rare exceptions) do not play the head games that the slitbags in Femerikka do.

[Enishi]

I can relax somewhat now when I'm in goth/alternative type settings. It's easier to meet people there who have a broad range of intellectual interests. I'm not really "goth" myself though. I think trying to act very individualistic just for its own sake is incredibly childish and neurotic, and I don't really care much for some of the dark/hateful music either (although I prefer it over American country music, lol).

In this specific social scene I have begun to develop a bit of game, though the hardest part is always the first approach. Also, I tend to get much more attention from overweight girls. Although I'm gradually getting better with the thinner ones, I come across as a bit overeager and this seems to turn them off.

I seem to be a rare species of human that is moreso on the introverted/intellectual side, but LOVE to get out and be with people, especially women. However, since I have no desire to develop an overconfident, forceful, individualized for its own sake personality, fitting in is quite difficult....

[SNS]

I can relax somewhat now when I'm in goth/alternative type settings. It's easier to meet people there who have a broad range of intellectual interests. I'm not really "goth" myself though. I think trying to act very individualistic just for its own sake is incredibly childish and neurotic, and I don't really care much for some of the dark/hateful music either (although I prefer it over American country music, lol).

In this specific social scene I have begun to develop a bit of game, though the hardest part is always the first approach. Also, I tend to get much more attention from overweight girls. Although I'm gradually getting better with the thinner ones, I come across as a bit overeager and this seems to turn them off.

I seem to be a rare species of human that is moreso on the introverted/intellectual side, but LOVE to get out and be with people, especially women. However, since I have no desire to develop an overconfident, forceful, individualized for its own sake personality, fitting in is quite difficult....

Intellectualism has the same effect on American females that daylight has on Dracula.

I remember during my adolescence specifically letting my grades go and getting a leather jacket because this is what the cunts liked. And today in america little boys are Pavlovian trained to do nothing but make the pursuit of the almighty stinkbox their priority. f**k that.

Thats good you are becoming relaxed. Just ignore what some dumb americunt has to say because they are stupid, and truly worthless. And get yourself to another country, it will be tonic for your sanity.

[Enishi]

Yep. definitely.

The whole pursuit of sex and trying to increase ones game can get very tiresome after awhile. Some of the best experiences I've had were those I didn't try all that hard to get. In addition, my attempts to eradicate my social anxiety and the constant emotional ups and downs of dating REALLY hurt my progress in school last year. Part of me was becoming apathetic due to reports of an eventual collapse in the dollar. I figured to myself "well if the dollar collapses, maybe it will get easier to get a girlfriend". But seriously, what would be worse, me suffering a year of loneliness and stress due to working my ass off to finish school so I can then move to another country and teach English, or the dollar collapses, and I get a girlfriend, but the rest of my life is one of poverty?

[Winston]

Yes definitely! Have you never been abroad before?

Many feel introverted in the US, including me. So I definitely hear what you're saying and know how you feel.

In short, the system pulverizes your ego, beats it up til you feel like shit, and then blames you for it. That's why the system is so dysfunctional and insane.

The reason many feel introverted is because it is easier to withdraw from all that fakeness and dysfunction in the vibes around you than to deal with it. But think about this. How many do you know who are truly extroverted? It's usually the happiest people that are. Most in the US are not extroverted. Yeah the airheads may yell and shout stupid things when they are drunk, but is that what constitutes extroversion to you? An extrovert is outgoing with strangers. Most are not. Most are only talkative with their close friends, if they have any.

Like I said in my trip reports, there is definitely SOMETHING in the US that makes you feel insecure, unworthy, fragmented, disconnected and not confident. It's in the vibes of the culture and people. Something is very dysfunctional there. People live in bubbles and there is NO sense of human connection at all.

In other countries, people talk to you like they already know you, at least a great percentage do.

It's not something that can be fully explained. You have to experience it, then you just know what I mean. Once you experience it, you will see the wonders that it does for your self esteem. You'll feel a lot more "whole" on the inside and free to be happy, healthy and outgoing, yes EXTROVERTED if you want.

Bottom line is that you will NOT feel the same way about yourself in free flowing open countries that have great dating scenes and where women are easy to meet.

For your inspiration, see these testimonials:

http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Page74b.htm (new ones were just added)
http://www.happierabroad.com/Love_Adven ... ppines.htm

[Winston]

I tend to be a fairly introverted individual and have trouble navigating through new types of social situations I'm not used to. Case in point, I went to a sports bar with some friends last night, which I don't ordinarily do. Although this was really more of a place for friends to hang out, not a joint for picking up babes, I was suprised and dismayed at how uncomfortable I felt. The country music they played did absolutely nothing for me. It gets really frustrating, it always feels that whenever I go anywhere, I'm the one who has to make 99% of the effort getting to know people, which doesn't come naturally to me.

Although I do intend to continue chipping away at my social anxiety by getting out and interacting with people, it does worry me. I was planning a trip to Rio De Janeiro recently, and I wonder, will I have the same problems in other countries, with a foreign culture and language added into the mix? Winston, is it true that social interaction will be easier abroad, even for a naturally introverted type like me?

According to player boy Rooshv (http://www.rooshv.com) he said that the same game that one uses in the USA is what is needed in Rio. However if you have trouble with a bit of social anxiety (which BTW is normal considering the social scene in the usa is mostly an assholes convention) I would say do not even try to come out of your shell until you get to another country. If I were in the states now, I would not even bother even looking in the general direction of an Americunt. I have experienced too much kindness from foreign women that I now am very jaded to any USA shit female. heck even Germany which is considered a feminist nation the women there still like to be with men, like to f**k us and (barring the rare exceptions) do not play the head games that the slitbags in Femerikka do.

Well of course a PUA guru who sells seminars and books/tapes is going to tell you that you need game wherever you go. He has a vested interest in doing so. But it depends on what you mean by game and which tactics. There are some things that are universal, such as looking and dressing nice, being clean, charming, etc. And there are things that are different from place to place. It all depends.

[jamesbond]

Many feel introverted in the US, including me. So I definitely hear what you're saying and know how you feel.

In short, the system pulverizes your ego, beats it up til you feel like shit, and then blames you for it. That's why the system is so dysfunctional and insane.

The reason many feel introverted is because it is easier to withdraw from all that fakeness and dysfunction in the vibes around you than to deal with it. But think about this. How many do you know who are truly extroverted? It's usually the happiest people that are. Most in the US are not extroverted. Yeah the airheads may yell and shout stupid things when they are drunk, but is that what constitutes extroversion to you? An extrovert is outgoing with strangers. Most are not. Most are only talkative with their close friends, if they have any.

Like I said in my trip reports, there is definitely SOMETHING in the US that makes you feel insecure, unworthy, fragmented, disconnected and not confident. It's in the vibes of the culture and people. Something is very dysfunctional there. People live in bubbles and there is NO sense of human connection at all.

In other countries, people talk to you like they already know you, at least a great percentage do.

Bottom line is that you will NOT feel the same way about yourself in free flowing open countries that have great dating scenes and where women are easy to meet.

That's a great way to describe the American culture. You feel like there is something wrong with you when in actuality, it's the culture that is screwed up. Your right, there is no sense of human connection with people in the US. If your a young single person, it's expected that you are to be a "party animal" and go out the bars and clubs all the time and get drunk.

Also, you only are suppose to socialize with people who you already know. Don't you dare start a conversation with a stranger! A lot of people in the US do not talk to their neighbors or even know who their neighbors are! Strange social conditions indeed in the US!

[momopi]

I tend to be a fairly introverted individual and have trouble navigating through new types of social situations I'm not used to. Case in point, I went to a sports bar with some friends last night, which I don't ordinarily do. Although this was really more of a place for friends to hang out, not a joint for picking up babes, I was suprised and dismayed at how uncomfortable I felt. The country music they played did absolutely nothing for me. It gets really frustrating, it always feels that whenever I go anywhere, I'm the one who has to make 99% of the effort getting to know people, which doesn't come naturally to me.

What kind of music do you like?

If the place isn't playing your tune, then just go elsewhere. i.e. if you like classical, try Philharmonic Society events where you may be more comfortable with meeting like-minded people at the reception. Go with the mindset that you're there to meet people and expand your social circle. Exchange business cards, e-mails, MSN, etc.

Once you've obtained sufficient numbers, you can choose an event that you think the people might be interested in, say, Pageant of the Masters, and do an e-mail blast to everyone. Make yourself the "host" or organizer of the event and ask if everyone would like to attend. If so, you'll try to buy the tickets at "group discount rate" for everyone and they can pay you back on the day of the event. Arrange for carpools to save $$ on parking and dinners at nearby restaurants if there's sufficient time.

If you send the e-mail to 30 people, you might only get 8-10 who'd show up. This depends on how well you present the event and make people feel like they're losing out if they don't come. But the goal here is to have your new friends sit next to you so you can chat with them. If everyone buy their tickets individually they'd be scattered throughout the seating area. You want to buy the tickets for everyone so everybody will sit together. Carpools are good because you can chat with people in your car, events with receptions are also good and you can chat with people over wine and cheese. Arrive early with everyone so there's a lot of time to chat before the show. Dinners are also good for conversations. Don't be discouraged if a girl you like came with a date or boyfriend, if you hit it off with them, they probably have some single friends to introduce to you later. The rest, is up to you.

I don't know where you live and can only speak from personal experience in my area. One of my favorite Summer events is concert at the Hollywood Bowl, because you can pack picnic baskets and arrive early to have a picnic with your friends. Google "Hollywood Bowl picnic" images and you'll see what I mean. If you can't cook, you can still buy everything you need (wine, cheese, fruit, bread, crackers, etc) from Trader Joe's. Get a Cameron stovetop smoker and make your own marinated smoked chicken wings to impress your new friends. And if you don't like your new friends after the first 20 mins, pass some chocolate to the girls sitting behind you and make new ones.

Meeting people in the US after HS/college is not easy, it's like going from the kiddy pool to the ocean. You need to find a school of fish in the ocean to hang out with. Everything I do, you can do better. If you're ot willing, then there's always the option to go overseas and try your luck there.


p.s. if you happen to pick up a music major/teacher, take her home and show her "nodame cantabile" (download via bit torrent). There's ~36 episodes in the animated version (season 1+2+OVA) and ~16 hours of live action TV drama. If you get the girl hooked she'll want to come back and watch the rest of the series.

[Winston]

Introversion doesn't mean shy or withdrawn. It just means that one lives in one's inner world. When you are overseas in a country where people are more genuine and authentic with a truer heart and soul, it is easier to open up. You will not feel as withdrawn because people will not be as fake. Introverts hate fakeness, which is why they are withdrawn in the US. That's my take on it.

[S_Parc]

Unfortunately, extroversion is a type of projected persona in the US.

And yes, it's nice to be the life of the gathering, once in a while, but really, it's not easy being a comedian, 7x24, all the time.

I've done both paths ... I was once introverted and then, I'd tried being an extremely outgoing individual. All and all, it isn't worth it. As soon as the number of jokes decline, the number of drinking games go sour, etc, you'll find yourself where you'd first started. And then, you'll find that all those 'friends' where really just low end 'acquaintances'. And that's fine; I treat most Americans as acquaintances and usually reserve some 'pet' topic gathering for each of them.

If you want to be in a more natural social setting, please go abroad. You'll find what you're looking for.

[Winston]

The thing about extroverts is that they seem so soulless and empty inside (compared to an introvert), since they are totally focused on the outer world and have no inner world. Therefore, once their outer world falls apart or things go south on them, they will completely collapse because they have no inner world to fall back on. Examples of this are Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe.

Anyone notice that? That's the primary disadvantage of being an extrovert.

Another disadvantage is that they get bored easily if they don't have company or some party or social activity to go to. They simply have nothing to do without other people around, and can't entertain themselves. Man what a hollow existence.

Also, it's hard to have a deep conversation with an extrovert because they have nothing to say in these matters, because they only see surface practicalities and mundane things and are not focused on looking deeper.