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HAPPIER ABROAD  Why You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond America

FAQ's - Frequently Asked Questions and Objections


Over the years, I've received the following common questions and objections. Here are a list of them and my responses. You may also see the Global Dating and Living FAQ's in our Online Community. If you have a question that is not addressed here, you may post it to me in this forum thread.






Isn’t going abroad just running away from your problems?



It depends on how you want to look at it. But such a question is usually asked with the assumption that things are the same everywhere, and that only the person is the problem, not the location, and therefore one should stay and tough it out.


But if you think about it seriously, it makes no sense. It’s a fear driven response based on an attachment to the safety and familiarity of home. If you look at the big picture, you realize that the world is a big place with over 200 countries. There is no need to confine yourself to one little region, especially if it’s not working out for you. There are better markets out there where the supply/demand factors work better in your favor. Businesses take advantage of that, so why can’t you?


You know, I grew up in California, and there, within its narcissistic and fake culture, people had the assumption that they were the center of the world, the hub culture of activity on the globe, and that if you weren’t having any fun there, you wouldn’t enjoy it anywhere else, for California was as good as it gets. It was a consensus assumption.


Yet once I left California, I discovered that the rest of the world had plenty to offer that California didn’t. Sure I missed the great weather there, but the bland scenery of most of the state, the stress of the rat race, and the snobbiness of the girls there made it a miserable hell. Furthermore, there was no real culture there. Everything was commercialized and superficial.


The moral of the story is that there is no one place that is best for everyone and that is “as good as it gets”. Every culture has its pros and cons, and people who fit in and those who don’t. You have to visit a lot of cultures and places, a wide variety of them, to know where you fit in best. That’s how life is. Only you know what’s best for you, but the only way you can do that is by following your heart, not doing anything out of fear, but out of passion.


The diversity and complexity of the many cultures around the globe is beyond your imagination. Don’t let fear and comfort zones give you excuses not to go global and multiple your field exponentially. And don’t trap yourself in a bubble or isolate yourself.


So technically, yeah it is “running away” I guess. But why stay somewhere you’re not happy in the vain hope that things will turn around, especially if you’ve done everything you could already? Why not try somewhere else that might be better? I mean if a flash flood were coming your way, wouldn’t you want to “run away” too?


Plus keep in mind that many people actually do feel more at home in other cultures than their own. See my ebook chapter on “reverse culture shock” for some examples. So home is not always where you grew up. There is no logic in believing that one must stick to where they grew up when there are many better options out there.


Start traveling to cultures that FIT your personality, where supply and demand work in your favor, and you will overcome your fears and start down the path to greater potential. If you aren’t getting everything you want in your home region, then you’ve got nothing to lose. If you haven’t yet, see my Advisor Ladislav’s inspirational messages about Global Dating here:



I want to go abroad but I don’t have the money or I can’t leave my job. What can I do?



That is a common scenario, especially among the young. First, you’ve got to believe in the motto “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” It’s true. If you strongly want something, you’ll find a way to get it.


If you are lacking in money, get a temp job, or even work in fast food if you have to. Western countries pay well, and even at minimum wage in America, as long as you live very frugally and cut your expenses to bare minimum, you can save a couple of hundred dollars per month. To fly halfway around the world costs around 800 dollars round trip. Even after a few months of working at McDonald’s, you could afford that.


If you don’t have a job, go to your local temp agency. Any city in the US, even in the suburbs, has plenty of them. You can find them in the phone book. You will usually find ones like Kelly Service, Manpower, Express Personnel, etc.


You can also do some work online, through contracting or freelancing. Here is a list of sites you can find freelancing jobs on:


You can even make money teaching English online!  For example:


But you gotta stick with the plan and not spend every paycheck you get. And you’ve got to learn to cut a lot of corners too. Stop paying rent. Live with your parents if they’ll let you, so you can save that money. Try to keep your assets light. Don’t get a new car or anything that you’ll have to make payments on. A life of traveling should be done with the lightest load possible. Save at least a few thousand dollars first for your first trip abroad after you’ve researched the world and decided where you’d like to go. You will get a feel or instinct for where your journey lies. As Ben Kenobi said to Luke Skywalker, “Trust your feelings”.


If you are already working in a long term stable job, then you are simply a slave. If going abroad for happiness and a better love life is really important to you, you’ve got to make sacrifices and change your lifestyle. At first, you can use your vacation time from work to go abroad and experience it or scout it out. You may only get 2 weeks a year off, but it’s better than nothing. Then when the time is right, quit. You will know when the time is right, cause you will feel it. Your intuition and heart knows what you really want. Trust it and follow it. Your corporate self created by society is a fake pseudo-self. It’s not the real you. Don’t hold it as anything sacred.


Besides, you can always get a job abroad if you want. Being happy and fulfilled is the most important thing. Being a slave only makes those at the top richer. It’s not in your best interest.


Try to save up as much money as possible, at least $10,000 (but it depends on which country you’re going to) in disposable income if you’re going to move overseas, or less if you’re just traveling, but it depends on the length of your trip.



I want to live abroad for the reasons you list. But how will I make a living there?



That’s an important practical concern of course. Again, as in the previous answer, the same motto applies “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”


Many expats find ways to make a living overseas, through a variety of means. Even the dumb ones can do it, if they really want to. So why can’t you? It’s not as difficult as you think. It’s the fear in your mind that’s the biggest obstacle.


List your skills and what you have to offer. Create a nice resume of them if you haven’t yet.


Then do some research on the job market in your country of interest. Go to various Expat forums and ask around about finding work in your country of interest (See a list of them under Expat Links on my site or visit these: Network with other expats, especially the ones that live in the country you’re going to, while you’re at home. The more people you correspond with, the more leads you will get, which will result in more opportunities. Sure there are jobs advertised online that you can Google up too, by typing in “Jobs in (name of your target country)” in Google. But most jobs are not advertised. They are promoted from within or networked through referrals. That’s why it’s important to network, get as many acquaintances as possible in the field or culture you want to move to. Ask a lot of questions, so you can find out stuff.


At the very least, you can teach English there (unless English is the primary language of the country you’re going to) to get by. If you go that route, you can get all the info you need on where to apply and what the conditions are, at


Wherever you’re going to, there is a LOT of info online about it that you can research. So research a place thoroughly before you move there. Or take a scouting vacation trip there first, before you decide to move there, if you can.


If you would like to work for a US corporation overseas, you can apply within your own country for any openings they have abroad. But this will be a tougher route unless you have highly specialized skills, for such jobs usually go to people already within their company.


If you have some capital to invest, you can also start a business overseas. But that is a risky venture (especially in corrupt third world countries) and you’d better know what you’re doing and consult with other Expats there who are running their own businesses first, about the pitfalls of that endeavor.


If you plan to work for a foreign company in that country, you usually cannot apply without being in that country, so you will have to wait til you arrive first. However, most foreign companies prefer to hire local people, not foreigners. It is cheaper for them and they do not want the hassle of having to get you a work permit too. But it depends on how badly they want you and how specialized your skills are.


The ideal scenario is for you to have some kind of online business, which will allow you to have a mobile lifestyle. In addition to the freelancing site links above, here is a rundown of the ways you can make money online:


Anyhow, keep trying. If you want it badly enough, you’ll find a way. As they say, follow your path and coincidences and other people will help you as you need them. That might sound New Agey, but it’s true.



I’m afraid what my friends and family will think about me moving or dating abroad. They might be against it and think I’m a loser.



That’s another common concern. But you’ve got to ask yourself, do you exist to please them? Is it worth compromising your happiness just to fit in with the hive and please the ignorant? Would you regret it if you didn’t follow your heart and take the red pill, just because you were worried about what others think? You’ve got to do what’s best for you. As I said earlier, you can’t make decisions out of fear, but out of heart and passion.


When you go an unconventional route or lifestyle, there will always be those who disapprove. People can be highly judgmental against things they don’t understand that are outside their box. Such types live in fear and ignorance.


If your friends or family really care about you, they will stick by your decision to do what’s best for you, even if they don’t understand it. They will get used to it and accept it eventually, especially if they see that you indeed are happier and have a better life in another culture. Maybe then, they will open their minds. Or maybe not. But you’ve got to do what’s right.


As Frederich Nietzsche said:


"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."


However, in this case, if you have a better social, love life and self-esteem abroad, then you certainly won’t be lonely.


The great Greek philosopher Plato had a Cave Allegory in his literature where he described a tribe that spends all day watching shadows on the wall lit by candles. They do not bother to turn around and see what is making the shadows. Nor do they ascend to the surface to see the light. Those who do find the light will not be understood by the tribe that is living in ignorance. Instead, they will be ridiculed for going outside the tribe.


But nevertheless, it is better to find the light and see the truth and free your mind. If the tribe continues to live in ignorance, that is their problem. You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. But you can become an example to others, as I have, which will serve as an inspiration and living proof of the reality outside the tribe matrix.



Isn’t the reason people are friendlier to you abroad is because you are a tourist and novelty to them?



This one comes up a lot for some reason, especially from those who never left America. It’s a rationalization and excuse to maintain the belief that America is as good as it gets and you can’t get any better elsewhere. 


Sure it is true that people will be naturally curious about foreigners. That is a factor, but not the only one. It does not account for all the differences cited here, nor for all my experiences. If it did, then I could do the reverse. I could pretend to be an Asian immigrant who just arrived in America, and get lots of easy dates and meet lots of inclusive people that way. Everyone would be curious and ask me about my culture, and me being different would attract people. I’d be treated far better than local Americans, simply cause I’m a foreigner.


But is that the case? HELL NO!


British and Aussie accents might be more attractive to American females. But Asian, East Indian or Arab men wouldn’t be given the time of day.


This "everyone is friendlier to tourists" theory does not explain why American women get creeped when approached, whereas European or foreign women don't.  Nor does it account for the general inclusiveness of people in many other countries and their natural openness toward strangers. You see, the foreigners I met were not just more inclusive and unparanoid to me, but to each other as well.  So it’s not really about me, but about them. 


Therefore, I think an even more important question to ask is:  Why aren’t mainstream Americans as natural, open and relaxed as Europeans are? Why aren’t Americans as curious about foreigners in their country?


So there is a lot more at work here than just simple novelty. People and cultures are just different, for whatever reasons. Some cultures are more open, social and passionate, while others are more closed, cliquish and cold. In most foreign cultures, people act natural and down to earth, not fake and pretentious.


The "foreign hospitality" factor is merely one among many. It doesn't address the deeper issues or explain why I tend to have a much more natural comfort zone with foreigners than with Americans.  And this tends to be true even with foreigners within the USA.  Those that feel the same way know what I am talking about. 



If social life and dating are better abroad, then why don’t we hear about it more? Why isn’t it being publicized more? And why aren’t more people going abroad?



This is a great question. And it shows that you’re thinking. I like that. There are many factors at work here.


a) First, America controls much of the world with its wealth, power, influence and ability to infiltrate power structures at the top in many countries. As such, it has indoctrinated the world with a highly positive image of itself as a savior of the world and a role model of a free country of prosperity where everyone lives out their dreams. In other words, America is as good as it gets. Though that may not be true in many ways, America certainly has the power to control public opinion and perception. The US elite are masters of mind control and manipulation.


And sadly, most people do not know how to resist mind control. They are followers and raised to conform to the hive. It gives them a sense of safety and structure, so they don’t have to avoid facing the emptiness they have inside them, and the boredom/misery of true freedom. In other words, most people believe whatever they are told like automatons and zombies. So, if they’ve been indoctrinated that America is the best, the ideal pinnacle of civilization, then that’s what they will believe. It becomes a safety net where they ridicule everything outside of it.


What this means is that people don’t want to hear the truth unless it fits in with their programmed world view. So if many people go abroad and find a better life, make better friends and connections, and get better dates, and feel better about themselves, then most Americans don’t want to hear it. Expats and Global Daters know that, so they are careful who they talk to. They know that the mainstream will not understand them, and that the US media is not interested in their life unless there is something really tragic about it that can become sensational news.


The job of the US corporate media is not to educate, inform or tell you the truth about everything. It’s to entertain you with sensational news and keep you within the hive mentality. Their job is to control your mind in other words. The elite either control you with domestic armies like they did in the past, or they control your mind through the tube like they do now. They’ve learned that it’s far easier to control your mind through the media and your TV set, so they’ve stuck with that, for an invisible tyranny works better than an open one, where people unite and rebel. This is why you don’t hear deep truths from the corporate media. Their job is to dumb you down and keep you a happy slave living in fear of anything outside your bubble.


Thus, the reality of a social/dating life being better outside America goes against the narrow view that the US media indoctrinates you with, and will not be acknowledged. It’s not in their interest or agenda to cover such things or encourage them. So it will not be given publicity. As a result, most Americans don’t know about it.


b) It’s also a social taboo to say things like “People are stuck up and antisocial in my country. But they are friendlier, more open and more inclusive abroad.” Criticizing cultures like that or comparing them is very taboo, impolite, offensive and politically incorrect. Normal people just do not do that openly, not just the corporate media. You just don’t say things like that. We are programmed to blame ourselves or improve ourselves, not to blame our culture or society.


Saying taboo things, even if they’re true, draws condemnation from others. It alienates you and leads to ostracization from the rest of the tribe. So most of us don’t do it. The truths and comparisons described in my work are thus “silent and forbidden truths”, the kind you are not supposed to talk about openly. Such is the sad state of affairs, when truth is a censored taboo.


Thus, even by word of mouth, the truths about the life outside the US matrix are not spread around well or openly, due to this taboo nature. That’s another reason you don’t hear about it much in normal social circles.


In fact, even on mainstream Expat sites (,,, etc.) you won’t hear the kind of truths and cultural comparisons described in Happier Abroad. Those sites have to be politically correct for their audience. They will not help single men learn how to find love and dating overseas either. That’s what makes so unique. It openly discusses the deep taboo truths and realities that other sites do not dare to.


c) Expats tend to be private people who prefer to remain anonymous and not draw attention to themselves. They do not publicize their experiences and stories online usually. And they do not like to post their names and pictures online. Most Expat bloggers only write about trivial stuff, not deep, intellectual or insightful content. They are not true freethinkers.


But I am different than other expats. I enjoy attention, and as a passionate writer, I like to inspire, help and liberate others from misery, suffering and mind control.


I’ve always felt that my life path was as a truth seeker and liberator of minds and lives. So in that sense, it’s my soul and karmic destiny. I am also not a conformist by nature and not afraid to go against the grain or offend the tribe. That is why I am bold enough to put all this stuff out there. And I possess insights that allow me to describe truths in deeply profound ways.


This isn’t about being smart or dumb. It’s a matter of whether you live for the truth or to conform to the tribe out of fear.


Now in response to your last question, there are many expats who have left America and discovered the truths described in Happier Abroad here, but they do not get publicity in our media, do not discuss their lives openly, do not seek attention, and are not studied by government agencies. They simply don’t fit into the system, and are thus ignored. If they attempt to spread taboo truths or upset the apple cart, they will be ridiculed of course, rather than understood. So they don’t.



If life is better abroad, then how come so many foreigners are trying to get into America?



Fair question. I’ve struggled with this one, and wondered whether the foreigners who have a rosy picture of America and want to immigrate here are seeing an illusion, or whether they are seeing something real that people like me don't appreciate.  I've come to think it's a combination of the two.


I should clarify some things here.


First, the people who come to America aren't coming for freedom (contrary to US propaganda), or a better social/dating life. They are coming for the almighty dollar or for career opportunities.  Thus, their reasons and priorities are vastly different than mine.  I’m not like them though cause money doesn’t make me tick. Meaningful experiences do. I do take what money I can get (hence why I’ve commercialized this website somewhat) but it’s not the purpose of my life or soul.


Money is not really a natural thing. Nothing else in nature of the universe, as far as we know, use it. It’s an artificial system designed to control, enslave and oppress people. Without it, they could not control you. It is the total antithesis of a free society and free man. There is nothing spiritual about it at all. This is why I am drawn to popular internet films like Zeitgeist Addendum.


But we still live in a practical world where we need money. So intellectually I understand that and have to compromise with the system, even though my soul hates it. We all hate and love things. That’s life. The trick is finding a proper balance between the two.


Second, the percentage of the rest of the world that are trying to come to America is not as large as most Americans think.  In any country, the majority prefer to stay in it.  Think about it. Why would they want to leave their friends and family behind? Most Americans wouldn’t, not even for a higher paying job abroad, so why would foreigners?


But of course, Americans only see the ones coming in and assume that "everyone" is trying to come. It is as flawed as a Saudi Arabian thinking that because he/she sees many Americans coming to Saudi to make the Pilgrimage to Mecca, that most Americans must be trying to come there.  Only third world impoverished countries still view the US as a golden land.  Highly cultured countries like those in Europe are critical of life in the US for many reasons (see my essay The Industrial Culture of America), and see no advantage to moving there.  The places with the highest percentage of people wanting to immigrate to the US tend to Mexico and parts of Asia.  But they're doing it for the money of course, not for social, romantic, psychological or cultural benefits.


Third, it should be noted that a large percentage of immigrants in America end up disappointed, alienated and isolated. Others feel overburdened with the stress of debt and bills that call into question whether the American dream is really worth it or not. And some complain of the lack of culture, social life, connectedness, and ability to enjoy life there. For example, see these stories about disillusioned and isolated Indian immigrants in the US: paste


And of course, see my page containing many immigrants’ feelings and views about coming to America that are censored by US media. It is very revealing.


Fourth, there are increasing numbers of Americans disillusioned with life in the US moving abroad, but none of it gets any publicity in the US media of course, only the incoming immigrants do. As we all know, the media's coverage is highly biased, selective, unbalanced, and agenda-driven. So you do not hear everything that’s out there.


The bottom line is that each place has its pluses and minuses.  We all have our values and priorities. If you are seeking money, career, and privacy, then America may be a good fit for you. If you are seeking passion, friendly women, a great social atmosphere, social connection, etc. then you may be disappointed with America. France or Italy may be better for you.


I never claimed that everyone thinks and feels as I do. Some do and some don’t. But the imbalance here is that you will ONLY hear about those who fit into America and assimilate there, but not about those who don’t or that fit better elsewhere. Thus the former has a legitimate voice in America while the latter doesn’t. And that’s the imbalance that HappierAbroad tries to remedy.


Each individual has a different chemistry with each culture. Some like more open cultures, while others prefer more reserved ones.  As for me, dating, social life, and feeling special and desired are a high priority. Other cultures seem to fulfill those areas for me better than the US does. In Europe for example, the best in me is brought out and I can grow and evolve more freely. There are others who feel the same, though not everyone of course. But I do feel that I and those like me have a right to a public voice - to organize, reach out, and validate each other. Our truth should not be suppressed.



Foreign women just want your money and a green card. You are a loser who can't get laid so you go abroad to take advantage of women who are economically oppressed.



Sigh. This is perhaps the most common prejudiced objection by brainwashed Americans who don’t travel and know little about other countries. First, most women in any culture are not looking to leave it. That is US propaganda and Hollywood myth.


See my 12 point article debunking this common misconception here.


And see these excellent points explaining how I know that girls in the Philippines don’t just want money or a green card from me.


What you’ve gotta understand is that it’s not a simple case of “these women are friendlier to you cause they are poor and need your money.”  I mean, yes money is a factor here.  But what’s being overlooked here is that the poor are unspoiled and dependent, so they often have to cultivate good inner qualities in their personalities and behaviors to get what they need, and to compensate for their lack of material assets, especially since they depend on interdependent relations with others.  In other words, they have learned to treat others nicely to get ahead, whereas Western women do not need to and can get away with treating others bad due to their overly high entitlement status.  So that’s another reason why poor people are nicer.  It’s not cause they only want your money, it has more to do with their character being developed differently than ours.


But even if those ignorant critics were right that I’m only desired for money and a green card (which they aren’t), I’d still continue doing what I’m doing, cause as long as my needs and desires are FULFILLED abroad, that’s the bottom line.  Being used by females is far better than being ignored and out of the game completely.  At least I’m in the action, having fun, and getting my choice among beautiful women.  And that’s what counts.


Most people in any foreign country are not trying to come to America.  That is an American myth that the ignorant espouse based on propaganda.  When I was in Russia, more women I met wanted to go to Germany than America, as it was closer and they admired the culture more.  Most women I met were not interested in emigrating to America.  In fact, they tend to have a lot of critical views of America. Many examples are on this page here:   


In addition, most foreign women I meet at first assume that I am from Asia since I am Asian, so wanting a green card to go to America could not be the reason.


Hence, this copout is invalid.  It’s just a way to try to undermine or discredit the truth, that US social life and dating for men is one of the worst, if not the worst, in the world.


Do these objectors who use this lame argument really think that all women who have no ulterior motives naturally become paranoid, anti-social, stuck up, unapproachable, non-inclusive, and creeped out when you flirt with them?!  Heaven forbid.  They couldn’t be more wrong.


Naturally feminine women are sweet, friendly, loving and enjoy being flirted with. Cinderella was like that too. So I think the real question is, why aren’t women in the US that way?


Now, as to me being a loser, see these pages of responses by me and my Advisor:


What is a loser? There is no objective criteria for it. It’s a highly subjective and judgmental term based on hate and ignorance. But yes, I have been treated like a loser in social/dating situations for much of my life in America.  But it was never by choice.  Deep down I always saw myself as a winner who deserved better, hence my taking action in going overseas out of the “Matrix”, which turned out to be the real solution without hype and BS.


I am just a nice decent guy looking for love, fulfillment and happiness. Why should I put up with anything less, simply because I don’t cut it in the insane dysfunctional artificial society of the US? I didn’t do anything wrong. I did not ask to be suffocated or socially isolated and lonely in America.  Those were external factors beyond my control.  See these Ten Reasons why I was forced to look for love abroad, and you will see that I really had no choice, as these factors were out of my control:


A person does what he/she has to do.  If his/her needs aren’t fulfilled or met in one place, why not try other places?  If you were at a store in the mall that didn’t have what you want, should you stay and buy something you don’t want, or go to another store to seek what you want?


As the New Age Author Wayne Dyer said, “Those who judge do not define those that they judge; they merely define themselves as people who judge.”



I’ve lived in America or visited there.  I didn’t experience what you claim.  I met many wonderful friendly people there.


My response:

I can believe that. I never claimed that all Americans or all foreigners were a certain way. Experiences are a mystery and one can never understand why people have different experiences, even in the same places.


But let’s define first what we’re talking about here. How do you define “friendly”? People have different standards for what they consider “friendly”. To some, it means you smile and nod at strangers as you pass by, and never see them again. To others, it is just superficial politeness. That is common in America, but not what I’m referring to. I am talking about social inclusiveness, the ease of making friends, of connecting with others, of sharing quality time together, of fellowship/camaraderie, and of being able to date and romance beautiful feminine women of good quality. All of that has to flow naturally. That’s what I mean about being open and friendly.


I know that might seem like a lot to ask for in a culture like the US where selfishness and isolation is the norm, but in most of the world, it is the norm and therefore NOT a lot to ask for.  You have to remember that I am looking at all this from a much broader scope than those looking at it strictly through a mono-national American perspective (or the perspective of their locality).


Now, if you had lots of fun, attention and a great social life in America, it may be that you 1) were lucky enough to find a great clique to break into, 2) were lucky enough to meet great friends who introduced you to others, 3) just fit in well with American people and culture (some do), 4) were part of an organized activity that was social in nature (college, camp, band, etc.), or you hung out in groups of travelers with lots of social connections, or 5) were very attractive to Americans and have a look they desire, hence your elevated treatment there.


Or simply put, you were a cute female that got lots of attention from lonely emasculated guys trying to kiss butt, which is no surprise, and so you mean that guys were friendly to you. But if you were a single guy like me, you wouldn’t have gotten all that attention and special treatment, so how can you relate? But you probably noticed a lot of jealously from other American females if you were more attractive or feminine than them. Or maybe you didn’t stay long enough in America to start seeing the dark ugly soul-sucking side beneath its fake exterior.


Whatever the case, the fact is that many Americans and foreign immigrants feel the way I do. The massive volume of people that I’ve quoted in this book documents that well.


Moreover, as mentioned in the chapter about dysfunction in America, stats show that loneliness is an epidemic in America. At least 1 out of 5 people are lonely, which isn’t true in other nations, so that should tell you a lot right there about the isolating element.


Just because you got lucky in America doesn’t negate the real pain, isolation, loneliness, alienation, and estrangement of millions of others in America suffering silently. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Michael Jordan might feel that it’s easy to make slam dunks in basketball, but that doesn’t mean that for most, it is.


Regardless of your experience, it doesn’t change the fact that in US culture, people don’t talk to strangers unless it’s business related, and that women are unapproachable, paranoid, non-inclusive, and think that men who flirt with them are creeps.  Try approaching them if you’re a guy and you’ll see.  Even if you are decent looking, you will still get a force field if you approach them that tells you that talking is not allowed unless you need directions or if it’s business related.  In other words, the patterns I describe here still hold true even if you were lucky to have a great experience.


No guy I know who argues that Americans are open and inclusive, has the guts to approach them and prove it. They are all talk and no action. Just because they meet a lot of people through their friends, which is the “normal way” to meet people in America, doesn’t erase any of the above social rules and isolation mentality.


As for me, even if I had a lot of connections and activity in the US, I’d still feel alienated and estranged since I don’t act fake, and my soul is too honest and natural.



You generalize and make a lot of blanket statements.  There are many exceptions to the broad brush you paint.


My response:

First, see my article refuting such politically correct objections, at


I do not generalize in the sense that I claim that what I describe is 100 percent. I merely describe general PATTERNS.  Yes we are all individuals but PATTERNS of differences DO EXIST between people of different regions, cultures, and groups.  The examples that could be given are infinite.  For instance, if you go to a sewing class you will notice mostly women and few or no men.  That's not generalizing, it's simply a pattern and reality that anyone can observe or know by common sense.  Likewise with yoga classes or psychic fairs.  But if you go to a NASCAR racing event, you will notice far more men than women.  Again, that's not generalizing, simply a pattern observable by anyone. 


Anyone who goes into a department clothing store can see that the quantity and variety of clothes for women are far greater than for men.  Is that generalizing, or reality?  Did I ever claim that 100 percent of the clothes in clothing stores are for women, that 100 percent of Minnesota is under snow, or that 100 percent of Arizona is desert?  No, of course not.  Use your common sense please.  Therefore, technically speaking, I'm not generalizing.


Moreover, things and people are NOT in the same percentages everywhere.  For instance, in Holland a greater percentage of men are taller than in China.  That's not generalizing, but a measurable and well documented fact and "pattern".  There are more Blacks than Whites in Africa, and in Asia there are more Asians than Whites.  Overall, Whites tend to be taller and bigger than Asians.  That's not generalizing or racism.  It's just a real pattern fully established and easily observable. 




Why deny truth in favor of political correctness?  I prefer to live for the truth. I never said that all Americans or all foreigners are the same. This book is not about absolutes, but about general patterns and tendencies.  I’ve provided much evidence, examples and quotes to illustrate this.  A lot of it is just common sense, as in the common knowledge that most parents wouldn’t want their kids to get kidnapped for instance, which anyone would agree with without asking for statistics or proof.


Now just because you find or know some exceptions to what I claim here, doesn’t debunk the general patterns.  For example, just cause you find someone who is rich and well fed in Ethiopia doesn’t change the fact that most people there are starving and poor.  Likewise, just because you know some guys who wear lipstick doesn’t change the fact that most guys don’t.  To give you another example, we all know that it rains far more often in Seattle than Los Angeles. However, if you wanted, you could find some days when it rained in Los Angeles but not in Seattle. But would that refute the fact that it rains in Seattle more often? Nope.


Here is another one:  We know that the USA has a higher population than Canada. But if you were to take a specific acre of land in Canada that was densely populated, say in downtown Montreal, and compare it with a specific acre of land in America that was barely populated, say an acre of open land in Kansas, would that then debunk the fact that America is more populated than Canada?


So you see, there are always exceptions, but they don’t debunk a general rule, strong pattern, or social custom.


What would you rather have me do, lie and say that everything is the same everywhere, that there are no patterns or percentages of differences, just so I don’t offend anyone?!



Perhaps the problem is you. You have a bad attitude and are whiney and that puts women off.


My response:

Judgmental people are quick to insinuate that the problem must be me.  However, there are two primary reasons why the problem can’t just be me.


1)      I don’t have the dateless life abroad that I do in America.  So if the problem is me, then why don’t I have the same problems overseas?  Anyone who sees my Photo Collage will instantly see this:

2)      In other countries there are not oodles of dateless men like there are in America.  There aren’t Pick-Up-Artist/Seduction Gurus marketing seminars and books to guys on how to pick up girls like there are in the US. Normal healthy societies don’t need that. Dating and relationships are more natural overseas, not dysfunctional and F ed up. What does that tell you? This problem is on a large scale in America, not just limited to me and a few “losers”.


Now I can understand that a lot of what I write here might sound negative and whiney. However, when I am constantly socially isolated, suffocated, feel weak, vulnerable and lonely, what do you expect?  Of course I’m going to seem negative in a situation that doesn’t bring out the best in me. You can’t expect me to be totally positive under those conditions.


But the main thing to undersand here is that “whining” or complaining did not cause my dateless situation in America, it was the RESULT of it.  Those who spout this rejection have it completely REVERSED.  The truth is, I’ve had optimistic positive confident attitudes toward women for years and years, and I believed that it was easy to get dates in America cause that’s what our media and culture says. But my belief didn’t manifest. I still got constant rejections, blow offs, and excuses. No one starts complaining for no reason unless things go wrong repeatedly. This is just a typical shallow copout.


Put me in an environment that I like, have a synergy with, and that brings out the best in me, and I’ll definitely be exuding positive vibes.  So it’s not like I project negative vibes everywhere, only in places I don’t jive with or belong in.  It’s that simple.  LOCATION is the main factor, just as in Real Estate, and these testimonials prove it:


However, pointing to negativity or a bad attitude does not address the causes, merely the symptoms. I didn’t just come up out of nowhere and choose to have a negative attitude so that I’ll have negative experiences. It’s never like that, and those who think so imply backward causality, that the symptom somehow moves backward in time to create the result. It’s utter nonsense.


The truth is, regardless of my attitude, the patterns I described in this book are still be the same.  Becoming positive isn’t going to change women or our paranoid society. And it’s not going to take down the social boundary that talking to strangers in public is inappropriate unless it’s business related.  Those things are part of our social culture, and have nothing to do with any negative vibes from me.


Having positive vibes is not going to make American women see me as dating material.  Even good looking successful guys have made similar complaints as I have about the horrible dating scene for men in America.  They’ve written me about it too.


Therefore, accusing me of projecting negative vibes is irrelevant.  Another indisputable argument is that nearly all American girls I meet online disappear when they see my picture, even if it’s a good looking one!  Yet foreign women don’t do that.  That’s a tremendous difference, one that has nothing to do with my “attitude”. In fact, a lot of American girls LIKED my personality and attitude online. But when they saw my picture, they bolted. So it was obviously LOOKS, not attitude, that was the factor.


So again, such arguments fail to look at the big picture or the root causes.  They are just victim-blaming judgmental copouts to try to dismiss me and others in my predicament, motivated by the need to defend the status quo mentality that dissidents are to blame, never the system or culture itself.



Your site promotes sex tourism and taking advantage of economically deprived women.


My response:

This is a typical feminist response and copout that avoids the truth of what we are claiming. When they can’t win on the arguments and facts, they resort to attacking the messenger. That is the hallmark of someone with no ground to stand on and needs to hide from the truth.


The fact is, my site mentions sex very little. Why do we need to mention it? We are not a porn site nor do we have any porn pictures. We focus on dating, supply and demand factors, relationships, values, attitudes, patterns, love, and fulfillment. These are all mutual relationships where both parties benefit and get what they want. Sure the sex is a part of that, but not the focus of this site. Furthermore, why condemn a natural thing like sex? Sex is a natural desire and part of life, love and pleasure.


Sure, some guys are sex tourists. But that's his business (and hers). No one else’s. It is a mutual transaction between consenting adults, so there is nothing ethically wrong with it and no coercion involved. Everyone is different and derives happiness in different ways. Some obtain happiness from serving others or giving to others. Others from taking from others. Some are happy being monks. Others derive happiness from having sex with bar girls in Thailand every night. You cannot expect everyone to be the same or live by your standards. Besides, bar girls are different in foreign countries in that they treat men better and put more emotional investment in it (in Southeast Asia for example), and are not all business like in America. For such guys, enjoying bar girls is part of the umbrella of being “Happier Abroad” that is their legal and personal right. What business is it of anyone else’s? You're not going to change people by judging them anyway.


Besides, there are too many judgmental terms being thrown around in our society that spin natural things like sex in an unnecessarily negative way. This Expat explained to me the relativity of it all:


“By the way its funny how some people throw around the term sex addict. Don't most men love sex? You can say he has a strong sex drive, or you can say he is an addict. You can say he is virile, or you can say he is a maniac.You can say an older man that likes younger women is young at heart, or you can say he is a pervert. Its all how you spin it.”


There is this feminist cultural myth though, that most prostitutes are “trafficked” as slaves against their will. That is not true. Most prostitutes do it by choice. I’ve never met one that said she was forced against her will to do it. Therefore, these feminists promote lies and are anti-male control freaks.


Some of my forum posters described the motivation of these “sex trade” accusers best in these response to attacks on us from the PlentyofFish Forum:


“Ah, the usual load of shit. It's an easy way to actually dodge the issue to make themselves look good. The one bitch writes about this being a 'sex trade' site...and then all the manginas who worship these worthless animals rush to their defense. Let's not confront the real issue of what Wu and others are putting forth...that you will find better women abroad than the domestics...and lets call it about sex trade.

Sex trade. My ass. Even if it WAS in THEORY the women would only be angry because MEN are controlling the arrangements. There is nothing more dangerous to the feminist whore than men deciding or helping others to gain access to a vagina, the only natural weapon or defense they possess. What these manginas fail to realize leaping to her defense, is that there is a sex trade in the United States, which the women control. It is called 'dating' here. Dating in this country resembles the mating habits of baboon packs or peacocks in the animal kingdom; the male displays and the broad picks. They go for the strongest or the most attractive. And so it is with out dating scene.

Honest manginas go on POF hoping to find a date, and unless he meets their ridiculous criteria, his messages will be deleted without even being read, let alone an actual response. Why is this? Because the ratio is skewed. There is probably 10 guys to every female on there. You send her an email, well, she has 30 other messages in her inbox too. She's not gonna read any of them. She's going to click on the pictures. Lol that bitch and manginas said 'unnattractive' men do this, get foreign girls? Not so, jackass. Because see, being decent, average, or moderately good looking...ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH. You better look like Brad Pitt. I've read profiles of these fat ass bitches with 1 or more bastard kids saying they want a guy who is 6'5, is athletic, or has tatoos and looks like a 'bad boy.' Why does a fat piece of shit like this get to pick ANYTHING? I've noticed too, as I've browed the POF forums, how most of the guys on there...just suck up to these worthless
bitches...probably hoping because they NEVER GET EMAIL RESPONSES OR ACTUAL INTERESTS IN THEIR INBOX that kissing ass on the forums might generate some sort of interest.

I also like how the one mangina says that men who do what we do is usually "unattractive losers who can't get girls" or something to that effect. Ha. Not true at all, buddy. I have an account on that fucking site. Now I'm not a PUA by any stretch, but I AM a I wrote mine in such a way that bitches look at it constantly, and they email ME. I went alpha on it. I literally changed the fuckin thing from a normal decent dude profile to one...that has the attitude...which is not false...I actually was being honest. I said what kind of bitches I do and don't want..shit kids, sorry...women of class only...if you haven't been outside of Ohio you are not cultured enough for me...all that shit is on my profile..and bang...night and day. I suddenly get emails.

I went on dates with some of these bitches,on the side while I waited for my REAL girlfriend, the foreigner to get here...dateless men? Ha. I probably got more dates off there than that asshole. But you know what? It just confirmed everything we talk about on Happy Bachelors, on Happier Abroad...these women are shit. Some of them were so self absorbed it was like being at a Monologue one man act play and sitting there for 2hrs or however long the date was. So I emailed, I talked on the phone, and I went on dates with some of these girls...and all it did...was make me that much more thankful for my fillipina. It was almost to prove to myself experentially that I had made the right choice in doing this. I didn't even want to sport fuck didn't even seem worth the time or effort.

I met one good girl on POF.......AND SHE WAS FROM THAILAND.”



“I read some of that attack and also the anti-Wu site created for you (some rough stuff out there).
Had to come back to this thread and post.

About Wu? Whatever. There's something bigger at play. See, you could be considered like a messenger and people love to attack the messenger and not the actual message/matter at hand, especially when it goes very much against what they have been believing. If they have to stretch outside their paradigm or comfort zone, they'll look for the diversion to attack.
Winston takes the blows, and also too, because there is some material there for them to do so. A real easy route for them.

What about the rest of us? What about the 1000's and 1000's of us who have GENUINELY found very nice and easier flowing relationships with NON-WORKING women and women who DO NOT want our money like some hungry wolf nor want to get U.S. citizenship.
Or just overall better day to day living conditions (NOT measured by the wealth of a country).

What about the VERY REAL difference of women in several of these other countries vs for example the U.S. and how they score on the cards quite higher?

Of course, there are also the many issues non-female related for being HappierAbroad.

These are the FACTS that the people who can more easily attack a messenger (be it with this relationship issue, or politics, or whatever) choose to try to get away from. You see this a lot in debates in the media when they have on (rarely) someone who really is speaking the non-PC, and less frequently mentioned truth. They get attacked for everything else BUT the facts they are bringing to the table.

Whatever these haters say against Winston, is basically immaterial. He's already written a quite insightful ebook, and created this forum for others to share insightful thoughts and experiences (although I admit, it is quite bombarded with date ads all over the place).
Therefore, it's already too late for the antis. People are being saved from the trap, from the pit, one by one, be it with seeking better relationships (as here on this forum), or being set free from the grips of an infiltrated gov, media, banking, med, edu, force set to ruin a people (other forums to learn of the many actual names behind those fields and the commonality they share).

Praises be to the internet! There are downsides to it, but also many blessings! Praises to the great minds. People who want to help people and not hurt them.”


Concluding comments:


If your question was not addressed in the above FAQ's, you may post it to me in the "Ask Winston" thread in my forum at: 


So you see, a lot of these objections are merely statements of ignorance and prejudice, and do not take into account the big picture and the truth that is unprogrammed.


Perhaps my Expat Advisor summed up these narrow objections best:


- “All this goes to show that a PT (Perpetual Traveler) will never be understood by a mono-national. They simply cannot think in the terms that we think in. They have no experience with the demographics and economics and ethnographics of other societies. They can’t relate to our lifestyle. It is like explaining the benefits of flying to an earthworm.”


- “They are not travelers and they don’t know how demographics and economics as well as cultural and racial factors affect dating. They have not seen the amazing results that we have when we manipulate those by traveling. And they believe in America being the only place on earth and are not world citizens. Btw, American women do not need training- they can get a guy anytime. Even when fat and ill dressed. Not Filipinas, these will not find a guy if not attractive.”


- “In America they have all these advisors and experts but most have no idea about life outside the US. In many ways, Americans are more insular than the Japanese; so few travel that persons like you are still in the forefront of international dating. Americans are mostly very prejudiced because they think these women date you because they want a green card. And the most prejudiced Americans are 1st generation born there. As you may have noticed, Filipinas would much rather have their foreign boyfriends and husbands stay in the Philippines. And the Russians love their country.


Thankfully though, I do have the occasional surprise of having a critic turn into a fan, as in these cases:

“I don't remember the exact year but it was probably around 2002 or 2003 when your website was a chronicle about all the problems you were encountering in Russia . I believe my initial responses to you were kind of critical in regards to your adventures in Russia and your motivations. Well, like you I am an Asian-American and I made the decision to live abroad in 2005. I haven't regretted it one bit and it has been a life changing (and saving) experience. It’s interesting and sort of funny to me that it seems you decided to live abroad roughly around the same time as I did. I always considered this option and deep down inside it’s what I was planning for in my life.”

"After weeks and months of criticizing Winston Wu, I have to give it to him... He is right... American women are more stuck up than foreign women and the proof was what I witnessed...? I actually went to most countries abroad and what Winston said was SO true. I now applaud for his effort in helping dateless man like me in America face hope again. Thank you Winston Wu."

 For questions on International Dating, Foreign Women or Expat Living, see our Global Dating and Living FAQ's in our Online Community.



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2)  Winston's Guide to Traveling and Dating in Russia For Men – Everything I know about traveling and dating in Russia from my 3 years of firsthand experience is contained here in this informative how-to guide, including how to get around, communication, basic necessities, dealing with obstacles, short cuts, tips and tricks, important contact info, and other great advice.

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