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HAPPIER ABROAD Why You
Can Have A Better Life and Love Beyond
Unapproachable force field/bubble vs. giggle/blush
(visual proof)
"I blamed myself for my lack of success with
American women. So, I worked hard for many years to improve myself... and I was
still getting rejected by women who had no business being picky!... So then I did some traveling to
Nowadays, US women project a
very strong anti-stranger, unapproachable force field/bubble around them
that says, "Don't mess with me. I'm unapproachable. I don't
talk to strangers. If I don't know you, you have no business talking to
me unless you are lost and need directions. (Unless of course, you are or look
like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.)"
In the
This "force field" or
“bubble” I describe emanates from the attitude, separatist ego and mentality of
young American women, and is definitely real. I can more than attest to
it, for I have felt its presence strongly and experienced it thousands of times
I've approached and talked to American women. And in fact, it’s the first
thing I notice at the airport whenever I return to the
For example, try walking in a
public place or mall where scores of attractive women hang out at. When
you say hi to them, most don’t even acknowledge your existence. Those
that do will only smile back half-heartedly before moving on to mind their own
business. And if you try to make conversation with them, they get
defensive and quickly withdraw away. (Incidentally, I’ve challenged those
who claim that American women are approachable to do this, but they all failed
and chickened out. They were just all talk.) The ones that work
there will give you a professional “Hi how can I help
you?” of course, but that’s their job.
US women are not comfortable
meeting people, and if they have to do so, then they humor them with fake
contrived greetings. They prefer to ignore your existence if they don’t
know you and you’re not in their clique. The only folks who try to deny
it are the politically correct, narrow-minded, reality deniers and feminists
who hate men. Anti-social people themselves also notice nothing wrong
(since anti-social people consider other anti-social people to be
normal).
Besides me, many others have
felt it as well. For instance:
“The
invisible wall you described does exist. I felt it many times. With me, when I
used to go out more, I would usually just be looking for some intelligent
conversation. Sex sometime too. I find woman, yes even American woman, to be alot more interesting than American men. But approaching a
woman with that "F*** You" look on her face,
I 'm sure you know the one I'm talking about, is hard. So I wait for them to
approach me. It has happened, just not as much as I like.”
And this person put it
vehemently:
“I
recently found your website and agree with everything you have said.
American women are the most spoiled, unfriendly, unapproachable and anti-social
women in the world! I live in the
This
Greek/Italian friend of mine postulates that other factors from the American
mass media culture contribute to this too:
“dear Winston
it is not a characteristic of american
women that you "unfairly" have under constant critic.
It is a characteristic of the american mass media culture, where people have no
time or even fear to meet a stranger, but have plenty of time to watch tv, 4 hours a day.
the virtual life of the tv that is
controlled (can switch off or zap when you are not interested) to a real person
that is not controlled
prefer to watch the riches of person unknown or
even worse to know persons they will never meet , like Cruise or hundreds , instead
of a person next door , in the same cafe interested in them
better criticise the
virtual world dependent culture than only them
w.europe is not much better , in eastern europe things improve , less fear to the unknown as they
are confident of their own education and culture ,
fear to the new persons is related to the fear of one's limited
culture”
And undoubtedly, the US
media’s propensity to make people live in fear is a factor too, as this reader
explains:
“American culture is in reality dictated by the media. If you look
at other cultures, let's say Canadian and Dutch, their media doesn't feed fear
into the minds of their residents. Americans are deep down scared of too many
things. The movie "Bowling for Columbine" was very accurate.”
On the other hand, in the
rest of the world, women are flattered and sweet when you approach them,
whether they are interested or not, whether they are available or not.
For example, women in
In many foreign countries,
when you approach or chat up girls, they don’t get offended or see it as creepish, but are often flattered and see it as sweet, giggling
or blushing in the process (how many American women nowadays blush or
giggle?). It’s a total refreshing contrast. That’s how “real women”
are, and it’s truly feminine. Thus you feel more confident and relaxed
about meeting women, since it’s far more natural to do so. Basically, a
guy is more allowed to be himself abroad, rather than suppress who he is.
And it's not because they all
want your money either (although there are always a portion of bad apples,
scammers, and hustlers that you can run into). For a list of reasons why,
see the chapter entitled “Aren’t
foreign women just after your money and a green card?” (http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Page74.htm)
Getting dates outside the
In
“Mojno s vami poznakomitsa? - usually does it! Very
direct and simple!!! dont
have to "game" chicks in
When picking up chicks in
Later on, he reiterated:
“Right on Winston. I met this Super from
zdravstvuite, mojno s vami poznakomitsa! is all you need!!.... cause thats how simple life should be, a man wants to meet a
woman, and there is NOTHING wrong about it...
:)”
My pickup line in Russian
though, is “Moznah vstretumsen?”
for “Can we meet?”
In
But with American women, you have
to play games, be indirect, and often not even that works. For example,
see this example of how complicated dating advice is in
http://www.digihitch.com/ftopicp-31831.html#31831
“Seeker, Tips:
* A non-straight answer means the girl isn't interested.
* Don't listen to your friends: NEVER tell a girl you want to get involved with
"I like you" "I'm interested in you" or anything like that. That's for -after- the relationship is
established. If you say this before she likes you, she will get the
"ICK" factor, and you have LOST your chances with her. If she
-already- likes you, these may work, but then again, she'll get involved with
you no matter what you say if she already likes you. Along the same line is
"Would you like to go out with me sometime?" NEVER ask this, or make
reference to "going out with you" under any circumstances!
* Be VERY skeptical of advice that women give you about what women want. They
mean well, they even believe what they say. But they are wrong. Following a
woman's advice when you are pursuing another women
WILL make you lose your chance. Try an experiment. Ask for love advice from one
of your female friends about "another female friend you like." Use
that love advice on the same friend. See how quickly both chances of love AND
friendship vanish into thin air!”
This forum poster put the
dysfunctional crazy dating scene in
http://brown.dailyjolt.com/forum/read.html?id=531250&PHPSESSID=4f69c4a88e49c6294892aa0fc84ee6ca
“That's
because American girls are really psychologically fucked in the head.
If
you approach an American girl and are nice to her, you are a
"stalker" or a "loser." In addition, Asian guys can't get
white girls because they're viewed as subhuman by most white girls. Asian girls
drool over white guys. What is an Asian guy to do?
As
a general rule, for an American girl, if you treat her like shit, demean and
ignore her, she loves it and can't get enough. She will become totally
self-destructively obsessed with pleasing you and will eventually lose herself
in the drama that you have to create for her to actually be interested in you.
This is unhealthy, but it's the only way to really get laid here.
In
other countries the more intuitive phenomenon of "If I am nice to you, you
will be nice to me" actually applies. So you don't have to go against your
morals in order to hook up with a girl or keep a girlfriend.
My two cents!”
Even good looking attractive
guys have the same complaint, as this one admitted (I know he’s good looking cause I’ve seen his picture by the way):
“Thanks, but I have many of the same complaints as you do, seriously. You have to play games with girls in the states and they are spoiled and bratty and controlling and manipulative and have double-standards...they are mostly bitches in a word.”
As one reader observed, why bother with all that when
in
“…….
I agree with you that it is a shame that a guy has to go to all that trouble
exploiting the intricacies of social dynamics to get an attractive girl's
attention and interest. From what I've read, European girls seem to have
less hang-ups than American girls, and don't need to
be approached indirectly. I would love to skip all that and get to
building attraction rather than breaking her "forcefield"
or what I like to call "bitch-shield". The saying, "Work
smarter, not harder comes to mind". Why work so much harder to
achieve the same result, when you can have a much easier and enjoyable time
with women in
This reader below cites the easibility
and fluidity of meeting women in
“I flew to
I go to a French language school and take a
class....I make 20 new friends overnight....I meet my future wife...I get
married and now 2yrs later...im STILL HAPPY!
I dont want to bunch all
American girls into one big lump....BUT -- the majority of them due to culture
or something act really snotty and stupid - like were not GOOD ENOUGH for
them....and to be honest and not toot my horn - i was
voted Prom King in highschool...so Id hope to think
that Im not THAT ugly at least...but i swear i went 12yrs in the bay
area - and rarely found a girl who even batted an eye....and quite frankly i started to lower my own standards lower and lower....and
for what? The moment i traveled anywhere else -
i found girls that would SINK any
american girl that ignored me...now i have a wife that turns heads left and right - but she is
staring right into my eyes with love.
Real love!
I think
Some hear about such things from their friends:
(though you won’t hear about it in any public media outside the internet)
http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=3991
“Dating in
Visual Proof:
Pictures of approachable females faces abroad
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so let me
show you some real life visual examples from out in the field that typify how
girls in non-US environments react to men who are “chatting them up”. (something vilified by American women). It’s the next
best thing to being abroad in person. These are images of girls I chatted
up in public without having any prior acquaintance. Some are photos and
others are digital stills from my video footage. Notice the attitude on
their faces. There is a natural openness and relaxful
look of approachability without any fear, paranoia or uptightness. As you
can see, meeting girls that you don’t know for the first time in many foreign
environments is very natural and part of the flow, not creepish,
out on a limb and against the flow like in the
First, some images from Russia/Europe.
As you saw in those images from their eyes, gaze, and
expression, they have a relaxed, enthusiastic, curious look about them, even
though I’m a total stranger. And there is an openness to them that is
very rare in the modern US.
Did you notice how unspoiled and modest they look in
their gaze, not just toward me, but in their general aura? They had no
pretentious ego shell like
Now for examples from
You see how unlike in the US, they do not have a
PARANOID look of FEAR, defensive posture, force field vibe, and the “men are
creeps” attitude toward strangers (something so apparent that I immediately
notice it whenever I arrive in a US airport from Europe/Russia). Take a
close look again at the images above, and see if you can spot any
stranger-paranoia or fear in these women at all! And in addition, you can
see a rich inner life and inner happiness in them that is at peace and ease,
rather than the contrived fleeting feigned posture of
Now, contrast that with these photos of typical young
American girls. Notice how superficial their smile, eyes and facial
expressions are. There is more of an artificial-ness to them compared to
the foreign girls above.
Below, notice the tough badass looks on the hot
American blonde and brunette that basically says, “We don’t need men and we are
too good for everyone”. Now how feminine is that? Who needs that?!
See the difference? Even friendly girls in the
You might ask why there is such a big
difference. I can only speculate and surmise that the individualistic
values of our nation that create a sense of separateness
in the self, coupled with the modern feminist culture that overempowers
women to lose their femininity and become independent, has caused some type of
imbalance that has changed their human nature. These two factors could
very likely produce a strong but false sense of self and ego, an illusion that
American women overprotect in unnatural ways, such as by emanating this
anti-stranger, unapproachable force field, among other things.
When one discovers that the anxiety-provoking force
field of unapproachable American women is absent in foreign women and
experiences it firsthand, it can have curative effects, as conveyed in this
account:
http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=1898
“I was very nervous around women,
I found it nearly impossible to engage a woman in a conversation. I was
convinced that was the reason I couldn't get dates. I was angry at myself for not
being able to overcome this, but trying harder only made it worse. I spent a
lot of time thinking about it and went to a doctor and was prescribed
anti-anxiety medications but they didn't really help.
This problem came to an unexpected halt when I traveled
to
When I'm in a country like
When I'm overseas, I don't subconsciously feel like
I'm doing something wrong by flirting with a woman.
What it boils down to, is that foreign women are an
entirely different species than western women. If I had been told 2 years ago
that my love shyness/social anxiety with women could be solved simply by changing
the type of women that I was pursuing, I probably wouldn't have believed it.
It's one of those things you have to experience to fully understand.”
Such striking differences make me wonder why more
people in the
“Oh, yes, in the
One factor for the "unapproachable force
field" that I feel around American women might be due to an
incompatibility between our soul densities, since not every guy agrees that
American women are unapproachable (but then again some guys are afraid to admit
the truth or are blind to it or too politically correct to acknowledge such
things, and plus some guys don’t believe in approaching women anyway). It
could be that our soul energy or consciousness vibrates at a different
frequency and so our presence around each other feels awkward and approaching them feels wrong and unnatural. Conversely, this would
also explain why I tend to find women in
If you’re stuck in the
But in the meantime, I hope my visual proof of
approachable faces gallery above has inspired you and awakened you to the refreshing
difference of the dating world beyond
What guys don't
understand about the fear of approaching women
What many guys, especially the ones involved in
the PUA (Pick Up Artist) movement, don't understand about
the fear of approaching women is that the reason they are afraid is not because
they lack guts. It's because they can sense that the girls they want to meet do
NOT want to be approached, so that to do so would be rude and violating. They
subconsciously sense the "do not approach me" shield around them.
You see, everyone has body language and vibes.
We can all sense them, even if we deny that vibes exist as a form of energy.
There is a big difference between a girl who is
approachable vs. one who is not. But this difference can only be described in
words to a certain point. It is mostly felt and sensed by one's natural
instincts. You simply "just know", even without observative
physical signs or evidence. Even left-brained guys who deny that vibes and auras
exist as a form of actual energy can instinctually sense others' vibes, despite
their denial.
To try to put into words, an approachable girl
looks at ease, relaxed, open and friendly. It's in her face, body language and
aura too. She makes eye contact with others, smiles back at people, and has an
open body posture. An unapproachable girl, on the other hand, has a closed
narrow vibe and look on her face. She is uptight, serious, focused, does not
make eye contact with others, and has a "don't bother me" look on her
face. When you try to muster the courage to talk to her, you will feel a cold
chill and an alarm will go off in you that says,
"DO NOT! NOT ALLOWED! INAPPROPRIATE!" It has
nothing to do with guts or bravery at all. And even the top PUA gurus can do
nothing about it, despite their bogus claims. Guaranteed.
An adept "people reader" can spot
these differences consciously, while others merely feel them subconsciously.
Either way, one simply knows, even in the absence of physical signs.
So for example, say I'm in the
Now this is not my imagination. In Japanese
culture, people do not talk to strangers unless they are properly introduced by
mutual friends, or it is for business-related purposes. It has nothing to do
with you or whether they like you. It is merely a basic part of their culture.
Almost everyone conforms to it. You can feel it in their "collective
vibes" even. If you try, you will sense an inner alarm that says "NOT
ALLOWED! FORBIDDEN! TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE!" It
would feel like you were about to commit a cardinal sin and violation. You just
know this.
In this scenario, it won't matter if you are
the biggest daredevil in the world, or one of the top PUA gurus (e.g. David DeAngelo, Ross Jeffries, Mystery, etc.). It won't make a
difference. Despite their bogus claims, if put to the test in this situation,
the PUA gurus will undoubtedly fail. I can guarantee that.
If something is inappropriate, you just know
it. You don't have to be told or given physical signs. And it's not your
imagination either. You simply know, even if you are not good at reading others
or have poor people skills.
What this means is that American guys are not
really gutless, as the PUA movement claims. Not at all.
They simply live in a culture where females are paranoid, not approachable, and
don't like talking to strangers. To violate this is inappropriate, so most guys
do not dare try.
Yet American pop culture maintains this myth
that girls are very open and friendly in
This misconception is then capitalized on by
the PUA movement and their gurus, who have a vested financial interest in
selling expensive seminars and courses to these "average frustrated chumps
(AFC's)" as they put it, to help them overcome their fears, which further
perpetuates this myth. But it ends up being just a bunch of pep talk with
little or no result.
In reality, it is extremely rare to change the
mind of a girl who doesn't want to meet you by using some kind of "PUA
technique", and even in such cases, the girl is likely to be mentally
unstable or erratic.
Anyone can make bogus claims or brag. But to
prove them is another matter. Reality is reality. And bogus claims usually fail
when put to the test. I've seen it time and time again. A lot of guys who claim they can pick up girls in places where they
are not approachable, end up chickening out or making excuses when put to the
actual test. Even if it were possible, it would happen occasionally, not on an
everyday anytime basis.
Of course, your looks matter. Some girls only
want to be approached by guys that are "their type". These girls are
"conditionally approachable" and you can also recognize them by their
"don't approach me unless you're hot" vibe as well.
Now, suppose you are a very good looking white
guy in
So the lesson here is that approachability of
women depends on the situation, location, culture and type of woman. It's not
about guts or technique. You simply have to utilize those factors to the best
of your advantage.
Now if you are in a culture where it is not
appropriate to approach girls coldly, you can still meet them through
introductions, parties or other social events. Those would be the socially
acceptable venues in that case. But at that point, you would have to evaluate your
desirability and eligibility to the females there. You’d have to gauge whether
you are seen by a reasonable percentage of females there as the type they would
be willing to date.
Here is why this matters:
Take the example of a typical Asian male in
Now in the earlier scenario of the good looking
white guy in
So you see, your
desirability and eligibility is another important consideration you would have
to factor in.
This will matter even if you are in a culture
where the women are very approachable. For example, if the typical Asian male
above goes to
So, even in a super approachable culture like
There are always exceptions of course, but
that’s how it generally is.
In any case, it doesn't hurt to try to develop
your people reading skills, so you can size up people and situations quickly
and accurately. If you are strongly left brained or practical, focus on
utilizing the skills of your right brain so that you can function with whole
brain holistic thinking. Being able to connect the dots and understand others
requires the abilities of your right brain, not just your left. So don't
neglect it.
That is my suggestion. Good luck!
Discuss this article in this forum thread: http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7033
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