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HAPPIER
ABROAD Why
You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond
Aren’t
foreign women just after your money and a
green card?
I get asked this all the time,
and so do
others who date overseas.
“Aren’t
those women just after a green card to the US or your money?”
I’m so used to it by now,
to the point
where I can use the old “if I had a dime for every time someone
asked me that,
I’d be rich” phrase. I’ve addressed it in the FAQ’s and
objections section.
The answer is – No, for
the most part. This is a typical copout
line of thinking
that ignorant mono-national Americans who don’t know much about
other countries
have. It’s a cultural myth given to them by a system that tries
to keep them
“in the box”. The fallacy in it is that it assumes that if
people in another
country are more friendly or open, then they must have ulterior
motives.
This can be true in part, but
it ignores
the larger complexity of cultural psychology and many other factors.
Most
people don’t like to think, so they try to pin everything on one
explanation or
reason, when in reality almost everything is the way it is due to
MULTIPLE
factors, not just one.
The reality is this:
Not all foreign women want to
go to
America. And even among those that do,
they aren’t going to just go with ANYBODY.
Put yourself in their shoes. If
you wanted to leave your country, would you do it with just anyone, or
with
someone YOU LIKE and are COMPATIBLE with?
Many foreign white women liked
me even
when they weren’t interested in going to America, and of course,
they don’t
even know that I’m American at first glance since I’m Asian. The bottom line is that women abroad are
billions of times more approachable and inclusive than in the States,
regardless of their “motives”. And
that’s
what matters to us guys.
Yes, being American does bring
a novelty
appeal when you are abroad. But it’s
just one small factor among many others, such as personality, charisma,
personality, looks, money, vibes, tastes, standards, personal
chemistry,
etc. It’s also due to subjective and
personal factors as well as cultural.
This
“foreign women only want a green card” myth is
perpetuated by our ignorant media whose job is to keep you within the
box. Only
the non-traveled espouse such myths. Anyone who has lived extensively
in other
countries knows that most foreigners are not trying to leave their
country or
come to America, and that our country is not as idolized as Americans
and their
media think.
And
besides, even if foreign women only liked me only
to get a green card (which they don't of course), so what?
It would still change nothing, because the bottom
line is that MY NEEDS ARE
FULFILLED overseas but they aren't in America.
And as long as everything is consensual, what
business is it of anyone else? To claim
that I shouldn't pursue fulfillment of my needs just because someone
wants to
leave their country would be like telling someone not to buy something
they
want at Walmart simply because "Walmart
only wants your money". People
have a right to fulfill their needs in a consenting way.
And just because what I do is unconventional
doesn't mean it's wrong, bad, or unadvisable.
But even
if I was being only used by foreign women,
it’s still better than being forced to sit at home in the US all
the time
watching TV, eating potato chips, masturbating, and having no female
companionship or dates. No question about it.
At least I’m in the game and
LIVING my fantasies, the kind most Americans only see on TV and never
live!
Here in
the Philippines, for example, I know that
girls don’t want me just for money and a green card for the
following reasons:
(please read these bulleted points carefully)
1) Many girls here don't care about my money and
STILL
like/love me even after I tell them that I’m on a budget and very
frugal.
They like and enjoy my funny, sweet, sappy, positive, enthusiastic
personality.
2) This is probably the biggest
reason, and
my Expat Advisor, a long time visitor to the Philippines who speaks two
Filipino dialects, attests to it too.
Most of the Filipinas I’ve met or dated here prefer that
their boyfriend
or husband stay with them in THEIR country.
After all, family is everything to them, and so they prefer to
remain
close to their immediate and extended family. But if their lover
insists,
they will try to go overseas. That right there DEBUNKS this
common
misconception. Besides, it is an
American myth that most people in other countries want to come to the
US. The well traveled know that is not so.
3) I’ve slept with both bar
girls and normal
girls for FREE, simply cause they liked me and found me sweet,
romantic, tender
and charming! They never asked me for any money! Imagine
that. That could never happen to me in the States. That
proves
right there that they aren’t after me only for money, but that I
am very sweet,
likable and charming to them. And I’ve gotten free
kisses here from
many girls too, including French kisses (and NO, they don’t
do that to
every guy!).
4) A few girls here (but not most) have told me
that I’m
not their type, for they like white guys or bigger masculine guys. And conversely, I’ve seen some reject
white
guys in favor of me, because I’m more of the type they like and
go for. Now, if it were all about
“money and a green
card”, then “type” wouldn’t matter now would it? But it does, because taste, romantic
chemistry, and attraction matter as well.
5) Filipinas have shown favoritism toward me
over other older richer guys or customers. (I can't get into
details
about how since it wouldn't be appropriate to describe here :))
This
also proves that they don't like me just for money, since I am treated
better,
given favoritism and preferentail treatment over other guys who have
more money
than me, due to my higher likeability. I have a fun loving
free-spirited
personality that a lot of Filipinas resonate with, as well as a sweet
romantic
side, and a face they find young and handsome (gwapo).
6) I've been able to get acquainted and befriend
middle
class girls here who have enough money themselves not to need a guy
(which I
can't do in the states). Sure, the middle or upper class girls
aren't
easy to "pick up" in public, but they find me interesting and likable
too, once they get to know me. And they are willing to spend
personal
time with me, unlike girls in the US who always make excuses and say
they are
busy.
7) There are some guys here with looks and money
who
don’t do well at all with Filipinas. I
know one good looking American guy here with a good income from an
international job, and my Expat Advisor knows a good looking young
French guy
here with a successful art business. Yet
believe it or not, both of them can’t get a real girlfriend in
the
Philippines! They have had nothing but
bad luck and bad experiences with the women here. The
girls who go out with them look unhappy
around them, and don’t stay with them for long.
Though they will accept their money and presents, they still
leave them
after a while because they simply don’t like them and don’t
enjoy being with
them. It’s obviously not their looks
or
status. But rather, something in their
vibe and personality just doesn’t jive well with the girls here. Some people’s chemistry just
doesn’t mix well
with certain countries, just like mine doesn’t mix well in
American culture and
its fake politeness social culture.
Sometimes, things just don’t click, not just between
individuals, but
between individuals and countries as well.
Thus, it’s not all about money and status, like some think. Here in the Philippines, my personality seems
to jive extremely well with Filipinas as a whole, regardless of whether
I’m
their physical type or not. And
that’s
why almost all Filipinas, even those who aren’t into me
romantically or are
already taken, ENJOY hanging out with me.
Now, if it were all about money, this wouldn’t happen. You’ve got to remember that these girls,
though mostly poor, are HUMAN BEINGS who, like you, prefer to be with
those
they LIKE and CLICK with, not just anyone with money and a US passport.
8) Now, think about this.
If it were all about money or a green card, then why
aren’t poor foreign
men seeking out American women the way that poor foreign women are? And
why
aren’t there websites or matchmaking agencies out there for
foreign men seeking
American women? It’s because there isn’t a market for it.
Very few foreign men
would want an American woman, even to get into the US. These men want
feminine
women, and the denial of their femininity as well as their selfish
attitude is
a huge turn off to foreign men. Also, ask yourself this. If poor
foreign women
just want money, then what do American women want?
A dazzling personality and kind heart? Not!
They not only want money, but they want it all, perfection in
every
category!
9) From my experience with gold diggers and
users in
Russia and the Philippines, I’ve come to recognize their common
patterns, such
as the way they manipulate and tell lies, the way they tell you what
you want
to hear yet their actions contradict their words, and their tendency to
ask for
money within the first day or week of knowing you.
And what I can tell you is that MOST of the
girls who like me here do NOT exhibit these traits.
10) A high percentage of Filipinas
I get
involved with tend to like to bite me and pinch me.
I was told that they only do that to you if
they LIKE you. Certainly if they only
wanted to use me, they wouldn’t be biting and pinching me. They only do that to those they like or find
adorable, cute, or cuddly.
What
you’ve gotta understand is that it’s not a simple
case of “these women are friendlier to you cause they are poor
and need your
money.” I mean, yes money is a
factor
here. But what’s being overlooked
here
is that the poor are unspoiled and dependent, so they often have to
cultivate
good inner qualities in their personalities and behaviors to get what
they
need, and to compensate for their lack of material assets, especially
since
they have interdependent relations with others.
In other words, they have learned to treat others nicely to get
ahead,
whereas someone who already has it all doesn’t need to be nice
and can afford
to be spoiled, stuck up and treat others badly.
So that’s another reason why poor people are nicer. It’s not cause they only want your
money,
though money is an indirect cause of this, but it has more to do with
their character
being developed differently than ours.
Some guys
see everything in terms of money and
economics. Well I’m not one of those guys of course, for I
consider many
other deeper factors. Not every guy with money can duplicate
everything
I’ve done. Looks, personality, attitude, and chemistry are
strong factors
too, and in this culture, I rank high in those areas to them, even in
the looks
department since I am far closer to the ideal male image here than I am
to the
one in the states. That’s why I
often
get preferential treatment from girls here over richer guys not as
personable
or likable. In reality, human beings are very complex, and
don’t fit into
overly simplistic pet theories like “She just wants you for
money”. So
these one shot labels put together by shallow know-it-all people to try
to
explain other people just don’t hold. Perhaps these guys
are “all about
money” themselves, so they can’t help but assume that
everyone else is
too. But they can only speak for themselves, not for others.
Oddly
enough, there are some women (and men) who
genuinely believe that giving money is a demonstration and sign of true
love. These folks see no shame in
“buying love” and are proud to utter the phrase “no
money, no honey”. Such women will
even ask for money from a man
she truly loves, seeing nothing wrong with it.
But of course, I do not share their values.
An effective way I’ve found, to weed these
types out is to simply tell them that you are poor and on a tight
budget, and
act like it. If they disappear after
that, then you know what they were probably after.
If not, then you’ve got a more genuine
girl. Needless to say, if you want to
impress somebody, you don’t have to take them to a fancy
restaurant everyday;
rather, mix it up with several days of going to fast food or cooking at
home. A nice sweet Filipina will
appreciate that.
If you
think though, that all my experiences here are
with money grubbing whores, think again. Make no mistake, I can
and have
gotten NON-WORKING girls to sleep with me on a regular basis. So,
please
don’t assume all my experiences are with whores. Unlike in
Russia, after
our dates, they often prefer to go home WITH me rather than without
me.
Sure,
there are old fat white drunkards with money
here who are also sleeping with “hot girls” too.
However, there are two
primary differences between them and me – 1) They usually have to
pay girls to
be with them and/or send financial support to their families, 2) Their
dating
field is usually limited to the bar girls or whores, and they cannot
get dates
with normal Filipinas or pick up girls in normal public settings,
whereas I can
easily get dates in non-bar settings.
12 Reasons why Russian women are not desperate
to
leave their country
With the
advent of Russian bride agencies, the myth
has been perpetuated that Russian women are trying to find men to use
to come
to America. But based on my 3 years of experience in Russia, here are
many
reasons why most of them are in fact NOT desperate to leave their
country.
1) First of all, the simple fact is that most
women in Russia are NOT trying to leave their country to live abroad. (In fact, most people in any country are not
trying to leave it.) I've met hundreds
of women in Russia, some casually, some I dated, and some as friends. Out of them, only a few claimed they
seriously intend on emigrating to America (and I mean move there, not
just
visit).
In
fact, the percentage of the female population in Russia who belong to
marriage
agencies is far less than one percent of the population.
According to the statistics on the Myths
section of Elena's site (http://www.womenrussia.com/myths.htm)
the percentage of the women in Russia affiliated with marriage agencies
looking
for foreign men is about 0.13 percent of the total population. That's about a tenth of one percent! Such a stat is only an estimate of course,
but the point is that the women looking to leave their country for good
is a
very small percentage of the whole, contrary to what many Americans
believe and
what our media likes to perpetuate.
Through
the many diverse Russian women I've met in 12 cities over many months,
here is
what I've learned. The average Russian
woman loves to travel to other countries due to their love of foreign
culture,
curiosity, and sense of adventure. But
they are not looking to move abroad permanently. It
is rare to find one with the sole purpose
of moving abroad.
Those
that are considering moving abroad are not usually desperate to do so
anyway. It is rare to find a person in
Russia who is desperate to leave their country, but as always, those
who are,
are the ones who make the news, getting attention which contributes to
this
myth. Furthermore, many women who join
internet marriage agencies are not even willing to leave their country,
but are
just scammers without serious intentions who get a high off of having
men come
and spend money on them, wine and dine them, etc. And
even among the sincere women in marriage
agencies, they are usually just considering it as an option anyway, not
basing
all their hopes on it. Their view is
that they would consider moving abroad for the right man that they fall
in love
with, but relocating is not their primary objective.
Finding the right man for them is.
And
even among these few who want to relocate, most of them prefer Europe
rather
than America because a) the proximity is more convenient to allow them
to come
back to visit their families, and b) European culture is closer and
more
compatible with Russian culture, and nowhere near the extreme shock one
feels
transitioning from Russia to America.
In
fact, I met more Russian women who wanted to move to Germany than
America. For some reason, they have an
affinity for
Germany (despite what that country did to them in the Second World
War), though
they say they don’t know why, and many Russian women speak German
as a second
language rather than English.
I
think this myth began as a rant started by feminists to defend their
pride
against the tide of Western men who are looking for women abroad,
painting the
men as desperate losers and the foreign women as conniving users who
want a
green card. Plus, America likes to think
that the world revolves around them for some reason (it doesn’t
and the well
traveled soon learn this). Probably the
media further perpetuated it to appease these feminists, whom are the
main
audience for their advertisers. Our
media's other purpose is to motivate you to get up and go to work or
school
everyday to keep our economy/society productive. One
of the ways of doing this is to make you
think that other people are worse off than you and would give anything
to be in
your shoes. And of course, bad news
sells better for the media and its advertisers, since people like to
believe
that others are worse off than they are and would give anything to be
in their
shoes, to keep themselves motivated in their current situation in life.
To
get an idea of Russian people's views on emigration, check out these
interviews
with everyday people there at this site.
You will see that almost none of them are trying to leave their
country.
http://www.waytorussia.net/Features/RussianPeople.html
Also,
many Russian women are not even drawn to the USA. For
example, here's what a Russian girl from
Moscow that I corresponded with said to me in a letter:
Elvira:
"To be honest i don't like
usa at
all, i can move there but only if it is strongly needed (if i fall for
an
american). Many of my friends was there(with families or for student
exchange
Work&travel usa) and say something similar to: "they have no
culture,
but the money... money and nothing more is interesting for them",
Doesnt
sound inspiring.."
Perceptions
of American life such as hers are more common than you might think. Now, here is a challenging question for the
Westerners out there who believe in this myth.
I have heard that in Saudi Arabia, the natives see Americans
there who
came on a spiritual pilgrimage to Mecca, which they consider the
spiritual
center of the world. This leads them to
assume that most Americans must be desperate to leave their country to
come to
Saudi Arabia and Mecca. After all,
that's what they see happening around them.
Now, let me ask you this. Are
they right that most Americans are trying to leave their country to
find
salvation in Saudi Arabia? Is that what
they would find if they came here? If
not, then why not? After all, that's
what they see going on in their country.
They are doing the same thing YOU do, looking around their
immediate
surroundings and making snap judgments.
You see a few Russians around you in your country, hear stories
on your
news, etc. and assume that most Russians want to come to your country.
Their
reasoning process is no different than yours.
Do
you see how faulty and narrow your myth is now?
In
fact, there's really no such thing as a "Russian mail order bride"
anymore than there is a Santa Claus. You
cannot just go online and "order" a wife or bride.
That denigrating term and concept was created
by our media for political and social reasons to keep men in fear and
appease the
feminists. You can read about this in
more detail at:
http://www.womenrussia.com/mail_order_brides/
http://www.womenrussia.com/russianwomen/escape.htm
Also
check out the FAQ's and misconceptions section of:
http://www.wtw.org/mob/Lies.htm
Sorry
folks, but the truth is, in real life you can't "buy" or
"order" a bride from Russia, contrary to the fictional concept
created by our media. Those
marriage/introduction/dating agencies out there simply allow you to
purchase
their womens' contact information, not sell away their individual
rights to
anyone. You've still got to win their
hearts or attraction to you. Of course there are scammers on the
Russian bride
agencies, as well as gold diggers and visa whores. But even in those
cases, you
are still not “ordering” someone to be your bride.
2) Second, as I mentioned above, most of the
women that are in those online marriage agencies are NOT there for the
sole
purpose of getting out the country. They
are there because there is a shortage of good men in their country who
behave
decently and can financially provide for them (see the next point on
surpluses
and shortages) and they want to see if they can meet such a man for
them. IF they meet that right man, THEN
they will
consider relocating to his country if he wishes. But
their main objective is NOT to get out of
their country!
Now,
if you want to claim that some of these Russian women want a foreign
man
because he has more money and is a better provider, that may be a
factor, but
you've also got to ask yourself, how is that any different from an
American
woman (or any woman for that matter) who wants a partner who has money
and is
financially stable? Most women do not marry a man just for their money.
There
has to be more to the relationship than just money usually. Russian
women are
human beings too, so why shouldn’t the same apply to them?
Motives are not
mutually exclusive, contrary to what some ignorant people want to
believe.
Even
a Russian woman who wants to leave their country wants to at least
leave with
someone they LOVE and are COMPATIBLE with them, not just anybody! Just because someone wants a foreign mate
doesn't mean they'll take anyone! Common
sense should tell you that. Think about
it and put yourself in their shoes. If
you wanted to move to a country by marrying someone there, would you
take
anyone, or something you are compatible with and love?
So why would it be any different for a
Russian woman who wanted to marry a foreigner?
People are so quick to believe the worst about others, which is
sad
because it marks a sign of a dysfunctional psyche.
3) Third, in Russia there is a big SURPLUS of
attractive mentally healthy single women, rather than a shortage like
in the
US. In the US there is a surplus of nice
good single men and a shortage of nice attractive mentally healthy
single
women. As a result, even the less
attractive women in the US can afford to become pickier, and good
single
American men can easily have trouble finding available decent women. Just go to any bar or nightclub in the US and
you'll see that usually the men outnumber the women.
And even the unattractive women in those
places seem like princesses to the surplus of disgruntled chumps there. It's a really pathetic scene for the nice
guy.
But
in Russia, the deck is stacked in the average man's favor rather than
against
him like in the US. The surplus of
available women is another factor in why Russian women are friendly and
approachable.
In
fact, a Russian woman I corresponded with named Natasha wrote this
below in
response to my question of why she was seeking a foreign mate.
Me:
"Why do you seek foreign
relations?”
Natasha:
“Because its very
difficult to find
someone special in my city. I live in a small city, we have a lot of
girls, but
not many boys. Some of boys doesn't want to have serious relationship,
they
want to have girl for one night, you understand what i mean. Some of
them like
to have fun and not care about future, some of them marryed and some of
them
prefer to drink to much. That is why i'm trying to find someone special
abroad."
Well
she has a good point there if you think about it. If
the women outnumber the men, then the men
will be less inclined to marry or have serious relationships because
they are
able to play around and have multiple relationships at the same time. Not that that's a good thing, but that
describes the nature of many men.
(However, I have to admit that unfortunately, this also means
that many
Western men who go to the Former Soviet Union will also be tempted to
not get
serious in a monogamous relationship, and instead just to play around
with
multiple women.)
4) Fourth, the women in Russia are naturally
communicative, inclusive, curious, and intellectual.
They typically have a wide variety of
interests too. Therefore, they are
obviously going to be naturally outgoing and communicative with me out
of sheer
curiosity if nothing else. This is also
true of European women as well, which as we know, do not have a
reputation for
being desperate to leave their country.
And it’s true of foreign women in general as well. This just goes to show that women everywhere
CAN be friendly to strangers, open, and inclusive, without there being
an
ulterior motive.
5) Fifth, I can tell you from experience that
overt friendliness, inclusiveness and hospitality is an integral part
of
Russian culture. As my friend Masha told
me after my first trip to Russia:
"I don't think that
Russians
treated you so well only to your being a rich, Hospitality is an
integral part
of Russian character, and you can see it during travelling by trains
when
people in one compartment became good friends, spending together not
much time
and treating each other with their food. On my way to Izhevsk, I was in
one
compartment with an old woman and spent 2 days together and she told me
about
all her life since her childhood and when she got off the train( but
earlier
than I) she introduced me to all her relatives who came to meet her at
the
station. So, don't think that you was met good only due to your been a
foreigner, rich foreigner, may be, you
can't understand why they did so, and I can't explain-it's Russian
character,
if you'll come to Russia again and live for a while, may be then you
will
understand and even feel why."
Well
she was right. After many months in
Russia the second time, I experienced what she meant.
I definitely felt the hospitality and
friendliness that was an integral part of Russian culture and soul. I could sense the natural inclusive vibe of
the social environment, which was much better for my mental health than
the
isolationism of the states. It is
something that exists naturally, straight from the depths of people's
souls,
without agenda or motive. And it's sad
that many Americans cannot fathom such a concept that's above their
heads,
since in our western materialistic individualistic society, actions
almost
always have motives and agendas. That
says sad things about what our society, though economically prosperous,
has
become. Our mistaken mentality is that
just because we tend to be agenda-driven, does not mean other people
are too.
6) Sixth, Russian women come from a different
economic/social system than ours, which give them a different mentality
and
social attitude than us. Our country is
based on a strong capitalistic system that is Darwinistic in nature and
fosters
individualism. Competition is the basis
of our culture and economy, and therefore becomes our mentality as well. This means that people either have money, or
they are striving to be better than everyone else.
This competitive mentality eventually leads
us to become more "stuck up" toward others than we would otherwise
be. We evaluate others in terms of their
worth, and compare ourselves to them.
This creates a rivalry mentality that leads fellow human beings
in our
country to see each other as opponents or adversaries.
And sadly enough, having a lot of money and material
possessions changes your attitude toward others, making you more
spoiled and
"stuck up".
On
the other hand, countries like Russia are accustomed to a more
socialistic
system that is less individualistic and competitive in nature. Therefore, people's mentality and attitude
are going to be different obviously. In
poor countries, people don't have as much money and material
possessions, so
therefore they are not so spoiled and "stuck up" as people in
capitalist countries. What they lack in
material assets, they make up for in personality and soulfulness. It's a simple trade-off here.
In the US, it's vice versa of course. Therefore,
it is not realistic to expect them
to be the same as us (and thank goodness for that).
And that's one reason why people in general
in Russia are more open and friendly.
Therefore, the major factor in why Russian women are so much
friendlier
and open has to do with the economic/social system they live under and
the
mentality it produces, and not because they are desperate to leave
their
country.
7) Seventh, women in Russia have a natural
admiration for men, as long as they are good, decent, kind, and have
good
character. They do not have the deep
rooted hatred for men that American women have who were brought up with
by
their mothers, peers, and feminist media.
Any sane man would obviously prefer to be around the former than
the
latter, since obviously the former brings out the best in men while the
latter
brings out the worst in them.
Nowadays
in America many women seem to have a deep-rooted subconscious hatred of
men. Even if they like a man at first,
they seem to look for excuses or ways to hate him later, even going so
far as
fabricating reasons or manipulating facts.
First they bring out the WORST in them, and then use that
AGAINST them
as well, justifying their hatred of men, and making it a no-win
situation for
the man! Not all are like this of
course, but many are. It seems like some
kind of psychosis or control drama that has become a disturbing pattern. Every man's nightmare is seeing his woman
whom he thought loved him, suddenly becoming cold, cruel, and flaky. It's a creepy and shocking experience.
In
addition, nowadays American women don't even NEED men anymore, so they
treat
them as expendable and unnecessary. They
have all the advantages in our society now - money, career, the legal
system on
their side, the ability to get jobs with their looks rather than
qualifications, etc. and they simply don't need (or even like) men
anymore. That's the growing trend, and
with their goddess mentality, they demand that men be submissive, lest
they be
seen as creeps or chauvinistic pigs.
In
fact, all the foreign people I've met in my travels seem to either have
a
negative opinion of American women, or else they've heard nothing but
negative
things about them. Now, do you think
that's a pure coincidence? Do you think
that's due to no fault of American women?
Do you think this international reputation of women in America
is the
result of "evil American men" (sarcastic)? lol What
does common sense tell you?
8) Eighth, there are many American man/Russian
woman couples who live together in Russia.
I have met some of them too. You
just don't hear about them because our media doesn't cover them. Now, if the Russian woman in these couples was
desperate to leave their country, then why would they choose to stay in
Russia? Some of the men in these couples
told me that their Russian wife/girlfriend preferred to stay in Russia,
and so
they stayed with them.
9) Ninth, the Russian women I met who weren't
trying to leave their country or seeking relations with foreign men
didn't
treat me any less better than those who did.
They were just as warm and enthusiastic toward me, and were
willing to
spend time with me and get to know me.
The same goes for those who didn't have a romantic interest and
just
wanted to be friends.
10) Tenth, if they were desperate and saw me as a
ticket out of Russia, why would some dump me if they didn't think we
were
compatible? And why didn't I get a 100
percent response rate from the ones I wrote, if it didn't matter who
wrote to
them, only that he could take them out of their country?
11) Eleventh, here is another good point made on
an internet article I read that I didn't consider before.
It made sense and is another factor at work
here, so let me quote it.
http://www.womenrussia.com/russianwomen/escape.htm
"The truth of the matter
is, that
the percentage of Russian women who are looking for their "soul
mates" through the internet is no greater than the percentage of women
from western countries such as England, Canada, Australia and the
United States
who are searching the Internet for their future spouse!!!!
Here is an interesting
tidbit: With
the population of Russia at approximately 170 million people as
compared to the
United State's population of more than 250 million people, why is it
that you
don't see as many dating agencies from other countries?
The answer, is a simple
one...
CHOICE!!!
Women, from the USA and
most other
Western Nations have choices to use or not to use the services of a
dating
agency. Almost all women from western countries have computers at home
or at
work. The Internet services in most of these countries are ridiculously
low
when compared with the cost of the same services in Russia.
Only a few very big Russian
cities
such as Moscow and St. Petersburg have Internet services that are more
or less
affordable for an average person. Russia is a huge country, with its
eleven
time zones from East To West and is just now establishing Internet
services. It
is only within the last three or four years that the Internet service
providers
have begun to take hold within Russia and the fees for their monthly
services
are out of reach to most Russian citizens. It is not uncommon for most
Internet
services to cost $100.00 or more, a month. With the average salary, for
example,
for a Russian doctor being around a $100.00, it is a luxury few
citizens can
afford. But, we are talking about a single woman or a one-parent
household.
Do you think that the
average American
single mother could afford this kind of money for Internet services?
So, this
is the reason why you see so many Russian dating agencies! Russian
women HAVE
TO USE their service!"
12) Twelfth and finally, despite all of the
above, the bottom line here is that women in Russia are VERY
APPROACHABLE! That is the reality,
regardless of the
reasons for it. Whether they like you or
not, whether they are interested or not, whether they are available or
not,
they are extremely approachable at least. And often, they are warm and
enthusiastic toward you, even on the first meeting. They almost NEVER
give you
that look that American women do when you approach them that says "Who
are
you? If you don't know me and aren’t in my clique, you aren't
supposed to be
talking to me.” This means that you
never feel awkward, uncomfortable, or like a creep for approaching them. And that’s because unlike the prudish
puritanical USA, men are allowed to act on their desires in Russia and
most
countries where such behaviors are not seen as creepish/perverted or
criminal. Even if she’s a model or
married, she won’t get offended or defensive toward you for your
interest and
initiative. You feel like there's
nothing to lose. And that's a BIG
difference.
In
contrast, in the US, when you try to approach and meet a girl you find
attractive but don't know, it feels awkward and “out of
bounds” as if you are
crossing a boundary or violating some rule.
They make you feel like you are a creep because in their minds,
strangers don’t talk to each other unless it’s
business-related. That awkward feeling
makes it an uphill
battle that really sucks and shouldn't be that way, especially when
once you
see that other places aren’t that way..
Also,
Russian women are not only approachable to me because I am a foreigner
or
because they want something from me.
It's how they naturally are. They
are that way to Russian men too. So it's
not really about me, but about THEM!
They are warm and enthusiastic by nature. European
and foreign women in general are
like that too, even if they are from economically stable countries that
don’t
idealize the USA, which proves that women can be that way without
having an
ulterior motive. Though I try to keep
them as the focus, my critics tend to prefer to focus on finding fault
with me
instead. How convenient.
What
the critics don't understand is that it's not really about my status as
an
American to them, or they wanting my money or a visa to the US. They
have an
open direct personality that is similar to my own that I naturally
click with. On
the other hand, I've always found it hard to connect or click with the
typical
mainstream hot American airhead girl who likes to blurt "Alright!"
and "Yeah!" I don't know why.
It's like there's nothing there but a pretty
shell, or maybe they're just too different from me.
Testing
my claims from your home
You
might think that in order to test my claims above, you would have to go
to
Russia yourself. You could do that of
course, but I have a simpler way for you to do it right from home. And no, it doesn't involve looking for
Russian women in your local home town either (after all, would you try
to learn
what black people are like in Africa from black people in America?). Rather, it involves contacting average
ordinary Russian women on a pen pal site designed for friendship and
cultural
exchange. Remember that since this is
not a marriage agency or dating site, you will almost never find
scammers or
conniving gold diggers on it. Therefore,
the Russian women from this site are much more representative of the
average
typical females in their country. Here
is the link:
http://www.sv-agency.udm.ru/sv/penpal.php
Now
select "Russia" from the countries menu and click on the
"Search" button. Around 500
results will come up, comprised mostly of Russian female ads. You can write the ones you find interesting
individually, or just send them all a mass form letter to save time. Many will write you back and from their
letters and words, you can get a glimpse of the traits and qualities in
them
that I describe in this essay. But most
importantly, to test my main claim here that they aren't desperate to
leave
their country, you can poll them or ask their opinion about moving to
America. You find that you will be lucky
to find even one in a hundred among them who is seeking to move
permanently to
America. Try it and you'll see what I
mean. It will definitely show this myth
to be in vain.
Conclusion
The
people making these rash statements about Russian women being desperate
to
leave their country have never even been to Russia.
No one who has spent extensive time there
thinks that people there are desperate to leave their country. Most Russians are very proud of their country
and culture, and it shows in their traditions, architecture, music,
holidays,
vibes, etc.
From
what I've learned, the reasons why Russian women treat me better and
give me
much more attention are more due to the following:
1) They are NATURALLY friendlier, inclusive and
more open than women in the West. As
mentioned above, they lived under a different economic/societal system
than
ours that didn't cultivate a competitive selfish mentality in them like
ours
does. And as we all know, people from
poorer
countries are less spoiled and selfish too.
They make up in personality and soulfulness what they lack in
material
possessions.
2) As already mentioned, women in Russia are
almost always APPROACHABLE, both to foreigners and locals, whether
they're
interested or not and whether they’re available or not (which
further debunks
the myth that their friendliness is a cover for ulterior motives). One can speculate on the reasons for it, but
that's the reality. But in fact, most
foreign women are like this too, even the ones who are from
economically
prosperous countries that don’t idealize the US.
3) They are naturally curious, communicative,
intellectual, and exploratory by nature.
There is a free-spirited uninhibited playfulness about them
which you
would have to experience to know what I mean.
These are common traits I've noticed in a very high proportion
of
Russian women I've met.
4) They have a natural admiration for men, as
long as he is good, decent, kind, and with good character, rather than
the deep
rooted hatred for men that American women have influenced by their
mothers,
peers, and feminist media. Therefore,
they bring out the best in a man, rather than the worst.
5) Some Russian women perceived me as rich and
wealthy by their standards (even if I told them that I'm not).
6) Those that don't care about money still see
me as an exotic and interesting novelty, or as a chance to practice
their
English with.
7) Finally, like I said earlier, there is a big
surplus of attractive single women in Russia, and a shortage of good
men who
can treat a women right (which is inverse to the US).
Therefore, a lot of nice single women who
have trouble finding a good available man see me as a valuable find.
Some
Russian women are friendly to me due to one of these factors, others
are due to
a combination of them. But as you can
see above, NONE of the reasons have to do with them being desperate to
leave
their country.
And
besides, even if Russian women only liked me because they want to leave
their
country (which they don't of course), so what?
It would still change nothing because the bottom line is that I
meet
women in Russia easily and am in the game there. That’s
what’s important. And
as long as everything is consensual, what business is it of anyone
else? To
claim that I shouldn't pursue fulfillment with people who might have
ulterior
motives would be like telling someone not to buy something they want at
Walmart
because "Walmart only wants your money". I mean sure Walmart might
want your money, but they are offering you something you want or need
as well.
It’s a barter. People have a right to pursue their needs in a
consenting
way. And just because what I do is
unconventional doesn't mean it's wrong or bad.
If
you still doubt this, then ask yourself this.
Who is more qualified to comment on whether Russian women are
desperate
to leave their country, someone like me who has been to many cities in
Russia,
traveled around there for many months, met hundreds of people and had
lots of
experiences, or the egocentric American who never goes abroad, gets
his/her
information from the egocentric US media, and makes snap judgments
about people
there being desperate to leave?
You
know, I hate it when people are so judgmental.
It's one thing to be judgmental about something you have a lot
of
knowledge in, which I can respect. But
when people are judgmental about something they know almost nothing
about,
that's ridiculous and a big turn off to me.
The
reasons I elaborated on obviously prove that this ignorant myth about
desperate
Russian women is wrong. I have been
acquainted with many Russian women, and I can tell you that the
majority of
them do not act desperate or project those kind of vibes.
They are simply more open, modest, unspoiled,
friendly, unparanoid, etc. and do not have the self-righteous and
arrogant tone
that many American women (and sometimes men) have.
You can
also check out these links on Elena’s Models
site which also address this misconception.
http://www.womenrussia.com/mail_order_brides/
http://www.womenrussia.com/russianwomen/escape.htm
Other
myths about Russian women addressed.
http://www.womenrussia.com/myths.htm
Also, check out these interview excerpts below from www.waytorussia.net, where 5
Russian
women and a Russian man were asked if they’d want to emigrate to
America. Their answers will come as a
shock to
non-travelers who harbor the belief that everyone wants to come to
their "land
of the free."
http://www.waytorussia.net/Features/RussianPeople.html
Question: "Would you ever consider emigrating, and if yes,to which
country?"
A: Yes, I would go to
Question: "If
A: I wouldn’t go. I don’t want to immigrate. I would
leave
Question: "If
A: No. I don’t want to leave
Question: "If
A: No I don’t want to go to
Question: "If
A: No, I’d not immigrate. I’d like to go there on vacations.
http://www.waytorussia.net/Features/RussianPeople/2004Mar15/index.html
Question: "Would you ever consider emigrating, and if yes, to which
country?"
A: No, I wouldn't emigrate. I would go for a long time to another
country,
but I wouldn't settle there. If I went anywhere, it would be
Question: “Do Russian people see anything in common with
American
people?"
A: Nothing. Maybe with Europeans, yes, but not with Americans.
Question: "Do you like Americans?"
A: No. They are the kind of people who are interested in themselves
only,
who care only about their own well-being and money. I also saw some
Americans
who were trying to imitate Eastern spirituality, but it was all fake.
I've seen some Russians who went to
Question: "Do you like to travel andsee new places and cultures, and
which country would you most like to visit if you could travel
anywhere?"
A: Yes, I would travel a lot if I had an opportunity.I would go to
Finally,
my Expat Advisor lists these 12 reasons below
as to why the majority of Russians are not trying to leave their
country.
“Twelve reasons:
1) There is no place like
home. Even
if other places have more money. Do you see Americans who desperate to
leave
and go and live in Luxembourg, Brunei and Kuwait or move to Switzerland
because
there is more money there?
2) Different language. If
you cannot
speak English why would you want to go to the US? Unlike in Hollywood
movies
where Russians speak perfect English albeit with an accent, in that
country
most people do not speak English and are not seriously studying it. Why
should
they? Who are they going to speak it to? Unless you are in a big city,
you will
probably never meet a foreigner in all of your life.
3) Propaganda- as most
countries,
especially big ones, Russia teaches its citizens that their country is
the
best. Other countries are portrayed as worse than Russia (Yeah, right).
4) America is portrayed as
a dangerous
country with a high crime rate, drugs, homos and various perversions
and
depravity everywhere (never mind that the Russian crime rate is twice
as high
and there is enormous alcoholism problem and that sexually Russia is
freer than
the US-the fact that America is still largely puritanical in so much of
its
culture is not even mentioned). Russia is shown as a safer, better
country with
highly "moral" people. (which is pure BS, but that is how most
nations indoctrinate their citizenry).
5) Leaving family behind.
Would you
like to leave all your relatives behind and go live 4000 miles away for
the
next several decades?
6) Culture. You will miss
the movies,
the literature, the nature and all those other things.
7) You will miss your
friends. Will
you easily make new ones in the new homeland?
8) Life is not so bad in
Russia as it
is portrayed in the West. Things are cheap and services are cheap, too.
Little
money can go a long way. There is a lot of freedom there, now, too.
9) America is very far
away.
Geographically and culturally. France, for one, is closer and people
would
probably be happier to go and live in France if they had the choice.
10) The mystic attachment
to
"Rodina"- the Motherland- Russians generally do not like to live in
other
countries- that is why there are so few of them outside of Russia-
unlike
Anglo-Saxons who do not mind going and colonizing huge continents and
never
truly missing England again.
11) Logistical problems- it
is a big
undertaking to go and move to another country.
12) General fear of the
unknown.
My 2c.”
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