              |
|
Previous
Page
Back
to Table of
Contents
Next
Page
HAPPIER
ABROAD
Why
You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond
10 Reasons
why I’m forced to look for love beyond
I'll put
this as honestly as
I can, with no BS, no beating around the bush, and no sugar-coating or
"watering down" of the facts about why I am excluded from the dating
scene in
The
reasons that the dating
scene in
1) I don't
fit any of the
culturally desirable types of guys that American girls want
I am a
short Asian male
which is the opposite of the cultural ideal in this country. Young
American
women desire the following types of guys, none of which I am one of: a)
tall
sporty athletic Caucasian males, b) scruffy looking punk/skater types,
c) beach
boy/surfer dude types, d) bad boy types with goatees, and tattoos, e)
jocks/athletic types (who are white of course), f) cowboys/macho men,
and of
course g) guys in a band. I just don't look like any of those types,
therefore,
I'm not on their wish list or preference. To them, a preppy looking
clean-cut
kind intelligent Asian male has nothing to offer them, even if he has
way more
money than those cultural ideal types above that fit American girls'
tastes.
Hence, they are anti-social to me and see me as zero value.
Now, I am
the type of guy that
many American women SAY they want – nice, caring, considerate,
attentive,
considerate, intelligent, with many interests, New Age type, etc. but
in
REALITY they go for the bad boy types, and then complain later,
“Where are all
the nice men?” Thus, they shoot themselves in the foot and
contradict
themselves. How wholesome they are, NOT! In reality, “nice
men” are everywhere,
they just don’t want them.
2) My
ethnicity is
considered the least desirable among males to American girls
Among
males in the
Now, some
American women
occasionally come out to me and protest, "That's not true, I like Asian
men!" but of course, they are in the minority not majority (one
"x" among nine "o"s doesn't erase the majority of the
"o"s) whereas we are talking about the collective preference. Plus, I've noticed that, as with the “I
want
a nice guy” claim above, many American women who SAY they like
Asian men, in
reality never date them anyway.
In fact,
American women
generally do not even like foreign men in general unless they are white
Western
European or Australian. They see being with a
foreign man
of color as a considerable lowering of their status. (In contrast,
their white
European female counterparts are for more open and willing toward
foreign men
of color) My Expat Advisor
noticed this too:
“I have been to quite a few countries and I
have
noticed that foreign men living there would normally have local
girlfriends/wives. In
However, you hardly ever see an American woman with a foreign man and
hardly
see foreign men married to American women. Very very few.”
3) My
height disqualifies me
as well
Also,
women are genetically
imbred to prefer taller and bigger guys because their instincts think
they look
like they are better providers and a strong foundation to lean on. Most
women
won’t even consider a guy who is not at least 5ft 9. And since I
am only 5ft 7,
I’m just not in the running to them.
4) Most of
my qualities are
inner, which only older women appreciate
Since most
of my good
qualities are inner rather than outer, it seems that only women much
older (too
old for me) appreciate them, rather than younger women or even women my
age.
And that’s why usually women too old for me reply to my personal
ads on Craigs
List. The reason, according to one of my consultants, is:
“Because when they are
older they lose their beauty and develop inner qualities as well. So
they value
those in others. Younger girls do not have them and they only have the
outward
qualities so they value those in others too. They cannot relate to
inner ones
since they do not have any yet.”
And gee,
that just sucks.
5) No
freedom to act out my
natural genetically-encoded desires for women
In
Simply
put, men aren't free
to "act out" or "act on" their desires toward women (as
they are in most other countries), unless a woman gives him permission
to, of
course. But the problem for me is that women never give me permission
to act
out my desires for them. So what am I to do? I definitely have VERY
strong
desires for romance, love, sex and intimacy. But what can I do about
it?! I
can't constantly restrain these desires 24/7. Get real American society!
And of
course, I can't
always afford to hire hookers at $200 an hour. Get real. And even if I
could,
they lack any genuine affection and treat it as all business, which is
a real
turnoff (I have heard though that non-white "working girls" though,
tend to give genuine affection to their clients and treat it like a
date). So
that wouldn't be enough to satisfy me anyway.
No, I need
REAL physical and
emotional affection from a woman I'm compatible with who is consistent,
sees me
regularly, a regular partner to me, and won't flake out or make excuses
not to
see me. Lots of other guys I see around me have that, so why can't I?!
It's not
that much to ask for, especially from a good person! I tell God and the
universe this everyday, but no real relationship ever solidifies, no
matter how
hard I try or what I do or how many women I meet. Where is the justice
in this
universe?
6)
Young
women in
Average
looking men like me
simply have no chance. They have all the upperhand, and whether we
treat them
right or not, it doesn't matter, cause we aren't their "type" and
they look down on us.
In defense
and in admission
of having too many choices, an attractive close female friend of mine
said:
"having a million
choices doesn't mean you want any of them. so it doesn't matter.
if i meet a million guys
all asking me out and YOU consider them GREAT, but they BORE me, i'm
not any
more satisfied than u are not satisfied with the offers u get. GET IT?
it's all
relative."
Uh geez!
How picky can you
get? If I had a lot of choices, I sure wouldn’t complain! At
least she feels
wanted. Later on though, I did get her to admit that if no guys wanted
her, she
would “develop complexes” about it.
Nowadays
American women have such an off-chart sense
of entitlement that makes it nearly impossible for guys like me to get
dates. And to make things worse,
American women always claim to be too busy to date or spend time with
me,
always, especially in this workaholic society where people make money
and mind
their own business. So what am I
supposed to do, wait for them forever and masturbate while watching
useless
junk on cable TV? No way!
I can just go ABROAD where lots of gorgeous
women, most of them tall, skinny and pretty/cute, have plenty of time
for
me! Why stay in a sinking ship, simply
because it’s TABOO to think or talk about getting off it? That’s crazy!
Perhaps my
Expat Advisor
put it best when he said:
"The
1) It is not PC to admit
that AW are racist and they do not like Asian men. So, they will advise
you all
kinds of BS and tell you to improve your hair style, your clothing,
work on
social skills. All while AW look ugly, have no social skills, often
smell bad,
are fat and STILL GET THE MOST HANDSOME GUYS AROUND.
Something is wrong. Very wrong.
2) If you get advice from
Americans, most probably they will not be travelers. So, again, they
will not
see the proper perspective on things.
Just get your ass over to
the
7)
Bubble/force field around
young modern American women toward strangers
In
American
women tend to
ignore those that aren’t part of their clique, talking to
strangers only for
business or money related matters. In
fact, they are defensive, anti-social, and paranoid toward them. They have this bubble/force field around them
that makes it feel inappropriate to try to meet them, making you feel
like a
creep or if you even try (or dare to have desires for them). And if you
do
penetrate their "bubble", it causes an energy drain in your
vibe/aura, to the point where the more you try, the less will and
motivation
you have to try again. Thus, having nature-given genetically-encoded
desires
for women makes you feel like a criminal in
Though
Americans tend to be
in a "bubble" more than people in other countries, due to our strong
sense of individualism and lack of interconnectedness that other
countries
have, the females tend to have a much STRONGER bubble around them than
the
males do. This has been attested to as obvious by both men and women.
In fact,
you rarely see
American females even alone in public, but mostly males who are sitting
alone
and open to being approached. Females tend to hang in groups, with
girlfriends,
or with their boyfriends/husbands, out in public. And even if they are
alone,
they usually prefer being alone, for if you ask to join them, they will
say
that they are enjoying valuable time off and prefer to be by
themselves. It is
very difficult to find one alone and open to meeting strangers. But, of
course,
you can find that easily abroad.
But
unfortunately, even when
I do meet women in
a) They talk to me for a few minutes and then
say, “Well it was nice meeting you” and then go off and I
usually never see
them again.
b) I
ask them out and they respond with either
“I have a boyfriend/husband” or
“I’m too busy to go out and I work/study too
much” or “I don’t date, I spend all my
time with my baby” or “I just got out of
a serious relationship and am not looking right now” or they
agree to a date
but flake out/not show up later.
So you
see, in the big
picture, there’s no way to win. Either
way, I lose. Why should I play such a
losing chess game?
8) High
rate of flake-outs
and making excuses
In
short, no matter how many girls I meet in
After
meeting me, for some
reason, probably a combination of the above reasons, women tend to make
excuses
not to spend time with me after meeting me, even if they enjoyed our
time
together and have a lot in common with me. After our first meeting or
date,
they tend to either 1- get too busy with work and life to make any time
to see
me, or 2- suddenly go through emotional stress/problems and claim to
need to
spend time alone. Or they come up with some other BS excuse, never
offering or
proposing an alternate or available date to see me again. And if I
check back
again later, they come up with something else. This happens even when
I've done
nothing wrong, treated them well, given them a great time, or even if
we have
tons in common and seem to connect well or are very compatible.
In other
countries, all you
have to do to get a date is pay a few compliments and flattering words
to a
woman you desire, and you got it. But in the
On the
internet alone, over
90 percent of American females tend to stop talking to me and disappear
after
they see my photo (unless they're old and don't care), EVEN if we have
a lot in
common or they like what they hear about me and my qualities. This fact
alone
totally DEBUNKS the assertion of many naive Americans that women are
rejecting
me cause of defects in my personality or attitude, for clearly I am
being
rejected based on looks in this case repeatedly.
That
almost never happens
with foreign women, even if they're from industrialized countries. I'm
not
saying that foreign women don't care about looks. They are influenced
by them
too, but not to the degree that American girls are. Sure, foreign women
have
rejected me too, but the flake-out rate on me (in person and online) is
nowhere
near as high as in the states.
I’ve
also met hundreds of
girls in person from the internet in
To those
who tell me that I
must lower my standards (albeit an unrealistic suggestion since first,
I don't
have high standards, and second, I can't force myself to be attracted
to
someone I'm not), consider this. Even fat ugly women have rejected me
in the
same way (before I can reject them too lol) simply because, although
they can't
get anyone either, I still don't fit their "tastes". A lot of chubby
women that no guys want still prefer "punk rock" type guys.
The thing
is, not only are girls hard to meet in
America, but even when I do meet them, no matter how many of them I
meet,
whether it’s 10, 100, 1,000 or 10,000, they ALL make excuses not
to be with me,
even though I’m good looking, nice, interesting and I do NOTHING
wrong. And when they blow me off, they do
it as
though it were a routine they’ve rehearsed many times before. That makes it the most unnatural dating scene
in the universe! There is definitely
something very out of whack and F-ed up about that for sure! It should not be that way at all, which you
fully realize once you are in a culture and place where it’s not
like
that.
But
it’s not just me and Asian guys that have this
problem. Many decent white guys in
American also report similar situations.
For instance on my Forum:
https://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4213
“I guess I just need to vent.
I'm an American white guy. I don't think I look
bad at
all. Well groomed, fit, young, in college. Dating is the hardest thing
in my
life, it's harder than any job or class i've ever had.
Long story short, I've had to study huge amounts
of dating
material to have any luck with women at all. I've posted here in the
past about
how to actually get a date and meet women.
But, sometimes it hits me, why does have to be so freaking
difficult? If
I didn't practically have a doctorate in pickup / seduction material I
think
I'd be totally shit-out-of-luck
There really is a 90/10 thing going on, or 10%
of men in
the
This week I got 3 numbers from 3 different
hotties. In all
the follow-up calls all 3 flaked on having lunch with me. Well the
calibration
of my game is clearly off... My voice tone wasn't perfect, maybe I
didn't build
enough comfort, maybe I waited too long / not long enough to call.
Whatever the
case is, my 2008 dry spell has been lasting so long that I almost feel
like
giving up... But, I know I can't do that:) But sometimes I get so
frustrated
that I reach my wits end.”
9) Being
overly tough,
aggressive, masculine, confident, they need someone stronger than them
Nowadays,
for some reason,
American women act overly tough, aggressive, overly confident to the
point of
being masculine, in their behavior and speech.
They are very different from the classical feminine persona of
being
sweet, tender, modest, romantic, and empathetic. Rather
than being gentle, soft, and tender on
the inside, they are cold, harsh, abrupt, angry, hateful, snobby,
bitchy and
ready to diss anyone who accidentally steps on their toes.
Also, they behave as though they own
everything and have the final say on all.
Modern
American women also
tend to be harsh, abrupt, business-like, and are able to easily say
cruel or
hurtful things without remorse or regret.
To me, that’s just sociopathic (or perhaps they just have
an alien soul
to me, who knows).
Therefore,
of course, since
we all know that women want someone stronger than them, so they can
feel
protected. That means I've got to be
even more tough, aggressive, masculine and confident than they are, to
even be
considered.
Well it's
not that I'm
not. It's just that my true strength is
inner rather than outer, and keeping it that way feels the most
balanced to my
overall persona. Outwardly, I am
naturally gentle and tender, and so of course they will perceive me as
weaker
than them. Therefore, in that sense, I'm
also not their type, besides not being the cultural ideal.
But what can I say? I can't be
something I'm not.
Foreign
women, on the other
hand, tend to be much more modest, humble, gentle, tender, and less
aggressive. The difference is too
obvious. Thus, who I truly am is a
better match-up with them.
10)
American women despise
men and don't need them
Nowadays,
American women
have this inner dislike toward men, fueled by feminism and talk shows. You can see it on their faces in public, this
anti-men look on their faces, expression, and vibe.
In
In
addition, they are so
independent, strong, overly confident, and masculine that they don't
really
even need men. They believe in having
productive, fulfilling lives without them.
Many are perfectly happy to just work and go shopping in their
spare
time. They see themselves as complete,
independent and view men as an unnecessary luxury that often causes
more
trouble than good.
You can
see it in the way
they walk and behave, as if they have no need to bond/connect with
others, seek
romance, open their hearts and minds, etc.
Instead, they are business-like and cold, only speaking to
strangers if
it's business or money related. It's as
if they are incapable of loneliness and are too fulfilled and busy to
bother
investing in others. And they walk
around with their nose in the air and give men this vibe that
subliminally
conveys “You are not to have desires
around me. You are to act girly and
emasculate, UNLESS I give you permission to want me by coming on to you. I call all the shots. Not
you.”
I just
don't agree with
that. I believe that men and women
should need each other. Why should I
pursue someone who doesn't need me, won’t emotionally attach
herself to me, and
doesn’t even make time to spend with me?
Why give your heart, feelings and emotions to someone who won't
truly
give their heart/emotions back? It just
seems pointless. And very unromantic as
well.
Conclusion:
So you
see, in
Thus, I
would say that
The things
above happen to
me constantly even after meeting thousands of women. It just never
changes. They all either tell me that
they are taken, not looking, or flake out.
And if an exception seems to be brewing, getting me all excited,
it
always turns out to be just a farce and temporary.
That’s just unacceptable to me.
Even if I
was in a situation
where the women far outnumber the men, such as a cooking class, yoga
class,
swing dance club, or college girls dorm, I’m still never
“in the game” because
they see me as “not dating material”, not their type, and
project asexual,
prudish vibes at me, keeping interaction with me to a bare minimum, and
humoring
me at best. In fact, even when I meet a girl who complains that no one
wants to
date her, and I say that I am interested in dating her, she will
usually act as
though she didn’t hear it.
Dating in
the US is a ZERO SUM game for me. You
see, even when I meet a girl I have a lot in common with who shares my
intellectual interests, passions and outlook on life, it still doesn't
work
out. She either likes me as a friend only, flakes out, or has some
excuse why
we can't date. There have been times when I met such a person and could
swear
we were soulmates. There was chemistry and stimulation between us, the
kind you
see in romance movies, and the gazing into each other's eyes for hours
and
forgetting the time and food on the table, etc. In such cases, it
seemed an
absolute certainty that we were compatible and meant to date at least.
All the
ingredients of the love formula were there. But yet it all fell apart
for some
odd reason, every time, leaving me bewildered and in denial. This has
happened
on numerous occasions. Always something goes wrong, even when I try my
best to
prevent it.
What this
means that even in the BEST CASE scenario, I still LOSE! Thus
it’s a ZERO SUM game. This is yet another reason why I am forced
to date abroad
through NO FAULT of my own.
Read my story here
about the 20 years of loneliness and datelessness I endured through
America,
where I tried everything you could possibly imagine, and more, and you
will see
that I had no choice in the end. It’s easy to blame the victim,
but I did
nothing wrong and had no other choice. In the end though, when I found
my
salvation overseas, I realized the problem wasn’t me after all,
and that I had
a valid case to blame my antisocial culture and society, or at least my
incompatibility with it.
Eventually,
I decided that it was time to stop being a loser and start
being a WINNER!
These
reasons help explain
why I hate the dating scene in
Whatever
the case, I won't
give up. If going overseas is the only remedy that works, then so be
it. And
even if the critics of overseas love-seeking are right (which they are
not)
that I would get "used" overseas by "desperate women", it's
still better than the aforementioned conditions of being totally shut
out of
the game. Besides, a desperate man is better off going for desperate
women
anyway, than pursuing super picky Western women with too many choices
who don't
need him, don't find him to be her type (preferring football players,
punks,
and bad boys), and don’t ever give him a chance. At least with
the former I
have a chance, whereas with the latter I have no chance.
But for
some reason, these
critics don't get that and don't see the big picture.
As my
Expat Advisor said
above, “The USA for women is like
Logical reasons why my
standards are not too high in
Let me tell you something
horrible. The dating scene in America is
so bad for men
now, that I can’t even get fat ugly chicks anymore.
You see, even they have their tastes and
sense of entitlement. They don’t
just
want any good guy that’s nice to them, for they’ve been
taught by their culture
not to settle until they get what they want, which is the very best.
Likewise,
they are not my type or taste either, as I am attracted to tall thin
women.
What’s strange and
irrational though, is
that critics, especially American women, like to claim that I am
reaching too
far out of “my league”, that my “standards are too
high” and ought to settle
for women that I’m unattracted to who are more in “my
league”. Now this is very
hypocritical, because these same women who claim this often have overly
high
standards themselves. Yet they do not feel that they need to lower
their
standards, whereas I do.
But technically, there are some
core
problems with that.
a) First, I can’t force
myself to be
attracted to someone I’m not. That
just
does not work and would not produce any chemistry. It would make me
unhappy,
and wouldn’t be right, nor even possible.
b) Second, even if American dating
culture
put me in the same “league” as fat ugly women, it still
wouldn’t matter,
because as already mentioned, I’m not their type anyway and they
aren’t my type
either. So it could never work, even if
I’m in their “league” by cultural standards.
c) Third, there is nothing wrong
with wanting
thin feminine women, because that’s how NORMAL women are, in most
of the world
and throughout history. (If you go to Ukraine for example, that’s
how AVERAGE
women look – thin, pretty and feminine) It’s only in
America that thin decent
looking females are placed so high up in the hierarchy that make them
unattainable to average men because there are so few of them. Since
average
women in America and fat and ugly, while normal decent looking women
are so
cream of the crop, they are placed so high up that even many normal
decent
looking men who should be in their league, are actually out of their
league in
this artificial scene that favors women. What this means is that me and
other
decent looking men are not in a position to date women who are in our
league,
lookswise, because every thin decent looking woman in the US becomes a
goddess!
Thus it is America’s standards that are unequal and imbalanced,
NOT mine! By
international standards, my standards are NORMAL. Therefore, again,
it’s American
dating culture that is the problem, not me.
Also, technically I should not
be in the
same “league” as fat ugly women because I am NOT fat or
ugly. Sure I may be a few pounds
overweight, but I
am not obese. So there is no logical
reason why I would be in the same “league” or category as
them. Thus, these female critics are not
making any
sense, nor are they being realistic. They are merely making excuses to
defend
the messed up US dating culture that gives them all the power.
The only thing I have in common
with fat
ugly chicks is that we are both considered unattractive by US cultural
standards. However, everyone who is
unattractive in US culture should not automatically be put in the same
category, especially since I don’t look anything like them, and
even more so,
since attractive women abroad consider me in their “league”
or sometimes even
above their “league” (as the case is in the Philippines). Therefore, there is no logical reason why we
should be in the same “league”.
Therefore, technically there is
nothing
wrong with me or my standards. That is
not the problem. I am simply a mismatch
in US dating culture. The logical
solution then, would be to go abroad where my “standards”
are not considered
“too high”, but are normal and attainable, where my dating
opportunities and likability
are vastly greater. So far, that
solution has proven to be the correct endeavor.
Discuss
this
article here: https://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1543
Reader
comments:
- “…….. A quick comment on
the essay you sent me, I agree with your argument but want to point out
that
many white men are also having issues with American women! The
truth is American
women are more standoffish and guarded than women in other parts of the
world. I will put it this way, even if American women were
approachable I
would still prefer European women just because they are so beautiful
and
feminine by comparison.
Some
people may think you are bitter because you have been rejected by
American
women but I think that once you have been to Eastern Europe and
experienced
things the way they ought to be, you would never want to turn back to
deal with
this shit again! I went to
Take
care and have a great trip!
Regards,
Danny”
-
"Don't feel to bad about being rejected by your looks, as I have a
friend
who is even a male stripper, that moved here from Mexico City. The
first thing
he noticed was that he couldn't get a girlfriend or even one single
date to
save his life. He came to me one day, just beside himself, saying "what
the hell is wrong with this country"? He told me how women would even
flirt with him first, so then he would ask them out, only for them to
reject
him in the rudest manner he had ever seen. And in
I'm
also the tall, athletic Caucasian type that you mentioned. I agree with
you,
women do go for that type, but even I can't hardly get a girlfriend. I
didn't get
my first girlfriend until I was 27! Being good looking or built will
get you
laid pretty easily in the
I have
a trip planned to
You
have been a big motivation for me looking abroad. Thanks for all of
your
articles! Maybe something good will come from this. I seem to attract
FSU women
effortlessly. The only problem I have ran into with them, is they just
simply
don't believe me when I say I don't have lots of women. They seem
afraid that I
am some kind of playboy who has slept with a hundred women. I explain
that I
have only been with one, and they refuse to believe me. One of the few
FSU
women who rejected me, did so because she didn't believe that I was
sincere
about marriage. She said a guy with my looks would have no problem with
women
at all. So she stopped writing me. Can you believe that? But I have
plenty of
others to choose from."
Thank
you for previewing the Happier Abroad Ebook. Get the FULL version
now for
only $14.99!
Or
Get
the Package
Deal -
Best Value! Only $24.99. Comes with the additional 3 Ebooks below:
1) The Happier Abroad Guide to
International and Global Dating – A step-by-step guide that
covers
planning, preparation, decision-making, factors to consider, choosing
the right
country, cultural compatibility, meeting and dating foreign women,
making a living overseas, adapting to different cultures,
etc.
2) Winston's
Guide to Traveling and Dating in Russia For
Men – Everything I know about traveling and dating in Russia
from my 3
years of firsthand experience is contained here in this informative
how-to
guide, including how to get around, communication, basic necessities,
dealing
with obstacles, short cuts, tips and tricks, important contact
info, and
other great advice.
3) Expatriate Insights
– By my Expat Advisor
Ladislav, aka “The Socrates of Expatriate Life”. Truthful
insights on
Expatriate Living, Cross-Cultural Relations and Deep Comparative
Culture
Analyses that will take your understanding to the advanced level. It is
unrivaled in scope and depth. Click
here
to sample Ladislav’s writings in his Blog.
Order
the Package Deal Now! Click here
Previous Page Back to Table of Contents Next Page